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3rd Trimester
Just had my baby shower and barely got anything we need from the registry!
I just had my baby shower yesterday and received maybe 2 gifts from the registry. I got a lot of gifts that I have no use for and no receipts to return them. I don't know where everything came from to return them so it looks like I'll have to check out every baby store in town to figure out if they will take them. I know this sounds ridiculous that I'm so upset about this but now I'm stressed because there is so much we still need for the baby! Did anybody else have this problem??
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Re: Just had my baby shower and barely got anything we need from the registry!
You can check out the websites of most stores and see what brands/items they carry. Certain brands are only available at one specific store, so save yourself the hassle of actually going in to every store by narrowing down your options. You can also call stores or visit their websites to see what their return policy is on items without a receipt to save yourself the time of going to a store that won't take a return.
Sorry that you didn't get the things you needed! Keep in mind, though, that nobody owed you a gift at all, so everything you got was more than you would've gotten if you hadn't had a shower.
Yeah, everything I have off my registry I bought or my mom bought. My MIL keeps buying sh!tty items on clearance or dollar section stuff that you cant sterilize withought ruining it or its such crappy quality its never something I would use for my baby. Everyone else just buys clothes, which we now have an over abundance of.
What is the point of registering anymore if no one even cares enough about you to see what you asked for. In my opinion thats what it comes down to. Baby showers are a waste of time but they are obligated to come so they just run to a store or wrap something they already had and dont give two sh!ts.
That happened to me last time too, almost no one purchased off the registry and I got a lot of stuff I didn't need or care for. Fortunately my Mom, sister, Grandma, and MIL bought some of the big ticket items, but I had to buy almost everything else myself. The part that bugged me the most was that I received a few things that were similar to items I registered for, but not the exact thing, like a Leachco pillow instead of a Boppy or an Infantino carrier instead of the Moby. I picked those for a reason, so why not buy the one I wanted, KWIM?
I was kind of hormonal and irrationally pissed at the time, but it is what it is. You just have to be grateful for what you got, return what you can, and have fun shopping.
med-free birth x2, breastfeeding, baby wearing SAHM
My BFP Chart
The problem is not your generous friends and family who had the gall to buy you things outside of your registry, the problem is that you relied on your shower for the stuff you needed...
Edited out unneccessay snark.
That stinks.
Bright side is, most places will give you a discount on whatever was not purchased on your registry. Babies R Us is 15% off.
Good luck!
Together - 11/9/08
Married - 7/10/10
Nt/Np - 1/14/11
BFP! - 5/20/11 EDD - 1/25/12
It's a girl! - 9/7/11
A family of 3 - 2/2/12
Nt/Np - 4/15/12
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BFP! - 10/25/13 EDD - 7/1/14
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I don't think that we RELY on the shower, but rather that we specifically don't go ahead and buy all the stuff because it's in good taste to have a number of things on your registry (at various price ranges) for guests to be able to purchase. It is somewhat frustrating to find yourself after the shower, with very little time left (and very pregnant) having to buy all that stuff. Not to mention that it's unlikely you'll be able to find really good sale prices on all of it.
I know I'm a minority opinion in this (and I feel the same way with Christmas), but I feel that, if people refuse to buy you the things you've indicated that you want (and instead buy you things that you have no need of or specifically said you don't want) then they're not being generous, they're being selfish because they're making the gift about them and not about you. I'd rather not get a gift then go through the hassle of figuring out what to do with an unwanted item after the fact. It's not very nice to make someone go through that.
I think it really depends on your family/group of friends. With mine, they stick to the registries and will go in together on big ticket items. So, it would be shocking to receive so many things off the registry.
FWIW, Walmart is pretty good about giving gift cards for items returned that can be used to purchase items you need. I feel like they sell everything there too. HTH
Really? Come on. Can't a girl just get on the board and vent a bit. I am sure that I will be frustrated if that happens to me and would love a place to go to with a lot of other pregnant women to vent to. That doesn't mean I won't say thank you for everything and send out thank you cards to everyone who was kind enough to come to my shower and buy me a gift. I am going to assume the best and that she is going to do the same.
Let's just throw the girl a bone.
That really sucks, but when it comes down to it, you really can't/shouldn't rely on other people. You expect to get things off your registry and then when you find out no one bought you what you need, you end up disappointed. This is why I made sure to buy all big ticket items myself. I know it's no ones responsibility to get us things off the registry, but I sure didn't want to be disappointed or stressed a few weeks before delivering. There are a few mid-priced items on my registry just in case people are feeling particularly generous (bouncy seat, rock n play sleeper), but we can easily get that stuff after the shower, or even after LO gets here.
