Not sure I belong here but I need to belong somewhere...

mrswhiskey · November 2011

I know that I don't really belong on this board, because I have not lost a child. But I did lose something and I need help dealing with it. I haven't found a place yet where I can go to connect with other people and just talk about it. So I'm kind of hoping that I will be accepted here so that I can try to find some sort of peace.

I was induced on November 9, 2011 and my son was born on the 10th. The thing I am having trouble with is that during the c-section (he was born 11lbs 6oz, so he just wouldn't fit in my pelvis) I had what they called a "tired uterus" which wouldn't stop bleeding after the placenta had been delivered. The team tried for an hour to get it to contract down but I just bled out. I needed 4 units of blood to replace what I have lost and ended up having a hysterectomy in order to save my life.

I know that this is no where near the same as losing a child and I am sorry if this offends anyone. I am just having such a hard time believing that I almost died and that I no longer have a uterus. I'm 24 years old and in an instant, my entire future changed. I wasn't even sure if I ever wanted to have another child, but now that the option is gone I just feel... Empty. Cheated. And I can't seem to find anyone that has been in a similar situation.

So, is it okay for me to join this board and try to work out my issues?

dandywarhol · November 2011

You are dealing with a significant loss, unimaginable to most. I can see the similarity to what many of us have gone through. If you feel that you would be helped by joining this board then please do (IMO). I hope that you can experience some comfort and support from the ladies here.

erbarmywife · November 2011

I have a friend who had an emergency c/s that resulted in a hysterectomy also. We have talked about this. To me, losing your CHOICE to have a baby is horrifying. You are now grieving the loss of any more children you MIGHT have had. Just like we are grieving the loss of children we weren't allowed to have for long. I don't know if this came out right, but I think you should feel comfortable being here...I'm so sorry for what you have lost. ((HUGS))

DesiraeSunshine · November 2011

That is really awful and I am sorry for your mourning and pain. Its closely the same, but not quite. Try secondary IF but know you are welcome here with open arms. You are right, you need to belong somewhere and unfortunately there isn't 100% someplace that fits your catergory to a tee. We are a very loving people over here, and if need be would gladly have someone who needs our love.

Shayna0182 · November 2011

We're somewhat similar in our loss. I'm 29, but after losing my daughter at 29 weeks and having an emergency csection, I was told it would be unwise to ttc anymore. I even had genetic testing done by a specialist and they couldn't find a reason for my blood clotting issues, so basically, I can either have my Mirena kept in or I can have my tubes tied. Before the csection though, the placenta detached and they weren't sure if I was going to need a hysterectomy. Like you, I also had blood transfusions.

It is grieving a loss. I'm still coming to terms with the fact I'll never have another child, and it's hard.

I'm so sorry.

johnnys june · November 2011

DesiraeSunshine:
That is really awful and I am sorry for your mourning and pain. Its closely the same, but not quite. Try secondary IF but know you are welcome here with open arms. You are right, you need to belong somewhere and unfortunately there isn't 100% someplace that fits your catergory to a tee. We are a very loving people over here, and if need be would gladly have someone who needs our love.

This was said perfectly.

I'm am sorry for your loss. It may not have been the same, but I agree with PP, losing your choice is horrifying. Feel free to take part in this board!

magdalina.h · November 2011

DesiraeSunshine:
That is really awful and I am sorry for your mourning and pain. Its closely the same, but not quite. Try secondary IF but know you are welcome here with open arms. You are right, you need to belong somewhere and unfortunately there isn't 100% someplace that fits your catergory to a tee. We are a very loving people over here, and if need be would gladly have someone who needs our love.

I agree. I'm so sorry for what you went through

LuckEinLuv · November 2011

I was just discussed this with a friend over the weekend. She had cancer and had to have a complete hysterectomy. She, as are you, is mourning her future children. You are welcome here anytime, but as PPs said, you might want to also check with secondary infertility.

pandabearlover · November 2011

I had a hysterectomy in February. I am very sorry for your loss. Although I have my daughters, the double loss of my son and my fertility was and still is devastating. I would definitely recommend talking to a counselor.

I hope you find peace. My DD2 was a daddy's girl during my pregnancy. Now, I have a super special relationship with DD2. I don't think I would know just how extraordinary she is if her brother hadn't given his life so I could live. I hope you are able to find something similar with your son.

AnnaWhite89 · November 2011

I think you are definately welcome with open arms to this blog! Congratulations on the birth of your son! I am however so sorry that you had to have a hysterectomy and all of the pain that has occured as a result. I wish I could make you feel better somehow, but I know that you must be a strong woman and will make it through this trial and will be the best mom to your little boy! I know sometimes it is impossible to emotionally overcome a difficult situation, but my thoughts and support are with you!

Jackie2200 · November 2011

I am so sorry about your loss. That is a horrific situation. I recommend this board and the Secomdary IF board. Many of us on the IF boards mourn the loss of future children thay we might not be able to have. ((hugs))

krysiahamaty · November 2011

DesiraeSunshine:
That is really awful and I am sorry for your mourning and pain. Its closely the same, but not quite. Try secondary IF but know you are welcome here with open arms. You are right, you need to belong somewhere and unfortunately there isn't 100% someplace that fits your catergory to a tee. We are a very loving people over here, and if need be would gladly have someone who needs our love.

This. I am so sorry.

Cercamom2011 · November 2011

I'm very sorry for your loss. As pps have said, losses of this type are so overwhelming and sad. I cannot imagine how you feel, but will send you T&Ps. (((HUGS)))

mrswhiskey · November 2011

Thank you all so very much. Everyone I speak to tries to pretend that they know what I am going through. And a lot of the things they say are hurtful even though I know they really mean well. Even when people ask me, "Is this your first?" I just cry. Yep, it is. And last. The nurses kept telling me that I should be glad I still have my ovaries so I can use my eggs in the future. That still doesn't make up for what I've lost. There was only one doctor that actually sat there and cried with me. He knew there was nothing he could say to change what happened, and he hadn't even been my OB. He was from a completely different office. I am making the call to my counselor tomorrow. I had one before because I've suffered from depression for quite a while now. I just can't handle this. On top of everything else, I have the blood clots on my inner incisions so now I'm not even allowed to lift my son. My Mom is his primary caregiver right now. I'm just so sad and lost.

DesiraeSunshine · November 2011

You WILL be ok and you Will get through this, like us, you have no other choice. Be kind to yourself and see a therapist that specializes in loss.I feel you may run into alot of "at least you have a child" and "don't worry, your eggs are still good" that's not going to be helpful right now.

Carolee · November 2011

Sending you (((HUGS))). I'm so sorry.

pb127 · November 2011

DesiraeSunshine:
That is really awful and I am sorry for your mourning and pain. Its closely the same, but not quite. Try secondary IF but know you are welcome here with open arms. You are right, you need to belong somewhere and unfortunately there isn't 100% someplace that fits your catergory to a tee. We are a very loving people over here, and if need be would gladly have someone who needs our love.

I agree. Welcome here (((hugs)))

weddedwife · December 2011

You are welcome here. You are dealing with the loss of any future children.

After my daughter was born in 2009, I had a late postpartum hemorrhage (4 weeks after the birth). I was rushed to the ER, almost required a blood transfusion & had an emergency d&c. If that didn't stop the bleeding, a hysterectomy was next. While I didn't end up having one, I know the fear you experienced. I was more concerned about losing my uterus than about the possibility of dying, in fact that didn't even occur to me until later.

When I searched for others who had experienced what I had, I kept coming across postpartum hemorrhage survivors groups, but they had all also had a hysterectomy, so I didn't fit neatly into that category either. But there may be more support out there than you know- you might try googling for postpartum hemorrhage and see what comes up.

I'm so sorry for your loss- it is significant and deserves recognition.

Not sure I belong here but I need to belong somewhere...

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