I know that I don't really belong on this board, because I have not lost a child. But I did lose something and I need help dealing with it. I haven't found a place yet where I can go to connect with other people and just talk about it. So I'm kind of hoping that I will be accepted here so that I can try to find some sort of peace.
I was induced on November 9, 2011 and my son was born on the 10th. The thing I am having trouble with is that during the c-section (he was born 11lbs 6oz, so he just wouldn't fit in my pelvis) I had what they called a "tired uterus" which wouldn't stop bleeding after the placenta had been delivered. The team tried for an hour to get it to contract down but I just bled out. I needed 4 units of blood to replace what I have lost and ended up having a hysterectomy in order to save my life.
I know that this is no where near the same as losing a child and I am sorry if this offends anyone. I am just having such a hard time believing that I almost died and that I no longer have a uterus. I'm 24 years old and in an instant, my entire future changed. I wasn't even sure if I ever wanted to have another child, but now that the option is gone I just feel... Empty. Cheated. And I can't seem to find anyone that has been in a similar situation.
So, is it okay for me to join this board and try to work out my issues?
Re: Not sure I belong here but I need to belong somewhere...
You are dealing with a significant loss, unimaginable to most. I can see the similarity to what many of us have gone through. If you feel that you would be helped by joining this board then please do (IMO). I hope that you can experience some comfort and support from the ladies here.
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
BFP #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
My blog My chart
We're somewhat similar in our loss. I'm 29, but after losing my daughter at 29 weeks and having an emergency csection, I was told it would be unwise to ttc anymore. I even had genetic testing done by a specialist and they couldn't find a reason for my blood clotting issues, so basically, I can either have my Mirena kept in or I can have my tubes tied. Before the csection though, the placenta detached and they weren't sure if I was going to need a hysterectomy. Like you, I also had blood transfusions.
It is grieving a loss. I'm still coming to terms with the fact I'll never have another child, and it's hard.
I'm so sorry.
This was said perfectly.
I'm am sorry for your loss. It may not have been the same, but I agree with PP, losing your choice is horrifying. Feel free to take part in this board!
I agree. I'm so sorry for what you went through
***Congratulations to my TTCAL buddy Roxyttandme!! It's a GIRL!! Charlotte arrived on 9/29!!!!***
PGaL/PAL Always Welcome!!
I had a hysterectomy in February. I am very sorry for your loss. Although I have my daughters, the double loss of my son and my fertility was and still is devastating. I would definitely recommend talking to a counselor.
I hope you find peace. My DD2 was a daddy's girl during my pregnancy. Now, I have a super special relationship with DD2. I don't think I would know just how extraordinary she is if her brother hadn't given his life so I could live. I hope you are able to find something similar with your son.
TTC Since 10/08 4 IUIs=BFNx4
IVF#1=BFP!! Twins!!
Bradley and Billy born and lost on 2/2/11 at 19w2d due to pPROM/PTL. I miss you, little angels.
IVF#2=BFN
IVF#3=c/p IVF#4=Empty Follicle Syndrome; 1 mature, fertilized, & made it to blast. 5dt of "the lone ranger" on 9/6. Please stick, little one!
This. I am so sorry.
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I agree. Welcome here (((hugs)))
? to Loss+M/PL+TTCAL+PgAL+PAL
PgAL/PAL welcome
You are welcome here. You are dealing with the loss of any future children.
After my daughter was born in 2009, I had a late postpartum hemorrhage (4 weeks after the birth). I was rushed to the ER, almost required a blood transfusion & had an emergency d&c. If that didn't stop the bleeding, a hysterectomy was next. While I didn't end up having one, I know the fear you experienced. I was more concerned about losing my uterus than about the possibility of dying, in fact that didn't even occur to me until later.
When I searched for others who had experienced what I had, I kept coming across postpartum hemorrhage survivors groups, but they had all also had a hysterectomy, so I didn't fit neatly into that category either. But there may be more support out there than you know- you might try googling for postpartum hemorrhage and see what comes up.
I'm so sorry for your loss- it is significant and deserves recognition.