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June 2012 Moms
hollyg1920
member
what nobody tells you-labor and delivery edition
hollyg1920
member
I thought it might be helpful to start a thread where moms who have delivered can share things that nobody tells you about labor and where FTM can ask questions. Hopefully we can share some insight, aha moments and some laughter
This discussion has been closed.
Re: what nobody tells you-labor and delivery edition
my experiences....the pain completely disappears once you push the baby out, you can make it!
poop happens and you really wont care or notice
when its time you will know! i always feared i wouldnt realize it was time to push. believe me you will have no option but to push, it sort of becomes involuntary
you cant plan anything. i planned and had med free births but always imagined id be standing or rocking or something peaceful. in the moment i just did what docs said...lay down and push
men think birth is amazing. my husband kept refering to my vagina as a portal...still makes me laugh.
your husband will sithere and watch every contraction come and tel you even though you remind him you can feel them.
This! Men are funny...DH would tell me "here comes another contraction" and I really wanted to say "really, even though I am doubled over I hardly noticed...thanks for keeping me in the loop boo"
They just want to be helpful
Keep an open mind that what you want to happen may not be what happens.
Nursed without dairy, egg, soy, peanut, treenut, fish, shellfish or beef for over a year.
Currently tandem nursing dairy, egg, and shellfish free.
DS born via emergency c/s after 20 hrs of labor. DD successful VBAC!
Learning Liam
DS#1- 7/2002
DS#2- 6/2004
DS#3- 9/2007
Labor can be really boring. I had to be induced and I was honestly kind of bored the whole time. Especially after I received the epidural. I ended up chatting with my folks/DH, playing on the computer, napping and eating lots of popsicles.
I stopped dilating at 8 cm and ended up having to have a c-section, so that's when things got exciting!
Oh and regarding the epidural: not only does it prevent you from feeling labor pains, I didn't feel anything every time the doctor checked me. And I've heard that hurts pretty bad when you're in labor. More power to you ladies who went drug free, but I'm a complete wimp.
EDIT: I meant that labor can be boring if you have to be induced. I'm sure going into labor is awesomely exciting, but my LO was just too lazy. ;-)
I was WAY more swollen after giving birth than the end of my pregnancy (I retained water like crazy!). And this swelling may not go away for over a week... It sucked!
I felt like I had been hit by a truck the next day. Every muscle in my body was sore.
I second the mesh underwear/pad thing for the shower. It's crazy how much you bleed those first couple of days.
Invest in some super comfy, high-waisted granny panties, just in case. You're going to want full bum coverage anyways, but if you end up with an emerg c-section, the boycut panties are not your friend.
Your belly will look like a deflated balloon for a few days.
You will most likely throw up in labour. Take your own barf bag/bucket/whatever. The french-fry trays they give you at the hospital don't contain it; they just make a nice ramp for it to exit out the other side onto your unsuspecting husband.
If you KNOW you are in labour, don't let the nurses tell you differently and try to send you home. Trust your instincts.
Don't take everything into the labour room with you. Have a small bag just for labour and leave the rest in the car - your hubby can get it after baby is born. And pack your own pillow and pj's. You may stay in a hospital gown but it's nice to have the option to change into something comfy.
I suppose it's kind of post labor, but still wish I had known....
If you're milk is coming in quickly, you still might not be able to sleep on your stomach, maybe not even for quite a few weeks (or months!)
Shortly after I delivered DS the MW was massaging my uterus to help it contract and when she did it, she was wrist deep in mushy stomach flesh and a RIVER of blood and clots flowed outta me. It was so nasty and totally unexpected. DH and I both still count that as the most unexpected and nasty part of either delivery.
Embrace the mesh undies and ginormous hospital pads; you'll need'em.
Also always have your peri (squeeze) bottle filled with warm water and ready to go. I remember having little bladder control after DS and practically peeing myself while waiting for the cold water to go warm so I could fill my bottle so I could pee in relative comfort. Fill it and have it ready for next time after each trip to the toilet.
Your stomach will likely look like a giant, deflated, doughy pillow in those first couple days. It's not attractive, but it doesn't last.
The urge to push is undeniable. At least this was true in my case (2 natural births). But pushing effectively can take some practice. Don't hold back or be afraid to really bear down.
Should the time come and you poo while pushing you will neither notice nor care.
I know after surgery they usually make sure you've gone #2 to make sure everything's okay. Vag delivery - they never asked me. And I was sent home on Saturday. Finally, I pooped on Sunday and it was worse than having the baby. I actually clogged the toilet and was just too run down to fix it myself. Embarrassed, had to make DH fix it. (unless I did it during delivery, I looked back and realize it hadn't been since Tuesday that I'd gone #2.)
