Just had my baby shower and barely got anything we need from the registry!

elacey · January 2012

Is it actually acceptable to register for expensive items like strollers, car seats, and pumps? I have never bought a gift for someone that expensive for a shower! I am truly shocked that someone else is expected to buy these items for you. Maybe it is because this is my third baby and I have not had a shower since my first baby that it feels so strange to expect others to take care of your shopping list. I was thrilled with the 20 bottles of baby wash and 10 tubes of diaper rash cream. I also had enough diapers that I didn't buy a pack of diapers until my son was almost 8 months old.

tiffapotomus · January 2012

I had heard enough horror stories from some recent FTM's to expect this to happen. DH and I had our shower at 6mos instead of waiting until the last 2 because we were anxiouse to see what else we would need to purchase to finish setting up for baby. It was exactly as expected we got a lot that was not on the registry, a few that were and some that were different styles than what we wanted *scratching head on that one*. It gave us ample time to get things moving on our own and not be inconvenienced by my size when it came to shopping haha.

Meganequine · January 2012

Wow- you'd think this post was on the shower board. . .

I'm more on the side of the OP-- since it seems the thread is divided into sides.

Honestly I feel a little bad for the gift-giver and guilty to be returning/donating their gift. (But I have returned and exchanged a number of gift I got from my ILs). I always go off people's registry because I want to know that my gift will be used by the person I gave it to. It baffles me when people give whatever they feel like at shower- and then some of those same people get upset when they don't see their gift ever getting used. (And IMO a shower is quite different than a birthday or christmas list-- you are supposed to be helping celebrate and prepare the person for the newest 'stage' in their life.)

beachcity · January 2012

brikai:
I just had my baby shower yesterday and received maybe 2 gifts from the registry. I got a lot of gifts that I have no use for and no receipts to return them. I don't know where everything came from to return them so it looks like I'll have to check out every baby store in town to figure out if they will take them. I know this sounds ridiculous that I'm so upset about this but now I'm stressed because there is so much we still need for the baby! Did anybody else have this problem??

Be grateful that you got anything for the baby because I had my shower yesterday and did not get hardly anything period. I got a bath and a diaper bag plus someone placed a handful of handme down items in a gift bag and gave it to me with an open partly used box of diapers of various brands which I think is tacky to do as a primary shower gift even more so because I did not know the person directly. Glad to know I have a little bit to still get things i need plus thats why everyone says you can not count on your baby shower for the things your child needs.

salt78 · January 2012

elacey:
Is it actually acceptable to register for expensive items like strollers, car seats, and pumps?

I put those things on my registry because my mother who lives out of state is shopping off it, because of the completion discount and because I am using mine as a kind of checklist of things I would like to have for LO when she gets here. If people want to buy off it, cool. But I don't mind at all if people want to give me a present off my registry. A lot of my mom friends might have a much better idea of stuff I need that I might have missed!

As far as being bummed is concerned...I can understand it to an extent, but I would just be grateful for the things I was given. I can't imagine being given something that I would absolutely never use. (Unless I was given a Bible like someone posted in another thread. I'd be at a loss there.)

mommabear17 · January 2012

Reasons people may not have purchased items off your registry:

1) You registered at a store that doesn't have locations near them.

2) You registered at a store that is expensive to most people (for instance, in my and my husband's families, Pottery Barn would be out of most people's price range and comfort level)

3) You registered for items that were expensive and didn't give your guests options. I can't in good consciousness buy someone $30 receiving blankets, for example.

