Baby mama

Phantomgirl · December 2011

What's so offensive about it? Deragatory, really? I just don't get it.

I don't use it because it is an American term and not common in Ireland BUT I don't get how it is offensive to any one. Is it not just a 'new age' term? If you don't like it don't use but to 'attack' others for using it makes my side you YOU.

CurlyQ284 · December 2011

I don't get it either. When I first came here, that's what I thought BM stood for.

xmaryrickx · December 2011

I think it comes with certain unflattering connotations. To me it makes the person saying it sound like they are trashy and ignorant OR that they are insinuating that about the person they are referring too.

Nineoceans · December 2011

Babymama implies a woman who has a kid with a man but no relationship- she's nothing more to him than his kid's mom. It is pretty disrespectful in SOME cultures- for example in my culture emphasizing that you were with a woman casually and she chose to have your kid is really taboo. In some cultures it's a term of respect or endearment- she was only with him casually but she was willing to sacrifice so much to have his kid- that's more likely in lower socio economic circles

CurlyQ284 · December 2011

But isn't that the case sometimes? I think there are a few people whose BM is a one night stand. I don't know, maybe its because I don't take anything seriously, if BM.called DH her baby daddy that would be hilarious.

Phantomgirl · December 2011

Nineoceans:
Babymama implies a woman who has a kid with a man but no relationship- she's nothing more to him than his kid's mom.
Thats exactly our situation.

It is pretty disrespectful in SOME cultures- for example in my culture emphasizing that you were with a woman casually and she chose to have your kid is really taboo.

Who woud be emphasizing - the man? I think thats side eye'd in most cultures.

In some cultures it's a term of respect or endearment- she was only with him casually but she was willing to sacrifice so much to have his kid- that's more likely in lower socio economic circles

Good if he wanted the kid, not so much if he didn't lol.

NativeNyer · December 2011

It sounds ghetto. It's not Baby's mama but rather Baby mama - the way someone who is uneducated would speak - without proper grammar.

Every time I hear it, it's like nails on a chalkboard.

cole2144 · December 2011

I think some people on this board need to lighten up. As for the term being disrespectful, my husband`s ex will get the same respect she gives which is none. I have done nothing to this woman but take damn good care of her child when she is with us, and get nothing but verbal abuse from her for it. If I want to call her baby mama, that is my business.

bobmonkey · December 2011

I just don't like or appreciate the term. I think it sounds ugly. That's all.

odear · December 2011

I think it is ridiculous that people get so upset over it. Situations are different. Whatever.

J&A2008 · December 2011

I think it's just like any other derogatory term, which I could give examples of, but won't, since it might just promote further debate. The usage of it began as a term used to insult and deride.

NativeNyer · December 2011

Not sure if the "lighten up" comment was meant for me or not.

Let me re-phrase: I don't get worked up about it. Does it make me think ghetto? yes. Does it make my eyes roll? yes.

I don't go run off hitting, screaming, grabbing my hair, etc... you get the general idea. okay carry on.

Phantomgirl · December 2011

J&A2008:
I think it's just like any other derogatory term, which I could give examples of, but won't, since it might just promote further debate. The usage of it began as a term used to insult and deride.

Could you link me to some info on this???

J&A2008 · December 2011

Phantomgirl:

J&A2008:
I think it's just like any other derogatory term, which I could give examples of, but won't, since it might just promote further debate. The usage of it began as a term used to insult and deride.

Could you link me to some info on this???

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=baby+mama

Phantomgirl · December 2011

NativeNyer:

It sounds ghetto. It's not Baby's mama but rather Baby mama - the way someone who is uneducated would speak - without proper grammar.

Every time I hear it, it's like nails on a chalkboard.

I agree that it sounds ghetto, I probably should not have simply said it sounded American lol. I totally accept that you do not ALL live in the ghetto!!!

Its the bad grammar that I dislike about it BUT there is a lot of bad grammar on these boards (myself included) I'm just wondering what it is about this term that gets people so riled up.

Baby mama - other than the bad grammar I don't get the negative connotations. Baby?s mother is endearing, spazz on the grammar and it is derogatory - I personally don't see it.

Phantomgirl · December 2011

J&A2008:
Phantomgirl:

J&A2008:
I think it's just like any other derogatory term, which I could give examples of, but won't, since it might just promote further debate. The usage of it began as a term used to insult and deride.

Could you link me to some info on this???

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=baby+mama

Holy sh*t have you read some of those definitions. I haveb never thought some of those things of anyone including the worst stories we have had on this board.

Going by that it is for sure derogatory.

J&A2008 · December 2011

That's how I know the term, esp. the last definition about making a "career" of having children. I was surprised to hear people say they don't think it's a bad term. I guess maybe it's becoming more common/less insulting?