So my advice is to take some stool softeners.
I swear that's why my tailbone hurt the whole time I was in the hospital and at home the first couple days.
Even if you are planning on getting an epi, learn some breathing and coping tenichques. Sometimes they don't let you get them until you are a certain amount dilated, or they don't work. If something is wrong and yours doesn't work don't let them brush you off, insist on talking to the anesthesiologist and possibly getting it reset. You're not being difficult, you paid over a thousand dollars for that epi (or insurance will) so you're the customer.
Also, do a bit of research so you know what some of the possible side effects are. If you wait until you are in labor you won't hear them. Just mention it to your dr or ask when you take a birthing class. I'm not trying to scare anyone, I just encourage you to be an educated consumer.
We should also point out that everything can go pretty good or we just all do block out the bad because here we are, having babies again.
So FTMs, don't get too scared.
I was at the mall with my newborn like 5 days after I gave birth because I didn't know if I would breastfeed or not, so I had no nursing bras. Big mistake. Get at least one just in case before the baby comes. But I did feel pretty darn good already by that point (ignoring the swollen feet) and was wearing my regular jeans that day already.
It's true. I always tell people who are having a hard time (especially early on) that it must get better or no one would ever do it again.
Thank you for starting/replying to this thread. A bit of an eye opener - and exactly the kind of information I get frustrated about not being able to find when reading the books/sites/stories. Reading all of the replies did bring up a few questions (I did have more but pregnancy brain kicked in and I forget most of them).
Question(s): when did your water break?
Did you try breastfeeding as soon as the baby was born or wait? If you waited, how long?
Why is there so much blood? I take it having a pack of pads on hand for the homecoming would be ideal or is there so much blood that you need something more (or just more pads)? Are you able to pee normally or is that a bit messed up too?
Can you ask them to make the LO's belly button an 'innie' or do they just cut/tie off wherever and that is what you get?
Thank you, and please keep the replies coming. You have no idea how awesome this kind of honesty is.
EPI's don't always work. Mine only worked on half my body. But I was so ready to see my son that I blocked out the pain. I have no clue how cause I'm a big baby when I have my period.
I think the stitches hurt the most I felt every time she stuck the needle in and when I told her she would give me a shot and wouldn't let it kick in. This time I will scream and close my legs if they don't give me anything to help with the pain.
I had the catheter in my entire stay which was 5 days cause I had 4 degree tears and was beyond swollen down there. And if the nurse tells you they ran out of ice packs ask to speak to someone or call your doctor. Yes I had nurses tell me they ran out and forgot to give me my meds for 24 hours.
Did you try breastfeeding as soon as the baby was born or wait? If you waited, how long? I waited until I was in the room.
Why is there so much blood? I take it having a pack of pads on hand for the homecoming would be ideal or is there so much blood that you need something more (or just more pads)? Are you able to pee normally or is that a bit messed up too? Someone already answered but its cause your lining built up for 9 months.
Can you ask them to make the LO's belly button an 'innie' or do they just cut/tie off wherever and that is what you get? You get what you get.
I had diarrhea and no appetite the day I went into labor... pooping was my main delivery fear. It felt like my body totally knew what it was doing to prepare me for the L&D.
I packed: My kindle, a few pillows, a blanket, baby blankets, a boppy, shower bag, slippers, robe, a few pairs of comfy house pants and some camisoles, a few nursing bras, my coming home outfit for babe, and an ipod docking station for music.
I sent DD to the nursery every night to get sleep and it was awesome. You don't have nurses to help at home, let them help when they can!!!
They will come wake you up for a feeding.
DS#1- 7/2002
DS#2- 6/2004
DS#3- 9/2007
My best advice is to stay positive and stay calm. Yes, labor is draining and hard and it hurts. But, it doesn't have to be the worst experience of your life. And, the bad stuff you hear horror stories about doesn't happen to everyone. I never threw up. I never pooped. I never screamed in agony. Labor was not the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I pushed for only 45 min, and was up walking less than 10 minutes after delivery. During labor, we looked at pictures, listened to music, and stayed as calm as possible. Keeping the lights off really helps keep things mellow. I recall saying, just after my son was born, "That wasn't bad at all." Seriously. Sometimes I think people (no one here specficially, just women in general) tend to over-dramatize some parts of labor and make it sound way more scary than it needs to be.
I sent DD to the nursery and asked that they bring her back just when it was time to nurse her. Between that and them coming in every 15 minutes it seemed to check you...I still didn't get any sleep!
