Set bedtime with no schedule??

jmo866 · December 2011

I am getting really frustrated... I just can't believe how hard this past week or so has been with sleep all over the place. We have never had a set schedule per se, due to DS's short naps and having to extend them here and there. However, he used to end up going to bed around the same time each night - around 8pm, give or take 15 minutes. Now that he has been sleeping so poorly, he is waking up at all crazy times, one day 7:30, next day 6:45, then 8, then 7... so his naps and bedtimes have been all over too, I feel like we are digging this huge hole!

So aside from just venting some steam (thanks!), I wanted to ask -- for those who have naps all over the place and no schedule, do you have a set bedtime? I know if I don't at least start somewhere we will never get it together. Do I just keep him up past his awake time if he wakes too early from his naps? Really feeling lost here.

MissManda · December 2011

DS set his own bedtime -- 7pm, give or take 15-20 minutes -- even when he was just taking cat naps. He's starting to put himself on a schedule, and wakes up sometime around 3:00-3:30 from his long nap. Most days, he falls asleep on the 10 min ride home from daycare. Some days, he will let me put him in his crib. Other days, he wakes up as soon as we get out of the van. If he stays asleep, I let him sleep (usually about an hour, and these days are a little later bedtime -- routine starts around 6:45, maybe 7:00, depending on his mood). If he doesn't, it's an earlier bedtime -- we usually start routine 6:15-6:30 on these days.

ejagk · December 2011

We used to start DD's bedtime routine around 8, but she has gradually moved it back to 7pm this past month. She is now in bed by 7:30 most nights. Our naps are all over the place, but almost DD is almost always awake 1.5-2 hours in between each nap. She wakes up around 7 or 8am, then goes down for her first nap about an hour or 1.5 hours after she wakes up. Her naps are only 30 minutes long, sometimes with a long nap in the afternoon. We don't force naps on her- if she's tired, we put her down for one.

yeladim · December 2011

Bedtime is around 8pm-8:15pm each night. Every morning he wakes up completely different times. I mean we are talking anywhere from 6am to 11am! His naps fall out based on when he wakes up, his first nap being 2.5-3 hrs after waking, so you can imagine that they are all over the place. He typically takes three 20-30 minute naps, but when he wakes up at 6 it can be 4 naps, and when he wakes at 11 it can be two.

What is your LO's bedtime based on? When he seems tired? Do you have a bedtime routine? We don't have a very long or elaborate routine, but since I have 8pm in mind as bedtime, I make sure everything winds down and we start getting ready for bed by 7:45 at least.

jmo866 · December 2011

Bedtime is based on the time he gets up from his last nap. I like 8 as well, and it was working for us some how up until recently. He can only be awake 1.5 hours now before he gets over tired, 1 hour 45 I'd say max in order to not make it a huge struggle. He NEVER shows signs of being tired anymore, he just goes from happy man one minute, to screaming mess the next, so instead, I watch the clock, and adjust the time every few weeks as he gets older. So here is an example of how things get so out of wack:

Day 1:

Awake @ 7:30

Nap #1: 9 to 9:45

Awake 9:45 - 11:15 (1.5 hours)

Nap #2: 11:15 - 12:15 (say he was still crabby and I managed to get an extra 15 mins out of him)

Awake 12:15 - 1:45

Nap #3: 1:45 - 2:30

Awake: 2:30 - 4:00

Nap #4: 4:00-4:45

Awake: 4:45 - 6:15

Nap #5: 6:15 - 6:45

Bed at 8 or 8:15 - fine no problem.

Today:

Awake at 6:40, fell asleep because was too tired still, woke at 7:50, nap at 9:20... you see where I am going. He woke from a nap at 5:15 tonight so I had two choices, another nap at 6:45 and bed at like 9pm, which I was not interested in, so we kept him up from 5:15 until I started bedtime routine at 7:00, so he actually wasn't asleep until 7:30ish, which was way too long for him to be awake, and he has already woken up crying twice

I am lost..... do you not use a certain awake time then or just go by signs of fatigue?

ETA: yes we have a routine for bedtime, and it has worked wonderfully until very recently.

yeladim · December 2011

jmo866:

I am lost..... do you not use a certain awake time then or just go by signs of fatigue?