I'm old and out of touch with the young people and how they talk. And, in this day and time, "Teen Moms" are our new celebs, so, why would baby mama be offensive, right?

karatechrissy · December 2011

It sounds trashy and ghetto to me. When I hear people use the term, I lump them into that category of being trashy and uneducated themselves. Like someone else said, it sounds like nails on a chalk board when I hear it. I just don't care for it, I honestly put it into the same category as other derogatory names that I won't type. I judge. Yea.

Ginlyn0 · December 2011

It is slang and is mostly used in a derogatory fashion. I'm not a huge fan of slang. I would never us that term or the male version. Anytime I see or hear the word, Jerry Springer comes to mind. That said, I don't get all up in arms about it either. It does make me feel like if a person speaks so derogatory of another person they must have issues of their own.

Here are some articles:https://www.wisbar.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=News&Template=/CM/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentId=84875

https://www.theroot.com/views/origin-term-baby-mama

CurlyQ284 · December 2011

Ok, wait. Can we hold the phone here?! Please please PLEASE tell me you are not referencing Urban Dictionary as the source for the historical connotations of the term baby mama. Seriously. The three definitions are from "snarkette", "vanellie" and "betty crocker" for crying out loud.

Ginlyn0 · December 2011

I wish I could see the urban dictionary definitions. I'm at work and that site is blocked.

J&A2008 · December 2011

CurlyQ284:
Ok, wait. Can we hold the phone here?! Please please PLEASE tell me you are not referencing Urban Dictionary as the source for the historical connotations of the term baby mama. Seriously. The three definitions are from "snarkette", "vanellie" and "betty crocker" for crying out loud.

I don't think the word was in use when Webster was alive, foshizzle.

Whom do you suggest we consult?

cole2144 · December 2011

NativeNyer:

Not sure if the "lighten up" comment was meant for me or not.

Let me re-phrase: I don't get worked up about it. Does it make me think ghetto? yes. Does it make my eyes roll? yes.

I don't go run off hitting, screaming, grabbing my hair, etc... you get the general idea. okay carry on.

It was not for you, just a general statement about the board. I hate that people defensive about a term not even aimed at them. Most people on this board use it when referring to their own situation. You (the collective you) don`t know what the situation is so stop jumping to conclusions all the time. People do not always use it in a bad way. When I have said it about Dh`s ex, because fact of the matter is, she is his baby`s mother, it was just a statement of fact to someone who may not know her name or who she is when we are having a conversation.

bobmonkey · December 2011

J&A2008:

CurlyQ284:
Ok, wait. Can we hold the phone here?! Please please PLEASE tell me you are not referencing Urban Dictionary as the source for the historical connotations of the term baby mama. Seriously. The three definitions are from "snarkette", "vanellie" and "betty crocker" for crying out loud.

I don't think the word was in use when Webster was alive, foshizzle.

Whom do you suggest we consult?

Where the hell is the "like" button when you need it?

CurlyQ284 · December 2011

J&A2008:
CurlyQ284:
Ok, wait. Can we hold the phone here?! Please please PLEASE tell me you are not referencing Urban Dictionary as the source for the historical connotations of the term baby mama. Seriously. The three definitions are from "snarkette", "vanellie" and "betty crocker" for crying out loud.

I don't think the word was in use when Webster was alive, foshizzle.

Whom do you suggest we consult?

This article https://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2006/05/where_do_babydaddies_come_from.html claims its in the Oxford English Dictionary which I attempted to consult but it looks like you need a subscription. Or you could make up your own opinion....or you can just keep on quoting "VaNellie" when you express your opinions as fact. Whichever you prefer.

kali55 · December 2011

I don't like the term pesonally, but I'm not offended when other people use it.

For us, we don't get along with BM but I wouldn't call her "Baby mama" because I feel like it reflects badly on DH and I. I don't want to be the woman who married the guy with "Baby mama drama".

fellesferie · December 2011

What are we arguing about here? I thought we were talking about a connotative definition. And for most people, it's insulting.

Most people who use the term mean it in a derogatory sense. I can't really think of a single example on this board when "baby mama" is used even neutrally. cole2144 admittedly uses it as an insult to the BM in her situation, and the poster a few posts down who said "money hungry baby mama" is clearly using it in the same context.

The point of the urban dictionary definition is that you have what amounts to a consensus. There are thousands of people agreeing to the definition and use of the term.

It's okay to not have any respect for the BM or BD in your family. But what would happen if the kiddo found out you were calling her mom "baby mama?" That makes you look bad, and depending on what the child knows about the term, could make the kid feel terrible. And you know what they say about the internet--stuff never goes away. Not really.

sweetwalks · December 2011

kali55:
I don't like the term pesonally, but I'm not offended when other people use it.

For us, we don't get along with BM but I wouldn't call her "Baby mama" because I feel like it reflects badly on DH and I. I don't want to be the woman who married the guy with "Baby mama drama".

I guess I'll chime in on this. I don't personally use the term or like the term; at least not for daily use. I had a friend once who's ringtone for her exh was "who that is? that's just my baby daddy" over and over again & it was hilarious. Her exh himself even thought so. I think it really depends on the situation and the way it's used as to whether it's really derogatory or not.

I'm with PP (quoted) on this though. Even when we don't get along with BM I would never call her that. I call her "my step-son's mother" or "My husband's son's mother" or "SS's name's mother".

CurlyQ284 · December 2011

When I've heard it, in real life not on the bump, it literally is referring to the baby's mother. There's no other way to describe her role, she isn't a wife, she isn't an ex, she's the baby's mother. Which is exactly what the phrase implies. There have been two sources posted on here hat say that's essentially where it came from. Maybe some people attach negative connotation to it, I think it comes more from people thinking its "ghetto" or "trashy" (which several people have said here) that gives it the negative connotation. I just think its messed up to assume that because you assign a negative connotation to a phrase, the whole world does. I think fake nails are trashy. My two best friends get them all the time, I don't think they are trashy people because they get fake nails. That's the only point I'm trying to get at.

Littlejen22 · December 2011

NativeNyer:
It sounds ghetto. It's not Baby's mama but rather Baby mama - the way someone who is uneducated would speak - without proper grammar.

Every time I hear it, it's like nails on a chalkboard.

I only read half the replies but will start by quoting this, I think this sums it up because it is not an educated person's term although it has obviously been used by some educated people. Like some others said, it implies that she is nothing more than the "baby"'s mother. I know that in some situation like Phantom's the woman really was just a one-night-stand but the term is mean to be disrespectful, I have never heard it said as a term of endearment but that she was just an incubator. The term makes me cringe because no matter how bad the woman might be, she is still the mother of your child or your step-child and it does not take "earning respect" to be classy enough to not give your child/step-child's mother a demeaning nickname. I know that time and time again people come on here and swear that they would never say x, y or z in front of the kids but I have a strong feeling that the people that use this term will let other derogitory comments slip. It just comes down to the person saying it trying to disrespect the mother and also not sounding very smart..

fellesferie · December 2011

CurlyQ284:
When I've heard it, in real life not on the bump, it literally is referring to the baby's mother. There's no other way to describe her role, she isn't a wife, she isn't an ex, she's the baby's mother.

I'm okay with that as a denotative definition, and if that's the actual circumstance, I don't think it's all that negative.

But when people ascribe the term to a woman who IS the ex, and use it to belittle her and/or the relationship, I think that's where it gets offensive to women on this board.

IDK. I can see your point. It's just that I see it and I think of the child seeing it or hearing it, and I just cringe.

CurlyQ284 · December 2011

fellesferie:
CurlyQ284:
When I've heard it, in real life not on the bump, it literally is referring to the baby's mother. There's no other way to describe her role, she isn't a wife, she isn't an ex, she's the baby's mother.
I'm okay with that as a denotative definition, and if that's the actual circumstance, I don't think it's all that negative.
But when people ascribe the term to a woman who IS the ex, and use it to belittle her and/or the relationship, I think that's where it gets offensive to women on this board.
IDK. I can see your point. It's just that I see it and I think of the child seeing it or hearing it, and I just cringe.

I can agree with you on this. I just think its all about context. We don't call BM that, I call her by her name or say "your mom" when talking to the kids. Or if I'm talking to someone who isn't close to us, like a coworker or something, I say "DHs Ex". I don't know what I would call her in that situation if she was a ONS. Id probably still call her DHs Ex just so I don't have to explain but those situations are complicated and I wouldn't get offended if someone used the term.

NativeNyer · December 2011

CurlyQ284:
When I've heard it, in real life not on the bump, it literally is referring to the baby's mother. There's no other way to describe her role, she isn't a wife, she isn't an ex, she's the baby's mother. Which is exactly what the phrase implies. There have been two sources posted on here hat say that's essentially where it came from. Maybe some people attach negative connotation to it, I think it comes more from people thinking its "ghetto" or "trashy" (which several people have said here) that gives it the negative connotation. I just think its messed up to assume that because you assign a negative connotation to a phrase, the whole world does. I think fake nails are trashy. My two best friends get them all the time, I don't think they are trashy people because they get fake nails. That's the only point I'm trying to get at.

