Trying to stay positive...

TLM08 · January 2012

...but as my due date comes closer and closer I have a lot of anxiety. This delivery will be my third c section. A VBAC isn't even an option to try. I know I've done it before, but past experiences don't help me to feel more at ease. To be honest I have no desire at all to have this c section. I want to stomp my feet and refuse. I am scared, and disappointed, and I feel incredibly alone. I just needed to be able to say how badly I don't want this birth plan without judgement. I just feel like I have no say at all and all of my power has been taken away. I have a "birth plan" to try to empower me and give me some say about the day's events, but it's not much of a consolation at this point. I don't know if I'll ever have peace when it comes to this issue.

pepomntpat · January 2012

Why are you not a candidate for a VBAC? Is there a medical issue or a provider issue? I think that if it is a provider issue, it is not too late to find a more supportive provider. {hugs}

rosesandpeonies · January 2012

pepomntpat:
Why are you not a candidate for a VBAC? Is there a medical issue or a provider issue? I think that if it is a provider issue, it is not too late to find a more supportive provider. {hugs}

They typically don't allow vbac if you have had two prior section. One they do but two it is very hard to find someone to allow you to have one. Too much scar tissue, etc.

TLM08 · January 2012

My doctor is one of the most VBAC friendly in our area, but he states there hasn't been enough time between pregnancies to make a VBAC safe. Our second just turned one two weeks ago and we're due in 8 weeks. I always go early though so I expect he'll be here in 3-4 weeks (our first was 6 weeks early and our second was 3 weeks early and we only made it that far bc I went on Brethine to keep my preterm labor at bay).

TLM08 · January 2012

TLM08:
My doctor is one of the most VBAC friendly in our area, but he states there hasn't been enough time between pregnancies to make a VBAC safe. Our second just turned one two weeks ago and we're due in 8 weeks. I always go early though so I expect he'll be here in 3-4 weeks (our first was 6 weeks early and our second was 3 weeks early and we only made it that far bc I went on Brethine to keep my preterm labor at bay).

We didn't plan pregnancies this close together. I was nursing and on bcp and didn't know I was pregnant until I was 12 weeks along because I hadn't had my first period yet. I'm happy we have a little boy on the way, but I wouldn't have timed it to where a VBAC was impossible.

Pdxmom73 · January 2012

I am having my 3rd csection as well. But my situation is different. I am sorry this is not what you want. Once you meet your little Owen, you will have it behind you. Hang in there mama!

I did want to say that DS2 is named Owen Benjamin and we are naming our first little girl Morgan. I saw that your daughter is Morgan and this new LO will be Owen....good taste in names mama!

ChiTown Bridget · January 2012

rosesandpeonies:
pepomntpat:
Why are you not a candidate for a VBAC? Is there a medical issue or a provider issue? I think that if it is a provider issue, it is not too late to find a more supportive provider. {hugs}
They typically don't allow vbac if you have had two prior section. One they do but two it is very hard to find someone to allow you to have one. Too much scar tissue, etc.

Not necessarily. I think every doctor is different. My SIL had two c/s and was able to have a vbac for her third.

sarakiefer · January 2012

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Csection was the very last thing I wanted when I got pregnant with DS. The thought of it terrified me and I was very adament about not having one. However, I went in to be induced and after 26 hours of labor, LO's heart rate kept dropping and I was stuck at 3cm so csection it was. I had worked myself up into such a panic throughout my pregnancy that actually having the csection was less eventful than I thought it would be. However, there are still things that I wish could have been different. I wanted to experience having a vaginal birth, I wanted to breastfeed right away, etc. At the end of the day though, it wasn't as bad as I thought and I will probably do it again for future pregnancies. All that matters is that you have a healthy LO, no matter how he gets here.

Why are you so bummed about it this time around?

TLM08 · January 2012

sarakiefer:
I'm so sorry you feel this way. Csection was the very last thing I wanted when I got pregnant with DS. The thought of it terrified me and I was very adament about not having one. However, I went in to be induced and after 26 hours of labor, LO's heart rate kept dropping and I was stuck at 3cm so csection it was. I had worked myself up into such a panic throughout my pregnancy that actually having the csection was less eventful than I thought it would be. However, there are still things that I wish could have been different. I wanted to experience having a vaginal birth, I wanted to breastfeed right away, etc. At the end of the day though, it wasn't as bad as I thought and I will probably do it again for future pregnancies. All that matters is that you have a healthy LO, no matter how he gets here.
Why are you so bummed about it this time around?

I had PPD after #2 bc of the disappointment. The thing that frustrates me is my first wasn't an issue with my body at all. I labored very fast and progressed like my body was supposed to but DD was frank breech with her feet out my cervix. So I figured with DD #2 a VBAC would be cake bc my body wasn't the reason for the first c section. Then I started bleeding during labor and my uterus almost ruptured. I just feel cheated. I romanticized a vaginal delivery the first two times, and now this time I have to face that it will never be an experience I can have. It just breaks my heart.

