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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
old_time_girl
member
Just a vent/rant because of RL friends complaining about my 'easy' baby
old_time_girl
member
I actually find it insulting that people think that I have an easy baby.
If I would ignore his wants/needs he would be considered a difficult baby, always screaming, never happy, mad, frustrated child.
I take this as him being good at letting me know what he wants. "Mama I'm hungry/wet/don't want to play with this toy/want you to rock me/want you to wear me in the sling/I'm tired/bored/need yo...u to help me fall alseep 'cause I'm too little to do it on my own" I hear all of this before it becomes a screaming "Please help me mama!" Because my baby rarely cries does not mean he's easy, it means I'm listening to him and we are getting along.
It's not a power struggle, it makes me happy to make him happy.
Becoming a mother does put you in a role of servant for a while. I am happy to do this. And I hope, that when he gets older and I start asking him to do stuff for me, "Pick up your toys/set the table/take out the trash/sweep the floor/feed the dogs...ect" That he will do it with a willing servants heart as I have modeled for him.
Will he be perfect? No. I'm not a perfect Mother so I cannot model perfection. What I DON'T want to model is hard, unflexible, scheduled individual that connot be bothered or 'put out' by her child.
My baby still wakes up 2-4 times a night because he needs me. Is it tiring? Yes. But it's a wonderful feeling when my baby wakes up, reaches his arm out and pats me, sighs and snuggles in close to me. He feels safe knowing I am there for him.
I will not leave him alone to cry it out, because it might inconvience me and my sleep. He's only a baby for a short time. I can live through it. And if I feel like I just cant, My husband will.
The way I feel, NOTHING is so important that it needs to sacrifice my child.
If I would ignore his wants/needs he would be considered a difficult baby, always screaming, never happy, mad, frustrated child.
I take this as him being good at letting me know what he wants. "Mama I'm hungry/wet/don't want to play with this toy/want you to rock me/want you to wear me in the sling/I'm tired/bored/need yo...u to help me fall alseep 'cause I'm too little to do it on my own" I hear all of this before it becomes a screaming "Please help me mama!" Because my baby rarely cries does not mean he's easy, it means I'm listening to him and we are getting along.
It's not a power struggle, it makes me happy to make him happy.
Becoming a mother does put you in a role of servant for a while. I am happy to do this. And I hope, that when he gets older and I start asking him to do stuff for me, "Pick up your toys/set the table/take out the trash/sweep the floor/feed the dogs...ect" That he will do it with a willing servants heart as I have modeled for him.
Will he be perfect? No. I'm not a perfect Mother so I cannot model perfection. What I DON'T want to model is hard, unflexible, scheduled individual that connot be bothered or 'put out' by her child.
My baby still wakes up 2-4 times a night because he needs me. Is it tiring? Yes. But it's a wonderful feeling when my baby wakes up, reaches his arm out and pats me, sighs and snuggles in close to me. He feels safe knowing I am there for him.
I will not leave him alone to cry it out, because it might inconvience me and my sleep. He's only a baby for a short time. I can live through it. And if I feel like I just cant, My husband will.
The way I feel, NOTHING is so important that it needs to sacrifice my child.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just a vent/rant because of RL friends complaining about my 'easy' baby
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!, DS is now 3.5yrs!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP! DD is 1.5 yrs!
Surprise! 12/16/14 BFP, loss #2 12/31/14
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
I do not think that she was trying to be insulting by saying what she did. I understand why you took it that way but I do not think you need to be upset about it.
I bow down to your superior mothering skills. Obviously, I was just not listening to my son when he was a baby, and that is why he cried non stop unless I held him and only slept 45 minutes at a time, and only while being held.
So glad I've become a better person in the last 4 plus years so that my little baby girl doesn't have to deal with my not listening to her. That is so clearly why she is an "easy" baby. Because I'm a better mother now.
Nothing to do with personality/illness/whatever the universe throws out. I'm just a better mother now.
I agree. I just don't feel it's right for my family at this time. If I feel like he's starting to want rather than need, then I will think about it.
I just hate hearing my friends complain that her baby (5 weeks old) won't sleep unless she's holding him. So hold him? I just don't get the idea of complaining that my baby doesn't cry because he must be easy and I have no idea what it's like...?
I have easy babies. I just do - it's not because I respond to them faster/sooner/better than my friends with colicky babies, my girls are just mellow and happy and fairly content with life. That does not make me a better mother than my friend who's child SCREAMED for the first 6 weeks of his life. She was amazing with him, he just had a temper.
You can feel free to sit up on that high horse and claim your baby is easy because you are just amazing at responding to his needs, but you're going to have a loooong way to fall when your second isn't so "easy" and you realize some babies just scream. They just do.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I totally realize that babies just scream. I have held my screaming baby while I cried as well 'cause I couldn't figure out what was wrong.
My baby has reflux. It took us a while to find a med that worked for him.
My point is I DON"T have an 'easy' baby. I have just found what works for us.
Holy mother martyr post.
And I'm seriously loling at your kid picking up his toys with a willing servants heart. I have a feeling you're in for some surprises.
Yeah, except that's not what you said at all. You said that NOTHING is as important as your baby. And getting up 2-4 times a night is your job! and you're happy to do it!
And the underlying message there is that if you don't do that, and you let your child CIO, that you're a selfish mother who's not responding to their child's needs.
Um yeah, you have no clue what it's like to have a baby that won't stop crying no matter what and that you literally cannot put down for five minutes so you can go to the bathroom.
But moms should just never sleep or eat at all for the first few months of their babies' lives! They should be servants and endure any physical exhaustion, illness, or depression that comes along with it and BE GLAD FOR IT dammit!
Wow, people are totally mis-reading this.
Let me try again.
My LO and I have found a good thing that works for us. We are in tuned to each-other and it helps us both be happy. But don't say that the ONLY reason my baby and I get along is because he's 'easy'. That's putting my parenting skills down. It's not easy. Being a parent is not easy. Getting up 4 times a night is not easy. So don't tell me that the only reason my baby isn't crying during the hour or 2 you see him means he's an easy baby.
Does that make better sense? I'm not trying to put anyone else down and their parenting. I'm just defending myself to RL friend...
Ok, you totally have no idea what you are talking about because I don't believe I've ever met you or told you about my life. Yes, actually my baby WOULD cry everytime I set him down to pee. And yes, there have been days that he would not stop crying no matter when I did.
When people say my babe is easy going ... they are right. She is: she's patient, recovers quickly, but isn't very active or expressive. She takes after her dad. If my babe took after me I suspect she'd be more "high demand" cry more quickly, but also be more active and expressive. Is your child easy going, middle of the road, or high demand? I believe 80% of being "easy" is genetics, although parenting certainly can help a high-demand babe settle sooner.
TTC#1 2003, 5 angels above, IVF-PGS-FET, DD b. Aug-2011
TTC#2 2012/13? FET
In other words, you want your friends to stop saying you're lucky because your baby's personality is a certain way and instead attribute it entirely to your superior parenting skills. Okay.
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
I get what you're saying I think.
Your friend/s say that you have an "easy" baby because they see him happy most of the time. But really, he hasn't been all that easy- to you- because he has his moments of unconsolable crying and what not. You attribute him being happy to the hard work you put in to being a mother- not saying that people with babies that cry a lot aren't putting in hard work.
I also think that genetics has a lot to do w/ a baby's predisposition on life in general. If that baby will be tempermental or easygoing. Like a previous post said, my baby takes after my husband and is more even-tempered and easygoing. But I also think that I serve her needs when I see she is getting fussy.
I think whatever you said just probably didn't come out the way you wanted it to.
This. I dont think she was trying to sound better than anyone. I see how it can be taken that way but I honestly don't believe that's what she meant. Sometimes, things don't come out sounding exactly as we thought they would. I think it is simply a case of misunderstanding.
OP. All my friends say how their LOs were never "like that" because I have an extremely hard baby. Nothing really works for her. It irritates me that people side eye her and actually seem to think I have a lack of parenting skills because of how short tempted, demanding and stubborn she is. I am the best mother I can be. I meet all her needs right away, don't let her CIO, etc and she's still inconsolable. So although it's the other end of the spectrum, I understand what you mean.
Common sense tells me to leave this thread alone, but...I get it - just because you have an "easy" or "good" baby doesn't mean it's not still a hard job to be a mother. It's not like you're kicking back, eating bon bons and playing Call of Duty while your little angel sits there and smiles at you lovingly. Yes, those with tough little ones have a harder go at it, but life isn't all beer and skittles for anyone with a baby, regardless of their personality.
My mom tells me over and over what a good baby I have and I often think, "Wow... I'm in so much trouble if (when) we have a difficult baby because this is rough even now".This.
I totally get what you're saying also.
I agree. I have a hard baby. It has nothing to do with me not listening to him. Thanks for your holier than thou attitude though!
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
Just wait until you have more than one. You WILL have to sacrifice things for your child, because there is no possible way to please them all 100% of the time.
Taking care of one five month old baby is dreamy and you have the ability to live in motherly bliss where the exhaustion doesn't bother you as much. Just wait until you have a couple of kids clinging to you all day without a break while you're taking care of a five month old and get back to me about that "wonderful feeling" when you're having to wake up four times through the night.
I very much like this.
I have a very easy baby as well, and people always comment on how good and well behaved she is. She rarely cries and always is smiling. Except this week - we are fighting this week.....but, things are starting to go back to normal. She did not like grandparents house/growth spurt....just now getting back into our "routine."
I guess I just don't see what's so insulting about being told you have an easy baby. I fully admit I had an easy baby and he's now an easy kid. Mind you- that doesn't mean we dont' deal w/ normal age-related issues. He's 3 and, well.... he's 3. He can be a handful.
But seeing how other kids act at this age .... I fully acknowledge that who HE is, what his personality and temprament are - it makes him "easy".
And I'm not insulted when people tell me this. I still know what DH and I do as parents, I know we're good parents, and I do know that a part of how he behaves is because of US, of our parenting skills.
But.... I still just don't find it insulting. I don't need my friends or anyone else to tell me "you're a good parent". I already know I'm a good parent.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
LOL.
I hope your next baby is colicky. No matter how much of a servant you are to a baby with colic, they still cry.
You are lucky to have a baby who responds to your responses to his needs. That is what people who refer to your "easy" baby mean.
Keep in mind that all babies are different. Having one baby who's a few months old doesn't make you an expert on all things Parenting, FYI.
This. My kid is easy and I freely admit I did very little to make her that way.
Your post makes it sound like you worked hard to get an easy baby. IDK it seems odd.
I also have worked with a ton of kids and some were awful. I still met their needs and well they still were crabby/difficult.
It is what it is. Everyone baby has their own personality and there's not much you can do about it.
I just smile and "say thanks. She is easy. I'm lucky."
Why would you take having a good kid as an insult?
Okay, but sometimes what works isfor everyone is that Momma needs a break to take care of herself. If you willingly spend every minute of every day taking care of your kid with a smile on your face, awesome. More power to you. The rest of us however like and welcome breaks. Happy Momma=Happy baby. It's great to be so in tune with your kid, but there's a point where you have to be in tune with yourself too. Your post comes off as I willingly do it all, give me my Martyr Mom medal now and that's where people have an issue.
Your baby is 5 months old and easy. Be grateful and stop being smug. An easy infant is the product of luck, period. My first was easy, my second was awful, and I'm an awesome mom to both of them.
When your 3 year old knows to say "please", "thank you", and "excuse me" in public, then you can bring that back-patter back out, mmK?
Wow. You are truly a douchecanoe, aren't you?
My kid is easy to the point that he leads me to the bathrub every night so I can give him a bath. He asks to go to bed. He knows sign language. He hangs up his coat every night and would rather eat an apple or a cookie.
I'm sure that I didn't treat him any differently than my co-worker treats her 3-year-old terror. I mean, I do gloat when my cousins are surrounded by crying toddlers and babies and T is sitting on the floor reading a book, but that is mostly because I can drink while they are mothering.
So, what you are saying is that all babies are born as blank slates. They develop personalities and temperments due to their mothers parenting skills. That easy babies have amazing mothers and difficult babies have mothers who don't "hear" them.
I had twins and 1 was very very easy and the other very very difficult, please explain to me how that happened. Did I not hear one as well as the other?
It is suprising to me that you have any RL friends with that smug attitude of yours.
DH told me the other day that he thinks that DS started STTN so early because we understand him and give him what he needs to do so.
I told DH that if he ever said that to another parent, they would probably stab him in the face. And if he pressed charges and the judge was a parent he/she would be like "Justified face stabbing DISMISSED!"
So please to never say that out loud again because the neighbors might hear him and I don't need a bunch of blood on the floor and a husband who is all like "WTF!? MY FACE!"
Just for the record, DS started STTN because God loves fools.
Why defend yourself to your friends or even to strangers at all? That is a losing battle if there ever was one. As a mom, dumb comments and assumptions are part of the whole mom deal. Maybe I'm jaded because over on the multiples board, dumb comments are the name of the game in our daily lives. You may be in tune with your son now, so enjoy it while it lasts. I can guarantee that you will be thinking differently when he gets mobile or starts the hell that is teething. You do not have it all figured out at a whopping 5 months. Enjoy the peace now.
So, what everyone is saying is that there are no bad parents. KIds don't need guidence and dicapline because no matter what you do, you will either have a brat or an angel.
So, forget about sleep training, or feeding them healthy foods, time outs... if you have an easy kid, great, if not, you'll end up with a rude, fat, insomniac.
Thanks for clearing that up.
BTW, Sailor, I think you DH is on to something.
Thanks for coming back and proving you are a wretched winch.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
As long as they dont end up like you...we will all be ok!