Annoying Sister-in-law

bradybabymamma · November 2011

My SIL use to work in daycare and has two teenage kids. She thinks she's God's gift to babies... like she's got the touch or something.

She keeps annoying me. Changing his clothes when he doesn't need it, feeding him stuff before I have, teaching him things and insisting that he likes it "this way"... you know how it goes.

But tonight, she brought me "Baby's First Christmas" ornament with his name and the year... ENGRAVED!!! She got it from a "specialty" christmas store "a few months ago"she said.

It's nice and all... but it's just getting out of hand. It's MY place to buy him his first ornament... not her's.

How do I handle this nonsence?

LoveMaBaybee · November 2011

Is she watching your LO? Is she giving him these foods/changing his clothes while you are around or when she has him? If you are there, just mention to her that he doesn't need his clothes changed, and tell her that you want to introduce new foods to him in the event he is allergic, and you will need to know what he has eaten. If you aren't there, who cares if she is changing his clothes? As for the food, tell her that whatever you send with him he eats, nothing else.

As far as the ornament goes, she is just excited about it, it doesn't mean you can't get him an ornament that is from you for his first Christmas. He can have a first Christmas ornament from his aunt, and from you.

Also, hang hers on the back of the tree.

lilbit923 · November 2011

You need to put your foot down. Maybe she's just missing having a baby but she had her baby time with her kids. It's your turn.

I have had issues with my MIL along these lines. She has boundary issues and it got bad. She insisted on taking Emma for her first Santa pic. Umm, no she's my daughter. I will do it. I wasn't home 2 days from the c-section, I nursed Emma and laid her in the pack and play. My MIL was waiting at the door listening, came in and took Emma. I tried to sit up quickly and hurt myself. She told me "You've done your job, all you needed to do was feed her, it's my turn."

She tried to grab my boob and adjust me when I was nursing Emma. She said "I need to make sure my granddaughter is being fed." Uh chick! Grab my boob again and you'll be scratching your ass with a stump.

She would always ask "How's MY baby?" so one day I told her "He's fine, he's at work, should be home around 6." She started catching a clue but regressed. I told her in front of DH one night after it just became too much "Whatever comes out of my uterus does not belong to you." She has backed off since then.

You need to set your SIL straight. Maybe she doesn't realize she's being a PITA. But this is your baby, not hers.

HappyMama2011 · November 2011

I wouldn't be annoyed by the ornament but I would be by the other stuff. I'm sure that we will be getting those ornaments by a few family members and you will always remember the one that you got. Plus, it is your tree so you could just not put it up. As for the other know-it-all stuff, try to set boundaries if you can. A simple "I prefer that you not do that" should suffice. You don't owe her an explaination. Just be firm.

OctGirl80 · November 2011

lilbit923:
You need to put your foot down. Maybe she's just missing having a baby but she had her baby time with her kids. It's your turn.

I have had issues with my MIL along these lines. She has boundary issues and it got bad. She insisted on taking Emma for her first Santa pic. Umm, no she's my daughter. I will do it. I wasn't home 2 days from the c-section, I nursed Emma and laid her in the pack and play. My MIL was waiting at the door listening, came in and took Emma. I tried to sit up quickly and hurt myself. She told me "You've done your job, all you needed to do was feed her, it's my turn."

She tried to grab my boob and adjust me when I was nursing Emma. She said "I need to make sure my granddaughter is being fed." Uh chick! Grab my boob again and you'll be scratching your ass with a stump.

She would always ask "How's MY baby?" so one day I told her "He's fine, he's at work, should be home around 6." She started catching a clue but regressed. I told her in front of DH one night after it just became too much "Whatever comes out of my uterus does not belong to you." She has backed off since then.

You need to set your SIL straight. Maybe she doesn't realize she's being a PITA. But this is your baby, not hers.

Yes

ASmallWonder · November 2011

I'm just going to chime in as a SIL who has possibly pissed off my SIL doing stuff like this. I bought the baby a first christmas ornament (thought not with his name on it) and then I bought him a first Thanksgiving outfit. Hand to God I didn't mean to overstep. I just saw them and my first thought was "OMG CUTE!!" so I snatched them up. Sometimes you have to look for the good in people's intentions and not assume they're trying to piss you off, kwim?

I'm not saying not to talk to her about how you feel but please be careful about how you approach it. I'm sure her heart is in the right place.

redston · November 2011

My SIL did the same thing! She bought the first Christmas ornament....who does that?! Plus everything else you said.

Speak up and say something. Say, "Please stop trying to out parent me when it comes to what's best for my child. You had the chance to raise your children, and you did a fine job (if that's true), now it's my turn. I'm sure you didn't mean to (yeah right!), but you're stepping on my toes. Soooo, step off or I am going to shove you threw a window! <------- don't really say it

This week with the upcoming holidays has really been a craptastic time with my IL's but I am done being quiet about the things that piss me off. I hope you get this crap worked out.

Doodle2011 · November 2011

The other know-it-all stuff would annoy me, but I think the ornament was just a nice gesture. Can't your LO can have more than one "first Christmas" ornament? You could always pick a theme for ornaments and make those YOUR annual traditional gift. Like snowmen: every year you get your LO a new snowman ornament.

futuremrshackney · November 2011

lilbit923:

You need to put your foot down. Maybe she's just missing having a baby but she had her baby time with her kids. It's your turn.

I have had issues with my MIL along these lines. She has boundary issues and it got bad. She insisted on taking Emma for her first Santa pic. Umm, no she's my daughter. I will do it. I wasn't home 2 days from the c-section, I nursed Emma and laid her in the pack and play. My MIL was waiting at the door listening, came in and took Emma. I tried to sit up quickly and hurt myself. She told me "You've done your job, all you needed to do was feed her, it's my turn."