TLM08 · January 2012

Pdxmom73:
I am having my 3rd csection as well. But my situation is different. I am sorry this is not what you want. Once you meet your little Owen, you will have it behind you. Hang in there mama!

I did want to say that DS2 is named Owen Benjamin and we are naming our first little girl Morgan. I saw that your daughter is Morgan and this new LO will be Owen....good taste in names mama!

Thanks! We have always loved the name Owen. Morgy got her name from my maiden name.

sarakiefer · January 2012

TLM08:
sarakiefer:
I'm so sorry you feel this way. Csection was the very last thing I wanted when I got pregnant with DS. The thought of it terrified me and I was very adament about not having one. However, I went in to be induced and after 26 hours of labor, LO's heart rate kept dropping and I was stuck at 3cm so csection it was. I had worked myself up into such a panic throughout my pregnancy that actually having the csection was less eventful than I thought it would be. However, there are still things that I wish could have been different. I wanted to experience having a vaginal birth, I wanted to breastfeed right away, etc. At the end of the day though, it wasn't as bad as I thought and I will probably do it again for future pregnancies. All that matters is that you have a healthy LO, no matter how he gets here.
Why are you so bummed about it this time around?
I had PPD after #2 bc of the disappointment. The thing that frustrates me is my first wasn't an issue with my body at all. I labored very fast and progressed like my body was supposed to but DD was frank breech with her feet out my cervix. So I figured with DD #2 a VBAC would be cake bc my body wasn't the reason for the first c section. Then I started bleeding during labor and my uterus almost ruptured. I just feel cheated. I romanticized a vaginal delivery the first two times, and now this time I have to face that it will never be an experience I can have. It just breaks my heart.

I can definitely understand why you feel this way. I'm a huge control freak so when labor didn't go the way I wanted it to, I was disappointed. I've learned throughout all of it that pregnancy almost never goes the way you want it to. That's why I've decided to not expect anything to go a certain way with future pregnancies. This is why I will probably have csections because I don't want to feel disappointed if I try for a VBAC and it doesn't work out. Don't let being forced to have a csection overshadow the fact that you're bringing a new life into the world and expanding your family. Do your best to come to terms with the fact that some things in life don't go as planned and that's ok. Life goes on and you still get the same prize at the end...a beautiful baby!

Kissimi21 · January 2012

I'm sorry you feel this way. Maybe try to romanticize your c/s? Take control of your birth plan by controling the parts of it that you can. Buy yourself something new to wear to and from the hospital. Get a haircut, mani & pedi. Plan to make your last meal before the c/s something special. Instead of feeling sad over not experiencing a vaginal birth, create the c/s experience you want. Do the whole "Life gives you lemons, make lemonade" thing. I know it's hard, but by dwelling on what you're missing, you will miss out on enjoying your son's birth.

Ruggerkitty · January 2012

Kissimi21:
I'm sorry you feel this way. Maybe try to romanticize your c/s? Take control of your birth plan by controling the parts of it that you can. Buy yourself something new to wear to and from the hospital. Get a haircut, mani & pedi. Plan to make your last meal before the c/s something special. Instead of feeling sad over not experiencing a vaginal birth, create the c/s experience you want. Do the whole "Life gives you lemons, make lemonade" thing. I know it's hard, but by dwelling on what you're missing, you will miss out on enjoying your son's birth.

I am not sure if I'll have a c section, but it's a possibility as baby is still breech. And I feel devastated and just like you- I feel like screaming every day, I'm so mad. But I spoke with a friend the other day who told me that for control freaks like me, I might really have a positive experience, LOL. I can plan the exact day for MIL to come, get my hair, nails etc done so that I won't have to go back for a while, house will be all ready, dogs bathed, fridge stocked, etc. Plus, even though I had a wonderful natural birth with DS, I was really exhausted after a long night of labor and then they handed me a newborn. In this case I will be well-rested going in.

So I guess my only advice is what PP said, find all the positives you can about this situation. Perhaps you can change some of the things that didn't go well for you last time? Have you thought about trying placenta encapsulation for PPD? Can you arrange to have more help this time so you can recover easier? Can you do skin-to-skin immediately after they take baby out, and nurse right away? I don't know much about how it works w c sections, but I think with my hospital they encourage this even with c section mamas.

Mrs. Alice · January 2012

Sorry I don't have much advice, but just wanted to say I love your name! I have an Owen James myself Wink

P.S.10 · January 2012

I'm facing a c-section, also, and I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. I'm terrified of having a c-section, and I don't want this at all. I hada vaginal birth with DD, and had such a wonderful experience; it's really upsetting that I won't get to experience that ever again (no hospitals in my area do VBACs, so that won't even be an option for me in the future). I don't have any advice to offer, but I sympathize. I'm trying to remember the positives but I just can't shake this disappointment and fear over having a c-section. It's so hard.

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