My husband is getting orders six weeks after the baby is born (Air Force). I am already having to accept the fact that we're moving our family (again) but this time across the country. We've moved four times in our short three and a half year marriage. But, this time is different because I've never lived more than an hour and a half away from my family.
The only upside to the move was this big, beautiful, brand new house we were supposed to get. Two stories, officer grade home. Welp. SURPRISE! We're no longer getting that. No, instead they're telling us our ONLY option is a 1000sqft apartment. Our bedroom (the master) will be 12x12. WTH!!!!!!!! Our living area will be 15x15 including the dining room and no one can tell me if there is a washer/dryer hookup.
We live in a 1300sqft townhouse now that we are dying to get out of because we already can't figure out how we're going to fit another person in here. And the best part you ask? My husband said to suck it up because the other wives haven't b!tched about it and I need to just deal with it. Awesome, hubby. Aren't you just husband of the year!?
Oh and more surprises, I just called this place to set up an apartment for March. HA! She said that they don't have any three bedrooms and actually have a waitlist. She can only guarantee us a two bedroom ONE bath apartment. I am not trying to sound like a b!tch but I have ZERO idea how one bathroom would working seeing as we have three now. Maybe I am spoiled, idk. Thanks for letting me vent, it helps me not say mean things to DH. lol
Re: So frustrated. Don't know how to deal with being a military family anymore.
We've tried everywhere in a 40 mile radius. There is no other place off post. This place has a waitlist because it is the only place off base. Base housing isn't currently available. We'll def. keep looking though!!
BFP 2/25/09
HCG 3/6=518 3/8=1230
1st Ultrasound 3/18 FHR=103
2nd U/S 3/20 FHR=118!!
3rd U/S 4/1 FHR=169
BIG U/S 5/22=IT'S A BOY! FHR-148
DS Born October 30, 2009
BFP 5/27/11 Stick baby, stick!
HCG 5/31=140 P=9 HCG 6/2=292 P=11
1ST Ultrasound 6/15 FHR=109!!
U/S 8/18=IT'S A BOY! FHR-141
CJ 05/29/2013
What does officer grade home mean? And I would have to be whining a lot for my H to tell me to stop. Maybe cut him a break too? It's not his fault.
If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?
Well....while I do understand where you're coming from, no I didn't anticipate this. When I married DH, he is in the Air National Guard and told me no moves, no deployments. This PCS is volunteer, as was his deployment last year. I didn't sign up for this. I am a home town girl. I've already moved four times. I'm done and he knows it. This will be the last time. I respect the women that do this all of the time. But, this is not me.
BFP 2/25/09
HCG 3/6=518 3/8=1230
1st Ultrasound 3/18 FHR=103
2nd U/S 3/20 FHR=118!!
3rd U/S 4/1 FHR=169
BIG U/S 5/22=IT'S A BOY! FHR-148
DS Born October 30, 2009
BFP 5/27/11 Stick baby, stick!
HCG 5/31=140 P=9 HCG 6/2=292 P=11
1ST Ultrasound 6/15 FHR=109!!
U/S 8/18=IT'S A BOY! FHR-141
What base are you moving to?
Aside from the housing issue moving away from family can be a good thing. It can bring you and your husband closer beings that you will only really have eachother.
The hell no I wouldn't be on board with this kind of moving schedule if my H was in the Guard. What the effing eff is the logic behind all of your relocations? And frankly, if housing in your new area is that difficult to find (please do share where you're moving to if you can--there are women all over the place on this board, and someone may be able to help you find something ASAP) then I think Smudge's advice about having a long-distance marriage for awhile is right on the money.
Oh, and I would absolutely be throwing down the divorce card if my H was pulling this kind of crap. He wants to move all over the country on a voluntary basis, fine, but no way no how would I put myself or my children through those kinds of rapid moves.
IMO, there are pros and cons to being Air/National Guard (versus active duty). (A con is being removed from big military supports, especially during deployments.). A pro is not having to move frequently. OP, it sounds like your DH is taking advantage of your support.
