Is it wrong to write "No baby clothing please" on the shower invite?

ktpaladino · January 2012

Money is so tight with this little one on the way, and I am really worried about actually getting the things that I really really NEED from my registry. Everyone already knows the sex of the baby and I fear that I'm just going to get swamped with infant boy clothing that he won't even be able to wear for very long. I hate to sound seflish, but I've been to other showers where it is just outfit after outfit opened, and they end up getting none of the important equipment needed for the baby. I already have relatives telling me they are going out and buying gifts for the baby, which I am very grateful for, but I haven't sent out my shower invite with my registry info on it yet. I don't know a polite way to say "please stick to the registry" without offending people! A lot of items on our wedding registry weren't purchased and we ended up getting a lot of things we already had, which I guess is why I'm worried about it so much. I'm sure this is a concern we all deal with when having a shower, and I just wanted to get everyone's opinion on this. Do you think it is in poor taste to write, "No clothing, please" underneath my registry info on the invitations?

theseaword · January 2012

Of course it's tacky, and it's not the responsibility of your guests to provide for your child, either.

jnicole1120 · January 2012

I think it is inappropriate. These are gifts and I think it would sound ungrateful telling people not to buy clothes. Put only what you really think you will need on your registry and chances are, people will buy what is on there. But, ultimately, as the parent it is your responsibility. You could tell your mom, sister (or whoever is throwing your shower) to please let people know what you would like IF they ask what to get you.

As the previous poster stated, we also knew DD was a girl and people were very generous and bought items from our registry (as well as clothes).

Josie22 · January 2012

Don't register for any clothes. That's about the best you can do for sending a message.
Having a boy will help with that. We didn't get nearly as much clothing as my friends who had girls did.

JennyJensing · January 2012

I agree with PP's, although I considered not even telling people the sex because of this. I COMPLETELY understand what you mean. I suddenly realized one day that actually doing that or putting something like that on an invite would make me look like a total brat! Most things that people will buy you will have tags still on it and will be from a handful of stores. It will be a hassle, but I plan to take inventory before LO arrives and spend a day taking things back to get gift cards or get what we actually need. GL!

Edit to add: My sister, who already has two girls, age 1 and 3, is bringing me 4 big plastic containers of clothing, or I wouldn't be so picky about it. She got so many clothes from people, they still had things hanging in their closets with the tags on them!!

Rhianna1981 · January 2012

It is very tacky to write that down-- however, I don't think that it is wrong to spread it through the grapevine. For instance, many people may ask your mother, mother-in-law, and whoever is throwing the shower what you would like. I don't see anything wrong with having someone say, "Oh, I know that K has tons of baby clothes, but the other day she mentioned that they really still need _____."

SpankylovesSparky · January 2012

don't think anyone will be offended if you tell them "no baby clothes" I'm sure they'll understand. If you feel uncomfortable telling people "no baby clothes" though, perhaps you could tell them to only buy larger sizes? Money is a little tight for us too and I have already found great bargains on soooo many infant clothes that I ask people if they could buy clothes in a larger size (about 9 mos. up or so) since I know he can only wear infant clothes for so long and we already have so many.

ktpaladino · January 2012

Thank you for the input guys. I guess I am just getting completely panicky with our finances right now and the fact that it is our first and I am worried about being able to provide everything when there are a lot of money arguments going on that are totally stressing me out. It is reassuring to hear that you received a lot of your registry items as well.

mlebates · January 2012

What you can do instead is take the things (i.e. clothing) back that you don't need/want at this time, and use that money toward the things you need. That is the ONLY non-tacky thing I can think of, and no one will know. Besides. Baby needs clothes, no matter what size he is.

DragonflyBelle · January 2012

TwilightMV:
Of course it's tacky, and it's not the responsibility of your guests to provide for your child, either.

