Anyone not change their name after marriage?

pinksandbermuda · January 2012

I didn't change my name, but now that I am getting closer to my due date I am considering it. DH never really cared before, but I think it is starting to bother him.

It comes up at appointments and when we have insurance billing questions. With all of the hospital bills it may become a big pain. I don't really want to change my name, and won't professionally.

But I think it would be for the best to keep things consistant as a family. Anyone else thinking about this? Or definitely not changing it?

cbee817 · January 2012

I didn't change my name when I got married or before/after DD was born. There were no issues with insurance billing- DD has DH's last name and so far, there haven't been any problems with dr's or day care or anything.

I won't be changing it for LO#2 either. I respond to Mrs. DH's last name and he responds to Mr. My last name.. doesn't bother either of us and I wouldn't have married him if it did.

cdc1982 · January 2012

My cousin has been married for a couple years & still hasn't changed hers, doesn't plan to either. Their DD has my cousins last name as 1 of her middle names. They haven't had any problems & their DD is 6months old.

StrawberryAlarmClock · January 2012

I've never run into any issues at all. DS's name is on my insurance card with mine. I think that if anyone gave me the side-eye for having a different LN than DS, I'd ask what rock they'd been living under for the past generation.

allisonmarie22 · January 2012

I didn't change my name when I got married and immediately regretted it.

A couple months and about $500 later I had it legally changed through the courts. The funny thing is that divorce is so cheap it would've literally been cheaper to divorce him and just get remarried to change my name. Would've saved me about $350-$400.

venussapphire · January 2012

I wanted to have the same last name as my kids so I did. However I kept my last name professionally. Also my last name is part of who I am, I just couldn't give it up entirely.

temporalrobe · January 2012

i did not change my name when i got married, nor would i ever consider it.

i believe it is a sign of subservience to take a man's name and doesn't reflect equality in a relationship.

i understand i feel more strongly about this than most.

as for a family name, if both husband and wife (or husband and husband or wife and wife) change to a common name - then there is equality. i'm ok with that (even though this is not what we did).

now that i am carrying a baby, i do not feel i need to change my name.

my child will have my last name as his middle name and my h's last name as its last name. This was a big big concession on my part and came after long conversations with my h.

his family name dies with him, and that really saddened him.

we have been lucky so far to have zero issues with separate last names with businesses and insurance companies.frankly it comes in handy at times.

good luck to you.

SpankylovesSparky · January 2012

Girl, I can understand. I didn't change my name right after marriage but it was because of certain circumstances and not a particular choice. I have only recently gotten it changed since we are approaching baby's due date and I want my new last name on his birth certificate. The only thing I have left to do now is getting it changed on my insurance and such and getting them to change it on my file at the doctor's office...which I hope they'll let me do without too much confusion! I definitely wish I had gotten it done sooner. But this was a personal choice.

If you really don't want to change it you don't have to, just discuss your concerns with your partner and ask about his concerns as well. Maybe you guys can come up with a happy medium?

bumpuser5917313 · January 2012

I didn't take DH's last name. We work in the same (tiny) industry, and for a long time, he was my boss. I didn't want people making assumptions about my qualifications because I was married to the man in charge.

Well, now I'm unemployed because my job required too much travel for children. I want to change my last name to his because I want the whole family to have the same last name. Now I just need to figure out when is the best time to do it. I wanted to do it before the baby came, but I think that will be an insurance nightmare. I think I'll just wait until after I have the baby. . . .

rubber_chicken · January 2012

I kept my name and it's never been an issue. But then, I carry our insurance.

mchafin · January 2012

I didn't change my name, but I have decided to have it done before the baby is born. I haven't had any issues with insurance or my appointments, and DH doesn't care either way.. it's just something I personally want to do.

cinnbabi21 · January 2012

i Hyphenated mi maiden name with mi husbands last name. on some paper work it's just mi maiden name. on other paper work it's mi married name. so sometimes i have to try to remember what name i put on what form.

tyla1111 · January 2012

I changed my name - well, hyphenated it - because I grew up with divorced parents. My mom always had a different last name, and while it never caused any major issues, there was just always a lot of correcting/explaining to people why we had different names. I want my child and myself to have the same last name. Of course, my husband could have changed his name too, but we just went with the societal flow. Smile

katiedhunter · January 2012

I didn't have to change my name. My DH and I already had the same last name!! And no we are not cousins! LOL

amber323 · January 2012

I kept my name and LO is going to have my last name as well

DH isn't fond of his last name so that's why we decided to do it differently

Sovello · January 2012

I've been married for ten years, never changed my last name and have never had any issues; and I've had to deal with immigration and citizenship which is a process that goes on for years. It was never even mentioned.

