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covertxxamour
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New here..
covertxxamour
member
Well, I should start off by saying hello! This is going to be somewhat long. I apologize.
I'm a new (single) mother to a beautiful 3 month old girl. She's the light of my life. Sadly, I thought her father was too. We were together for over a year. (Yes, I got pregnant fast. Oops!) Come to find out, he was married. Wonderful. Just the man I wanted... not. Well, he left me on November 8th after he admitted to his wife that he cheated on her. She chose to accept him, and this child, and take him back. Well, now he wants nothing to do with me. That's fine, I don't want to mess with a married man! However, I'd like to try to remain friends and be civil for my little girl. He refuses to talk to me, and he will only let his wife deal with all of the issues through me. He doesn't even want to be my friend. He changed his phone number, and won't even give it to me. At any rate, I knew that he had two other children, but he told me he was divorced. Well, he was only separated! I know he's an amazing father, which is why I want him to be in DD's life. He had his wife ask me if he could have her for 4 hours today (Christmas Eve). Well, I let that happen. When he and his wife picked her up, she is the one who sat in the back of the truck with her. (Awkward?) I tried to explain to them a few things. Such as how much she eats, when she last ate, etc. To which his wife replied "I have 2 children. I know the difference in the cries. I will know what she wants." <--- Really lady? This is MY daughter, and all children are different! I should add, that when we were together, he explained to me a lot about his "ex" wife. Such as, she's a recovering drug addict. That makes me VERY nervous.
He didn't want to go through the court to handle any of this. And honestly, I didn't either. I don't have the money. But, now it seems like I really should. I just don't want to get screwed over. As of right now, he only expects to have her every other Saturday for a few hours. I really don't know what to do. I kind of want him to sign over parental rights, but I don't know what is best for my LO. In a way, I think he's only wanting to visit her out of spite to me. He's being very very mean.
Any suggestions/opinions would be great. I'm sorry this is so long. I'm sure there is more information I could add, but I didn't want to bother you ladies too much. TIA.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: New here..
Welcome, I am sorry you have to be here. It's not a place that a lot of us envisioned when we thought we were going to have families. There is a great support system here, with a lot of ladies with great helpful info.
First off, you need to file in court. You can specify that ALL communication is to be done through you and the father. You have every right to dictate how things happen. You also need to file for child support. This is not for you, it is for your daughter.
First off, you need a CO. Right now. Do NOT wait. Unfortunately without a CO you cannot enforce any sort of visitation schedule. These "few hours" every other Saturday can become 8 hours and you will have ZERO documentation to show hen your daughter is supposed to be returned home. You really should go first thing Tuesdy morning to the Court to pick up papers. Most counties/States have a family law facilitator who will help you fill out the paperwork. For your daughter's well being, get a Court date ASAP. If the 2 of you are able to stipulate to a visitation arrangement then most courts have a mediator you can meet with and make that stipulation the actual CO. Just be sure to be as specific as possible regarding holidays, weekends and times.
Secondly, you need to get a child support order. Your daughter needs to be supported financially as well as emotionally. That precious girl needs health insurance among other things. Usually you can get your States child support agency to open a case for free and thy handle all the paperwork, enforcement and collection.
Lastly, I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. Try not to believe the things he told you about his wife and her alleged drug problems. We wasn't completely honest with you regarding the status of his relationship with her, so unfortunately he doesn't have a history of being truthful. I'm not saying she's a saint, but she may not necessarily be the devil either.
As hard as this all is right now, please try to remember that you will be dealing with these people for the next 18 years. Try to be the bigger person as much as possible. In fact, feel free to pity them. Clearly their marriage sucks: he's a cheater and she knows it and still sticks around. How sad is that?! Be glad to be rid of him. You got the best part of him (your daughter), let her have the pitiful leftovers. As for him refusing to deal with you directly, I believe a lot of that may be the wife's doing. You know the saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? Yeah, you are a threat to her. He fooled around behind her back with you, and now you can't really be cast aside. She probably feels that if all contact is through HER, then you are less likely to try and rekindle anything. Again, how sad is that?!
Hugs and prayers to you. Enjoy your holidays with your little lady!
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Thank each of you for your welcoming, thoughts, and opinions. They are all greatly appreciated. Our first Christmas together was great. She is so loved by all of the members of my family, given the situation. She's already very spoiled!
Merry Christmas!