Trying to support my mom — The Bump
Childless not by choice

Trying to support my mom

I don't know if you guys will be interested in this discussion or not... if not, please ignore my post.

My parents adopted me 21 years ago after trying for years to have a child.   Now I'm 21, and my fiance and I have an unplanned but still welcome pregnancy.  Here is my question: I know that my mom is having a really rough time, seeing me accidentally pregnant when she tried for so many years without success.  I want to help and support her, but I don't really know how.  Do any of you have any advice for the appropriate and helpful things to do/say?  I feel like she probably wants to be involved, but I also don't want to upset and frustrate her.

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Re: Trying to support my mom

  • Well, I can't relate to your Mom since I'm not (and never will be) dealing with my adopted child's suprise pregnancy... but I'm sure this is a difficult situation and I think your consideration of you mother is amazing.  I hope you find some answers on the adoption board. 

    Also, it seems like you might have a really great relationship with your Mom, maybe you could just ask what she needs?


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  • It seems odd to me that your mom would have a hard time with you getting pregnant easily. I don't have an adopted daughter, but if I did, I don't think I would be jealous of her easy ability to get pregnant. I wonder if her reaction has more to do with you having an unplanned pregnancy at a young age in general, and not anything to do with her own fertility issues. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom, so I would start a conversation with her about how she is feeling. At any rate, you might get better answers on the adoption board.
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  • I usually try to support my mom, but she doesn't open up to me a lot, so it's hard to get her to talk about much.  Hence, I often have to go on hints and hunches, because if I say anything wrong, I have a lot of people that get very upset with me.

     I really appreciate you guys' input, though.  I'll definitely see if the adoption boards have any further insight.

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