I may be married, but I'm still an individual with my own name, and I'm not going to change it just because of a completely archaic ancient law that stated women could only inherit their husband's property if they shared a name. It's 2012.

shmoos · January 2012

I did not change my name after marriage. I am on my H's insurance plan and we have not had any problems with billing. I have no plans to change it in the future.

calamityeyes · January 2012

Didn't change it. Won't change it. Baby will have both last names. My compromise position was that everybody get a new name, but DH wasn't up for that. Having both last names is also a compromise for me. I see no reason to take on his family name, or for our child to automatically have his last name. I also understand that his name is as important to him as mine is to me. We haven't battled out the order of last names yet for the child.

audie2goose · January 2012

I hyphenated mine. That way i get to keep mine and have the same as the kids. I thought long and hard about it (its a tongue twister) but I'm glad I did. It was good professionally and for personal reasons.

kstopforth · January 2012

I'm in CA and didn't change my name after we married. When I got my BFP I wanted all of us to have a "family" name. When I was growing up, my mom and dad never married and separated almost immediately after I was born. I lived with my mom for most of my childhood and hated the fact that we didn't have the same name so it really is just a personal preference for me.

It was easy for me though (sorry that you had to spend all of that money Allison!), I just took my marriage cert. to social security and they changed it right there free of charge. I got my new SSN in a few weeks, though my hospital and insurance bills are taking their sweet time to do anything. I really think it is a personal decision. I hated my married name for a while because I was so partial to my maiden name.

pinksandbermuda · January 2012

allisonmarie22:

I didn't change my name when I got married and immediately regretted it.

A couple months and about $500 later I had it legally changed through the courts. The funny thing is that divorce is so cheap it would've literally been cheaper to divorce him and just get remarried to change my name. Would've saved me about $350-$400.

Woah! Is it always that much? I didn't know about that.

mkflower3000 · January 2012

I didn't change mine and am not planning to. So far the only issue we ran into was right after the wedding when we were trying to put checks in my account on which people wrote 'Mr. and Mrs. ...' with his last name. Granted, we are on different insurances, but it seems like changing the last name is an even bigger hassle than just explaining it every once in a while.

Our kids will have DH's last name - it's way easier than mine anyway. My mom and I had different last names after she married my stepdad, and it was never an issue for me.

flyer23 · January 2012

I changed my name, but my mom didn't.

My maiden name was her last name, and my middle name was my dad's last name. They did it that way because they thought my dad's last name made a pretty middle name for a girl. If I had been a boy, they would've done it the other way around.

I don't remember it causing any serious/significant problems growing up. It WAS annoying for a variety of reasons, and that did play into my decision to change my own name. Plus, I like my husband's name better. I don't feel that makes me "subservient" to him.

I say do what you want. If you feel strongly about not changing your name (like my mom did/does), then don't. If you want to change it, go for it. Either way, you, and your kids, will survive.

ETA: Oh, and from your siggy picture, it looks like you are white and your husband is black? My mom is white and my dad is black, too. I "look" more white, and that caused even more confusion -- I had this guy who I called "Dad" who had a different last name and appeared to be a different race! My dad worked at my school and it took a lot of kids quite a while to figure out that we were related Smile

AnariaR · January 2012

My husband and I are not legally married and don't plan on ever getting married. I kept my last name which is actually from my previous marriage. I married young and grew up in an abusive household. My ex's family was my real family and my name is who I am so I didn't change it when he left. After the ex left and I lost his family I grew up and came into my own. I decided that I wouldn't change my name.

If we have a girl it will have my last name. My husband couldn't care less about it being my ex's last name, he says that he doesn't know that guy from any other to him it's MY name and that's important to him. If we have a boy it will have his last name.

My brother had a different last name from me and it was no big deal. My husband is the oldest in the family and the only kid in to have his dad's last name. His brother and sister have his mother's last name and his two youngest half-brothers have their dad's last name. So it's nothing new to us and I don't think there will be any problems.

Though someone else needs to explain that to my husband's dad's partner cause she seems to think my husband will have problems with people if his name is different from his kids. I even responded that if the kid has my husband's last name then it doesn't have mine and I don't foresee any problems with that. She blew me off and mumbled something about law stuff. My husband's response to that when I told him later was that if there were any issues then we could get a DNA test, we are in the year 2012 now...

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