To tell or not to tell....

blp0118 · December 2011

So who has told their friends/family/sisters/etc that they are actively TTC?

I feel like I 'word vomit' all the time, because I'm a talker and I just like to talk about everything. But sometimes I wish I hadn't said anything. Everyone is SO excited for us, and no one is being annoying or naggy... I'm just curious what other's thoughts are on this?

TGIF everyone & Happy New Year! Let's all get BFP in 2012!

KdgTeacher · December 2011

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

blp0118 · December 2011

KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

Some people need the support, I guess? Sometimes it's nice to have the people in your world know whats going on with you?

But I respect either decision, for sure, I was just curious.

MrsAshleyS · December 2011

My husband and I haven't told anyone. I don't want to hear everyone's opinions on if it's the right time or being constantly asked if I am. We probably won't tell anyone until we're far enough along in the pregnancy that it's safe.

KdgTeacher · December 2011

GhostMonkey:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

Why do I have to contradict you every time? LOL

I have seen people who regret not telling. I have seen people who regret telling.

You know your family and friends better than we do. I liked having their support and knowledge to not make moronic comments about just relaxing and whatnot. Some people are dense and will say that even if they know.

So yeah.

It keeps things interesting Wink

KdgTeacher · December 2011

blp0118:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

Some people need the support, I guess? Sometimes it's nice to have the people in your world know whats going on with you?

But I respect either decision, for sure, I was just curious.

Huh? I'm not denying that. Silly me, you asked for thoughts in your OP and I shared mine.

Emily&Chad · December 2011

I talk a lot as well and am a very open person.. but only 3 of my closest friend know we are trying. I like the idea of having support, but I'm so glad I didn't blab to everyone when we first started trying 8 months ago.

alygoo615 · December 2011

KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

I have friends who have m/c and they wish that they would have told someone so they would have had more support. Not everyone is like this and I can't even imagine how hard "untelling" must be.

With that said, we have told my mom since she worked for an OBGYN at one time and I will have plently of questions for her. I have told my closest friends with the caveat that I may never be able to conceive. We don't know this... just something the doctors said time and further testing would reveal. (Past medical issues, possible endometriosis, other issues but haven't been trying long enough to go into testing.)

ETA: word

BeanCounterBrandy · December 2011

LOL..

Well I don't want to tell because I don't want the stress of too many people checking in all the time to see "how it's going". The hubby and I are in this together, and we only TTC starting December of this year, but I think if everyone knew, I'd feel stressed, and I can't do anything to change whether the sperm finds the egg, but if I feel stressed, I might end up without an egg for the sperm to find!

But you're right, it's all personal, and it depends on the people around you!

Brandy

PenelopePond · December 2011

I told my in-laws and my sister in law. They all act like I never told them. I said something about getting pregnant to SIL a couple of weeks ago and she said "Oh, you're still trying?". I guess they all think we've given up.

LyssRob · December 2011

There was a similar thread on TTTC awhile ago...

Once I got diagnosed with PCOS and realized it wouldn't be an easy journey, I started talking to most of my friends/family about it. I get that it wouldn't be best for everyone, but I am pretty comfortable talking about it and i find it keeps most of the annoying questions away.

Ashbear2 · December 2011

I've only told my girl friends who are also TTC, or having TTTC. My mom had trouble back when, so I give her updates, and she gives me input. But I only confide in my DH and those girls. DH's family is the enemy. LOL

KdgTeacher · December 2011

GhostMonkey:
KdgTeacher:
blp0118:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

Some people need the support, I guess? Sometimes it's nice to have the people in your world know whats going on with you?

But I respect either decision, for sure, I was just curious.

I'm not denying that. Silly me, you asked for thoughts in your OP and I shared mine.

What were you thinking?

I know...and as it was pointed out not everything thinks the same as what I posted. My world is crashing around.

blp0118 · December 2011

KdgTeacher:
blp0118:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

Some people need the support, I guess? Sometimes it's nice to have the people in your world know whats going on with you?

But I respect either decision, for sure, I was just curious.

I'm not denying that. Silly me, you asked for thoughts in your OP and I shared mine.

OH i know, I'm sorry- I was more conversing than 'trying to defend' myself- but i realize it came off like that, sorry!

KdgTeacher · December 2011

alygoo615:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

I have friends who have m/c and they wish that they would have told someone so they would have had more support. Not everyone is like this and I can't even imagine how hard "untelling" must be.

