Facebook Conundrum (BFP mentioned, not mine)

keft514 · December 2011

Okay ladies, since we have all had our fair share of FB nightmares, I need advice on this one. I THINK I know what I am going to do, but want confirmation

One of my innocent friends who happens to be pregnant and have toddler of course was hidden from my news feed when I heard her BFP news. She lives in AZ (I am in north GA), we went to high school together, and I haven't seen her in YEARS (like 5). We don't keep up, with the exception of FB. She does know about my loss.

So I get a PM on FB that is to me and about 10 others about her coming to town in March because her dad is getting married again, etc. She ends the message with "Oh and can we borrow some toddler gear??? pack-n-play, carseat, stroller???"

Not a problem, and I can't shelter myself from all baby talk and baby gear forever! I deleted the message and moved on. NOW, everyone is replying telling her about their babies, their gear, etc. I want to "leave the conversation", but everyone will be notified that I am "leaving".

I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.

Does that sound reasonable to you ladies? I don't want her to feel bad at all!!!!

Thanks for listening, and here is a big slab of french toast for breakfast! It's my fave!

mbpandjf · December 2011

I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.

Yup - that's what I would do. Smile

ktsnshn · December 2011

mbpandjf:

I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.

Yup - that's what I would do.

This sounds like a great way to handle the situation.

Deethebee · December 2011

I agree with leaving the conversation and sending a PM saying you'd like to see her. However, I don't think you need to explain yourself. Those reply-to-all mass messages are fking annoying regardless.

keft514 · December 2011

Okay, so I just did it. I am a moron, because I went to her page to click on message instead of just typing her name into a message, and now I have seen her super cute u/s picture. I'd be about 4 weeks ahead of her. I should be finding out the gender of my baby right now, not mourning and feeling cranky about her pregnancy. Sorry, vent over.

Thanks for the confirmation ladies

katharine25 · December 2011

Deethebee:
I agree with leaving the conversation and sending a PM saying you'd like to see her. However, I don't think you need to explain yourself. Those reply-to-all mass messages are fking annoying regardless.

I agree 100%, further explanation is only necessary if you want to tell her about loss regardless of the message stream.

babyquestnortheast · December 2011

Completely agree!! GL! And sorry you had to hear that.

LEP424 · December 2011

I agree with leaving the convo. I personally would send the PM as you said and explain why. Though nobody deserves an explanantion, it prepares you both for the March gathering. GL!

keft514 · December 2011

Thanks ladies. I hope that she takes it how I mean it. I am KNOWN for being taken the wrong way......I guess I'm not great with words!

Since she's a few hours behind me, the wait for her to get the message is killing me! LOL

buckeyebaby814 · December 2011

I've left 'conversations' on fb before and I don't think it's a big deal (maybe that's just me though Wink

) I did tell my family members if I ever left a conversation it wasn't them, I just didn't know how to turn off all the notifications and my phone wouldn't stop 'notifying me'. Do you have a smart phone? That could be an excuse/ reason that your friend may understand!

mrsgaines100 · December 2011

Sounds like you did very well. Hopefully she is supportive towards you!

ToiKenne · December 2011

I think you handled this appropriately. Keep us posted on how she replies!

aussiedaze · December 2011

mrsgaines100:
Sounds like you did very well. Hopefully she is supportive towards you!

This! FX that she doesn't get upset (though she doesn't really have a right to).

keft514 · December 2011

I guess I worry less about her getting upset with me, and more that she will feel horrible for mentioning those things in my presence.....ya know?

MereWVU · December 2011

I would definitely just leave the conversation. There's nothing wrong with that.

P.S. That french toast looks awesome!

aussiedaze · December 2011

Ah, yeah she may feel awkward, but she'll get past it. She's got a lot going on to dwell for too long, I'm sure. If anything, it'll just help her be a little more sensitive to your feelings right now. Which is what you (and all of us) deserve!

lau1021 · December 2011

that sounds like a great solution. I am sure she will understand!

Eveanyn · December 2011

I hope she sends you back a positive reply!! FX for you, let us know how it goes!

P.S. I love your new puppy pictures.

amandachs · December 2011

ktsnshn:
mbpandjf:

I think I am going to "leave the conversation" and then send her a PM letting her know that I am excited to see her (even though I'm not really) and let her know that after my loss, it was just too hard to watch all the conversation about babies and gear, etc.

Yup - that's what I would do.

This sounds like a great way to handle the situation.

I agree. I've left conversations after what is being said no longer pertains to me. I would think this would be received the same way.

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