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School-Aged Children
sarahjames9
member
New with having a behavioral issue with my 5yr old in school...
sarahjames9
member
My 5yr old DS is very bright and usually very well behaved. Since I have been pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and now have a newborn, he has really been acting out at home-mostly acting very attention starved. Also, it seems he wants negative attention. I am at my wits end on what to do to make this better. I try to extra praise him when he does things well and not give extra attention to his episodes of "look at me , look at me!!" Well, now he is getting in trouble at school for not listening to the teacher. I have never had this issue with him and he has always been in a daycare setting. He isn't being mean to other students or anything really bad, I think it is more that he is trying to be silly and make other kids laugh at inappropriate times like during the pledge. The other problem is that the teacher doesn't address any of this to me except in the car pick up line the one day a week I can pick him up, or on a weekly behavior report. How can she expect me to address him about his actions for something he did on Monday when it is Friday?
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Re: New with having a behavioral issue with my 5yr old in school...
I would try some over the top positive reinforcement with him for awhile. When you need him to do something, lavish the praise before you ask him. Tell him that you know he can do what you're going to ask him because he is a great listener and so when you ask him to do XYZ in 5 mins, you know he's going to get right up and do what you need him to do. It's irresistible.
I would also set up a positive reward system at home. We use marbles, but you can use a jar with dimes or quarters. Every time you notice him listening the first time, being kind, being sweet, etc. give him a marble. When he's not showing behavior that earns marbles, remind him that his behavior isn't the kind that will help him get to his goal. When he reaches X number of marbles, you can convert it to cash to go buy himself something, a special treat with mom or dad, a movie, whatever works for you. I wouldn't do this instead of regular one on one time, but in addition.
I would also set up a time to go speak with his teacher so that you can learn exactly what is going on in school and develop a positive discipline plan together to deal with it. Also reward good days in school and make sure he feels comfortable talking to you about the bad days. No yelling, just talking about what happened and what he can do to make better choices the next day.
I do think he feels a little left out since he has been an only child for 5yrs who we have always gushed over, and now there is a baby. We certainly involve him in every way possible and have a reward system also. Funny you mention the siggy pics, I just had newborn pics made (that he was also photographed in) and changed my avatar that was previously him with me. Not that he ever looks on the bump to see if I have a pic of him on here, ha!
I do think I need to go in and have a one on one convo with his teacher. She can't expect me to correct anything if she doesn't give me an opportunity to actually talk to her. He does not have ADHD, He is very focused actually. He did very well in Pre-K and I do think a lot of what they are learning is repeat, so I do think he is bored. His grades are excellent, and so is his behavior until recently. I think we really need to work on redirecting him and encouraging him when he is doing a good job.
As to school, why do you need to do anything? You're aware of the problem but it's something the teacher is dealing with. Have you talked to yur DS about the incidents? What does he say is going on? Do they have a color system or anything? Can you do a reward off that. If he stays on green or gets a smiley face or whatever every day for two weeks, he gets a special prize or gets to pick a place to go out or a movie or something? For every day he gets a smiley face, he gets a marble or sticker for his chart? Good luck!!
Ask the teacher if there is some sort of reward program she is working on, or how you can support her efforts to get him to behave at school, but otherwise, let the teacher discipline him when he acts silly at school and you take care of his behavior at home.
Your son's behavior is pretty typical for a child with a newborn in the house. He's not the first kid to act out and try to get attention once his mom had a new baby!
"Catch" him doing things right, compliment him on how big he is and how you're so happy he can (dress himself, drink from a cup without spilling, brush his teeth) - not like a baby that really can't do anything.
Maybe you can set aside time where your H takes care of the baby and you join him for some "big boy" activity - going to the park, riding his bike, going to the library and reading books.
Thanks for your responses! He does have a color system at school and we have tried to keep up with giving him a reward when he stays on the green all week. We have just been inconsistent as of the last month. I will let the teacher handle him at school. I just wish she wouldn't choose to tell me about his day in the car pick up line. I think that just has me a little peeved. At home, breastfeeding has consumed everything so much right now that I sometimes want to quit just so I am not so tied down to it. My DH helps as much as he can with the baby, and he works alot with DS! Thank goodness for such an involved daddy! I took DS to the movies last weekend to have some one on one time. I just need to really make that a priority more consistently. Transitioning into 2 kiddos sure is tough!
Transitioning to two kids is the hardest thing I have ever done. Your little guy had 5 years to himself! Of course he is going to need to adjust. I actually disagree with pp that schol and home are seperate. I am a teacher and when a child's behavior changes suddenly the first thing I ask is " Is there anything going on at home?" Kids are smart and emotional and definitly carry their feelings around with them.
Like others have said I would try to be consistent with behavior system that is used at school. When you get a minute- spend it with DS. Drop what you are doing and give him your undivided attention.
Another note, it is almost Christmas break. He might just be ready for a break! Everyone is! Plan some fun things for him over the break so he can recharge his batteries for the next semester.
One last thing regarding the teacher commenting once a week. As a teacher I will tell you that I only call that day if the behavior is really really bad. I even make deals with my kids that I won't tell mom "this time." Maybe his behavior is not THAT bad. Any teacher worth anything will do a daily behavior sheet if you request it. One parent in my class made one in a folder that goes home each day. She did the work and I happily obliged. I just give him a smiley or not for 3 parts of the day and a note if needed. Kids have to know that communication is happening between parent and teacher! Good luck and I'm sure your little man will adjust soon enough!
Auntie, I respect your input greatly when I see it on a lot of issues, but sometimes I think you're too quick to jump on the bandwagon that a child has some underlying issues. This is one of those cases- I think partially because as I recall, you only have one child. The baby is ONE MONTH old. This kiddo has had his world turned upside down! My oldest was a nightmare for months after her sister was born. You can give positive reinforcement, you can try all kinds of things (all good, I tried lots of stuff!) but bottom line is that there is a new little person in the house who takes a lot of time & energy. All of which previously went to this little guy. He is now learning to share his parents, esp. mommy & that is HARD.
So OP, I'm just going to say that the first several months can be really difficult with a new baby. Some kids adjust easier than others with a new baby in the house. Mine had a very hard adjustment. Actually she's 7 now & I think would prefer to be an only child but you know, that was not her lot in life lol. So be kind to yourself & just do the best you can right now. It is an adjustment period.