Did Any Of You Give Birth While DH Was Deployed? — The Bump
Military Families

Did Any Of You Give Birth While DH Was Deployed?

We're expecting our first and DH is due to be deployed anywhere between 1-3 months past baby's due date. (we tried to time it so baby would be born after he got back... oops!...) I feel so bad for him, because that is such a big moment. He doesn't mind, he say he wishes he could be there but he knows that he can explain it to our LO when they get older and not feel guilty, that and being gone will put us in an even better financial situation (not saying that we would trade the money for him being there of course... he just wants to make sure he can provide and then some).

But for those of you who did, how did you do it? Did you have a chance to talk/skype while you were in labor/giving birth? Did you have someone film it? Just lots of pictures?

I've heard that the red cross can fly them home 'sometimes' but not always, so this is something we aren't banking on. The only thing we've decided is that only grandparents and my sister (god mother) will be able to hold the baby before he gets home. So that not everyone has held our child before him.

Thanks in advance for all your help/input!

Re: Did Any Of You Give Birth While DH Was Deployed?

  • My H was deployed when our second was born.  He had a reliable Internet connection, but our MTF didn't have wi-fi, so my mom sent him e-mails and photos from my phone while I was in labor.  The Red Cross does not bring deployed service members home for the birth of a child--put that thought out of your mind lest you be disappointed later.

    I'd caution you against any hard and fast promises not to let people hold the baby until he's home.  Unless you're going to seal yourself off from the world, other people may need to hold him/her while you use the bathroom, take a break for your mental health, or for any other reason.  Not letting anyone save close family hold the baby seems like a romantic idea now, but in practice you may really come to resent your H for it. 

    Good luck! 

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  • My DH was gone when I had our DD, actually he is STILL gone. She will be 6 months old when they meet for the first time. He was not able to come back for the birth and Red Cross won't send a message to your husband until you have delivered the baby. The only reason my DH found out that I was in labor was because he just happened to be at a port and I knew someone he was with had a cell phone (they are supposed to). He was able to call the next day, other than that, that's it. We didn't tape it, nor was I comfortable with that idea. We took pictures of here after and I emailed them to him. He finally saw the pics about a week later. I agree with the PP, you are going to want a break and will want help. I'm not sure promising that no one can hold her is a good idea. But do what is best for you! Good Luck!
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  • I am a pretty quiet person, I only have 3 girl friends where I am so I'm not too worried about people holding the baby. My MIL will be staying with me for a lot in the beginning, or my father since he won't be living that far away. Other than to leave the baby with them to go pick up things at the store or go to doctor appointments I have no intention of leaving the house.

    It was DH's request that not everyone we know hold the baby before he does so I'm going to do my absolute best!

    I like the idea of NOT having someone film the birth... cause I don't think I'd want him to be able to re-view me like that, even if he was there. Probably just pictures after.

    Thanks for the input! I appreciate it.

  • I understand the sentimental value of waiting for your DH to come home to hold the baby, but after giving birth you need all the help you can get from family and friends even if it is just to shower, catch a nap, etc. I know you say you aren't planning on going out anywhere but it can be a lonely place with a newborn all alone at home 24/7. Not trying to be negative just giving you perspective that someone else holding the baby can be really good for your sanity and make it where you are in a lot better shape mentally when your DH comes home.
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  • imageEmilia0101:
    I understand the sentimental value of waiting for your DH to come home to hold the baby, but after giving birth you need all the help you can get from family and friends even if it is just to shower, catch a nap, etc. I know you say you aren't planning on going out anywhere but it can be a lonely place with a newborn all alone at home 24/7. Not trying to be negative just giving you perspective that someone else holding the baby can be really good for your sanity and make it where you are in a lot better shape mentally when your DH comes home.

    I haven't given birth yet, but I totally agree with the PPs. I think the notion of not allowing others to hold the baby is romantic, but it just doesn't seem realistic. I'm sure you want to honor YH wishes, but I'd hate for you to stress yourself out too much trying to honor his requests. MH will not be back for a couple months after LO gets here. I hate that he'll miss it; however, life has to go on as normal while he's away. My only restriction I'll put on family and friends is posing pics of LO on public sites before he's had the chance to see her. GL

  • DH was deployed until DS was 6 months old.  My only stipulation was that once I found out I was having a C-section, I didn't want anyone to hold him until I was able to.  Aside from that, it was doing what was necessary to survive and keep my emotional sanity.  And, I agree with the PP that while staying in with the baby sounds easy and may be what you do now, be open to venturing out.  Life with a newborn (and no constant, 24/7 source of help/support) can be exhausting and lonely.  DS and I went out at least once a day, even if it was just to the store to wander around.  Your post-partum emotions will be crazy/all over the place so just remember that you have to make sure that YOU are in a good, happy place too!  Good luck!
  • Just FYI hospitals no longer allow filming of the actual birth due to liability/ malpractice issues. You can film certain times before and after and thats it. 

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  • imagecrogers19:
    Just FYI hospitals no longer allow filming of the actual birth due to liability/ malpractice issues. You can film certain times before and after and thats it. 

    Mine does. You can't do the whole thing from start to finish, but once LO has crowned and he/she is pretty much on the way out you can.

  • We are TTC and my DH got tasked for May so as long as we are healthy and conceive before he leaves I will mos likely deliver before he returns.  We have done some research on our base hospital and they have skype.  If you have contact with his commander or First SGT they can usually get in touch with the base he is deployed to so you can skype with him.  It might not be during but it should be with in the few days your in the hospital.  GL
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