Has anyone else noticed that all the gender dissapointment is with boys?

HotChocolate79 · November 2011

What is it that makes having a boy so undesirable? Is it really all about cute pink clothes? So many people mention this that it makes me wonder. Not flaming anyone, and I am clearly in minority because I actually wanted a boy (but would be equally happy with a girl) but what is it about the fact that everyone who is disapointed is having a boy?

joshandpanda · November 2011

Im with you on this one... I have always wanted a boy first, then a girl... but obviously Ill be happy with whatever God blesses me with...

Vrbka · November 2011

I have two boys and preggo with twins right now and this is going to be my last so I'm sorry I want one girl! I love my boys and they are fun but I really want to experience raising a girl and going prom dress shopping and wedding stuff!

Becky19 · November 2011

I don't know, but I have only ever wanted boys!

salt78 · November 2011

In my case, we were kind of hoping for a girl because there are no girl children in either of our families and we are only having one child. If the situation were reversed (all girls in both of our families), we probably would have been hoping for a boy.

ETA: I also think that many women would love to have a little girl. There's nothing wrong with that. Many men would love to have a little boy to do guy stuff with, but of course there aren't men here posting on this topic so you don't hear that side of it.

Fulbri05 · November 2011

I know, and it makes me really sad. I love my DS more than anything, and there is nothing like the love a boy has for his mama. I would be over the moon if this next one is a boy as well. They are so much fun.

Heartcease · November 2011

I've read quite a few stories where people felt that their husbands or the grandparents would feel cheated if there wasn't a boy to carry on the family name. So I think it's pretty equal in most places. Other places having a girl is horrible for the family. I just read a story where over a hundred Indian women changed their names from the word, "Unwanted."

soapymk · November 2011

I added my 2 cents last week is ur child really a disappointment because of a body part? This is ridiculous! I can understand being a little bummed if u had ur heart set on 1 and found out its the other but come on! Disappointment? Disappointment would be an abnormality or a complication not blue or pink. Yes I'm hoping for a boy this time around too as I already have 2 girls but if it's another girl that's also great. Be greatful to have a baby period!

returning_bump_member · November 2011

Same here! DH and I want a boy first. But my maternal intuition, and my mother's too, go figure, say it's a girl, so we'll see!

It's probably just a girl thing, since we all know what girls can be like and raising a boy is more unknown. But I think it's the fear of getting a geyser of pee every diaper change.

LilyPotter218 · November 2011

I did notice that. I am beyond thrilled with our little girl, but was shocked when she said girl. For no reason at all I really thought it was a boy

This is our first, and likely only child, so either way I was going to be missing out on one!

HotChocolate79 · November 2011

Vrbka:
I have two boys and preggo with twins right now and this is going to be my last so I'm sorry I want one girl! I love my boys and they are fun but I really want to experience raising a girl and going prom dress shopping and wedding stuff!

I guess I get that, but I am going to throw something at you anyway... I am very much a girl and not only did I not go to a prom, I also didn't have a wedding... DH and I got married at city hall on Friday afternoon and wouldn't have it any other way. So just because you have a girl, it doesn't guarantee that she'll be interested in the same things you are. Just saying.

sarahlyn · November 2011

I'm having a girl and was very disappointed at firs, because I desperately wanted a little boy. I realize that my feelings stem from having a really hard time growing up as a girl, because I was a tomboy and couldn't relate very well to other little girls. Now, I'm coming to grips with having a daughter and already thinking of ways that I can be a better mother based on what I experienced growing up. It also helps that my husband is very excited to be having a little girl. I think gender disappointment can go both ways, but more women feel comfortable expressing gender disappointment when they have a boy and wanted a girl than the other way around. I've heard of women getting down-right nasty about it when a women expresses disappointment over having a daughter, as evidenced here: https://articles.cnn.com/2009-04-30/living/o.why.didnt.want.girl_1_boys-third-child-pregnant?_s=PM:LIVING As a side note the author did not come up with the title, that was up to the sensitivity of CNN.com. Although most of this was written by a comedian with tongue in cheek about how weird people get about wanting one sex or the other and in defense of her own sons, people got downright nasty on her blog.

