Tips on helping a nervous husband?

Ashley Beeber · December 2011

Hello all, this is our first baby and my husband and I are beginning to talk about the birth. I'm starting to find out just how nervous and uncomfortable he is with the birthing process. As an example, he said he doesn't want to cut the umbilical cord because he thinks it's "weird." Any ideas on how I can make him more comfortable and help him to not be so shell shocked when the baby comes?

Chelsey68 · December 2011

the birth is a very intense moment and i dont think theres anyway to avoid the shock and ahh that comes with it. My DH was just starring at the baby and the doctor went to cut the umbilical cord but my mom stopped her and said for DH to do it. Most guys are hesitate on where to cut but the doctors make sure they do it right. If its not a big deal to you tell him he doesn't have to cut it. My DH was nervous about the birth and it turned out to go very smoothly

Camille0508 · December 2011

My husband is very nervous and worried about when I am actually in labor and giving birth, but he said once it gets here he knows he's going to man up and play the role he is supposed to. He is also weirded out about cutting the cord, but he said he's going to do it anyway, because he knows he'll regret it if he doesn't.

Under.the.Rose · December 2011

Everyone deals with situations like that differently, so don't pressure him into "sucking it up". Try to let him know what he can do to help you and just tell him it's great that he'll be there to support you and that's the most important thing.

Having a doula can really take the pressure off the father and be a very good, reassuring presence for him. When everyone else is wrapped up in helping you in a medical sense and you'll be wrapped up in giving birth, the doula can talk him through it and give him things to do and keep an eye on him in case he's stressing out, etc.

meganmgmiller · December 2011

My husband also does not want to cut the cord (it grosses him out) and plans to stay up by my head during the entire process so he doesn't have to "see anything". This is fine with me, because the last thing I want to have to worry about while laboring is my husband passing out in the delivery room.

We are planning to make a detailed birth plan and talk it over with our OB. I know that my husband feels better about everything-- birthing included-- when it is well planned-out and there is a lot of thorough communication. I think if you involve him in creating the birth plan and really let him ask the questions that he has (even though some of them may seem silly), it will help a lot. Good communication can help smooth over some very bumpy roads!

ECUGirl2004 · December 2011

We took a Bradley class, and it helped my husband to be prepared for the birth. They're a big commitment (12 weeks), but any class you can take will be helpful. Also, maybe watching some documentaries going through a normal birth process will help him feel more at ease.

My husband did not want to cut the umbilical cord and he still didn't want to at the birth. I was tiny bit disappointed, but it's his decision. My parents were there, and my dad was the one that cut the cord. I think he felt like it was an honor to be asked, so it worked out fine.

Under.the.Rose · December 2011

meganmgmiller:
My husband also does not want to cut the cord (it grosses him out) and plans to stay up by my head during the entire process so he doesn't have to "see anything". This is fine with me, because the last thing I want to have to worry about while laboring is my husband passing out in the delivery room.
We are planning to make a detailed birth plan and talk it over with our OB. I know that my husband feels better about everything-- birthing included-- when it is well planned-out and there is a lot of thorough communication. I think if you involve him in creating the birth plan and really let him ask the questions that he has (even though some of them may seem silly), it will help a lot. Good communication can help smooth over some very bumpy roads!

Just be careful with having a birth plan that is super detailed. Things never seem to go according to plan (trust me)! It's important not to rest your hopes too much on a birth plan and be ready to go with the flow because the disappointment/shock when things go differently can be rough. There's so little that's actually in your control.

Although it's a good exercise for him to go through the information and educate himself before hand as a result of making the birth plan. I can see how that would help.

meganmgmiller · December 2011

Under.the.Rose:
Just be careful with having a birth plan that is super detailed. Things never seem to go according to plan (trust me)! It's important not to rest your hopes too much on a birth plan and be ready to go with the flow because the disappointment/shock when things go differently can be rough. There's so little that's actually in your control.
Although it's a good exercise for him to go through the information and educate himself before hand as a result of making the birth plan. I can see how that would help.

Yes, I absolutely agree with you on that. My sister is a pediatrician, and she has been very frustrated with some parents who want to rigidly adhere to a birth plan that is NOT in their baby's best interest when he/she comes out needing some extra help. More than anything, what I hope making a birth plan will do is help my husband better understand his role in delivery.

My husband is a psychologist, so communication is SUPER SUPER important to him. He needs to be able to talk these things out (sometimes ad nauseum) in order to feel confident and prepared.

Under.the.Rose · December 2011

meganmgmiller:
Under.the.Rose:
Just be careful with having a birth plan that is super detailed. Things never seem to go according to plan (trust me)! It's important not to rest your hopes too much on a birth plan and be ready to go with the flow because the disappointment/shock when things go differently can be rough. There's so little that's actually in your control.
Although it's a good exercise for him to go through the information and educate himself before hand as a result of making the birth plan. I can see how that would help.
Yes, I absolutely agree with you on that. My sister is a pediatrician, and she has been very frustrated with some parents who want to rigidly adhere to a birth plan that is NOT in their baby's best interest when he/she comes out needing some extra help. More than anything, what I hope making a birth plan will do is help my husband better understand his role in delivery.
My husband is a psychologist, so communication is SUPER SUPER important to him. He needs to be able to talk these things out (sometimes ad nauseum) in order to feel confident and prepared.

Yes

DrRx · December 2011

meganmgmiller:
My husband also does not want to cut the cord (it grosses him out) and plans to stay up by my head during the entire process so he doesn't have to "see anything".

It's not so much that cutting the cord grosses him out, but that he doesn't see any reason for him to cut the cord. However, it does gross me out if he were watching the baby come out, and he is totally fine not needing to see that.

He asked me if there was any special significance to cutting it, and I told him that I wasn't sure, but that maybe it was a way for the father to be more part of the birth, and he said that he'll be fine at the head of the bed with me. Smile

Want a personalized experience?

Tips on helping a nervous husband?

Re: Tips on helping a nervous husband?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards