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Preschool / playdate friend hitting issue

lhhllhhl
in Pre-School and Daycare
My daughter is 3 and attends pre-school. Through her daycare rooms we made friends with other parents some of which we get together with so the kids can play. On particular family's son and my daughter play together at school often however most recently this little boy has become very agressive and has been hitting my daugther. Last we got together with the family and he hit my daughter at least 3 times (along with having a horrorable meltdown at dinner and throwing his food on me). I wasn't sure how to handle the situation at the time beyond keeping the kids separated as much as possible and then guarding my daughter however the more I thought about it the more I was upset. I spoke to daycare/preschool regarding the issue and they are monitoring it however now my daughter doesn't want to go to school ... and I don't blame her. Today when I questioned her daycare teacher she said that this little boy has been hitting everyone ... his parents, the teachers and the other preschool kids but my daughter does get the brunt of it with usually three "good" hits per week and that's not counting all the agressive swats etc. I really feel like I should reach out to his parents but a child / parenting issues is a very touchy subject and I don't know how to address without coming across as superior (which we are not ... no doubt my daughter has hit and will hit kids) but this is a real issue. Any thoughts // suggestions??
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Re: Preschool / playdate friend hitting issue

  • angelakhangelakh
    I would approach the daycare director about the excessive hitting in the school setting to see what can be done - separate them, etc.  In the playdate setting are the parents around?  If you feel the parents aren't dealing with the hitting appropriately, then I wouldn't have playdates with them any longer.  
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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member

    what do you want the parents to do?  Do you thik they are aren't teaching LO not to hit?

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  • lhhllhhl
    We haven't had any playdates since the Friday disaster. But what I saw on Friday indicates that the parents are doing nothing. It is a quick no don't do that, say sorry and the end of it ... no consequences, for example time out. I guess I just feel bad or like I am going behind their back and expressing my concerns to the Director. I feel like out of a curtesy I should also say something to them. I don't know.
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  • angelakhangelakh

    I think the school issue and the playdate issue are two separate problems.  You do not have to socialize with them outside of school, so I wouldn't until the behavior is under control and the parents are dealing with it to your satisfaction.  You don't have much choice about school and you said the kid is hitting others as well.  I think it's completely appropriate to talk to the director about your LO being a punching bag - regardless if you know the kid's parents or not.

    In the parents defense, how will they ever know the hitting is an issue if it's not brought to their attention?  If my DD was hitting others all day at school and no one told me about it there is no way I could deal with the problem. 

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