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Father's involvement during pregnancy?

CaitieSchroCaitieSchro
in Single Parents

New to the board and website. :)

 

The baby's dad and I have not been together for the entire pregnancy (due in April). I know that I am overly-emotional and hormonal, but I really think that he could be doing a lot more to be involved with the baby. So far I have purchased everything for our son, gone to every doctor's appointment alone, and have taken on responsibility for all of my medical bills.

He claims that he wants to be involved with the pregnancy but doesnt know how, so he'll just come around after the baby is born. I feel like this is such a cop-out. I get to go through the nine months of pregnancy alone and pay for everything and he gets to show up for the reward?

My problem is that he has asked me on occassion what he can be doing to be more involved (we live in different cities, but he BY FAR has the means to travel to help out). I feel kind of silly admitting this but I feel like he could be doing SOMETHING, I just dont know what. I'm trying not to hold him to a higher standard just because I am hormonal and crazy at times, but it would be nice if I could give him at least a few ideas to be involved with his son BEFORE he is born.

 Any ideas?

 

 

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Re: Father's involvement during pregnancy?

  • Five_letterFive_letter

    Have you asked him to purchase anything? Diaper stockpile maybe? Do you need help setting up the nursery?

    Do you want him to go to doctor appointments with you?

    There isn't much that the men really do  during the pregnancy.

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  • Annplus1Annplus1 member

    I also was pregnant and alone. My XH was 15 minutes away, and I was on bed rest for 5 weeks, yet he did nothing. It was hard. Mostly I wanted him to "help" with the pregnancy because it just wasn't fair I was doing it alone. In retrospect, if our marriage had lasted, I would still have been doing it alone.

    Ask for specific things, email him a list of things he can buy online and have shipped to you.  More importantly though, make sure you are getting a court order that includes him paying half the bills that pertain to the birth of the child. Determine if you want him at the doc appointments, and let him know when they are if you do. But prepare yourself for him to say no, or to not show up. Its a total hope for the best, prepare for the worst moment.

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  • CaitieSchroCaitieSchro

    I feel awkward having to ask him for money or to buy things for the baby, I know it sounds silly. Maybe I just have this unrealistic expectation that he should just automatically know what to buy the baby and just do it without me having to ask. However, we also have not had a real conversation about what we are going to do after the baby gets here (ie how often he wants to see the baby, since I will be breastfeeding I would have to be around for his visitation, who pays for what, what each other's expectations are). Although I have tried bringing this up with him, he just says that he wants to know when the doctors appointments are, to let him know when I go into labor, and that we will talk about all of the "important" stuff after the baby is born. (Yeah, because that's exactly the first thing I am going to want to do as a FTM with a new baby...ugh).

    Anyway, thanks for all of the input, I guess my problem lies in the lack of mature communication with him and making my wants/needs explicitly known. I'll try to bring it up when I see him this weekend.

     

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  • RiykoRiyko

    Honestly I think you and the Babies Father need to sit down and talk about what'll happen after the baby is born and then if he asks you what he can get to help with the baby give him some suggestions of things you need, or even appointments he can go to. 

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