sarahlyn · November 2011

I'm having a girl and was very disappointed at firs, because I desperately wanted a little boy. I realize that my feelings stem from having a really hard time growing up as a girl, because I was a tomboy and couldn't relate very well to other little girls. Now, I'm coming to grips with having a daughter and already thinking of ways that I can be a better mother based on what I experienced growing up. It also helps that my husband is very excited to be having a little girl. I think gender disappointment can go both ways, but more women feel comfortable expressing gender disappointment when they have a boy and wanted a girl than the other way around. I've heard of women getting down-right nasty about it when a women expresses disappointment over having a daughter, as evidenced here: https://articles.cnn.com/2009-04-30/living/o.why.didnt.want.girl_1_boys-third-child-pregnant?_s=PM:LIVING As a side note the author did not come up with the title, that was up to the sensitivity of CNN.com. Although most of this was written by a comedian with tongue in cheek about how weird people get about wanting one sex or the other and in defense of her own sons, people were pretty heated and inappropriate on her blog.

hewinked · November 2011

I would give my right arm to have my baby boy back. Honestly, I would give up much more than that.

hey_little_bird · November 2011

ideally i wanted to have a boy first, and really thought it was a boy.
turns out i'm having a girl! i'm not disappointed, i just had to adjust.

a friend of mine got very upset when she found out she was having a second boy instead of the little girl she wanted.i tried to convince her to be happy, but she said she just needed some time to be disappointed about it, and then she got over it.

it's okay to be disappointed, to a degree. just don't throw it in your kids face when they're older.

i told people, "i'd like a boy. i want a baby."

and now i get to buy tutus, so that's pretty cool

panda10 · November 2011

Not that I would be dissapointed with a boy, that's not what I'm saying at all....

BUT my husband and I both strongly feel girl. I honestly would love a healthy whatever, but we both have a feeling that it's a girl. if they tell me at my ultrasound that I'm having a boy, I'll be shocked if it's a boy, and possibly a little let down by my intuition but NOT because it's a boy. I always thought that I wanted a boy first, but I really am feeling like this is a girl, so if I'm told it's a boy, I will be surprised, but not disapointed by the fact I'll get to raise a son.

If that makes any sense!

salt78 · November 2011

hey_little_bird:
ideally i wanted to have a boy first, and really thought it was a boy.
turns out i'm having a girl! i'm not disappointed, i just had to adjust.
a friend of mine got very upset when she found out she was having a second boy instead of the little girl she wanted.i tried to convince her to be happy, but she said she just needed some time to be disappointed about it, and then she got over it.
it's okay to be disappointed, to a degree. just don't throw it in your kids face when they're older.
i told people, "i'd like a boy. i want a baby."
and now i get to buy tutus, so that's pretty cool

Congrats on your girl, HLB!

sarahlyn · November 2011

Sorry about the double post, turns out you can't delete after someone posts after you.

gisa886 · November 2011

hewinked:
I would give my right arm to have my baby boy back. Honestly, I would give up much more than that.

Yes and that right there is enough to keep me from having any kind of disappointment whatsoever.

Stephchern · November 2011

We also wanted a boy very badly. This is going to sound terrible, but baby #2 probably wouldn't be on the way if our first child had been a boy. Doesn't mean we don't love our daughter, there are just A LOT of girls in our famalies and we really really wanted a boy. Our families are absolutely thrilled to be getting a boy this time. I think we are super lucky to get one of each and very blessed. Smile

livinreality · November 2011

I completely want a boy, will be disappointed with a Girl but over it in about 15 seconds since we are team green and I will get to hold her, the excitement to have another little one in our family will out weigh the boy/girl preference... well at least until they are teenagers!

bellablue2 · November 2011

For me I didnt care with my first because I wanted at least one of each. But, when my second was a boy as well, I did experience some gender disappointment. I was not sure if we would go for a third and the thought of never having a daughter made me very sad.

