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December 2011 Moms
tiffanyjensen
member
My Mother is dying and I'm worried I'll miss her funeral.
tiffanyjensen
member
Sorry for such a dismal post but I am doing my best to keep my sanity and somehow I feel like posting this will help...
I got through the wait at my OB office earlier and she did an internal... I am 60% effaced but not dilated at all. My office does inductions at 39 weeks if the cervix is at least starting to dilate... and I was hoping mine was.
I wouldn't even be considering having an induction at this point but I'm in a crazy situation right now and I am afraid of missing my mother's funeral. She got sick in May and it turned out to be encephalitis (inflammation of the brain) and has been unconscious ever since and on a feeding tube. The doctors said there was basically no chance of her regaining any functioning or alertness at all because of the severity of the brain damage. She is at home with my brother and his wife taking care of her as well as several nurses who rotate. Within the last few weeks Mom's body has been starting to reject the feedings and where it used to run 24 hours a day lately has been only 40 minutes to 2 hours a day.
Hospice (an agency that helps people through the dying process) will be coming tomorrow to officially discontinue her feeding tube (she also has a written will that she didn't want to live like this) and said she will most likely be 'gone' within 5 days.
My thoughts were that maybe I would be a bit dilated and could be induced this week and not have to worry about missing Mom's funeral.
The MF was very understanding of me asking about inducing now and said under the circumstances they would certainly try this week but also explained all the risks which I was already afraid of... having it take 2 days and ending up in a c-section...
I am not having the induction this week, I don't feel comfortable with all the risks involved... and I'm just really bummed about it.
I miss my mom. This is my first pregnancy and since I was about 10 weeks along she's been unconscious. She was so freaking happy that I was pregnant and she's had to miss it all. She never even got to see me pregnant before this happened because she was living in Georgia at the time (her husband's in the military) and we live in Maryland. My husband and I were actually going to fly to spend a week visiting her... She had bought our plane tickets and about 2 weeks before we would be flying to see her, we were driving instead because she was suddenly sick. She was able to talk the night we got there but nothing made sense and she was not herself by any means...the next day she was unconscious and has been ever since.
I have been having tons of BH the last 3 days, mild cramping and tons of pelvic pressure when I walk and when I lay down to sleep at night... for the last 3 months I was sure she'd come early. Now I'm thinking "Come within the next 3 days or wait until after the 17th"... how horrible to try and plan my daughter's birth around my mother's death. But of course I can't plan any of this, I just have to wait and worry.
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Re: My Mother is dying and I'm worried I'll miss her funeral.
I'm not sure if this is possible - but can the hospice delay removing the feeding tubes for a few days? That's assuming that she isn't suffering of course.. I wouldn't suggest prolonging suffering.
I'll be thinking of you and hoping that you get through as well as possible.
This is the same question my MW asked me.. unfortunately it would be prolonging her suffering since her body has been rejecting the feedings. :-(
Thanks for your support ladies. It is much appreciated.
It's not an easy situation for you to be in - last year at this time we were also in the same situation with my FIL (he had late stage Parkinson's)... From having BTDT, you never know how long it will take for the body to decide it's time to pass. We could tell that FIL wasn't "there" anymore and it was a matter of time/days. Remember that your Mom will always be with you in spirit even after she's transitioned. You'll notice her in the simple little things, your LO's smile, a flower or butterfly, a sunset, she'll let you know she's there if you open up and pay attention. As an aquaintence once put it "A thought about ____ (person) is like sending up a little prayer for them." The thing is, you just won't know when it could be, it could be after you deliver or sooner... The important thing is make the most of the time you have left, say what needs to be said if you have the chance to see her, etc. Odd as it sounds, get a last family picture together with her (it's hard - yes! - but it's also something that you'll appreciate having... We have our picture of our last Christmas together!.. I honestly don't think there was a dry eye after we took said pictures, but we have it to cherish and in some ways remind us that as much as we loved FIL we'd never wish him back in the condition he was in at the end...)...
The thing to remember is even if you deliver, you have some flexibility for the date that the funeral is set for. You'll need to discuss this with your family of course.
Also, I wouldn't be overly fearful of the induction, yes, it can take a couple days, the first one is primarily just spent ripening your cervix. OTOH, some women have incredibly quick L&D's even with an induction too. The important thing above all else is to relax and let your body do its job. I had an induction with my first and it's entirely by a flip of the coin that I haven't already had one with this LO because my blood pressure is shooting upward. It is what it is, you could be contracting for a week with natural labor and there are probably some women who would rather have two days than what they've had for contracting. If an induction ends up being the case, just relax and go with it!
My friend went through this. She had a scheduled C-Section around 38W because they were hoping her mother could meet the baby before she passed (brain cancer). She ended up not making it, but they still did the C-Section so my friend could go to the funeral. I'm not sure if there were other circumstances to do the C-Section instead of an induction.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Ella born 12/21/11
I have no advice to add, but want you to know how sorry I am youa re dealign with this horrible loss at such a joyous occasion. I hope your little one will help you and your family through the grieving process and know we are here if you need to vent or unload.
I am so sorry and you are in my thoughts.
Sep14 February Siggy Challenge: Favorite Romantic Movie - A Knight's Tale
Happily welcomed healthy baby girl December 2011.
Excited to welcome a new addition September 2014!
I am so sorry to hear this. I will be praying for you and your family through this difficult time.
-Lauren
Oh my goodness, I am so very very sorry.
I have no advice, but I'm sending you a giant virtual hug. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope posting this helped you... sometimes we just need to talk things out.
My mom died four days before my wedding. Like you, we knew the time was coming because her body was beginning to shut down. We decided to go ahead with the wedding as planned, and Mom's memorial service was scheduled for the following weekend. It certainly wasn't an easy time, but I got through it.
I know childbirth isn't the same as a wedding, but my point is that a funeral is more flexible than a birth. It's a terrible situation to be in, but try to remember that when your mom passes, she will no longer be suffering. (((((hugs)))))
May Siggy Challenge: TV mom
I am so, so sorry about your Mom. I can't imagine how hard this is for you... and I don't realy have any words except I am deeply sorry. As hard as it is to think about- know that she will soon be without pain at all, and she will always be there for you , and your baby, not physically- but in all other ways. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.