4) You only registered for large items- your stroller, pack 'n play, breast pump etc. Very few people will buy you those items and many people don't get it together enough to go in on something. We didn't get any large items like that at our shower. We considered them our responsibility, and my parents bought us the stroller.

mrshurst · January 2012

greeneyed_bride:
elacey:
Honestly, I don't even see the point in registering for a baby in the first place. Most women know the basic needs of a baby and to be so specific on brands and details only sets you up to have a bad attitude about people being generous. You may think you want this brand of pacifier and it turns out your kid hates it. Just be grateful that the women came to celebrate your baby and were nice enough to bring you and baby something. If you don't want it, return it. It really isn't their responsibility to provide for your baby it is yours!
I have to disagree with the first part of your post. Yes, most women (especially moms) will know the basic needs of a baby, but they don't know what you already have, what you still need, and personal choices you're making. I know that babies need diapers. But if you're planning to use cloth diapers and already have a lot of them, and I buy you disposables, that's not helpful. Ditto for if I buy you 20 bottles and you're exclusively breast feeding. The point of the registry is so that the mom doesn't end up with 100 receiving blankets and not a single bib.
If people want to buy you an outfit or a cute blanket or some item that's not well known but that they found to be a lifesaver with their own baby, I think that's fine. But the attitude of "I know what you need better than you do" can end up in giving the mom-to-be gifts that she doesn't need, already has, or won't use.
For example, for my bridal shower, I didn't register for a crock pot because I already had one. At my shower, I got FOUR crock pots from people who said "I didn't see it on your registry, but you really need one of these." It's not that I didn't know I needed it, it's that I HAD one. Ditto with baby registries. They're necessary so that you don't end up with 14 of the same thing.

I agree with this 100%! That's why we ended up with 4 boxes of wine glasses and we very rarely drink wine... I always purchase off registries, because I want to make sure I get people what they want and need. I understand wanting to surprise someone, that's why I usually throw in a small item that I picked out WITH the item(s) from the registry.

246baje · January 2012

I too always buy off the registry but this complaint sounds like entitlement coupled with poor planning.

A shower is not a given and neither are the gifts. In addition if getting the items you need is now a rush or too expensive to buy all at once well then that is poor planning on the OP's part.

We have large items on our registry that we plan to purchase ourselves, we just want the completion discount. My shower is also a full 2 months before my EDD so that we will have time to purchase any needs that have not been purchased.

We have buying items off of our own registry bit by bit and will continue to do so.

greeneyed_bride · January 2012

elacey:
Is it actually acceptable to register for expensive items like strollers, car seats, and pumps?

Most people won't buy things that expensive, but sometimes a family member will want to get a bigger gift or a group of friends will want to go in together to get something more expensive. My parents wanted to buy us at least one piece of furniture for the baby, and since they live in a different state, I put the crib and the changing table we wanted on our registry so they could see what we liked and decide what to get (they got the changing table/dresser.) DH's mom wanted to get the baby a Christmas gift and asked what we needed, so we sent her the link to the registry and she bought $300 worth of stuff off if it. Plus, Babies R Us (and some other stores) gives you a coupon for 10% off of anything on your registry that didn't get purchased, so if you know you're going to need to buy something, you might as well put it on your registry so you can get 10% off. That's what I did for the breast pump I want. I'm assuming that no one else will buy it, but I'd rather pay 10% less when I buy it myself, so it's on the registry.

Heather8888 · January 2012

I've felt like this before (haven't had a shower since my first baby) but I am one who doesn't like "clutter" so it was frustrating to me as well to have so many things that weren't my style or that I didn't need. I guess the good news is, that you most likely won't get another baby shower... ever! Its all about celebrating with your friends/family anyway. My favorite shower was where everyone brought a birthing "bead" to symbolize themself and one for each child they had birthed... we made a birthing necklace for me to wear during the birth to symbolize the strength of all the women in my life who had gone before me. I think they may have all pitched in 10-15 dollars for a group gift (which I can't remember now) but it was all about having a good time together and celebrating the upcoming baby. Now that I"m on baby #4 people dont make it as big of a deal, but thats ok. I am lucky to have two good friends who want to go get pedicures with me - thats all I need. I have all the clutter I could ever want anyway. good luck, return what you can, give away or re-gift what you can't and get excited! It wont be long til you have a lot more to worry about than returning gifts!! Like... what side you nursed on last or when you get to nap!