With that said, we have told my mom since she worked for an OBGYN at one time and I will have plently of questions for her. I have told my closest friends with the caveat that I may never be able to conceive. We don't know this... just something the doctors said time and further testing would reveal. (Past medical issues, possible endometriosis, other issues but haven't been trying long enough to go into testing.)

ETA: word

And PLEASE tell me where in my post I said EVERYONE IS LIKE THIS. Please, point to it.

ETA: and what does the pain of having to untell people that you are pregnant have to do with telling people are you TTC in the first place?

blp0118 · December 2011

LyssRob:
There was a similar thread on TTTC awhile ago...

Once I got diagnosed with PCOS and realized it wouldn't be an easy journey, I started talking to most of my friends/family about it. I get that it wouldn't be best for everyone, but I am pretty comfortable talking about it and i find it keeps most of the annoying questions away.

*this is exactly when I started talking it through with people also, gave my family a head's up!

alygoo615 · December 2011

KdgTeacher:
alygoo615:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

I have friends who have m/c and they wish that they would have told someone so they would have had more support. Not everyone is like this and I can't even imagine how hard "untelling" must be.

With that said, we have told my mom since she worked for an OBGYN at one time and I will have plently of questions for her. I have told my closest friends with the caveat that I may never be able to conceive. We don't know this... just something the doctors said time and further testing would reveal. (Past medical issues, possible endometriosis, other issues but haven't been trying long enough to go into testing.)

ETA: word

And PLEASE tell me where in my post I said EVERYONE IS LIKE THIS. Please, point to it.

ETA: and what does the pain of having to untell people that you are pregnant have to do with telling people are you TTC in the first place?

You didn't- I was saying that not everyone would want to tell people so they would have support if they m/c.

ETA: To answer your other question... I'm speaking specifically for those people who chose to keep TTC a secret and then later m/c and wished that they had told someone they were TTC or pregnant. For those who m/c and announced their pregnancy, I can't begin to imagine how difficult that would be. Everyone's situation is different and there can be pros and cons to whatever decision you (general "you") make in regards to announcing TTC or pregnancy.

jenaw84 · December 2011

I told my mom, SIL who just had a baby in October, and the girls at work. My mom and I are really close and I wanted to be able to talk to her about it. I'm close to my SIL and it's been nice being able to get advice/encouragement. Girls at work know just in case something happens while I am at work or if there is possibly a reason I woudn't be coming in or needed time off. As for everyone else, we want to be 100% sure and will probably wait for the 1st trimester. We had a few children (1 yr or younger) attend our wedding in April and we were asked if that was the next step, couldn't even get out of the reception before the questions began. lol

reinstone · December 2011

KdgTeacher:
I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

Yes

twiztedangel · December 2011

KdgTeacher:
alygoo615:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

I have friends who have m/c and they wish that they would have told someone so they would have had more support. Not everyone is like this and I can't even imagine how hard "untelling" must be.

With that said, we have told my mom since she worked for an OBGYN at one time and I will have plently of questions for her. I have told my closest friends with the caveat that I may never be able to conceive. We don't know this... just something the doctors said time and further testing would reveal. (Past medical issues, possible endometriosis, other issues but haven't been trying long enough to go into testing.)

ETA: word

And PLEASE tell me where in my post I said EVERYONE IS LIKE THIS. Please, point to it.

ETA: and what does the pain of having to untell people that you are pregnant have to do with telling people are you TTC in the first place?

You look way too far into things. You always seem to take things people say and twist them around so you can make a snarky comment about it. So annoying.

MissGOP · December 2011

I told more people than I initially planned to tell but now it is done and I don't regret it. My mom and sister know and a few close friends. No one bugs me about it but I do worry sometimes that I said too much too soon. Oh well.

I get why others don't tell, but I guess I needed others to talk to. Different strokes.

KdgTeacher · December 2011

twiztedangel:
KdgTeacher:
alygoo615:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

I have friends who have m/c and they wish that they would have told someone so they would have had more support. Not everyone is like this and I can't even imagine how hard "untelling" must be.

With that said, we have told my mom since she worked for an OBGYN at one time and I will have plently of questions for her. I have told my closest friends with the caveat that I may never be able to conceive. We don't know this... just something the doctors said time and further testing would reveal. (Past medical issues, possible endometriosis, other issues but haven't been trying long enough to go into testing.)

ETA: word

And PLEASE tell me where in my post I said EVERYONE IS LIKE THIS. Please, point to it.

ETA: and what does the pain of having to untell people that you are pregnant have to do with telling people are you TTC in the first place?

You look way too far into things. You always seem to take things people say and twist them around so you can make a snarky comment about it. So annoying.

As annoying as AEs made for this type of stuff

vpine · December 2011

We told our parents and one of my girl friends. They aren't nagging us, they're actually praying for the BFP, especially my mom (I'm the only daughter)

numb3rMel · December 2011

At first we weren't telling anyone but a few very close friends. However, one way or another word got around that we had "stopped preventing". Only family member is DH's sister who knows we're not preventing. Only one friend knows that I am more trying than not preventing. If that makes sense. I tell people it'll happen or it won't. That we're going with the flow. It seems to make the "just let it happen" convos to a near nilch.

I don't want to talk about it with pp IRL. I get my stress/worries/vents/etc on here. I don't want my entire life to consume me with PG talk.

But that's just how we choose to handle it. Like pp said, it really depends on your IRL situation.

PS - OP, LOVE your pinterest boards!

twiztedangel · December 2011

KdgTeacher:
twiztedangel:
KdgTeacher:
alygoo615:
KdgTeacher:

I've never heard of anyone regret not telling but plenty who wish they hadn't told.

Once you tell you can never untell.

MH and I are undergoing fertility treatments and our family and 99% of our friends have nooooo idea.

I have friends who have m/c and they wish that they would have told someone so they would have had more support. Not everyone is like this and I can't even imagine how hard "untelling" must be.

With that said, we have told my mom since she worked for an OBGYN at one time and I will have plently of questions for her. I have told my closest friends with the caveat that I may never be able to conceive. We don't know this... just something the doctors said time and further testing would reveal. (Past medical issues, possible endometriosis, other issues but haven't been trying long enough to go into testing.)

ETA: word

And PLEASE tell me where in my post I said EVERYONE IS LIKE THIS. Please, point to it.

ETA: and what does the pain of having to untell people that you are pregnant have to do with telling people are you TTC in the first place?

You look way too far into things. You always seem to take things people say and twist them around so you can make a snarky comment about it. So annoying.

As annoying as AEs made for this type of stuff

Cry me a river.

It might make you feel better.

Twinkie0612 · December 2011

I've only told my sister. I wouldn't have told her but she had confided in me that they had been TTC #2 and had a miscarriage in August. I didn't want her to blindside her if I got a BFP right away.

I'm glad we haven't told anyone. My parents haven't said anything, but DH's parents have made comments. My FIL has been talking about us having kids for over a year and Christmas my MIL made comments about how people are asking her if we are going to have kids soon. Luckily MIL is too nice to come out and ask us. The best was DH's Grandma who actually said that she guesses we just aren't going to have kids since I'm 29 and not pregnant yet (Yes you dingy old lady, people can have kids in their 30s Confused ). Even BIL was asking DH when we are going to have kids. I can only imagine what it would be like if they knew we were TTC.

ricecakes1216 · December 2011

I haven't told anyone. I am very close to my mom, so it's been really hard not to tell. I have almost slipped a few times, but she has no idea. She will ask when we think we will have kids and I just tell her that it wouldn't be bad to have one now, but it doesn't look like it'll happen anytime soon. I don't regret it because I think that she will be pretty pesky about it.

08/09/08...our lucky numbers! · December 2011

3 of my close girlfriends know but none of our family does. They are driving us crazy with the when are you having a baby thing that i think if they knew we were trying they would go bananas! haha.

I think it's a really personal decision --- i'm also someone who is fairly open about things and couldn't imagine my girlfriends NOT knowing we are. The support is so important to us (well me since DH hasn't talked to his friends about it)

Speaking of in laws --- they are coming over for dinner! Better have the wine open so they don't ask too many questions....haha!

Happy new year (a couple days early) everyone!

mnj05 · December 2011

I told two girls at work who are going through the same thing and my SIL who went through two years of TTC and finally got in a medical trial for IVF and just found Thanksgiving day she's pregnant. I didn't want all of the questions either, but I wanted someone who would understand and someone to lean on if a m/c were to ever happen.

mrsjenni · December 2011

We didn't tell anyone when we were TTC the first 2 kiddos. And no one knew for #3 until the m/c. Now everyone who knew we were PG (immediate family on my side and a few of my close friends) know we're trying again. It doesn't bother me. My sisters (who I am extremely close to) just ask how things are going and my one sister is very interested in everything (she has 3 kids) so it's nice to have someone to talk to about it.

Since I've done both now (not on purpose) I kinda like having people that understand what I'm going through and are kinda cheering us on, in a way.

Unem · December 2011

Like PP said, I think it depends on your situation. At first, only my mom and a few close friends knew. Then I broke down in tears in front of my SIL and MIL over Christmas. Classy, right? Everyone has been very encouraging and supportive thus far.

