Do you think some people should just not be parents?

jineau · December 2011

Sort of a rant / question what you guys think?

I was watching a show and had to just turn it off and walk away. this couple has a healthy 3 yr old boy conceived naturally. 2 yr old girl conceived with fertility drugs, who has spineabifida requiring round the clock care. they have to use catheters every few hours just so she can use the restroom. On top of that the mother is going in for a c section with triplets via IVF, hoping that none of the new babies have any birth defects.

Really? I feel sorry for the boy because he gets little to no attention because they are always having to focus on their daughter. Things happen and while that could be a challenge you can make it work and raise two loving happy children. The selfish part this pisses me off is why on earth would you knowingly impregnate your self with multiples/ triplets? Especially when the two kids you have now are very far off from being independent.

How on earth are you going to be there for your kids when you have to divide yourselves up between a special needs 2 yr old, a toddler boy, and 3 infants? I'm sorry maybe it's hormones but that just infuriates me, especially to glamorize it on television. That is all

babyboymama11 · December 2011

I definitely see your point. It's totally wrong i know but it seems like people should have to get some sort of required training before they even consider conceiving. My husband and I are a bit older and are comfortable financially and have waited for the right time and we are only having one child out of choice. Then you see so many people having tons and tons of kids and needing help from tax payers, etc. I just think it would be better for society if people really stopped and thought long and hard before conceiving. SORRY to add on a random rant to yours!

jineau · December 2011

no I completely agree with you there. I'm not trying to be snarky at all but there needs to be a cut off with some people. I know of a lady who abandoned her 3 kids left them with their father. (friend of ours) went off and had another baby with some other single father. Social services took their two kids away, into foster care. And she's pregnant again. When this one is born if she doesn't willingly give it up it will be taken away. I'm sure she'll just keep doing this.

purpletulip · December 2011

I don't think I agree with you. I don't think that the parents should have stopped having children because they had a special needs child already. I bet they weren't planning on triplets, I'd imagine they were trying for one and 3 of the embryos made it.
I didn't see the show so I'm making a lot of assumptions but it doesn't sound like the parents were abandoning or neglecting any of their children.
They're going to need a lot of help!! I can't even imagine.

Jessiree · December 2011

If I were the parents in this particular situation, I would have absolutely tried for a third child. (Multiples are absolutely not a given with IF treatments and it is ignorant to say that she 'knowingly impregnated' herself with multiples/triplets)

I think about it this way: it is really important for me for this child to have a sibling for a variety of reasons, a big one being that I don't want an only child to have to make continuing care/end of life decisions for MH and I by themselves. I have spent years working with an elderly population, and it is easier, even as adults to have siblings to go through everything with. If their daughter with spina bifida is going to require round the clock care for the remainder of her life and is not expected to reach adulthood, I would feel a big responsibility to my son to try for another child.

jineau · December 2011

they already had 2, before the triplets. her older brother. I know with IV you implant more to have greater odds of having 1 viable, but you also know there is a chance for multiples as well.that's all I was getting at.

julesjarvais65 · December 2011

I agree with you on the aspect that the older 2 were not even close to independent. I feel like they couldve had better timing by maybe waiting another 2-3 years for the oldest to get into school, and a routine with it and such. Otherwise, I feel like they had every right to have more kids.

Jessiree · December 2011

jineau:
they already had 2, before the triplets. her older brother. I know with IV you implant more to have greater odds of having 1 viable, but you also know there is a chance for multiples as well.that's all I was getting at.

Every pregnancy carries the risk of multiples. Also, there is no "implantation" with IVF procedures. You transfer embryos in the hope that implantation occurs just as any other fertilized embryo might do.

namara5532 · December 2011

To answer your general question, yes. Some people should not be parents. It takes a certain personal maturity and relationship maturity to be ready to bring a baby into the world. A baby isn't just a pet or a toy; it's a human being who deserves to be loved and cared for by their parent(s).

As for the show you were watching. I don't know enough about their specific situation to really give my opinion. If it was obvious they tried for the 3rd child just for the attention from their family or from the TV network, then that is a really bad reason. If they have the means and the time to take care of these kids and really love them, who am I to say they were selfish to be delivering triplets?

jenalena · December 2011

I find it SO hard not to be judgemental about these things! I'm currently a foster parent for an 11 year old that is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. HOWEVER - her mother is the classic case of someone that shouldn't be having anymore children with 9 kids - all that have been abused (in horrible ways) and taken by CPS throughout the years.

Overall, I'm glad that the government does NOT get involved with who should and shouldn't be parents - although, when 8 out of 9 kids are dark, troubled, illiterate people that will draw on social services their whole life - sometimes it's hard to think that way.

Sascha3 · December 2011

I don't find this case to be one of those where they should not be parents. I think that is kind of harsh. They obviously want children very badly to go through IVF, and they obviously are financially stable in order to afford that.

I do, however, definitely judge the people that cannot afford to take care of themselves yet continue to have baby after baby, and not taking care of the ones they have. That infuriates me.

Sundrup23 · December 2011

Although I do agree with your initial statement...I am not sure I agree with you on it in the context of the show. I have seen the show and I didn't really feel that way because I believe they can financially support those children. I am not entirely sure that having a special needs child would stop me from having more children. I am not sure of the ages of the parents but if I remember right, I think they were older so maybe time wasn't on their side to wait until the other 2 matured more. And there is always a risk of having multiples with any fertility treatment but some people have trouble just getting the one by implanting many.

There is one airing of that show that did disturb me though. That was of the lady whose husband was in a car accident and she extracted his sperm and impregnated herself on her 10th attempt of IVF and had quadruplets. I understand the need to have children and I am sure she would have loved to have children with her husband but for some reason it just kind of freaked me out that she was so obsessed. And to have 4 babies to care for all on your own as a single parent just seems irresponsible to me for some reason.

GreeneyesP · December 2011

To answer the general question, yes, I do believe that some people should not procreate.

I do not believe it has anything to do with income. I've worked with headstart parents that are truly invested in the betterment of their child, and their childs education, well-being and happiness. I've worked with private upscale big-money schools where the children are raised with au pairs by parents that could realy care less what happened to their child as long as they were quiet and clean.Bad or irresponsible parenting knows no social bounds. And I truly believe that every mother loves their child, and when they know better they will do better.

As far as the specific situation mentioned I don't think they necessarily need to not have any children, but it is really irresponsible to add so much to their plate with a special needs toddler.

rachel.wenger · December 2011

I'm not sure how I feel about the special needs situation. You have to remember that the media will always exploit the story's interesting parts, and not so much the in between.

One thing I do agree on, not everyone should have kids. I actually think that my parents should have NEVER had children. They hate each other (still married some 35 years later), father was abusive (a long line of it), and mom is just absent in my life.

It is what it is though...just wish they would have had some classes before having children/getting married.

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