FarmvilleLover · January 2012

elacey:
Is it actually acceptable to register for expensive items like strollers, car seats, and pumps? I have never bought a gift for someone that expensive for a shower! I am truly shocked that someone else is expected to buy these items for you.

I put a lot of large items on my registry (breast pump, stroller, convertible carseat, infant carseat, PNP, etc.) and got them all. I didn't expect for ppl to buy them but the option was there for people who were feeling super generous and/or could afford it. These items were some of the first to go. Everyone has a different circle of friends/family as far as what people can afford, this isn't unheard of where I live and in my crowd/family.

brikai · January 2012

I agree with you both!!! People saying I'm being ungrateful makes me laugh.

brikai · January 2012

I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything about registering for expensive gifts and expecting people to purchase these for me. I have all of the expensive purchases taken care of. The things I registered for were towels, burp cloths, bottles, diaper cream, cheap purchases. Instead, I got duplicates of things I already had or things I know I won't need, so I did not register for them.

SuperDuperGirl23 · January 2012

katcarls:
The part that bugged me the most was that I received a few things that were similar to items I registered for, but not the exact thing, like a Leachco pillow instead of a Boppy or an Infantino carrier instead of the Moby. I picked those for a reason, so why not buy the one I wanted, KWIM?
I was kind of hormonal and irrationally pissed at the time, but it is what it is. You just have to be grateful for what you got, return what you can, and have fun shopping.

I was this way too. I spent a lot of time researching what brands had the best consumer reviews, which were safest, which were the best value etc. and I was kind of annoyed that I got a ton of stuff that wasn't quite right.

greengirl0909 · January 2012

1. Some people buy things that they found useful. They really do have your best interests at heart.

2. People really like to buy clothes and toys, cutesy items. You might think wash cloths and burp rags are what you need, but people what to buy a gift that is oohed and ahhed over.

3. I think that sometimes the older generation is really appreciative of a registry. There are so many new items out that my mom didn't even know about.

4. I think it's ironic to see posts on the 1st and 2nd trimester boards and the shower board complaining that they aren't even getting a shower, and then to come here and see women complaining about what they got. To further explore the irony, the shower board is full of women who want things a certain way or who aren't getting a shower who say things like, it's not even about the presents, it's about celebrating with my friends and family. But obviously for a lot of people, it's about the presents.

5. Finally, to all of the posters who said I'd rather not get a gift than get something I don't consider useful I'm calling BS. If you had the majority of your guests show up at your shower without gifts and say things like, well I just didn't want to buy off your registry, so I didn't bring a gift, you'd be on here complaining that people came to your shower without gifts.

I understand it's bummery to think you'll be getting some things and not get them, but these are thoughts you keep to yourself, vent to DH, and maybe a mom or sister. Don't admit your selfishness to the internet!

HopingForOne · January 2012

Am I the only one who thinks it's incredibly rude to return a bunch of gifts that you deem useless?

Maybe it's just me, but I had a large shower, not everything was from the registry, and I found a use for every single thing. I had a couple odd things - like a winter coat that would have fit my child in the summer - but I just exchanged it for the same item in the correct size.

If I took the time to buy a gift for someone, put time and thought into it, and found out that it wasn't good enough for them...I'd be hurt. And ticked off.

Lilena · January 2012

All this seems silly to me as I didn't have a shower at all. I was extremely grateful to ANYTHING I got from friends/family.

Honestly the best "gift" I got was a H U G E box of my BFF's son's old clothes. From NB all the way to 18 months. That one box of clothes saved me so much money I was overjoyed!

Aleja0918 · January 2012

246baje:
I too always buy off the registry but this complaint sounds like entitlement coupled with poor planning.
A shower is not a given and neither are the gifts. In addition if getting the items you need is now a rush or too expensive to buy all at once well then that is poor planning on the OP's part.

This!

No one's required to buy off the registry. It's a helpful guide but people can choose to spend their money however they want.

MotherMonster · January 2012

I just want to throw this out there...I used to be a supervisor at Kmart at the Service Desk.

If you tell them it was a gift, they will give you in store credit on a gift card. It will be for the lowest ticketed price for the item, but you can take the gift card and also use it at Sears. You can use it at the stores or online.

Ya Never Know · January 2012

I worry about this happening to us. I know it sounds mean, but I really wish that people would stick to the registry for baby showers. We made sure that there were things on the registry that were cheap in case people didn't have a lot of money to spend.. like baby shampoo and stuff. My concern is that people will ignore it and just buy baby clothes.. and that is the one thing that we do not need any more of, as friends of ours gave us tons of their hand-me downs.

ETA: After reading all the posts, I should mention that I would be grateful for any gift that we received, it's just if I had a preference, I would prefer people buy off the registry.

Ya Never Know · January 2012

PhysChic7685:
DO-JO:
The problem is not your generous friends and family who had the gall to buy you things outside of your registry, the problem is that you relied on your shower for the stuff you needed...
Edited out unneccessay snark.
I don't think that we RELY on the shower, but rather that we specifically don't go ahead and buy all the stuff because it's in good taste to have a number of things on your registry (at various price ranges) for guests to be able to purchase. It is somewhat frustrating to find yourself after the shower, with very little time left (and very pregnant) having to buy all that stuff. Not to mention that it's unlikely you'll be able to find really good sale prices on all of it.
I know I'm a minority opinion in this (and I feel the same way with Christmas), but I feel that, if people refuse to buy you the things you've indicated that you want (and instead buy you things that you have no need of or specifically said you don't want) then they're not being generous, they're being selfish because they're making the gift about them and not about you. I'd rather not get a gift then go through the hassle of figuring out what to do with an unwanted item after the fact. It's not very nice to make someone go through that.

Actually, the gifts are not about you, they are about your baby.

Ya Never Know · January 2012

salt78:
elacey:
Is it actually acceptable to register for expensive items like strollers, car seats, and pumps?
I put those things on my registry because my mother who lives out of state is shopping off it, because of the completion discount and because I am using mine as a kind of checklist of things I would like to have for LO when she gets here. If people want to buy off it, cool. But I don't mind at all if people want to give me a present off my registry. A lot of my mom friends might have a much better idea of stuff I need that I might have missed!
As far as being bummed is concerned...I can understand it to an extent, but I would just be grateful for the things I was given. I can't imagine being given something that I would absolutely never use. (Unless I was given a Bible like someone posted in another thread. I'd be at a loss there.)

We put a few of the 'big ticket' items on our registry. Some people like to pool together to get one big gift instead of something small. We don't expect that people would buy those things, but if they do, then that's great.. If not, we'll buy them ourselves.

PhysChic7685 · January 2012

Ya Never Know:
Actually, the gifts are not about you, they are about your baby.

Begging your pardon, but I was referring to gift-giving in general, not specifically baby showers. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.

Ya Never Know · January 2012

PhysChic7685:
Ya Never Know:
Actually, the gifts are not about you, they are about your baby.
Begging your pardon, but I was referring to gift-giving in general, not specifically baby showers. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.

In the context of baby showers, that line in your post rubbed me the wrong way.. but obviously I misinterpreted what you were talking about, so I apologize.

kyoto · January 2012

Yes, I ended up with a bunch of stuff from my shower I did not want or need. I already had a lot of items we bought ourselves, so we did not put them on the registry. And I hate the color pink, and people know this about me, but still I got a bunch of pink stuff.... The people who did not follow the registry were older family members, but most did buy off the registry. Of course I was grateful for people coming to the shower and celebrating with us, and buying us anything at all. All you can do is try to return what you can. Check BRU, Target and any of the bigger stores in your area. Most will take stuff back and give you a store credit. Whatever you can't return you can try ebay or craigslist. Or just donate it to a church, pregnancy center or Goodwill and be done with it.

I always keep to the registry for wedding or baby gifts. If I do see something else I want to buy that's not on the registry, I will buy it plus something small on the registry, and include receipts!

widowspeak · January 2012

It might boil down to a case of people using the terms "return" and "exchange" interchangeably. They don't mean the same thing, but people often don't verbally make the distinction in conversation.

