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January 2011 Moms
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saying goodbye to my dog (warning SAD)

Doodle2011Doodle2011
in January 2011 Moms

We did it on Friday morning.  It was so hard...I hated making this choice.  I hated "playing God".  I hated having to choose my human baby over my fur baby, but I know it was the right thing.  My job as her mom is to keep her safe, and even though he would never have meant to hurt her, there was a chance that it could happen, and I would never forgive myself if it did. 

The vet's office made it as calm, quiet and comfortable as possible.  The last thing he remembers is my arms around him, raining kisses on his nose and muzzle, and I think he was happy.  It was fast, and I am thankful for that small mercy.  I will always wish I had more money to exhaust every single resource, a bigger house where I could have somehow made it work and kept him away from Shiloh and the other dogs, and most of all wish I just didn't find myself in this position to begin with.  He looked so beautiful at the end, it was really hard to walk away, but we opted to have communal cremation done so he wouldn't be alone. 

Our other two dogs are spooked, I know they wonder where he is, cranky as he could be, he was part of their pack.  The bully they still loved despite it all.  :)


One thing happened that I don't think was by chance.  I came home and took a (xanax, tequila-aided) nap.  Bret brought Shiloh to me after I woke up (she was still asleep, had been napping with dad on the couch).  She woke up after a minute next to me, smiled and said (for the first time) "dog".  I swear it was Roscoe visiting her and telling her it was ok.  And I know it was the word "dog" because later she said it again when the other two came over to her high chair during dinner. 

Anyway, I am doing ok I guess (bawling as I type this).  Trying to just think of all the good times with him.  I just loved on him as much as I could this week and I really think he soaked up the extra attention and that in the end, he was happy.  I pray that he was. 

Here he is, last picture during his time on earth.  Love you so much buddy!!!  I pray I see you again someday, I will look for you at the Rainbow Bridge.  Be nice to the other dogs in heaven, they just want to be your friends.  Thank you for being mine.

image

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