This...100,000 times

userdeleted · January 2012

Yes. That would be wrong. You will probably get a lot of clothing ( not a lot of people have tons of money sitting around to buy baby gear for other people). I highly recommend thrift shops, secondhand stores, and ikea. It doesn't have to be all that expensive. If I were you I'd stick with the basics for now (cheap crib, carseat, bottles?) And not get any of the extras until after baby arrives and you know what you really need/want. Gl, you can figure this out without being rude

smacb · January 2012

Really tacky.

JennyJensing · January 2012

ktpaladino:
Thank you for the input guys. I guess I am just getting completely panicky with our finances right now and the fact that it is our first and I am worried about being able to provide everything when there are a lot of money arguments going on that are totally stressing me out. It is reassuring to hear that you received a lot of your registry items as well.

FWIW, you can find GREAT DEALS on baby stuff at yard sales and on Craigslist. Wait until after the shower and then see what you can find that way. It doesn't have to cost a fortune and you def don't have to get everything new!! GL!

hewinked · January 2012

I agree there's no non-tacky way to say this. You can always return the clothing and save the money or add up on store credit to get what you need.

Just like other said, when I was pregnant with DD, we knew she was a girl, and we still got most of the things on our registry. We did get a lot of clothes, too, but most of the bigger items were bought for us.

itkatydid · January 2012

Yup. It's wrong and sounds selfish. As PP said, you probably won't receive that much clothing. Boy clothing just isn't that fun to buy.... Either way, the baby needs clothes too.

ktpaladino · January 2012

Thanks a million for your opinions and helpful suggestions. Needless to say, that will not be going on my shower invite LOL! I plan on using everyone's shopping and returning advice after the shower if there are any important things we don't receive. Just to clear one thing up, though, I would be very happy to get clothes... it's just that I have a lot of like new hand-me-downs already, and I was just trying to say I hoped that's not ALL we get. It was nice to hear "I understand where you are coming from" and thank you to others for putting me in my place haha. It just all stems from frist time mom anxiety!

davisas2323 · January 2012

This is what I'm using for my Amazon registry greeting. I don't specify anything I don't want, but do say that these are things we would love to have that we aren't expecting from family or already have. Let me know if this comes across as tacky, seriously.

"Thank you for viewing our registry! This is a list of items that we do not already have or know will be generously handed down from our family, but would love for our new addition. We're planning to cloth diaper and are partial to green, yellow, orange and blue. We also love books and definitely welcome pre-loved editions. Almost all items are conveniently available in Nashville and we would love for you to patron local small businesses, if possible. Just click the "buying this gift elsewhere" button to reserve the item on the registry. Otherwise, Amazon offers free shipping on most of these items and will automatically mark them as purchased on the list. Thanks for sharing our joy!"

allisonmarie22 · January 2012

I'm beating a dead horse here at this point, but I can never let posts like these slip by without reiterating...

It is always 100% completely and totally tacky to suggest or dictate what people give you as gifts. If I saw that on a shower invite I wouldn't even bother showing up.

Also, just to give you an idea of where this opinion is coming from...since I got pregnant my husband's income has gone from steady to virtually zero. We are now on government assistance including WIC and food stamps. I have about $200 to my name and no clue how we're going to even pay to keep our utilities on in the month of February. True story...and yet I would still never even dream of allowing something like that to go on my shower invite.

I would find that more embarrassing than admitting to a public board of strangers that I am pregnant and on government assistance.

Sawyerplus1 · January 2012

TwilightMV:
Of course it's tacky, and it's not the responsibility of your guests to provide for your child, either.

This. Also, I know it's daunting as a FTM, but really truly, your LO needs somewhere warm to sleep, clothes on it's back, and food in its belly. Things like swings, highchairs, diaper genies, etc are NOT necessary. Yes they can be nice, but if you cant afford them, your baby will survive without them.

theseaword · January 2012

davisas2323:

This is what I'm using for my Amazon registry greeting. I don't specify anything I don't want, but do say that these are things we would love to have that we aren't expecting from family or already have. Let me know if this comes across as tacky, seriously.

"Thank you for viewing our registry! This is a list of items that we do not already have or know will be generously handed down from our family, but would love for our new addition. We're planning to cloth diaper and are partial to green, yellow, orange and blue. We also love books and definitely welcome pre-loved editions. Almost all items are conveniently available in Nashville and we would love for you to patron local small businesses, if possible. Just click the "buying this gift elsewhere" button to reserve the item on the registry. Otherwise, Amazon offers free shipping on most of these items and will automatically mark them as purchased on the list. Thanks for sharing our joy!"

Yes, tacky. I feel like the tacky police, but, in general, the guideline is that you should not presume to tell people how to spend their gift money. If they want guidance from you and specifically ask, then by all means you can tell them.

davisas2323 · January 2012

If you do get clothes without gift receipts, you can always trade them in for the things you need at a baby consignment store like Kid-to-Kid or Once Upon A Child, or trade them on craigslist.

An addendum to my previous post about the registry note: I'm happy with whatever folks get me, on or off the registry and any shower invites would not have any instructions on them. I agree with everyone, that's tacky. I just didn't want anyone to spend a lot of money on big ticket items that we already have or are going to be handed down because this is our first and they may think we forgot to put them on our registry (ex. stroller, crib, glider, bassinet, boppy, diaper bag, exersaucer, high chair). But if I get one of these things or oodles of disposable diapers, I'll be equally grateful and just return them, consign for what I need or donate to the YWCA.

It will all work out in the wash, just trying to clarify our registry a little bit. Is that still tacky?

yourmom5309 · January 2012

Sorry, but I think that is rude. If you get clothes and don't want them, see f you can exchange them. Nonetheless, I would judge an invitation that said no clothes as ungrateful. Sadly, that invite would make me want to buy clothes.

naflmj · January 2012

Honestly, it is just rude. People buy you gifts that they feel are nice and as a recipient, you just need to be thankful for whatever you get. Personally, we didn't have a baby until we knew we could afford to provide for him and didn't expect for people to buy our big ticket items (though it was a bonus when they did).

AnariaR · January 2012

I think I must be the only person on the bump to think it is no big deal. And, as a guest to these kinds of events, I'd much rather know for sure what the person wants/doesn't want. I'm buying a gift to help out, and that's my main goal; to help. If that's by buying cutsie clothes or giving a gift certificate, I don't really care. I love getting invites that clearly line out what a person needs/wants, it makes it a thousand times easier for me and I get a better feeling out of giving the gift knowing that the recipient is happy as well.

It has always been weird to me that someone would be offended by another person just making their wants and needs known. If I have a gift in mind already, I would maybe just get that gift anyway, but it certainly wouldn't bother me.

It's nice that people want to help. It's a little bit selfish to demand to only help in the way you want to and get mad/offended when that particular way isn't really needed or wanted. Kind of takes the niceness of giving out of the equation and makes it about the giver and not the receiver.

I also don't think that it makes the person of honor at a shower, baby or bridal, look gift grabby. We are all well aware that most people will end up bringing a gift to these events, it's pretty much what they were invented for. We also are all well aware that it's not required/expected of a guest to bring a gift. It just doesn't seem rude or tacky to me for someone to say, "Hey, there's a chance you're planning on bringing a gift. If you do; please know that this type of gift would/wouldn't be very helpful."

This is all my personal opinion, feel free to flame. I accept that I might be the only one that thinks this way.

AmberMH08 · January 2012

My shower invites said diaper and wipes party...but i ended up getting all sorts of junk i had to take back or stuck with... older ppl love to buy baby stuff but what they want so expect some crap and hope u can find a way 2 take it back

J.Johnson-Smith · January 2012

I think it's best to assume that nothing will be bought off of your registry. If it is great, but otherwise be prepared to buy those "need" items. Honestly you'll make it work one way or another. You can survive without a lot of those registry items. I would make sure the items that are imperative to the survival of your child, you buy yourself all else will be bonus. You'll make it work. And you know what your baby isn't going to know one way or the other.

allisonmarie22 · January 2012

AnariaR:
I think I must be the only person on the bump to think it is no big deal. And, as a guest to these kinds of events, I'd much rather know for sure what the person wants/doesn't want. I'm buying a gift to help out, and that's my main goal; to help. If that's by buying cutsie clothes or giving a gift certificate, I don't really care. I love getting invites that clearly line out what a person needs/wants, it makes it a thousand times easier for me and I get a better feeling out of giving the gift knowing that the recipient is happy as well.

That's what a registry is for. Pointing it out again on the invite is just being pushy.

Rhianna1981 · January 2012

JennyJensing:
ktpaladino:
Thank you for the input guys. I guess I am just getting completely panicky with our finances right now and the fact that it is our first and I am worried about being able to provide everything when there are a lot of money arguments going on that are totally stressing me out. It is reassuring to hear that you received a lot of your registry items as well.
FWIW, you can find GREAT DEALS on baby stuff at yard sales and on Craigslist. Wait until after the shower and then see what you can find that way. It doesn't have to cost a fortune and you def don't have to get everything new!! GL!

I understand worrying about finances, but, at least in the beginning, I don't think that you need to spend too much money on the baby. Like PP said, check Craigslist. Also, look for baby/children's consignment stores in your area. You can get GREAT deal on like-new (or even new!) stuff. Really, the only NEW thing that you NEED (for safety) is a carseat. Everything else can be used.

Rhianna1981 · January 2012

davisas2323:
This is what I'm using for my Amazon registry greeting. I don't specify anything I don't want, but do say that these are things we would love to have that we aren't expecting from family or already have. Let me know if this comes across as tacky, seriously.
"Thank you for viewing our registry! This is a list of items that we do not already have or know will be generously handed down from our family, but would love for our new addition. We're planning to cloth diaper and are partial to green, yellow, orange and blue. We also love books and definitely welcome pre-loved editions. Almost all items are conveniently available in Nashville and we would love for you to patron local small businesses, if possible. Just click the "buying this gift elsewhere" button to reserve the item on the registry. Otherwise, Amazon offers free shipping on most of these items and will automatically mark them as purchased on the list. Thanks for sharing our joy!"

Honestly, I think that this is tacky, too.

HeyJune · January 2012

Remember that you may not be the only one in a tight money situation. Clothing can be one of the most affordable baby gifts, and baby gear is the most expensive. As a general rule, it is always tacky to tell people what type of gifts you will accept.

There was a time when I was invited to 7 baby showers in one month. Money was tight for me and DH, and if I was told that I had to buy baby gear at all of those showers, well...I would've been offended and unable to come. Just enjoy that you are having a shower at all and that people are being nice enough to buy gifts for you. The worse case scenario is that you have to buy things for your child with your own money, which is what you'll be doing for the rest of their life. If money is tight, you'll find that you can find almost anything at a great price if you're willing to shop yard sales, consignment sales, or borrow from friends.

ktpaladino · January 2012

Thank you everyone for all the different feedback, certainly lots to think about! I just wanted to clear up the fact that my registry is not full of "big ticket items." While some things on there are in a higher price range such as the carseat, many of the things on there are comparable, if not less expensive, than buying an outfit. Although I did say I was stressed about money and providing all the essesntials being a first time mom, I never stated that we are unable to provide for our child and that we are expecting others to take care of all the expensive baby gear for us. I am not a bratty, spoiled, or grabby person, it's just that I don't know what to expect, and I thank you all for your advice.

JNoelleE · January 2012

I would laugh if I received an invitation to a baby shower that told me I couldn't buy baby clothes. I get that you want other things more, most people do, but it's rude to tell people they can't buy you clothes. They are all gifts. I might end up not going to someones shower at all if they were going to be that picky.

reinedecajun · January 2012

mlebates:
What you can do instead is take the things (i.e. clothing) back that you don't need/want at this time, and use that money toward the things you need. That is the ONLY non-tacky thing I can think of, and no one will know. Besides. Baby needs clothes, no matter what size he is.