To answer your query directly, though, to me, it would be much more rude to let something someone gave me that just won't work (wrong size, material I'm allergic to, color that makes me twitch, etc.) languish in a box in the garage when I could exchange it for something that would actually be put to good use. Of course, it also depends on the circles in which you run. Some people have no problem with recipients returning or exchanging items (thus why they include a gift receipt in the box/bag) and others take major issue with it. I think the key is to be sensitive to the wavelengths of the people around you, just as you would hope they would do the same for you. Does that make sense?

ETA: Aaaaaaaaand it didn't include my "quote." Sorry, this was in response to the lady who was asking if anyone else felt returning gifts was rude. My bad.

whttulips · January 2012

JFH2010:

Wow, this thread is just really...not how I think. I know that technically, the purpose of the shower is gifts, but to me they have become more about celebrating the new family. On my shower invites I specifically said no gifts are necessary, used items are much appreciated, and if you want to buy something new, here is my registry. I got a few things off my registry, a lot of things that I didn't register for but love anyway, a few things I truly don't need...but I had a fantastic time celebrating with my friends and I went home feeling that I and my baby are loved. I can't imagine going into it thinking that it would be the source of most of my baby gear, and being disappointed when it wasn't!

I know that most people really do view it as a chance to get gifts, and that's fine, but it does seem ungrateful (and unprepared) to be MAD that people chose to get other things. The OP wasn't even that bad but some of the responses...whew. Just glad my circle of friends is different.

I agree w/ you completely. I haven't had my shower yet but I purposely created a registry w/ items that were small and affordable that we could use - -DH and I have bought all the basics ( and then some!) and large items ourselves minus a few things that family members wanted to go ahead and get us before the shower. I have no expectations as far as anyone buying strictly from registery - whatever we receive as gifts will be genuinuely appreciated. More than anything I think it's a nice gesture to want to celebrate the birth of my child and throw the shower in the first place.

That being said...I do make a point of buying gifts from registries for weddings, showers, etc. I do appreciate why they are there and I do want my gift to be something they can use and/or want. But not everyone thinks that way.

namara5532 · January 2012

Ya Never Know:
We put a few of the 'big ticket' items on our registry. Some people like to pool together to get one big gift instead of something small. We don't expect that people would buy those things, but if they do, then that's great.. If not, we'll buy them ourselves.

We did the same thing. We registered for the big stuff but generally assumed we would be buying it ourselves. We were pleasantly surprised by some out of town relatives who got some big stuff for us after the showers.

I consider a registry to be more like guidelines. People are going to buy what they think we could use regardless of what we actually think we need. Any help from a shower is useful because it's less we have to buy ourselves. I got so many clothes that I don't even have to think about buying more for 6-9 months. We still had to get some basics like a baby monitor and baby proofing items, but we're grateful for what we did get.

6sour6grapes6 · January 2012

countdowntolockdown:

Bright side is, most places will give you a discount on whatever was not purchased on your registry. Babies R Us is 15% off.

good to know! I'm not having a shower, but plan to register to keep a list of what I need.

mamabear0813 · January 2012

The only problem I have with people buying random things not on the registry, is not including gift receipts. Even if you can get store credit for the items, it's usually at the lowest price the item has been in the last 30,60 or 90 days (depends on store). So an item that was purchased for 30 dollars (and could be 30 dollars in other things you'd need) could have gone on clearance or sale last week for 10 dollars. Then you only get the $10 in credit. That is a huge difference and it suddenly makes that persons gift that much less valuable! Not only was the gift itself not useful, but now instead of getting the full monetary value for it, you only get a portion.

PEOPLE! IF YOU'RE GOING TO BUY THINGS NOT ON THE REGISTRY, INCLUDE THE GIFT RECEIPT! It's not hard and it preserves the value of the gift.

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Just had my baby shower and barely got anything we need from the registry!

Re: Just had my baby shower and barely got anything we need from the registry!

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