Adding on to this, breastfeeding will also cause contractions and cause you to gush. Always change your pad BEFORE breastfeeding!
when did your water break?
The had to break it for me at the hospital. When I got there I was 8cm. They waited it out for a few hours before finally breaking it themselves.
Did you try breastfeeding as soon as the baby was born or wait? If you waited, how long?
After she was born, she was put on my bare chest, but we did not BF at that moment. They took her for her first bath and some tests. When they brought her to me a little later was when I fed her.
Why is there so much blood? I take it having a pack of pads on hand for the homecoming would be ideal or is there so much blood that you need something more (or just more pads)? Are you able to pee normally or is that a bit messed up too?
You haven't had a period for 9 months, it's got to come out eventually. They give you super pads and mesh panties. They are better than whatever you can bring from home. I used the super pades for 2 days then they had some smaller ones (I used as much free stuff as I could). For home use, I had Always Infinity pads. They're really thin and flexible, but super absorbent.
They made me go pee before I was allowed to leave L&D to go to my recovery room. It took a while to get the pee sensation to come back, but I did have a LOT of stitches down there, so that could've had something to do with it.
A few more thoughts from me (I'm in reflection mode today since my son's first birthday is tomorrow):
-- The post partum poop can hurt so take your stool softeners! And don't eat too much dairy because it can clog you up. TMI ALERT: I had cheese quesadillas for two meals after I delivered and my first poop didn't happen until 2 days after having LO and it was worse than childbirth. We actually had a nurse sit with me and talk me through the poop. I'm SHOCKED I didn't tear my butt.
-- Do not consider yourself a failure if you plan to exclusively breastfeed but something happens and you cannot. I had LO on a Wednesday but my milk didn't come in until the following Monday. My LO got jaundiced so they had to give him formula in the hospital to flush out the billirubin. I was sad, but it was the best thing to do for my baby.
-- I agree with sending the baby to the nursery at night, but be prepared that you will still be woken up every few hours by nurses taking your blood pressure and giving you meds.
-- Bring a pair of loose fitting yoga pants or sweat pants and a tank top/t-shirt. I was so sick of that stupid hospital gown by day 2.
-- It's okay if you have to have a c-section/meds/etc... As PPs have said, you have to be flexible with your planning because you don't know how your body is going to handle labor/delivery. It does not mean you are a failure/bad mom/horrible person!
-- If you have a c-section, they will make you stand up and walk a little bit the next day. Don't fight the nurses on this, do it! It will be hard but it gets easier once you do it one time. And keep a pillow handy for when you have to sneeze (you'll push down on your scar area to keep the pain to a minimum).
I will not be sending this baby to the nursery this time. I nursed and had to get up to do that anyways. Then when we got home it seemed more of an adjustment at nightime for us to do everything. I would get very high briefs in case you have a c/s. You will need them. I also wore DH's pajama pants because they were big on me and I could wear them above my incesion. Take your meds to stay on top of the pain if c/s birth. Every momma I talk to thought they felt fine and stopped meds only to figure out they felt good because of the pain meds. Also stool softeners are your friend.
My main advice is to speak up for what you want. Be your own advocate. Looking back there are so many things in that hospital I would have done differently last time. Mostly nursing...I had DD at 7am and didn't feed her til 9pm. We had so many visitors and none of my nurses was came in to help me. My lactation consultant didn't come til Friday (gave birth on Tuesday). I was so drugged up from surgery and being on the high of having my daughter that I didn't even think about her eating until that night so I called in the nurse. If you want to nurse, and no one is helping you then ask for it. If it's time to eat kick every visitor out and try to breastfeed (if that's what you choose to do) This time we aren't even telling most people the baby is born til the day after so we can have time to ourselves and baby and I can get the hang of nursing right away.
i had an unplanned c-section after 15 hrs of labor (i stalled at 7cm and had a fever so they weren't comfortable leaving baby in any longer). but i didn't know much about a c-section at ALL. so here's a few things.