So I guess I take the opposite approach from you. I don't pay too much attention to the clock, but keep an eye on my LO for signs that he wants a nap. Sometimes its after 2 hours, usually its after 3 hours, and sometimes he's awake longer. He does get cranky and clingy for a while before a full-blown meltdown, though, so I guess this may not work for you. Also, as you can see, my LO is not a big napper, so I think that his nap times may not have as big an impact on bedtime. Sorry if this isn't so helpful. Good luck!

P0upette · December 2011

our LO is the same way: the naps are just a mess but we are super consistent with the bedtime routine. We start it at 6:30 almost all the time and go through bath, solids, story and nursing and sometimes he takes longer than usual but always ends up in bed at around 7:45/

jmo866 · December 2011

Thanks girls, I think this 4MW is really just thrown me for a loop... this is my first feeding tonight so here's hoping things get back on track soon!!

katie4253 · December 2011

Bed time is 7pm (6:30 when super tired). He chose this time. We start his bath at 6pm. If he is happy he'll stay in there 30+ min. If he is tired he gets cranky and wants out in 15min. This dictates what time he goes down for the night. If he is more awake we just hold him and snuggle for awhile. He's almost always (99% of the time) asleep by 7:00pm.

We do this regardless of when he wakes up. He gets up early though. Around 5am usually.

mattsgal06 · December 2011

DS really has no schedule...wakes up for the day anywhere between 6:30 and 8 AM, then naps here and there. Sometimes his naps are 20 minutes, sometimes an hour, and rarely 2+ hours. I never know what the day will bring. It's hard, because I can tell he is usually ready for a nap around 9, but that is when we take DD to school. If he manages to stay awake until we get home, he gets a decent nap. If he falls asleep in the car, the nap is about 15 minutes and the rest of the day is completely thrown off.

That being said, bedtime is the same every night. We start getting ready for bed around 7:15, and he is in bed by 8 or 8:15. Sometimes he falls right asleep, and sometimes he fusses/cries for a bit before he goes to sleep. I am hoping that by keeping bedtime consistent, the rest will fall into place at some point

ClickMama · December 2011

We don't have a set schedule yet, we do have a routine, though. DD is still trying to catch up weight-wise so feedings are what drive our schedule, I would say. Interestingly her wake up time is 6-7am, which lends to a decent schedule. Her day usually looks like this:

6-7am wake up; Prilosec, feed

nap 2 hours 9-11 or so, depending on first feed

wake up, play, tummy time

11am feed

we go for a walk, or run errands. maybe 45min-1 hour nap

play, relax in swing, bouncy chair, etc

3pm feed

nap 2-4 hours, variable

6pm-ish - awake, playtime

6:45 start bath; not long, 10-15 mins; Prilosec

7:15 hang out, maybe read a book (hates to read, poor thing) then feed

8:30 hangs out in her RNP until she puts herself to sleep

Some nights when feedings are off she will wake up at 1am for a feed and then 5am, but we are working to get her to go until 2:30-3am.

So our bedtime revolves more around feeding than naps.

septmom11 · December 2011

DD has no set nap schedule during the day. She eats every 3 hours during the day ( which is her only schedule) But she has had the same set bedtime since she started sleeping through the night (about 7-8 weeks old) She is in bed by 9 and up at 7 every day

JSanFran · December 2011

Girl...I know exactly what you are stressing about. Really at almost the exact same age I was having the same problems...actually until about a 2-3 weeks ago I was going NUTS! "how am I supposed to have ANY sort of schedule if he gets up anywhere between 5:45-8am!!."...."How can I plan to do anything..." "ahhhh"!! lol

My advice is as follows...

First of all realize that this is completly just part of the process. Figuring out sleep/naps has been the hardest part for me so far.

Secondly, if you're going to be strict about one thing...make it your bedtime. I have noticed over the last 1-2 months that my bedtime crept earlier and earlier. We were doing 8pm, but as his naps got worse and harder to get in the afternoon I moved his bedtime earlier and its worked out soooooooo much better! Until this week actually We were doing 4x45min naps and it was killing me! They were sporadic and inconsistent and all over the place.

Do you follow a wakeful period of about 1-2 hours...I think at your age my LO could do a hour and half to hour and 45mins or else his nap would be crappy! I would honestly try to move his/her bedtime to around 7ish if you can and see if that will help get him caught up on his day sleep. Then from there it will eventually fall into place.

Its soooo hard at this age b/c you want so badly to get out and about with them but the BEST thing for them is to stay somewhat consistent. Sleeping in his/her crib for most of their naps is (IMO) best and following a wakefulness of whatever you set will hopefully help a little bit...

GOOOD LUCKKK!

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