It'll be okay though. Take a deep breath and make hubby go shopping with you so you guys can just be done with it.
Anything you don't want, need, or don't have room for, you can donate, sell on craigslist (although you might not want to go through the trouble being so close to delivering), or return to the store (for those few things you can return). And of course you still get your completion discount, which is nice. You guys will have what you need before the baby comes.
I have to disagree with the first part of your post. Yes, most women (especially moms) will know the basic needs of a baby, but they don't know what you already have, what you still need, and personal choices you're making. I know that babies need diapers. But if you're planning to use cloth diapers and already have a lot of them, and I buy you disposables, that's not helpful. Ditto for if I buy you 20 bottles and you're exclusively breast feeding. The point of the registry is so that the mom doesn't end up with 100 receiving blankets and not a single bib.
If people want to buy you an outfit or a cute blanket or some item that's not well known but that they found to be a lifesaver with their own baby, I think that's fine. But the attitude of "I know what you need better than you do" can end up in giving the mom-to-be gifts that she doesn't need, already has, or won't use.
For example, for my bridal shower, I didn't register for a crock pot because I already had one. At my shower, I got FOUR crock pots from people who said "I didn't see it on your registry, but you really need one of these." It's not that I didn't know I needed it, it's that I HAD one. Ditto with baby registries. They're necessary so that you don't end up with 14 of the same thing.
PhysChic, I'm with you on this one. And I'm super nervous about my shower. DH and I have most of our big items already because my family/friends STINK at sticking to a registry. I had a nightmare on my hands when we got married. And there is NO WAY I'm going through that crap again when I'm almost due. And this time it isn't about stupid china or crystal or mixers. It's the things my baby needs! I'll buy a lot of the smaller items myself between now and then and keep my own receipts. If I happen to get something useful, great! I'll return what I had previously purchased.
And I don't think it has anything to do with being ungrateful either. It's just common decency. A lot of times people forget what a gift is all about - the person you're buying it for! Get them what they ask for or what they need. Especially if they take the time to make out a detailed list for you! Otherwise, stick to a giftcard or just nothing at all. Making a new bride or a new mom's life harder is NOT a gift... Every family/set of friends is different. You just have to learn how to deal with them and what makes life easiest on your and your LO.
Good luck!!
Wow, this thread is just really...not how I think. I know that technically, the purpose of the shower is gifts, but to me they have become more about celebrating the new family. On my shower invites I specifically said no gifts are necessary, used items are much appreciated, and if you want to buy something new, here is my registry. I got a few things off my registry, a lot of things that I didn't register for but love anyway, a few things I truly don't need...but I had a fantastic time celebrating with my friends and I went home feeling that I and my baby are loved. I can't imagine going into it thinking that it would be the source of most of my baby gear, and being disappointed when it wasn't!
I know that most people really do view it as a chance to get gifts, and that's fine, but it does seem ungrateful (and unprepared) to be MAD that people chose to get other things. The OP wasn't even that bad but some of the responses...whew. Just glad my circle of friends is different.
My sympathies! I hate it when that happens. People bought me duplicate items for my wedding and baby shower because they either bought the items off my registry from another store or they were too lazy to mark it as "purchased" on the registry. We also got some gifts that we won't use.
Thankfully, I registered at Target and so long as I printed out my purchase log (you do this in-store) and they carried the item, they took the item back and gave me a full credit for the item in the form of a gift card. If you registered at Target, you can try this out and see if it works. Good luck!
not to sound snarky, but why would you depend on others to buy the things that you need for your baby? i mean i get that it would have been nice for them to pick off of your registry, but it's only a buying guide, not mandatory for your guests. not sure how you intended it to sound, but your post is coming off really ungrateful and tacky. the ppl who did attend and buy things took time out of their lives and money out of their wallets to focus on you and your baby.
my attitude about my shower is that we are prepared to buy all of the things that our baby needs, if people buy some of those things than great, it lightens the load for us. in no way will i be disappointed with any of my gifts.
do you feel the same way about your christmas list or birthday list? why would a baby list be any different.
I agree that you should be prepared to buy things for your own baby (and be able to do so), and in my original response, I did say that nobody owes you a shower gift.
On the other hand, I have to say that I started buying inexpensive stuff for baby over the summer, and some people gave me a hard time for it. DH and I bought a crib and a a stroller/car seat travel system on really good sales, and then I went to garage sales and got a bunch of gender neutral clothes and a Bumbo seat and carrier. I also got a bedding set on clearance. Some of my friends started giving me a hard time and saying things like, "What are we going to buy you for your shower if you keep buying everything yourself?" and "You need to stop buying things so that you have stuff to put on your registry!!" I think that if those same friends were to buy me things that weren't on my registry, I'd still be thankful for the gifts, but I'd wonder why they insisted I stop buying things I needed if they weren't planning to get any of them.
It does kind of put you in an awkward position, because you feel like you either need to continue buying things as they go on sale as if you won't get any gifts and then have nothing on your registry, or buy nothing and then be prepared to buy everything at the last minute.
Wow, I don't think this way at all. Just donate the "unwanted gifts" to Goodwill and let them have a good home. "Just venting" or not, your attitude is terrible.
yeah, i was having the exact same problem. i've tried to buy my car seat and stroller twice and both times my mom has told me not to. friends and girls at work are all saying to wait for my shower. so i do get that. i am now in the process of deciding if i should just buy the stuff myself (so i can relax) and return it if i get the same things at my shower or wait until after my shower.
at first i was worried about my shower being so late, not until Jan 28th, and running out of time to get the stuff i didn't get and then i realized that in the grand scheme of things it's not really the end of the world. all of my registry items are online since i live in the country and only have walmart here. with a few clicks my items can magically arrive at my house.
I'm not even going to touch on the gift-grubbing attitude issue, but I will say this... newborns require VERY little. You need to feed them, change their diapers/keep them clean, put some clothes on them, give them a safe place to sleep and have a car seat. Pretty much everything else is a luxury or a convenience.
So, if your shower was close to your due date and you didn't get your bouncy seat or stroller or whatever else you registered for, you can either buy it yourself or do without it. It's not the end of the world.
And before you assume you got a bunch of crap you can't use, sit tight. Maybe in some cases the people coming to your shower and buying you gifts know something you don't...
It may come off like a terrible attitude to you (as I said, I definitely understand that most people do not share my school of thought), but I do find it somewhat disrespectful when someone completely disregards the desires of the giftee. I'm not talking about little things (like buying pacifiers that are a different brand), but rather about the big things. The gifts can be donated, but it's still a waste of money and, since I'm still rather tight on funds, it bugs me when any money is wasted, even when it's not my own. For example, my MIL and mom know not to buy me any diapers unless they can get a better deal than I get with my Amazon Mom subscriptions--I'd rather spend my own money than have the money be wasted.
I believe that "It's the thought that counts" means that I should really be thinking about what the giftee wants and not what I think they should have.
I registered at BRU and with some of the stuff that I got but didn't need I was able to add it to my registry, mark it as purchased, and then return it with no hassle at all (they might have taken it back anyway, I have no idea). While I appreciated the thought and effort that people put into my gifts, we live in a two bedroom condo and are having twins - we just don't have room for a lot of extras. And I couldn't care less if someone bought us a different pacifier then what we registered for, I don't care about brands or designs. If it was in the spirit of something we registered for we kept it, if not and we had no room for it we returned it or donated it.
Not that this helps you now, but for other people who haven't had showers yet whenever I or my mom bought a common baby item ahead of time (like a Boppy, diaper pail, etc) I put it on my registry and marked it as purchased. Like PP said, sometimes people will see that you don't have something on there and think its because you didn't know or forgot it, when in reality it's because you already have it. This could help you avoid some of that. Also, if you see good deals on stuff and it's close to your shower just buy it, keep the receipt, and return it if you end up getting it at your shower.
Selfish? Yikes. Your issues are much to big to be dealt with on a message board.. Like a pp said, donate. There are many families out there that would be extremely pleased to take your cast offs and would likely be very appreciative of the hassle you went through to get it to them.
Yeah, God forbid somebody didn't trudge out to the place you were registered and get something off the list. I get that what you're saying is that you'd just rather not have gifts at all, but what a pompous attitude to have toward people that obviously care enough about you and your baby to spend their time and money coming to your shower and bringing a gift, regardless if you think it's useful or not.
ETA: And have you thought that people might have trouble getting out to get you something? The place I'm registered at is about 20-30 minutes from my house, and I don't expect everyone to drive all the way out there. Maybe their funds are tight, too.
This!! I totally agree, I've been told to "stop buying thing" because what will we get you sort of thing? And my shower is 3 weeks prior to my due date! We have money set aside if we don't get what we need and I plan on getting most of the stuff I still need f/ Amazon. Since I am registered at Amazon Moms I will get free 2 day shipping on most baby stuff. So I can get stuff "in a hurry" if need be. And I can also use my 10% completion coupon on a lot of the items I registered for at Amazon. But I would LOVE for everything to be ready now of course! It just didn't work out timing wise!
I like this!! I am excited to get gifts that I didn't register for but other mom's found it necessary!
I agree. I asked not to have a shower and it's funny how in the end I seem like the bad guy. I really don't want people to waste their money or my time.