It's OK if you're scared

RachelD158 · January 2012

judahsmommy1:

I think that the OP pretty clearly stated that the reason she posted this was that she looked for a post like this when she first joined the board, and couldn't find it. She didn't feel like she could share (at the time) how she was feeling, because no one else seemed to feel the same way. She wanted to share how she felt so that others would be comfortable sharing their experiences. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I didn't even read her post as "advice". It was just, "this is how I felt and I want you to know you're not alone if you feel the same way." I think that's really valid. I don't think she deserved to be flamed at all.

BTW - it was nice to see the original misunderstanding cleared up in such a nice way. I like it!

This exactly! Well said!

SDeniseLandry · January 2012

KnockedUp38:
I just wanted to post this since when I was in my first trimester I looked all over this site and couldn't find anything like it... I got pregnant on purpose, yet just after I found out I was pregnant I started to FREAK OUT. I was exhausted to the point of ridiculousness and didn't really get off the couch for 6 weeks. (One day at 4pm I realized I hadn't showered in 3 days or brushed my teeth that morning, and it just seemed like too much effort to bother. [I am not working at the moment.]) My hormones were ENRAGED and I absolutely hated being pregnant. I was afraid that I'd made a mistake and I'd ruined our lives. It was terrible. And nowhere on this site had anyone admitted to having the same feelings. All I can tell you is, if you feel this way, you are not an evil, ungrateful monster. This does not make you a bad mother. Trust me, *it gets better*. You get used to being pregnant, although I still hate it, and you get used to the idea of being a mom. It becomes part of your life, and that's a good thing. JUST HANG ON. :-)
[For the record, I didn't have a hard time TTC and have had a fairly easy pregnancy, all things considered. I hope I haven't offended anyone who is currently TTC and not having an easy time of it. I just felt like I can't possibly be the only one who's felt like this, and wouldn't it make our community better if someone owned up to it, so that others in this position don't feel so alone?]

THANK YOU! This was an interesting read. I was FAR from delighted when I found out last week that we're expecting. I never miss my period unless I'm under stress & considering that I'm in my last year of law school (at 35, no less!) I just figured that my late period was because of stress from school. I had the flu & ended up going to the ER to find out that I wasn't "sick", I'm having a baby! (Who knew...you go in to the hospital with a cough & runny nose & come out with an embryo! Angel )

I wasn't trying to get pregnant and never really wanted a child, honestly. Only when we were talking the other day about baby names did it really strike me as an exciting experience. I'm now going to be responsible for a grooming a life, a destiny...a future in a child! I'm altogether amazed by that, now.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts & feelings so candidly...plenty of us understand these feelings VERY well!

pg512 · January 2012

KnockedUp38:
I am 23 weeks today, and I started to feel better physically right around Week 14. As to the emotional stuff - I'm not really sure. Some days I still feel weird. But mostly the current situation just feel natural to me now, if that makes any sense. I'm sorry that I can't be more specific for you. Hang tough....

I don't really ever post anywhere but the May 2012 board but I was lurking here today and I had to post here. I will be 23 weeks tomorrow too. And I have to say thank you so much for your original post. I wish someone had told me I wasn't crazy to be scared, nervous, overwhelmed. I felt so stupid for having those feelings of what the heck have I done. Especially since I got pregnant so quickly and my husband and I are ready for kids. I never thought I'd have this reaction because I have always wanted kids. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it really because I felt like no one would understand. I am very, very happy about this baby and I already love her so much but I still worry about her so much and feel like what if I don't fall in love with her immediately after she is born. Thanks so much for this!! I feel so much better after seeing this.

ETA-I hope my post makes sense. I know it's all over the place.

MamaNikita · January 2012

auroraloo:
mellosweetie:

It was my understanding that this was a place where we can talk about things whether good, bad, funny or whatever it is that is on your mind. With the ignorant responses I have read here, I am not so sure I will be posting very much if everything will be criticized. I am disgusted by the childish namecalling and responses.

Hey, I didn't call anyone a name. And welcome to first tri. You want puppies and rainbows, go to your birth month board. Or even more so, babygaga.com.
You can understand anything you want, but it's a public message board and anyone can post whatever they want.

auroraloo, you're one of those. my first pregnancy the tri boards were full of posts pretty much quoting everything you said. so cliche. the nice thing that's changed this time around is that there's only one of you in this thread.

MamaNikita · January 2012

auroraloo:
MamaNikita:
auroraloo:
mellosweetie:

It was my understanding that this was a place where we can talk about things whether good, bad, funny or whatever it is that is on your mind. With the ignorant responses I have read here, I am not so sure I will be posting very much if everything will be criticized. I am disgusted by the childish namecalling and responses.

Hey, I didn't call anyone a name. And welcome to first tri. You want puppies and rainbows, go to your birth month board. Or even more so, babygaga.com.
You can understand anything you want, but it's a public message board and anyone can post whatever they want.

auroraloo, you're one of those. my first pregnancy the tri boards were full of posts pretty much quoting everything you said. so cliche. the nice thing that's changed this time around is that there's only one of you in this thread.

one of those? I see you as one of those who sees herself as someone who is above everyone else because she's been PG before. (which I have, FWIW).
The OP came on here, out of nowhere, posted about her sever depression while pregnant, and told a bunch of total strangers, that "it's ok". Well thank god a total stranger says everything is ok.

