I know "baby blues" are normal for the first two weeks and usually PPD isn't diagnosed until after that but I am really starting to think that maybe it is more than that. I have cried several times a day every day since she was born. Sometimes I am not even sure why I am crying. At first I attributed much of it to my unhappiness with BFing but I stopped BFing two days ago and now I find myself crying because I feel so guilty for quitting. I'm rarely happy and sometimes I find myself wishing that she was never born. I've never wanted to hurt her but I have wanted to just put her in her crib and run far away. I haven't been able to tell anyone how I feel because I'm afraid of what they will think, everyone knows how badly I've always wanted a baby. I feel like such a failure all the time even though everyone tells me what a good job I am doing and I think part of that is because I feel so guilty for having all these feelings. I feel like such a horrible mother and like maybe this is the reason I lost my first LO (late m/c). I'm jealous of my FI because he gets to go to work and school and get away from it all and because he is handling all this so much better, when I expected it to be the other way around. My whole life everyone has told me what a good mother I would make and I feel like I am letting everyone down, especially DD.
I'm sorry if this post is really rambley or if I broke any "rules" by not really introducing myself first I just needed to get this out and didn't know where else to do it. Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.
Re: I think it may be a problem..
I could have written this post word for word right after I had my daughter. I think you definetly have PPD and it is good that you have recognized it early. You should go see your doc ASAP and get started on some type of treatment. I promise it iwll get better if you get help. My DD is 9 months now and I love (most of the time) being her mom.
I use to want to run away all the time. I would think of how I could do it too. I was so jealous of DH because he got to go to work...it was like nothing changed for him. I mourned my old life so much which was weird because I wanted a baby so bad for so long.
Please go see your doc...the sooner you do...the sooner you will feel better. You can PM me if you want.
Lots of HUGS