HuskerBabyB · November 2011

I have 3 boys. Is it really that hard to understand my desire to have a girl this time around?

MotherMonster · November 2011

I got what I wanted, but mine was medical related as to why I didn't want a boy. We feel however we feel and honestly this is an old song and dance. Who cares? To each their own. Dwelling on it, in my opinion, is stupid and a waste of time! I know I have better things to do.

Middlesnpoddles · November 2011

gisa886:

hewinked:
I would give my right arm to have my baby boy back. Honestly, I would give up much more than that.

and that right there is enough to keep me from having any kind of disappointment whatsoever.

This!! x10000000

Ivana_Stolichnaya · November 2011

I think some women might be afraid that they won't be able to relate to a boy as much as a girl but I can't really speak for everyone.

KaliChick · November 2011

I think we just relate to girls better ... we want to raise a little girl and be the mom of a girl because it's what we know. At least that was the case for me. A boy is unknown territory to me.

No one seems to get overly upset when a dad is bummed they are having a girl. I think it goes both ways.

I'm thrilled to be having a boy, but the news of it took a few days (ok weeks) to settle in. I just wanted a baby, I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl, but I knew what to do with a girl and have tons of girl stuff, so it just seemed easier, but since when is parenting easy??

kasslynne · November 2011

I love my DS and wouldn't trade him for a million girls. That being said we are expecting a DD this time.

I have read articles on GD. And it seems that most woman who have GD are super close with their moms and are sad because they hope for a mother daughter relationship that they had had with their mothers. It is not so much about the pinks and purples more so that fact they will miss out on mother daughter bonding that they might not necessarily get with all sons.

dswed0407 · November 2011

For those that have multiples of the same sex, I can understand some gender disappointment. It's those that are on their 1st pregnancies and are getting upset that really confuses me. FWIW, having a son is amazing! Sure they are little more rambunctious then girls, and get shafted in the wardrobe area, but boys are so so lovable and fun!

selockar · November 2011

I have a boy that I adore. He is an amazing little guy. In fact I would now like two boys and a girl. I will be happy with what ever I am blessed with, but I would like this one to be a girl. For me I look at all the things my mom does with me right now. She will be here when this lo is born, she was here for 4 weeks after my son was born. She flies up whenever I really need her. I would love to be as much a part of my future grandchild's life as my mom is. My mom is close with my SIL, but she would prefer her mom be there during any difficult times. No one is insulted by that, its just the way it is. I know I would never want my MIL here when I am not at my best.

QueenofAnything · November 2011

Meh. In an ideal world, I would end up with two boys. But what will be, will be.

Under.the.Rose · November 2011

AutLuke:
gisa886:

hewinked:
I would give my right arm to have my baby boy back. Honestly, I would give up much more than that.

and that right there is enough to keep me from having any kind of disappointment whatsoever.
This!! x10000000

THIS. (*hugs hewinked*)

That said, if all you have is boys the girls will come later in the form of daughters in law, grandkids, nieces, etc.

I understand being nervous about having a boy because as a woman who's not a tom-boy I was kind of worried that my little guy would want nothing to do with me once he discovered I'm not a sports-lover etc. Hormones can make your mind go in crazy directions!

I will tell you that any silly fears I had were forgotten the second I held him for the first time. I love my little boy more than life itself and he is the sweetest person I've ever known... and he gives that love back to me one thousand fold.

There's something very special about the bond between a mother and her son. They will always need their mama.

mrsbecky07 · November 2011

I think the reason many women want girls initially is because we are females so it is just automatically easier to relate to having a girl (for many of us, not all obviously.)

I have zero preference and zero instinct as to what this one is, but when it comes to parenting, raising a child, etc, I can envision myself being a mother to a daughter more easily than a son, I guess because I am a daughter, you know?

But like someone else said there are no guarantees. It kind of makes me sad when people post about wanting a girl because they want someone to dress up in girly clothes or who loves dolls or whatever because having a girl does not mean you'll get that.

vanillacourage · November 2011

kasslynne:
And it seems that most woman who have GD are super close with their moms and are sad because they hope for a mother daughter relationship that they had had with their mothers.

Agree that it's likely projecting their own experiences onto their idea of what a baby girl will be or mean to them - and ignoring the fact that you can't determine those things in utero. You could end up having a very strained mother/daughter relationship, the girl could be a total tomboy, etc.

Personally, having had the experience in the ultrasound room of looking for a previously-seen heartbeat and finding the screen be completely still, just coming out of our anatomy scan with the news that the baby was completely healthy was all that I needed. I get having a twinge of disappointment if you've set yourself up with the expectation of having a certain sex, but the wailing and gnashing of the teeth that we see on here is ridiculously self-absorbed. Get some perspective and get over it.

526SadieSadie · November 2011

What I think is possibly more ridiculous than being disappointed and/or depressed about the gender of your own child is family members being upset/disappointed about it. My cousin makes no effort whatsoever to hide her disappointment in my soon-to-be daughter. She has the only boy on our side (out of 11 babies) and she constantly says I'm her last hope. Until I announced it was a girl on FB, she was texting me once a week at least to see how I was feeling, now - nada.

I'm really upset with her reaction.

Full Disclosure: I posted about my concerns about gender disappointment. I wanted a girl first, but I really felt like this baby was a boy. After finding out, we were both delighted to learn she was completely healthy and growing strong and on target, the gender was more of an after thought.

roxyu · November 2011

I actually wanted a boy and am having another girl...

HotChocolate79 · November 2011

kasslynne:

I love my DS and wouldn't trade him for a million girls. That being said we are expecting a DD this time.

I have read articles on GD. And it seems that most woman who have GD are super close with their moms and are sad because they hope for a mother daughter relationship that they had had with their mothers. It is not so much about the pinks and purples more so that fact they will miss out on mother daughter bonding that they might not necessarily get with all sons.

I suppose I can see that. I don't have a very positive relationship with my mother, unfortunately. She gets along with my brother 10000x better and has said herself on a number of occasions that she should have had all boys.

LilyPotter218 · November 2011

dswed0407:
For those that have multiples of the same sex, I can understand some gender disappointment. It's those that are on their 1st pregnancies and are getting upset that really confuses me. FWIW, having a son is amazing! Sure they are little more rambunctious then girls, and get shafted in the wardrobe area, but boys are so so lovable and fun!

Some of us on our first are only having one... I was not upset and would not have been either way, but I can understand, for those of us having just one, being a little disappointed.

That being said, I do think it is nuts to assume one way, buy things for him/her, name the baby and THEN find out the sex and be crushed. DH and I are having one, we knew this would mean we only get ONE sex and would miss out on the other.

ACC0512 · November 2011

salt78:
ETA: I also think that many women would love to have a little girl. There's nothing wrong with that. Many men would love to have a little boy to do guy stuff with, but of course there aren't men here posting on this topic so you don't hear that side of it.

I agree. I think it's more of the bond you have with the parent of the same gender...or wish you had.

AugustSkye · November 2011

At first, I had hoped we were having a boy because every time I visualized our child, I always saw a boy. That, plus I am convinced that DH hung the moon and can walk on water, and I wanted a miniature version of him running around. Weird, yes... But something about pregnancy made me crazy! LOL.

Then the ultrasound revealed our baby was a girl; I was a little disappointed at first but I got over it very shortly thereafter when DH and I took a stroll through BRU and picked out her first bathing suit and other cute little things. Now, I couldn't be more excited about our daughter.

In my case, gender "disappointment" (although I think that's a little extreme for how brief mine was, LOL) was a result of me being fixated on having a son and visualizing our baby as a boy. I suppose that's normal... But I agree with PP's; full-blown gender disappointment that's borderline depression is just selfish.

KayteandRob · November 2011

This confuses me as well, but I actually am hoping for a boy. I already have a girl, so maybe that has something to do with it.

Want a personalized experience?

Has anyone else noticed that all the gender dissapointment is with boys?

Re: Has anyone else noticed that all the gender dissapointment is with boys?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards