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TTC After a Loss
vanessa lynne
member
I can't believe I did it!!!!!....
vanessa lynne
member
I tested this morning at 10DPO. And BFN! I never test unless I have missed AF and it is my FF "test day".
Well..this is the story. I've been pretty hopeful this cycle and my temps look great. Yesterday Mike went to church with me..(shocker)...for those that don't know..Mikey stopped going to church after Aidan passed away. We got there at 9:30am because I had rehearsal for the worship team. I went to put my purse down and saw all the front rows had papers on them Reserved for Baby Dedication. Wonderful...just what Mikey wants to see. I thought I'd be fine until I realized it was my pastors son that was being dedicated. He is 16mths. They adopted him from their young niece when he was born. I still told myself i'd be cool...but of course this was no quicky..it was very elaborate with a video to music of his life so far. The whole family was on stage(including his birth mother)..she was balling. I couldn't keep it together. I just couldn't stop crying. And the video didn't help. I found myself crying not for me..but for her. When the dedication was finally over..(it was the ENTIRE service) Pastor called up the worship team to play..(I sing). GREAT! I turned to Mikey for a quick sec to fix my eyes but there was no fixing. I walked up on stage to the bright lights shining on me..knowing everyone would see that id been crying. The birth mother sat right in front of me and cried the whole time. I was screaming inside and have no idea how I kept it together up there or even how I was able to get any words out. I know it didn't sound like my voice..but i had no choice but to keep singing..5 songs..including the 1 the video was played to. It didn't help to see Mikey in the back wiping his eyes while I sang. We left immediately..without any goodbyes.
Ok..back to my temps. They are higher than normal and I have a so called "ID" Which I know is sometimes a fluke and means nothing..but my crazy self stares at my chart all day analyzing it..I just can't help it. When I woke up with a temp of 98.11 (highest temp in 2yrs) I couldn't stop myself and I PIAC and used a $tore test. What the hell was I thinking.. I swear The motions just happened on their own. Now I am upset with myself and obviously a little sad.
I just needed to get this out..(I didn't tell Mikey I tested). I hope you all have a great day!
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Re: I can't believe I did it!!!!!....
Oh Vanessa, I'm so sorry for the BFN. But, it's still early so dont' count yourself out yet. I have my FX for you.
And wow, I can't believe you made it through the service and even sang! You are a very strong woman. Right after my first loss I went to church and it was a baby dedication. I cried and actually ended up leaving. So yes, you are strong. I'm so glad Mikey went with you, that's a step.
Sending you some ((Hugs)) my dear.
BFP #1 07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
TTA for 7 months
Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
TTC Again May 2014
Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles - All BFN's
SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results
Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
My Blog: The Canadian Housewife PGAL/PAL Welcome My Chart
So sorry that yesterday was a really tough day for you. ((hugs))
I am sure the BFN this morning was incredibly disappointing but don't count yourself out for this cycle yet, 10 DPO is still pretty early. FX this is the cycle for you!!
BFP #1 9/25/2011 | EDD 6/1/2012 | M/C 10/26/2011 at 8w6d
BFP #2 3/13/2012 | EDD 11/23/2012
9DPO hcg: 45; Prog: 41 | 14DPO hcg: 694 | 17DPO hcg: 2733 | 28DPO hcg: 53,006
First u/s 4/13 showed a beating heart! Second u/s 5/2 showed a HB of 163! Let's GROW, baby!
He's here! Kellen born 11/16/12 - 8 lbs 8 oz 22 inches long via scheduled c-section (breech baby, gestational diabetes mama)
BFP #2 12-6-11 and 12-7-11; EDD 8-17-12. US 6w6d measuring 5w6d. Misoprostol Assisted m/c 1-16-12 at 9w3d.
<a href="http://s109.photobucket.com/albums/n56/katharine25/?action=view
TTC since Aug 2011. BFP #1 on 10/28/2011 EDD of 07/02/2012 Natural MC on 11/22/2012 BFP #2 on 10/28/2012 EDD of 7/13/13 Judah Ari born on 7/11/13.
I love my rainbow baby!
10 DPO is really early still. I hope that this is your cycle.
I am really glad that your DH was with you yesterday, it would have been really hard to go through that alone.
Aww, you are definitely strong to be able to get up and sing.
And I'm sorry for your BFN. I feel like my chart is playing mind fvucking games with me too. Once my temp drops, I'm done. My temp dropped a lot yesterday and since my LP is short and AF was due yesterday, I knew it was coming. It never came, and this morning my temp went back up. I got so excited and ran to take a test - but BFN. I hate what TTCAL can do to us.
But I agree with others. 10DPO is still early. And you're not out until AF shows. FX that you get your BFP!
BFP #1 ~ EDD 5.20.2012 ~ MC 10.1.2011
BFP #2 ~ EDD 11.15.2012 ~ CP 3.7.2012
BFP #3 ~ DS born 12.03.2012
FF Chart
You are so strong to go through that service and singing on top of that. I would have run out of there.
I agree with everyone who said 10dpo is still pretty early. FX to you!
BFP#2 ~ 8/2/11, EDD 4/11/12, D&C 9/12/11 at 9w5d
BFP#3 ~ 4/15/12, EDD 12/21/12 ~ DD born 12/22/12
(((HUGE HUGS))) I am amazed and in awe of the strength you displayed. You're an incredible woman, and I am so glad your DH was there to help you through that. It was really tough for him, especially after not having the strength to go for so long, I'm sure, but it's a great sign that he's reconciled, spiritually, even though yesterday was so difficult. Keep praying, for him and yourself, and I will pray for you both, and a BFP for you two soon!
Oh Vanessa, I'm so so sorry that you got a BFN. But yes, I'm going to join the choir here, it's still very early. I'm keeping you in my T&P's and I hope this is going to be your cycle.
Also I think that you are so incredibly strong. I know I could've not went up the stage to sing when all I feel like doing is crying. ((hugs))
You are so strong. I admire you for being able to sing even though the pain was so much. ((Hug))
You are definitely still early to be testing so FX this is your month!
BFP #2 on 2/10/12 - Little Nugget's EDD 10/23/12, Natural Miscarriage on 2/29/12
BFP #3 on 6/7/12 - BB's EDD 2/19/13, arrived 2/18/13!