No. It's trashy/derogatory because it's PURPOSELY written to sound uneducated.

lethalmermaid · December 2011

Littlejen22:
NativeNyer:

It sounds ghetto. It's not Baby's mama but rather Baby mama - the way someone who is uneducated would speak - without proper grammar.

Every time I hear it, it's like nails on a chalkboard.

I only read half the replies but will start by quoting this, I think this sums it up because it is not an educated person's term although it has obviously been used by some educated people. Like some others said, it implies that she is nothing more than the "baby"'s mother. I know that in some situation like Phantom's the woman really was just a one-night-stand but the term is mean to be disrespectful, I have never heard it said as a term of endearment but that she was just an incubator. The term makes me cringe because no matter how bad the woman might be, she is still the mother of your child or your step-child and it does not take "earning respect" to be classy enough to not give your child/step-child's mother a demeaning nickname. I know that time and time again people come on here and swear that they would never say x, y or z in front of the kids but I have a strong feeling that the people that use this term will let other derogitory comments slip. It just comes down to the person saying it trying to disrespect the mother and also not sounding very smart..

This exactly, but especially the bolded.

Annplus1 · December 2011

I don't understand why baby mama/daddy gets just trashed on here, but calling the BM or BF a douchebag, loser, etc is okay. It's all insulting, right? I cannot imagine any of us would call the child's mother a baby mama to the child or to her face. Nor would I expect any of us to call them a DB to the child or to the mother's face.

DB is worse, IMO than baby mama. I don't judge either use of the word, however, because I assume no one is actually using these words IRL. Just my two cents.

Littlejen22 · December 2011

Annplus1:
I don't understand why baby mama/daddy gets just trashed on here, but calling the BM or BF a douchebag, loser, etc is okay. It's all insulting, right? I cannot imagine any of us would call the child's mother a baby mama to the child or to her face. Nor would I expect any of us to call them a DB to the child or to the mother's face.
DB is worse, IMO than baby mama. I don't judge either use of the word, however, because I assume no one is actually using these words IRL. Just my two cents.

There are only a few people on here that I do NOT give the side-eye to calling the father a DB and one of those "men" was proven to have shaken his baby causing permenant damage, that is an exception to me. The one other is the man that time and time again puts everything before his pre-teen DD who has started cutting herself and he still blows her off just b/c it is easier for him. If you do not know the background of these people's stories you might dislike these terms but I do not usually see anyone else using the DB term.

cole2144 · December 2011

fellesferie:

What are we arguing about here? I thought we were talking about a connotative definition. And for most people, it's insulting.

Most people who use the term mean it in a derogatory sense. I can't really think of a single example on this board when "baby mama" is used even neutrally. cole2144 admittedly uses it as an insult to the BM in her situation, and the poster a few posts down who said "money hungry baby mama" is clearly using it in the same context.

The point of the urban dictionary definition is that you have what amounts to a consensus. There are thousands of people agreeing to the definition and use of the term.

It's okay to not have any respect for the BM or BD in your family. But what would happen if the kiddo found out you were calling her mom "baby mama?" That makes you look bad, and depending on what the child knows about the term, could make the kid feel terrible. And you know what they say about the internet--stuff never goes away. Not really.

I simply said that if I want to call BM that or anything else, that is my choice and no one on this board`s business. I don`t think that term is bad. My husband sometimes will call me that and I just laugh because I am his baby`s mama. It means nothing more or less than that. People need to relax, it is not that serious.

Saran · December 2011

I just want to know if there are any other black women reading all this (lurking)? I would give $100 just to read your minds right now! Cause if you're thinking anything like I'm thinking............. Confused

karleegirl · December 2011

Saran:
I just want to know if there are any other black women reading all this (lurking)? I would give $100 just to read your minds right now! Cause if you're thinking anything like I'm thinking.............

I'm white and my dh is black. I would occasionally joke and call him baby daddy. He got very angry and said he didn't like the word even as a joke b/c of racial stereotypes. FWIW I don't want to be called my ex's baby mama. I'm his son's mother, A's mom or his ex. I don't like the negative image.

kasper923 · December 2011

Saran:
I just want to know if there are any other black women reading all this (lurking)? I would give $100 just to read your minds right now! Cause if you're thinking anything like I'm thinking.............

Saran-I'm here..... Zip it!

xmaryrickx · December 2011

I don't like seeing it used on this board bc it lends itself to a babygaga like atmosphere. If I want to talk with a bunch of whiney twits I will go to babygaga. The old regs on this board have tried to keep it a bit, shall I say, classier than some of the other boards that deal with bf. that's my reason for not liking those terms here.

Want a personalized experience?

Baby mama

Re: Baby mama

Choose Another Board

Search Boards