-they strap your arms down which could freak some people out....at that point i was so ready to get the baby out i barely thought about it
-after the baby is out they flip you up sideways to clean you up or do something and i thought i was going to fall off the table but they were holding me
-during my c-section i think i kinda went into shock or something and started shaking like crazy. the anesthesiologist who was seated by my head wound up massaging my jaw because it was chattering SOOOO hard
-i've heard you will probably throw up but shockingly i never did (and i'm a puker)
-i thought i was swollen at the end of my pregnancy but after all of the fluids and surgery i was way extra swollen in the days after birth. my pics look ridiculous i was so puffy. but it all went down in a week or so
-the first night i had to sleep with my calves/legs in a thing that forced circulation while my anesthesia wore off
-when i was in earlier labor (before i knew it would be a c-section) they broke my water and even though i couldn't see it, my DH said it looked like nasty green/brown swamp water because there was meconium in it (meaning DS was pooping and in distress). i didn't expect this and DH still talks about how gross it looked and how happy he was my water didn't break in our bed
-you will NOT care who sees you naked. in the days at the hospital after birth learning to BF etc i swear even the garbage guy and the person bringing me my lunch saw me fully topless and i didn't care
-one pp mentioned, i had forgotten, how much it hurts to sneeze when you have a c-section scar....hold tight
-my scar was totally numb for almost a year. the pain was gone, but if i touched it i barely felt it. my doc said it's because they sever the nerves and they have to regerate. now 2.5 years later my scar is barely noticable and fine....but i'm potentially about to get it done again so....
-for me, L&D sucked, recovery sucked, but obviously i got over it and am doing it again. i'm totally freaked out, but at least i have some idea what i'm getting myself into. hopefully these details just help prepare someone rather than freak them out further! i promise, in the moment your #1 priority is the baby and you're so excited and they're so cute that really you get over all this craziness. it's short lived in the big picture
frozen transfer a success! boy #2 via VBAC
thought of a few more...
-i agree with sending baby to the nursery to sleep. they bring them back to nurse, and they're checking on you constantly anyway. but even 1 hr of uninterrupted sleep is a virtue at that point (and newborns are noisy!)
-definitely take the pain meds on schedule. and don't do too much too soon. every time i did too much i bled more and felt worse. take it slow!
-i'd avoid committing to anything or anyone visiting. i didn't want anyone there-and i was in the hospital for 5 days! granted i had a super rough delivery, but other than my parents stopping by for 10 min each time i was NOT up for seeing anyone
-i think it's from open abdominal surgery, but i had tons of air/gas rumbling around in my stomach but no stomach muscles to help push it out! going #2 was not fun/easy (i cant' even imagine if the baby had come out that way-ouch) but the gas pushing around in my abdomen made me feel like there was still a baby in there pushing around. that was weird and painful! my doctor said to walk the hall standing very straight up and it would help move it around. it still took a few days.
-in the first few days home i was happy to have the pad on not only for the crazy bleeding (it still is major bleeding even with a c-section) but also because i'd be walking to the bathroom to pee and it would just start coming out! all your muscles are so loose and stretched sometimes pee would just fall out. that got better very quickly too....but that was interesting sometimes
frozen transfer a success! boy #2 via VBAC
Lots of luck to my Golden Girls
personally i think when you're in the moment with all of this, no matter what happens you just need to roll with the punches. it's all part of the experience and you'll feel better every day and every week brings amazing recovery changes and improvements. and of course it's all worth it when you have your baby in your arms
frozen transfer a success! boy #2 via VBAC
If your water breaks at home/on it's own (and from what I've read and heard, it's not all that common for this to happen?) it's a WEIRD sensation like you're slowly peeing and you can't hold it in. It also has it's very own odour, so you'll know what it is.
The actual bursting sensation was weird too...it was like I had a balloon popped in my crotch.
claudia poirier
Little Dude: 16 Apr. 2009 | Little Doll: 10 Jun. 2012
With both, my water didn't break until I was in active labour. I didn't even know with the first one because I was labouring in the hospital shower so it just washed down the drain. With the second, my OB broke my water to help DD descend.
I BF'd DD1 right away. DD2 was in the NICU and had to wait about 6 hours before I could nurse her.
9 months of no period adds up. The pads they give you at the hospital are about as long as your torso (seriously). They'll probably send you home with a few and you'll need them for about 2-3 days after delivery (day 1 is the worst and quickly diminishes). After that, super absorbancy pads are fine. Oh and try to snag a few of the hospital mesh panties to take home.
You have no choice on LO's belly button. And in some cases, baby gets a herniated umbilica which results in a droopy outtie. It normally corrects itself by the time their toddlers-pre kindergarten.
Do you know why they strap your arms down?
Remembering Robby
i think so you don't move if you panic. they are performing surgery on an awake person--i could see how it would not be good if you started flailing around!
another point about a c-section--you can't feel what they are doing, but there is a LOT of movement and pressure. you feel your body getting tugged around. that was the creepiest part. it is a very out of body experience!
frozen transfer a success! boy #2 via VBAC
Wow, these are all very helpful! I wish there was someway to make this a permanent post up top or something! I need this in about 5 months when I'm about the head to L&D! I'm afraid I'm going to forget it all!