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sznsprin
member
how to tell SS about new baby
sznsprin
member
I have a 17 yr old SS who lives with us full-time and might see his mom twice a month. My relationship with him is ok. We don't talk much b/c all he does is sleep....LOL I found out last sat. that I am pregnant with my first child. I am unsure how we are going to tell him that he is going to be a big brother. He has told his gf that we want to have a kid and push him out of the family. This is totally not true. He is just trying to make us look bad b/c we actually make him responsible for his actions and he is not used to having to do things around the house (clean his bathroom, his room, take out the trash). I want him to be happy and I think he will once the baby is born. Can anyone offer me some advice on how to handle this with him? TIA
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Re: how to tell SS about new baby
I would wait awhile to tell him. Even at 17, 9 months is a long time to sit and stew about something.
Because he's older, I wouldn't make too big of a fuss about it. Maybe go out to dinner or something and say, "We have some good news, we're expecting!" But be prepared for him not to be thrilled.
In the meantime, before you tell him, can Dad spend some extra time with him? Take him to the batting cages (if he's in to that kind of thing) or to a concert etc... Remind him every chance you get that you love him.
Good luck! And congratulations
My SD was 19 when we had DD. And SS was 27. SD flipped out on DH when he told her and it took her a long time to accept DD, but she has. But I also predicted she would get pregnant within a year after having DD, and I was right. SS told DH he was too old to have kids and made repeated remarks that we have forgotten him since DD was born. Not true, but I get where you're at. I have two step kids however who are VERY troubled. So I think their reactions are extreme.
He's almost an adult, so you can speak to him like one. Both you and your DH should sit down with him and say, "Okay. Let's talk about your new sibling. We want to make sure that you know that even though things will change around here and she will get a lot of attention, that we still care and love you just the same." Address his insecurity. "I understand you feel a little pushed out? Why do you feel that, and is there anything we are doing or can do to make you feel better about that?"
Talk about it. Have a heart to heart, don't ignore it, and don't dance around it.
Then, after the baby arrives, involve him. Get him to hold her and help you and do small things big brothers are supposed to do. And then reward the good, sweet moments with commenting on how great of a big brother he is, and how happy and proud you are of him and the entire family.
He'll warm up. You just have to re-assure him some.
My SS is 16, and we have him on weekends. The way we told him - so he would not think he was being "replaced" is when my DH picked him up, he told him that he was going to be a big brother, and we still loved him, wanted him around, and wanted to do things with him. He was the first person in the family that found out, and his dad kept reassuring him how much we love him, and want him to be a part of this baby's life. Surprisingly he is very excited, and we are letting him make choices so he has ownership in this. He gets to pick which bedroom he wants, so he has that choice along with how his room will be done. I think it is important for the birth parent to tell them how this isn't going to change the relationship they have.