My mom has made some stupid comments about relaxing and not trying. I was honest with her and told her that although I appreciate her advice, all I really needed was a listening ear and someone to cheer me on each month. She's happy to be apart of it and even happier that I told her exactly what I needed from her. She'll send me e-mails and notes from time to time and it makes my day.

I can't imagine not being able to talk about TTC with the people closest to me. But again, everyone is different.

AshDahlia · December 2011

numb3rMel:

At first we weren't telling anyone but a few very close friends. However, one way or another word got around that we had "stopped preventing". Only family member is DH's sister who knows we're not preventing. Only one friend knows that I am more trying than not preventing. If that makes sense. I tell people it'll happen or it won't. That we're going with the flow. It seems to make the "just let it happen" convos to a near nilch.

I don't want to talk about it with pp IRL. I get my stress/worries/vents/etc on here. I don't want my entire life to consume me with PG talk.

But that's just how we choose to handle it. Like pp said, it really depends on your IRL situation.

PS - OP, LOVE your pinterest boards!

I love your quote about the plot!

lilydeven · December 2011

My two best friends know. And a couple of other friends and acquaintances but they won't say anything or ask me anything because we aren't that close and we don't see each other on a daily basis. Plus I told them not to say anything on FB haha.

Jessa1807 · December 2011

We haven't told anyone we are officially TTC. But I made it known 6-9 months back that I wanted a fall baby, so we would be trying for that. So alot of people know that this is the right timing for that. But we won't tell anyone we are trying, just announce that we are pg when eventually.

katekat8721 · December 2011

I told my parents after our C/P. We told his parents when we visited for Christmas because I didn't want to hear "when are you having kids? why aren't you pregnant yet" five hundred times a day.

When I did tell my mom, I explained to her that part of the reason I was hesitant to tell them was that I didn't want them to get too excited because it could take awhile, and I didn't want to be asked "are you pregnant yet" every time I saw them.

So far, so good. But it's only our parents, siblings, and a friend of mine who knows and not everyone in the world.

Ladylec · December 2011

We told both of our parents and our siblings. My parents are very excited and supportive but the ILs are getting on both of our nerves. I do regret telling my ILs but I know if they found out my parents knew and they didn't, then I would never hear the end of it.

shelbeans82 · December 2011

I have only told my closest friends and SIL. Luckily parents and ILs are not pushy about babies, though my mom has been sending me coupons for PG tests and OPKs (not sure if it's a hint or just a "maybe she will need them sometime" kinda thing).

Unem · December 2011

shelbeans82:
I have only told my closest friends and SIL. Luckily parents and ILs are not pushy about babies, though my mom has been sending me coupons for PG tests and OPKs (not sure if it's a hint or just a "maybe she will need them sometime" kinda thing).

lol that is awesome!

janice9821 · December 2011

We had agreed not to tell, but DH can't keep a secret to save his life. He told his brother pretty much immediately when I stopped BC, and then told MY best friend, and then slipped and told the rest of his family last night. He just saw me typing this, and maintains that it is NOT his fault. Silly hubby. So far, everyone has been supportive and non-annoying about it. I'm still not ready for my family to know yet, though. There haven't been any new babies in my family in a VERY long time, and as the oldest/first married of my generation in my family, I'm already feeling a lot of pressure. I really don't want to draw attention to it.

jakesgirl2 · December 2011

I am one of the ones who regrets NOT telling- When we stopped trying to avoid but not yet actively in the full swing of things (charting, temping, OPKs etc) I told my sister and my best friend... We didn't tell either set of parents and then I very recently lost my mom suddenly and now more than anything I regret I didn't share with her that we would be TTC. It sounds silly and foolish but somehow I feel that if she knew maybe that would have changed something.

I can't call to ask her questions about trying or pregnancy and she would have been the one to plan a shower for me or that she will not be there for the delivery or any of those things. So in the roller-coaster of emotions that happened immediately following it did come out to my aunts I am closest with and my mom's best friend and my dad. I do still have those regrets that I struggle with everyday but I am glad I have the support of my aunts and my sister and they don't ask any questions and I know they will be supportive no matter how long it takes or what happens

sydsmom04 · December 2011

My grade level co-workers know, because I had to have them help me dismiss my kids a couple of days for doctor's appts. They don't nag at all and I feel like if something were to happen when we do get KTFU, they would be a huge support system.

My mom and sister both know because my DH has a big mouth and they called when we were at the doctor.

It doesn't really bother me.

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