TTC After a Loss

"So, you should be thankful you don't have children."

Yup. It's amazing how one comment can take a really good day and make it crap. So, I've been exhausted all week trying to recover from moving and still unpacking, and today was a wet, rainy day. As we're all packing up to go home, I made the comment that I was gonna go home, eat, shower, and get in my pj's and take it easy. The response: "See, you can do things like that when you don't have kids. So, you should be thankful you don't have children."

Really? And this was said by somebody who knows about our loss. 

Me: "Um...I'd rather have the child. Thanks." 

Her: "Oh, but when they're teenagers. Whew..come talk to me in 15 years when you're doing cheerleading and games." 

Me: "Yeah..well, let's see if I can even get through a pregnancy first." 

So the comment slipped. I didn't actually mean for it to come out, but then.. THEN..she laughed. Like I was making a joke. Nope. Wasn't making a joke. That was one of my more rare bitter moments that escaped. 

I just exited stage left after that. I felt like crap. Been trying not to just break down since DH picked me up from work. 

I just needed to vent this out. 


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Re: "So, you should be thankful you don't have children."

  • I hate the stupid things people say.

    Hugs to you. 

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  • Sad

    That's all I got. and lots of ((hugs))). Some people!! 

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    ~*BFP #2 6/8/11 missed m/c 10.3 wks 8/11*~
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  • Clearly this women has never experienced loss. I'm so sorry you had this experience. Have a relaxing evening, enjoy your new home!
    BFP #1 (m/c at 9 weeks, 11/11) BFP #2 (DS, 12/11/12) BFP #3 (EDD 10/8/14)
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  • WOW, about a month or so after Peyton was born and I finally had the courage to have my friend AND her new baby over (only was willing to do this b/c her dad passed away the same day Peyton was born and I felt like she needed me too) she had the nerve to tell me she was "jealous I had time to go workout"

    I almost lost my sh*t, still boils my blood when I think about it.

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  • dear god. what a twatwaffle. i am so sorry you had to deal with that. ((hugs))

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    After 7 years of no ovulation...
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    BFP#2 2/3/12 ~ Alice born 9/26/12


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  • You have much more self control than me.  I would have throat punched her.  Sorry you had to go through that.
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    BFP#1 - 09/12/11, EDD 5/18/12 - Stopped growing at 6w3d, m/c induced 10/14/11
    BFP#2 - 04/01/12, EDD 12/12/12, Arrived 12/4/12!!
    BFP#3 - 12/31/13, EDD 09/10/14 - Grow baby, grow!

  • Wow. Some people really need to just not talk. Ever. I am so sorry. ((hugs))
    BFP#1 12/18/10 EDD 8/28/11 | 2/14/11 discovered that our baby girl had anencephaly D&C 2/17/11 at 12.5 weeks | no O or AF post loss - Dx: AO + mild PCOS = secondary infertility Provera after 70 days = AF but no O | Provera + 50mg Clomid after 110 days = AF but no O 3 rounds of 100mg Clomid + Estrogen + Progesterone = mixed O results, all BFN hysteroscopy 1/6/12 - removed fibroid tissue injection cycle #1 - 75 IU follistim + ovidrel (triggered 2/9/12) + endometrin = BFP! EDD 11/3/12 | Beta @ 13dpo = 184, 17dpo = 993, 26dpo = >5000 IT'S TWIN BOYS!! Tommy and Charlie arrived on 9/10/12 after less than 6 hours of labor at 32 weeks Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Wow--that was so insensitive, and rude!

    I would have taken it farther when she laughed. I would have turned into a biitch. "Oh, so you think pregnancy loss is funny? You think having a m/c is a joke?" That would have shut her up.

    I'm SO sorry you had to go through that situation. Some people are so idiotic!

    ((hugs))

  • imagestlucia_wife:
    Hugs.  I think I might of said some not so nice things after the laugh.

    OMG!!  THIS. I can't BELIEVE people are sooooo insensitive! Grrrrr! 


    TTC #1 since 5/2010 dx: annovulatory 

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  • I'm angry for you. I would've said a lot more after that laugh, and it wouldn't have been a slip.
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    My beautiful Ella/ToT arrived 10/10/12. 
  • Who in God's name laughs when someone says that?  People scare me.
    BFP #1 - Chemical Pregnancy ----BFP#2 - DD born at 32 weeks-----BFP #3 Spontaneous Identical Twin Boys lost due to Missed M/C - on 7/1/11----BFP #4 Baby girl lost due to Trisomy 22 on 1/6/12 PGAL and PAL Always Welcome! Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Some people. UGH. Super Angry So sorry you had to deal with that. 

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  • Some people are so ignorant and insensitive. This makes me so mad for you, I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))
  • ((hugs)) That sucks. :(

    That reminds me of when I put on FB that DH and I were skipping Halloween and we went out to dinner instead with friends who had a newborn loss. The first comment was from a girl with a two year old who said "That sounds like fun! If I didn't have to go trick or treating with my daughter I would totally do the same thing!" Of course, I would much rather have gone trick or treating with MY daughter...

    Good for you for saying something, even if it slipped. 

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  • Thanks ladies. She's normally not the insensitive kind, so I don't know if her head was elsewhere or what. Poor DH. He could tell something was wrong when he picked me up. I'd picked him up for lunch and instead of my driving him all the way back home since we were over by the office, he just dropped me off and took the car. He kept asking me what was wrong and I just wouldn't talk. I'm feeling better now though.

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  • that's awful!