Agree 100% Yes

dragossoul84 · January 2012

Honestly I'd even think the take the gifts back for store credit a little offensive. When I go out and buy something for my friends children I kind of want to see use the gift to find out they had just dumped what i spent so much time picking out back at the store to decide how I should have spent my money would hurt me a bit.

mommabear17 · January 2012

Rhianna1981:
davisas2323:
This is what I'm using for my Amazon registry greeting. I don't specify anything I don't want, but do say that these are things we would love to have that we aren't expecting from family or already have. Let me know if this comes across as tacky, seriously.
"Thank you for viewing our registry! This is a list of items that we do not already have or know will be generously handed down from our family, but would love for our new addition. We're planning to cloth diaper and are partial to green, yellow, orange and blue. We also love books and definitely welcome pre-loved editions. Almost all items are conveniently available in Nashville and we would love for you to patron local small businesses, if possible. Just click the "buying this gift elsewhere" button to reserve the item on the registry. Otherwise, Amazon offers free shipping on most of these items and will automatically mark them as purchased on the list. Thanks for sharing our joy!"
Honestly, I think that this is tacky, too.

Agreed. It comes across control-freakish - seriously, telling people to shop at local businesses? Trying to remember all of these restrictions on the gifts is like taking a test.

Let people buy what they want and be thankful that you have generous people in your life.

KellyAnne&CHris · January 2012

Plain and simple, people are going to get you what they want to get you. You can not say that to people. If anything try to add it to your registry after, and get a credit ( BRU does this).

KellyAnne&CHris · January 2012

Rhianna1981:
davisas2323:

This is what I'm using for my Amazon registry greeting. I don't specify anything I don't want, but do say that these are things we would love to have that we aren't expecting from family or already have. Let me know if this comes across as tacky, seriously.

"Thank you for viewing our registry! This is a list of items that we do not already have or know will be generously handed down from our family, but would love for our new addition. We're planning to cloth diaper and are partial to green, yellow, orange and blue. We also love books and definitely welcome pre-loved editions. Almost all items are conveniently available in Nashville and we would love for you to patron local small businesses, if possible. Just click the "buying this gift elsewhere" button to reserve the item on the registry. Otherwise, Amazon offers free shipping on most of these items and will automatically mark them as purchased on the list. Thanks for sharing our joy!"

Honestly, I think that this is tacky, too.

This!

KellyAnne&CHris · January 2012

dragossoul84:
Honestly I'd even think the take the gifts back for store credit a little offensive. When I go out and buy something for my friends children I kind of want to see use the gift to find out they had just dumped what i spent so much time picking out back at the store to decide how I should have spent my money would hurt me a bit.

Depends on what it is, I got 52 washcloths and 4 bathrobes for DS. I knew I would never use them all, so I got a store credit.

lil_jen051708 · January 2012

Someone mentioned taking things back for store credit. If you end up with tons of 0-3 or 3-6 month clothing, you might go exchange a few of those for larger sizes. One of my relatives did that and I thought it was a great idea. Her kids had more infant clothing than they could ever wear (especially cute outfits for family gatherings or out in public trips) but she exchanged some for 9-12 and 12+ months so the child could wear the outfit a little later in life. It was a win -win. Mom had outfits spread out for a while and the giver got to see their outfit and knew it wasn't just returned for some bottles.

DomesticDiva0429 · January 2012

I agree with mostly ever one else..Don't specify it is rude but...You can return what ever you want and no one will know. If they don't give you a receipt then you can get store credit and apply it toward the purchases that you really need..

Pdxmom73 · January 2012

I did not read all the responses so maybe this has already been said.....

While I do not think it appropriate to put that you dont want any clothes on the invite, I have been to showers that have a theme such as a request for each person to bring a package of diapers...and if you do this then your name goes in for a raffle for a prize or something like that. Whom ever is hosting would set this in motion. Its a great way to get something you KNOW you will need. Just an idea to stray people away from clothes....

And it could be anything....bibs, bottles, pacifiers, burp rags, diapers, wipes.

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