Did you tell people you were TTC or not?

ClickerishReturns · November 2011

It's something we're trying to figure out. We work together, which makes this somewhat complicated.

I sort of want to keep it out of the place I'm working in so I have one area that's not infiltrated by whatever is going on with a baby or lack thereof, but I also understand that's not as fair to her since for cultural reasons most of her best friends are our colleagues. I can't really ask her not to tell her friends that we're TTC, but given my loss in the past, I sort of want to wait until we know it's actually going to work.

Thoughts?

2brides · November 2011

No one at our workplaces knew (which made appts a bit tricky...I am sure my supervisor thought I was gravely ill!) nor did we didn't tell our families. Both groups found out when I was 12w. We did tell a few friends that we were TTC. At first we didn't tell people specifics (as in when we were inseminating, etc) but as time wore on, we were more free flowing with information.

ctbride08 · November 2011

Only a few friends. I did end up telling my boss after a year and a half - but only because she pulled me aside and expressed concern because she could see that i was not in a good place emotionally.

in hindsight i'm not sure it was a good decision or not. on the one hand, it was a terribly difficult process for us and i'm glad we didnt have a million people asking/wondering. But on the other, its bizzare that there is this huge defining thing in my life that so many people have no idea about.

LolaBelle515 · November 2011

I'm sure there are pros/cons to both, and you'll make the right decision to you. For us, we were very upfront from the beginning because we don't have any LGBT folks in our friend group or families that already have kids. We didn't want people to be surprised. So, we just started hinting at wanting a family and then eventually gave people a general timeline. If they asked questions, we told them (ie. how we were inseminating), if they didn't...we left it at that. We just wanted to be open through the whole thing. We did each casually mention it to our colleagues, but not with nearly as much detail...but that's a little different since you're also good friends with your colleagues.

For me, being open from the beginning has been a good decision because it's severely cut down on the questions once we got pregnant (which is obvious because of the questions I get from people less central to our lives who didn't know) and we're appreciated that. Everyone is just plain thrilled for us now and was anxious to see it happen, instead of shocked when it did:)

Good luck making the right decision for you both!

lnelson20 · November 2011

We were pretty open (with the exception of work) with the people in our lives about our plans. We were amazingly fortunate in the path our TTC took so that we didn't experience having to explain a BFN cycle or a loss. Our thought was that the people we told were the same people we would lean into if those had been our experiences. I think there is no right or wrong approach--just the one that feels right for you. Good luck!!

Two*True · November 2011

No one at work knew. I told them at the start of my second trimester. Only a few friends knew. We did not tell family, but that wasn't really difficult since we don't live near each other.

thiswillbe · November 2011

We work together, too (same agency, same division, different areas), and for the most part we kept it quiet at work. Our closest friends are work friends, but we didn't want to risk it getting around. I think we agreed that each of us could have one (trusted and trustworthy) friend at work who could know what was going on. I think it's totally fair to ask that she limit the number of people at work she talks to about your ttcing, since it potentially impacts you as well.

JoySeattle · November 2011

We ttc'ed two years ago, and then took a break. We each told a few friends and I told some people in my grad program. I don't regret that, but I'm glad we didn't tell more. When we start again, I'm only planning to tell those who I really feel I want to know.

Meegs10.13.06 · November 2011

We told people the first time around, but when we lost that babe, we decided to play things closer to the vest. People knew we were going to try again within a few months, but that was all they knew, and we didn't tell about our pregnancy until after a good ultrasound at 7 weeks (to our parents and a few VERY close friends) and at 12 weeks (everyone else).

hlke · November 2011

We've let it be known that we want a family, and fairly soon. A few close friends have asked us questions about the logistics. These are people who are close to us and want to understand what we will be undertaking.

Once we start TTC, I will be totally open with my two BFFs, because I am someone who really needs to talk things through to figure out my emotions. I think we won't tell anyone else until 8 weeks or so.

EratMama · November 2011

A little different since we were TTFoster/TTAdopt.

L's original thought was not to tell anyone until after we were licensed. Then, she saw that could be strange. Why are you renovating the office? Umm.....

We planned to tell a few close people--ended up coming up very naturally, and I'm happy with the rate people were told our plans.

ashnamanda · November 2011

A few close friends know we are TTC, we are keeping it a secret from everyone else including family. No since in getting everyones hopes up incase it doesnt happen for us!

ball.and.chain · November 2011

The short answer is yes. I told my closest friends because I was excited, needed their support and thought it would be easier to not have to field questions about why I wasn't drinking etc (in our group of friends there are a lot of dinner parties and dinners out, lots of wine and trips to wineries, and several cocktail enthusiasts who like to share their concoctions with everyone. It would have been noticed). The news spread a bit to others in our group but everyone's been super supportive and that's been nice. There are probably more people who know than I originally would have liked, but I don't regret telling people. If we end up having a difficult time with this, I would want their support and I know we'd have it. They've asked us questions about the process but have been sensitive enough to understand that if we have good news to share, we'll share it -- and if they don't hear good news, it's probably better not to ask.

My wife told her sister because they are really close -- she's really her best friend -- but other than that we haven't told our families (parents or other siblings). It just seems easier to tell them once I'm actually pregnant; some of them are not always very sensitive (my dad is the type who I can imagine asking me every week if I am pregnant and not understanding why it is frustrating or upsetting to keep having to say no). They're all supportive of our relationship and will be excited when we do get pregnant, but fielding the questions from them seemed somehow more potentially irritating than fielding questions from our friends.

mandykatie · November 2011

We decided not to tell anyone, and that lasted about a week. We aren't telling family, because we wanted them to be surprised (since we won't be). As time has gone on, more and more friends have been told, and now I think it's a miracle that our families don't know. I slipped to my mom the other day, but I think I saved it, I'm not sure! Hopefully we won't have to keep it quiet too much longer.

ball.and.chain · November 2011

Oh, and I wanted to add -- I did tell my boss and co-worker. There are only 3 of us in our department/location, so we are very close. We know a lot about each others' personal lives and I think the doctor's appointments on a monthly basis + without much notice would have made them suspicious that something was going on. My boss is also a lesbian and loves kids and I think would have had them if she and her partner had met earlier in life, so she is really excited for me. Both have been super supportive. No one else at work knows because they don't need to know, but I'm glad I told those two.

Want a personalized experience?

Did you tell people you were TTC or not?

Re: Did you tell people you were TTC or not?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards