Need Reality Check - PB sandwiches at a kids party

ndluvsrk · January 2012

Hi, I'm new to this board.

My DS2 is 2.5 and he has a peanut allergy.

We went to a birthday party last week-end and I was shocked to see a plate of peanut butter sandwiches sitting on the food table where any toddler could reach them.

I understand that people who don't have to worry about the nut allergy issue might not see why this was such a shock to me, but I (naively) thought that there was enough awareness out there about how dangerous a nut allergy can be.

Am I wrong about this?

I'm having a hard time accepting that the party hosts did not consider that out of all the kids there, at least one could possibly have a nut allergy.

I'm really more upset that I was too stunned to address the issue and raise the level of awareness. I still plan on saying something to the mother of the
birthday girl when I see her next, but I wanted to post about this to see if I'm being unreasonable.

I know and understand that my DH and I have to be our child's best advocate, but is it too much to ask for other parents to help and be aware? There is obviously a reason that most daycares/pre-schools are a nut-free environment (at least in our area).

Would you have been surprised/upset?

ETA: Sorry this is so long!

Bella_S · January 2012

I don't think one can ever assume (unfortunately) that people are aware of allergies. I always let people know that my kids cannot have dairy and I always make sure that I bring a "back up" snack for them in case there isn't anything that they can eat.

If you mention it to her, she might just feel bad. Next time you are going to a party, I would make sure they know about the allergy. Most people are very considerate, especially if they knew it was a peanut allergy since it seems to be one of the only ones that are taken seriously. GL!

EastCoastBride · January 2012

My thoughts go in a few different directions.

I will say on the PB front - of ANY food allergy out there, that is the one that is the most prevalent, and it's also one where some children can't even be around PB because inhaling the air can affect them.

so on that front, I totally get where you're coming from.

However, due to a few events in my life, it's become VERY clear to me that until someone has to personally deal w/ an issue, the majority of people out there simply don't "get it". It's not on their radar. And I don't know that I can fault "people" for this.

Using allergies as an example - these days, there are SO many allergies. My DS can't have anything w/ wheat or gluten. There are kids w/ dairy allergies. The list goes on. Do we all now have to throw parties where NONE of these allergens are there? It would get to a point where it's impossible.

That's why I personally never expect people to take into account every other possible persons issue in any facet of life.

Now, all that being said - how severe is your LO's allergy? If it's going into shock severe, I would find a way to say something. And in the future, alert other moms before any other parties. But if it's not- if it's more of a "he'll have a bad reaction, but he'll be fine", I actually don't know that I'd say anything.

DS can't eat wheat or gluten, but if he does, the only thing that will happen is that he'll get sick a few hours later but will ultimately be fine. As such, I never expect people to not have any items w/ wheat or gluten in them.

But if it were a life-threatening issue.... well, as you said, you have to be your childs advocate.

HazelBee22 · January 2012

Unfortunately most people don't even think about it unless it is something that directly affects them.

The argument of why peanuts but not gluten/wheat/dairy/eggs etc doesn't really hold too much water. Peanut allergies can be so much more volatile and just the presence of the peanut can be enough to trigger a reaction. I'm sure there are folks that would have a reaction to being near a cake with dairy, but it isn't nearly as common (if possible at all).

The one that I find the funniest is that a lot of people have no idea how different peanuts and tree nuts really are. I am allergic to tree nuts but peanuts are fine. I would say that 9 out of 10 people need for me to define the difference and explain why it is ok for me to eat a Reese's cup but I can't have Nutella. Funny, yet pretty telling of how little awareness there still is out there.

soon2Bkranz · January 2012

My daughter has celiacs. I certainly do not think it is anywhere near the same as a peanut allergy. Not even close. But honestly I think you can't expect people not to have peanuts unless you expressly tell them ahead of time that your child with a severe allergy will be there.

livinitup · January 2012

I am well aware of it. And I would never serve peanut butter sandwiches at a child's birthday party. That one seems kinda obvious. When the real danger of a peanut allergy is a sneaky trace of it in an odd place (like a trace element on an ingredient list) it makes me want to smash windows with a hammer when someone does something like that.

Yes, educate, but no, don't expect people to "get it". Some parents even get angry that their "rights" to feed their child anything they want gets violated. Since the reaction could be mild to severe, they just assume every cautious parent to be a nut (- hah, pun intended).

Anyway, our preschool took a school trip to the local nature preserve. Snacks were provided but one of the moms bought her kid a packet of peanuts from the gift shop. Guess where she sat her kid to eat them, yup, right next to the kid who had a peanut allergy. Teacher had to say something and the mom was all like "what? oh I didn't think about it, sorry, blah, blah."

MoFree · January 2012

Maybe this is not what you want to hear but it is unreasonable to expect the world to kowtow to your chikd's allergies.

soon2Bkranz · January 2012

Thought of this post tonight. I went to a party at a little gym/gymboree type of place. It was a private after hours party and nobody had a nut allergy in our group. But the parents served nuts. So potentially nut dust etc...got on all the equipment...Just food for thought about also knowing what happens after hours..

thumper57 · January 2012

when I used to attend playdates with a mom's group I found online, I would still peanut butter desserts and trail mix on the table all the time. Fortunately for us, none of us are allergic, but I was surprised.

aniceucchik · January 2012

No, i wouldnt have been surprised or upset at all. No one really thinks about food allergies, unless you experience them first hand or deal with them on a daily basis. Unless you told the host that your DS has an allergy and that it would be nice if that item was avoided, then the person would have no idea.

Even at my MILs Christmas dinner she had all kinds of stuff out, cheeses, cakes with nuts, etc all over the kitchen, and they all know about DS, she didnt care. No one else cares or even thinks about it, YOU have to be on the watch all the time and NEVER rely on anyone else.

jrrs · January 2012

I can say im not surprised but still find it inappropriate. My son has peanut and tree nut allergies. My coworkers know about it because i worked there when we went through the allergic reaction and subsequent testing. Fast foward a year and my youngest and a coworkers youngest are a week apart. His wife is one of those perfect, helicopter mommies. Reads all the books, researchs everything, has an opinion on everything. And works at a hospital. We attend their son's birthday party and there are pb sandwiches there. Now this is a mom who doesnt want to give pb before age two because that is what the books say, they know my son has a peanut allergy and their goddaughter has a peanut allergy. So why in the world she served them is beyond me. I spoke to my coworker later. They were of the belief that the allergic kids just shouldnt eat them. I explained why toddlers covered with pb on their hands wasnt the best idea for my older son or their goddaughter. Not to mention this what at a party room in the children's museum. Peanut hands touching all of the equipment in the children's museum. Now im not an overly paranoid mom and dont ask for a lot of concessions to be made for my son. But even that was too much for me. I really exoected this family to "get it" just. Little more than they did.

shelbeans82 · January 2012

I think that people who don't have to deal with food allergies within their own family/close friends are probably not aware.

I would definitely talk to her about it

good luck!

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