    A lady on my flight home from Mexico last week told me too that I should be thankful I don't have kids....I was silent and turned away from her.

    Hope you are doing better!



     
  • Did you slap her? 

    You should have slapped her.  

    image

    TTC since Aug 2011. BFP #1 on 10/28/2011 EDD of 07/02/2012 Natural MC on 11/22/2012  BFP #2 on 10/28/2012  EDD of 7/13/13  Judah Ari born on 7/11/13.

    I love my rainbow baby!


  • My BFF had a birthday party for her four year old and invited a girl we went to HS with. She was a few years younger than us, got pregnant and 17, baby daddy is no where in the picture... blah blah blah.

    Well she asked me how I liked the married life, and I answered. This she asked me if we wanted kids and I just said "Yeah, we've been talking about it." (I didn't feel it was her business that we were TTC). And she spouts off with... "Well double think that, pregnancy is a b!tch and once the little brat pops out, you lose everything you thought was wonderful about life." 

    And it just spewed out... "Well, I would love to have a successful pregnancy first. I, unlike you, didn't get so lucky to pop a brat out and lose all that is wonderful about life. My baby died."

    After I said it, she just started at me and said. "Oh.. my... um..." And I walked out of the room.

    Some people just need to think before the speak. No matter if they know about a loss or not.

    P.S.

    I want to slap your friend for acting like that then laughing. GRRR!

  • (Hugs) was this on FB? I think a friend delete is in order.

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  • imageLaTi07:
    (Hugs) was this on FB? I think a friend delete is in order.

    No, this was a coworker. 


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  • If someone said that to me, I probably would've ripped them two or three new as$holes. My son's death has made me a LOT more open and honest.
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  • I can't even fathom why someone would think those were appropriate comments. I am so sorry you had to deal with this.
    BFP #1 10/6/11 | EDD 6/15/12 | MMC 11/7/11 @ 8w3d | D&C 11/14/11

    BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13

    BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15

    BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d

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  • Wow. The stupid. Good comebacks though, at least you were ready for whatever dumba$$ thing she said.

    Baby #3 is on the way! EDD  3/8/15
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  • I'm so sorry Hun, sometimes people really stink!
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  • Some people have no common sense.  Sorry she was a idiot.
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  • WHAT?!! I am so sorry. Seriously, what is wrong with people. So over people lately. :(

    ((HUGS))

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  • Some people are just a$$holes
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  • (((Hugs)))
  • I seriously wonder why people do NOT think before they open their mouths. I'm sorry you had to listen to that.
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    Loss #1 2008, Loss #2 2010, Loss #3 2011, Loss #4 2012, Loss #5 2012
    Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014

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    ~DD Born! 2013~
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  • imageJellybean902:

    Did you slap her? 

    You should have slapped her.  

    All of this. I am so sorry you had to deal with that today.  

    image
  • I hate when I get comments like that. After our busy season at work I mentioned to a friend I was going to sleep in on my first day off and she told me I wouldn't be able to do that if I had kids.

    Jenn

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  • Isn't it times like these you could give people flags like they do in football. After they say something so outrageous, hand them a flag and say penalty! And give them a fine. Sorry, trying to make you laugh. Hugs to you!
    TTC #1 BFP 6/1/2011 blighted ovum d&c 7/15/11
    TTC #2 BFP 12/6/11 chemical pregnancy natural mc 12/18/11
    TTC #3 BFP 3/19/12. 4/9: HR of 134! **Bake Turkey, Bake!**
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  • Wow. I'm so sorry you had to hear that. (((HUGS)))
    Missed miscarriage D&C May 2011, Missed miscarriage D&C October 2011 Expecting a baby girl in 2013!
  • imageStephRN23:
    Isn't it times like these you could give people flags like they do in football. After they say something so outrageous, hand them a flag and say penalty! And give them a fine. Sorry, trying to make you laugh. Hugs to you!

    That would be wonderful. ;) 


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  • Indifferent Some people just have no clue.  (((HUGS))).
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • ((hugs)) People are just so stupid sometimes!
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  • Wow. That's pretty unbelievable. (((hugs)))
    TTC #1 since Aug 2010 * BFP Aug 2011, EDD April 16 2012 * MMC @ 7w5d, D&C @ 10w5d
    BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks
    Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks on Nov 27 2012

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  • You responses were perfect! I know how difficult it can be when others do not think before they speak. It is hurtful and well things then sometimes end up slipping out of our mouths.. lol ..

     

    I am sending you some hugs!!!!

    M/C (D&C) sept 15th/2011. Our little angel was almost 16 weeks. BFP on jan 14/2012. M/C jan 23/2012 BFP on april 12/2012 EDD dec 21/2012 Pregnancy Ticker
  • ((BIG HUGS)) to you,  I'm so sorry that she said that. 
    5/16/2005: M/C at 7 wks
    5/3/2010: MM/C at 7 wks 6 days
    5/25/2014: CP at 4 wks 3 days

    Because of the great "Snow"vember of 2015, my medicated cycle was cancelled.  However, we were blessed with our little rainbow baby due on 8/14/15!  Baby J had other plans and decided to make his grand ole entrance on 7/4/2015!

    Surprise!  Our little girl entered this world on 12/8/2016 after her eviction notice was long past due.  Our little turkey baby turned into a snow baby!  

                                                        
    Third times the charm!  BFP on 4/18/2019, EDD: 12/18/2019
    PgAL/PAL welcome
    PAIF/SAIF welcome too!

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