It's a good thing, because I thought being pregnant and having a baby was easy, stress-free, and basically a cake walk. I'm so glad she set me straight.

My first time on this board, she would have been flamed off her asss.

so OP thinks she's above everyone because she has "advice" to give, and i apparently think i'm above everyone else because i've been pregnant before (you are right - i totally thought i was the only one here not in my first pregnancy. thank you for schooling me. i am off my high horse now) you don't come across at all like you think you're better than anyone. in fact, i can't imagine why you're here. you don't need anyone's views or advice, and you certainly don't need any puppies and rainbows. see, now THAT's a reason to feel above everyone else!

KnockedUp38 · January 2012

All right, enough.

First, just because I have neither the time nor the inclination to grace people with my opinions ONE THOUSAND TIMES in 6 months doesn't make what I have to say any less valid. Second, you have no idea where I came from, but it's certainly NOT "out of nowhere". Third, if you are not a mental health professional who has treated me in person and are diagnosing me with "sever depression," you are not only ridiculous - you should learn how to spell the word "severe."

To everyone else who has been so kind in their responses and who has tried to stand up for me, thank you. It's been nice to see that there are people on these boards who are caring. (One of the reasons I've never posted anything before, actually, is because I didn't want to deal with what I assumed would be hateful, negative backlash - no matter what I said. I mean geez, we're all pregnant - who needs one more thing to get emotional about?)

But please, let's all just stop this. auroraloo is not going to stop being nasty any time soon, so why waste what energy you have when you could spend it on much nicer things?

ateal2490 · January 2012

auroraloo:
wilson.1187:
There are already at least ten people who posted after her thanking her for what she said. Just because you don't want to hear her advice or experience on early pregnancy, it doesn't mean others don't. And besides, I didn't even read the OP as her giving advice. It was her expressing how she felt during early pregnancy so that others could possibly relate and not feel like what they may be feeling is wrong or strange.
Which seems even more attention whorish to me. Like, "I'm so awesome, I must share my insight so others can relate to my awesomeness."
And good for those ten people who thanked her for it. Doesn't mean I have to agree with it.

Oh, I cannot resist. I must become one of those "twatwaffles" that comes from another tri. board to give unsolicited advice. So here it goes:

If you keep that attitude, I'd highly suggest you just stay in 1st tri, or better yet, hit BabyGaga or something...because over in 2nd. and 3rd tri, those girl will rip you to shreds for your shiitastic attitude.

getthefuuckoveryourself.

OP, I read this last night before there were comments and thought it was very sweet and thoughtful of you to take the time to let the girls who may be feeling the same as you did that they are not alone. Go you!

KnockedUp38 · January 2012

Thank you. Big Smile

SBmomma · January 2012

KnockedUp38:
I just wanted to post this since when I was in my first trimester I looked all over this site and couldn't find anything like it... I got pregnant on purpose, yet just after I found out I was pregnant I started to FREAK OUT. I was exhausted to the point of ridiculousness and didn't really get off the couch for 6 weeks. (One day at 4pm I realized I hadn't showered in 3 days or brushed my teeth that morning, and it just seemed like too much effort to bother. [I am not working at the moment.]) My hormones were ENRAGED and I absolutely hated being pregnant. I was afraid that I'd made a mistake and I'd ruined our lives. It was terrible. And nowhere on this site had anyone admitted to having the same feelings. All I can tell you is, if you feel this way, you are not an evil, ungrateful monster. This does not make you a bad mother. Trust me, *it gets better*. You get used to being pregnant, although I still hate it, and you get used to the idea of being a mom. It becomes part of your life, and that's a good thing. JUST HANG ON. :-)
[For the record, I didn't have a hard time TTC and have had a fairly easy pregnancy, all things considered. I hope I haven't offended anyone who is currently TTC and not having an easy time of it. I just felt like I can't possibly be the only one who's felt like this, and wouldn't it make our community better if someone owned up to it, so that others in this position don't feel so alone?]

I can't thank you enough for posting this. This is exactly how I feel at the moment. I'm about to go bonkers and all I want to do is stay in bed all day and pray for this all to go away. I have been telling my fiance that I don't think I'm cut out for this and I don't know what is wrong with me. I have my first doc. appt. today and I am going to tell him how I feel mentally. I have never been one to suffer from anxiety or depression...but right now I know that is what I'm suffering from. It's horrible!

I don't see why anyone should be offended by this. It's a very difficult thing to talk about, but it's very real. I have yet to get into the "happy" part of being pregnant. I hate the way I feel right now.

KnockedUp38 · January 2012

Sorry you're going through it, but I swear - it *does* get better.

Let me rephrase that - it got better for me and it seems also for a lot of the women who've posted here. So I am hoping very much that it will get better for you, too.

Hope your doc appt. went well today.

SBmomma · January 2012

Doctors appt. went well. It seemed to perk up my spirits a little bit. But this past weekend I literally lived on the couch and felt worry and negativity setting in again. Thank God I have a job to go to that distracts me. I can't wait for this horrid 1st trimester to be over! I want to actually feel happy and excited about this amazing time in my life. As of right now, it's just not the case, but I find comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one.

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