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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
PandasMama0626
member
HELP! 17 month old tantrums with vomiting
PandasMama0626
member
Hello all you mommys out there! I have a beautiful 17 month old daughter, Pandora, who has the most insane tantrums. She doesn't always throw tantrums, but when she does, for the most part, they are normal. i.e. she gets upset when you take something she wants away - can be cured with giving her an alternative toy. She gets mad when I take her off the couch for running on it - can be cured with putting on Yo Gabba Gabba or bringing out her coloring book. But the one that gets completely out of control is when we get ready to leave the house or get in the car.
Let me stop here and give you some background. I'm a stay at home mom who goes to grad school full time online and works 10-12 hours a week at night tutoring English online after Pandora goes to bed. So, I'm pretty busy during the days, but we are inside, at home, 98% of the time... it sucks, but...I get to stay home with Pandora, work, and get my schooling done. The other bad part is we only have 1 car and the hubby works 6 days a week, 60 hours a week. So... needless to say, leaving the house is a no go unless its his day off or early before he leaves for work. So Pandora isn't quite as used to the car as most kids since she only gets in it 1 or 2 times a week. Another factor is we live about 40-60 mins from town. So when she does get in the car, its for long periods of time (a long time for a toddler that is).
Now back to the issue at hand: She HATES leaving the house. About a month ago, things were fine. She would start to get fussy after about 20 mins in the car, but not a big deal. She usually would fall asleep by then, or we would give her some toys or a book and she was fine. The hubby had to work some extra hours 2 weeks in a row, so we didn't leave the house at all for 2 weeks. So, when she got in the car for the first time in 2 weeks, she flipped out. She cried, screamed, and hid her eyes. I thought it might be just because it happened to be raining that day and she was scared of the windshield wipers. So, I waited until it stopped raining before I put her in the car again. On the way down to town, she screamed and cried the entire 40 mins so hard, I thought she would pass out from lack of oxygen! On the way home though, she started in again (I try to console her and speak sweetly, but not stopping or taking her out to give her what she wants) this time, she vomited all over. I had to pull over, clean her up, and put her back in the car. I thought it was a 1 time thing... nope, since then, nearly every time we put her in the car, she vomits. Now, she doesn't even cry! She just gets in, and boom... pukes. We seem to be making progress now since we got a portable DVD player and I just pop in Yo Gabba Gabba. Her mind is off the car and she doesn't fuss.
However, (here is the main issue now) when she sees me getting her diaper bag read, and I come in to put her shoes and socks on, she has a melt down. She crys, screams, kicks, stomps, then throws up as soon as I try to put a sock on. She calms down once I take my shoes off, get her undressed, clean her up, and sit down to take a breath. As soon as I start getting read to go again, it all starts up. I try and take precautions by putting clothes that are easy to clean on her before we get ready to go, keeping her in the kitchen until we leave (its easier to clean a kitchen floor than carpeting), put on her favorite cartoon, and get the DVD player going before she gets in the car, leaving the car door open so the moment we step out of the house ,she sees her cartoons are playing in the car, and talking calmly and sweetly to her throughout the entire process. Its exhausting!!!! All I want to do is keep her from making herself vomit. Its not that she cries so hard it just happens... she actually can stop herself in mid vomit sometimes when she sees me give in. Half the time, she doesn't even cry... she just gives a small wimper, then vomits when she gets in the car or when we try to leave. I'm worried about it ruining her teeth, or this becoming so easy for her than she does it as she gets older and older. Her doctor doesn't even have much advice besides just be prepared for it, don't react if you can help it, and hopefully it will blow over. I'm at my witz end! And with the hubby working so much and always gone, I'm pretty much a single parent. Have any of you other moms dealt with a child so scared of the car or leaving the house? Or vomiting on command to get their way? HELP! Advice!!! Anything! - Tiffany
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Re: HELP! 17 month old tantrums with vomiting
Honestly, it sounds like the only thing that might help is to expose her to the car more often so that getting in it becomes commonplace to her and not such a big ordeal. Is there a way you could drive your husband to work once or twice a week so she gets used to it?
I understand your situation is tough with school, work, etc but I think it's important to get your daughter out of the house more than 1 time in 2 weeks. Join a mommy and me playgroup where you can go to other mom's houses or something, even if it means walking. Getting her out of the house may help the situation with the car.
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Wow- that was insanely long.
My only advice is the same as the doctors- don't react. Just clean it up and move on. I think the only cure would be to take her out more often so she can get used to being in the car, however you said that isnt possible. Do you take her on walks? Anything outside? Maybe try that first.
Or would it be worth it to get another cheap car? H and I are also a 1 car family, however that is about to change because we have such different schedules. Were keeping a spending cap of $2500, because I wont be driving often. Only when my school schedule doesnt match up with his work schedule.
Also- Persistence DOES pay off. Keep ignoring the vomiting, and soon your DD will see that it is getting her no where.
GL!
I so wish it was that easy. My hubby works different hours each day, sometimes 4am - 3pm, other days 1pm - 11pm. I don't have anyone to watch Pandora while I take Bill to work, and waking her up and putting her in the car would be a nightmare that early in the morning or late at night. We just got her on a good, solid routine too, which seems to have helped her stop her other tantrums.
I've looked into mommy and me play groups but they are all during hours I don't have access to the car.
We live 40-60 mins from town (depending on the time of day and how far into town I need to go). We are way up in the mountains, so any kind of school, hospital, store... is fairly far away. Where we live is mostly retirement, so we don't even have a preschool nearby. We will be moving closer to town (possibly in town) in February, but for now, we are pretty much isolated. 
I agree though that exposing her to the car more often is probably the thing to do. Hopefully by next year we can afford a car for me so things like this won't be so much of an issue. Until then... I just want to try and make the trips out of the house as pleasant as possible for her and curb the vomiting.
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I know this was retracted, but I still agree with this. It might be worth at least calling an OT to rule out oversensitivity to motion. You can try your county's Birth to Three program- they will come out to the house and complete an evaluation. If nothing else, they may offer some suggestions to deal with the behavior.