Good luck. I hope you are able to work things out. I also hope that your DH recognizes that y'all are a team and decisions need to be made as such. Keep us posted.
Thank you, I was starting to think maybe I'm an awful wife for feeling so crappy about this. We're headed to Goodfellow AFB. If I understood the logic behind any of this, I would tell you. He is supposed to be one weekend a month, two weeks over the summer. He was supposed to let them pay for school (graduated in 10') and then get out this coming January. The plans change all of the freaking time and I am so over it. He's done nothing with his degree. He was raised that the man makes all of the decisions, and he throws it in my face that I am a stay-at-home mom and I have no say. I love my husband, but he never considers what is best for me or the kids.
BFP 2/25/09
HCG 3/6=518 3/8=1230
1st Ultrasound 3/18 FHR=103
2nd U/S 3/20 FHR=118!!
3rd U/S 4/1 FHR=169
BIG U/S 5/22=IT'S A BOY! FHR-148
DS Born October 30, 2009
BFP 5/27/11 Stick baby, stick!
HCG 5/31=140 P=9 HCG 6/2=292 P=11
1ST Ultrasound 6/15 FHR=109!!
U/S 8/18=IT'S A BOY! FHR-141
Thank you very much, and you were completely justified in asking your question. I would think the same thing. I really hope we can figure this out!
BFP 2/25/09
HCG 3/6=518 3/8=1230
1st Ultrasound 3/18 FHR=103
2nd U/S 3/20 FHR=118!!
3rd U/S 4/1 FHR=169
BIG U/S 5/22=IT'S A BOY! FHR-148
DS Born October 30, 2009
BFP 5/27/11 Stick baby, stick!
HCG 5/31=140 P=9 HCG 6/2=292 P=11
1ST Ultrasound 6/15 FHR=109!!
U/S 8/18=IT'S A BOY! FHR-141
Before we kick him to the curb, WHY has he been moving so much and WHY has he taken the voluntary PCS?
The reality is, the ANG, like the Reserves DON'T make you move. That is the nature of the beast, specifically the guard...UNLESS there are specific reasons, such as Promotions without a slot to move into or the shut down / reorg of the particular base or he is cross-training.
I am just really curious why he has had to move around so much in a Service that, even for the Title 10s, rarely move around within the State (our Title 10 ANG neighbors have been in the same base for 8 years now).
Okay, if he's belittling you for being a SAHM (exactly how you'd go about working outside the home given these moves is a mystery to me, but moving on) and not considering the fact that his decisions have dramatic consequences for his family I'm going to go ahead and say that this isn't likely going to be your final move/change of plans as you indicated upthread. Why would he suddenly start caring about your feelings if he hasn't before now?
No one has mentioned counseling yet, so I will. No respectable husband and father behaves the way you've described, and you and your kids deserve more love and courtesy than you're getting.
Seriously check out AHRN.COM its only for military. I took the liberty of checking out goodfellow afb myself and there are several homes and duplex homes for rent within an o1 bah.
when i know we are about to pcs i get on ahrn and make a list of ones i like and contact the rental agent for more info. that way i have a quick and easy way to check out all the ones i like as soon as we get there and sign a lease agreement. we have pcsd three times now since our marriage and i have been able to find and move into a home within less than a week. we stay in tlf until then.
We are not reserves or guard so I'm not of much help in that area. However, with the housing situation in addition to AHRN.com there is also Militarybyowner.com which has the option of buying or renting.
Good luck
1. I would be annoyed with that much moving. Why have y'all been moving so much and why is he taking on assignments with out talking to you first?
2. There are 6 of us living in a 1300 sq ft house with 1 bathroom. It is possible.
BFP 2/25/09
HCG 3/6=518 3/8=1230
1st Ultrasound 3/18 FHR=103
2nd U/S 3/20 FHR=118!!
3rd U/S 4/1 FHR=169
BIG U/S 5/22=IT'S A BOY! FHR-148
DS Born October 30, 2009
BFP 5/27/11 Stick baby, stick!
HCG 5/31=140 P=9 HCG 6/2=292 P=11
1ST Ultrasound 6/15 FHR=109!!
U/S 8/18=IT'S A BOY! FHR-141
Have you ever considered that the reason he belittles you is because you "stand by him no matter how little he considers my feelings". Don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself. If you sit idly by knowing that it is wrong, I feel like you are kind of asking for what you get.
I am not saying that his "stone-age" attitude regarding head of the household duties is ok...but again, WHY has he done the things he has done? Are you honestly telling us that he has never once gave an explanation to his decisions for any of his moves? EVER?
I keep coming back to the fact that the ANG rarely requires moves within state and that moving out of state for one part time job (becuase the G&R is just that) is so terribly slim.
There just has to be more to this story.
And YOUR reactions, just seem to be so complacent. I would never ever make a move out of state without having some idea as to why I have to go. I would never let my husband belittle me for being a SAHM (he joked about it once and was firmly put in his place). And I would never allow myself to be put in such a dependent position, that I would HAVE to blindly go along.
You know you DO have recourse, right. If you don't want to move, then dont. Get a job.
And before you say "It's hard"...maybe that is the reason why your DH hasn't found one with the degree he has and is making these decisions about moving to another ANG squadron.
Again, if he really is being a douche and not talking to you about his decisions, then ficken him. No one should be treated as a third class citizen on their own home. But I really want to know why he is doing things that are so out of the ordinary.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but frankly, I agree with the other ladies-- you have a husband issue, not a military issue. It's insane that he won't compromise with you at all or discuss major life decisions with you. You're married, you're supposed to be a team and reach decisions together; it's not normal to have one person dictate the entire relationship like this.
I know you love your husband. I love mine too, and he's far from perfect. But I hope you realize how strange and abnormal it is to be in this type of marriage.
Hmmm...that's an interesting comment. I don't think you have a husband or military issue, I think you have some self-worth/esteem issues. A marriage is a partnership and each party deserves to be treated fairly. If you are OK with being treated like a doormat, why on earth are you complaining about your husband's behavior? You are an active agent in your happiness and your destiny. If you are willing to allow your husband to continue to behave this way then you're consenting to the lifestyle he's subjecting you to. Either do something different for different results, or suck it up and continue as you have been at your husband's whim- leaving all family and household decisions in his hands.
OP - DH went to Tech School at Goodfellow, so we were stationed there for about 5 months. (just left in May) Have you contacted the housing office for a list of apartments? It is a smaller city, so I know I had trouble finding housing online. Hubby physically got a packet from the housing office with a ton of options. Considering you're making officer pay, you shouldn't find a problem getting a place within BAH that has sufficient square footage for your family. Cost of living is so cheap there (and Texas in general)
If you have more specific questions, feel free to PM me.
No joke. The AF doesn't assign housing based on rank. It's based on the size of your family so nope you prob wouldn't be getting 3 bathrooms unlesss you were going to a super empty base. Hahaha you could have ended up at Cannon a few years back and had your house with 3 bathrooms...
Exactly! I'm getting so itchy because I've lived in one place for almost 5 years.
daniannharper-- I have a friend who rocked a move from overseas back to the States four weeks before her due date. You can totally do it, too!
I'm from San Angelo Texas which is where GAFB is located and while it is a very small town there are a lot of apartment, town houses, and home available for rent. The BAH might not be as much as your used to because the cost of loving in San Angelo is so low. I would suggest contacting a real estate agent for a town house or house available for rent if you want something larger than an apartment. There are a ton of places around the base plus the town is so small even if you live on the other side of it getting to base should never take more than 10 minutes!
I'm sorry to hear that your going through the military life style when it's not what you signed up for. My husband is currently stationed at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah Georgia so I'm very far from home and pregnant with my first child. All I want is tons of family around but in reality the only one I have is my husband. It's definitely hard and I can't imagine being roped into it unwillingly.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about GAFB or San Angelo. Texas is a great place to live and SA is very slow paced and laid back it also has some great new schools (Lamar Elementary). Also if you have the time Austin and other great cities are within reasonable driving areas.