We were eating dinner talking about my appointment today, all of my meds, and when the ER and ET might be. Then I get up and start doing dishes and DH walks over to me and turns off the water and asks for a hug. It was really random and while he was hugging me he said "It's going to work this time." It took everything in me to not start balling.
He deserves to be a dad and I am so scared of this IVF not working and breaking his heart again. I honestly don't know what our next step will be if this doesn't work. All the pain over the last 2+ yrs TTCAL has really taken its toll on both of us and I just don't know how much more I have left in me right now.
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"
I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14
Re: I'm so scared I'm going to dissapoint DH
Thanks hun! I wasn't sure if anyone even read my blog anymore but for me its very theraputic. No one IRL even knows it exists. I hate that any of us have to go through this process but if you have any questions about IVF please feel free to ask. PM me and I'll send you my email address if you like!
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"
Our TTC Journey
I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14
(((big hugs)))
(((more hugs)))
I want to say the right thing, but I can't word it right. So. I'm just going to hug the crap out of you.
Well, not literally.
(((hugs)))
I promise you won't drive me crazy! :0)
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"
Our TTC Journey
I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14
I *get* so much of this post. DH keeps saying he's hopeful, but I know deep down these past 3 years have taken their toll. And especially now with how badly this IVF went, I don't know what our next step will be. I feel so guilty because I can't give him a baby. We can solve his issues with ICSI, but there's nothing we can really do to solve mine. I hope so much that this cycle works for both of us. (((HUGS)))
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I have everything crossed that this cycle is it for us both to love. This whole process takes such a toll emotionally and physically and it makes it so hard to stay hopeful. I guess all we can do at this point is try and keep each other as positive as possible! ((HUGS))
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"
Our TTC Journey
I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14
Jenn
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
I was just thinking about the same thing the other day. I've noticed that when I talk about children in the future I no longer talk about it being a definite thing.
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"
Our TTC Journey
I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14
PGAL/PAL welcome

BFP #2 9.12.12, EDD 5.24.13, Baby Boy Born 5.15.13!!
My Ovulation Chart
3 Clomid (100mg) cycles + TI + Trigger = BFN's, Femara + Trigger + IUI#1 = BFN
Femara + Trigger + IUI#2 = BFP!
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~Gandhi
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
My heart is as open as the sky.
Read about it on the blog
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
My heart is as open as the sky.
Read about it on the blog
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
My heart is as open as the sky.
Read about it on the blog
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
My heart is as open as the sky.
Read about it on the blog
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
TTC since 5/2010
DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate
IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
BFP! 11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13
5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d! Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!

My Blog- http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/
((HUGS))
I know exactly how you feel.
* PG #1 2/26/09: mm/c 4/14/09 at 10w4d | PG #2 8/5/09: mm/c 9/29/09 at 11w3d (boy) *
* CP's 4/14/10, 9/1/10, 4/19/11, 5/24/11, 10/14/13, 11/16/13 *
* Ectopic 1/17/14 - nothing on u/s at 6w4d *
* PG #7 BFP 12/21/11 - DD born 8/31/12 *
* DH Dx'd with balanced translocation in 2011 *
Oh honey - I completely understand feeling that way. I feel like I am a constant disappointment to DH - never being able to carry his babies. He always tells me that he married me to be with me, not to have simply have kids and that he will be happy even if it's just us. It's hard though because I am glad to hear him say that, but I know he would be a super amazing dad. I so wish I could give that to him.
I know it's hard to keep going, but I believe that it will happen for you. Try to stay positive. I really hope that this is the time. ((((hugs))))