She tried to grab my boob and adjust me when I was nursing Emma. She said "I need to make sure my granddaughter is being fed." Uh chick! Grab my boob again and you'll be scratching your ass with a stump.

She would always ask "How's MY baby?" so one day I told her "He's fine, he's at work, should be home around 6." She started catching a clue but regressed. I told her in front of DH one night after it just became too much "Whatever comes out of my uterus does not belong to you." She has backed off since then.

You need to set your SIL straight. Maybe she doesn't realize she's being a PITA. But this is your baby, not hers.

When I first read that, I thought it said she DID . I would be hot about that.

To OP I wouldn't be upset about the ornmanet, I have bought ornaments for babies before and never had the mind set that it was their "first" ornament. It was just an ornament, with the year and their name. In fact I guess I never realized people got upset about that, because I have never looked at it that way.

The food thing would and DOES piss me of. My mom will purposely ask me if A likes a certain food, and when I say "Shes never had it" she'll say "Oh shes been eating it for months" with this goofy grin on her face. I learned to pick my battles, but its almost more understandable when its a MIL getting over involved than it is with a SIL.

If shes babysitting I would mention the food thing. As far as teaching baby stuff, I think thats not so bad. I would rather my babysitter engage with baby than throw her down in her exersaucer and watch tv. Changing clothes? thats a little weird and annoying but I'm sure she'd say something like "Lo was cold, hot, uncomfortable" and you'd have no real argument.

Stick with what you feel strongly about, be assertive. Best of luck.

PeonyPumps · November 2011

#1- @ lil bit- lol at the your baby is at work comment. #2- I wouldn't be offended by the ornament. My FIL actually just tried to give Dh a baby's first Christmas ornament and h refused it, but only because I don't do random ornaments- we have a themed, decorated tree (my family lost all the Christmas decor in a flood and I refuse to go through the emotions of that again, so we only amass cheap, themed Christmas stuff that I don't feel bad to pitch or donate every few years or so). Anyway, I actually felt guilty that he had taken the time and spent the $ to get DS something and h just flatly turned it down. I'd be thankful she cares, even if it's too much. Sometimes my own sister can barely fit DS into her life, it is a priviledge to have family that loves your child.

MarSamWhitney · November 2011

Doodle2011:
The other know-it-all stuff would annoy me, but I think the ornament was just a nice gesture. Can't your LO can have more than one "first Christmas" ornament? You could always pick a theme for ornaments and make those YOUR annual traditional gift. Like snowmen: every year you get your LO a new snowman ornament.

This. you can put your foot down with the other things, and be firm about it. As for the Ornament..my LO has already received 3, and they are each thoughtful and beautiful. I dont think there is anything wrong with it.

NewFamily09 · November 2011

I know how to handle it. Do you have a hammer? Smash up the ornament. She's a mom. She should know better than to do something like that. Seriously though, just tuck the ornament away and pretend you never saw it. Go pick out one yourself.

skells · November 2011

I agree with a lot of the PP. The changing of clothes and feeding him food would be over the line, but I see no problem with her buying a christmas ornament! DS was born on Dec 23rd and I was so happy that people went out last minute and got him ornaments so the we didn't miss out. I would have NEVER told any of them (especially immediate family) that their gift was not wanted and nonsense! Go ahead and buy him one as well, noone is saying that you can't do that, DS has like 4 and we bought none of them. PP might be on to something when she said she was just probably overly excited. Don't get worked up over the ornament, its not worth it.

Doodle2011 · November 2011

NewFamily09:
I know how to handle it. Do you have a hammer? Smash up the ornament. She's a mom. She should know better than to do something like that. Seriously though, just tuck the ornament away and pretend you never saw it. Go pick out one yourself.

Oh crap, I hope my Jan 2011 elfster match doesn't feel this way when she opens her package from me! LOL!!

Wufroggy79 · November 2011

Could she *gasp* just be doing something nice by buying an ornament? I think this is a slight overreaction that has more to do with the fact that you clearly just don't like her, and therefore she can't do anything right.

Wufroggy79 · November 2011

NewFamily09:
I know how to handle it. Do you have a hammer? Smash up the ornament. She's a mom. She should know better than to do something like that. Seriously though, just tuck the ornament away and pretend you never saw it. Go pick out one yourself.

Whoa! What a nice role model for your kids. Someone gives you something and you smash it? Get over it. It's an ornament.

AshasaurusRex · November 2011

nbeseau:
NewFamily09:
I know how to handle it. Do you have a hammer? Smash up the ornament. She's a mom. She should know better than to do something like that. Seriously though, just tuck the ornament away and pretend you never saw it. Go pick out one yourself.
Whoa! What a nice role model for your kids. Someone gives you something and you smash it? Get over it. It's an ornament.

Seriously.

OP the ornament thing by itself is pretty harmless, but I can see how together with all of the other boundary issues you're having with your SIL it would be annoying. I would just get your own baby's first Christmas ornament, hang SIL's on the back of the tree, then have a conversation with her about how her actions have been making you feel.

Quesera · November 2011

PeonyPumps:
#1- @ lil bit- lol at the your baby is at work comment. #2- I wouldn't be offended by the ornament. My FIL actually just tried to give Dh a baby's first Christmas ornament and h refused it, but only because I don't do random ornaments- we have a themed, decorated tree (my family lost all the Christmas decor in a flood and I refuse to go through the emotions of that again, so we only amass cheap, themed Christmas stuff that I don't feel bad to pitch or donate every few years or so). Anyway, I actually felt guilty that he had taken the time and spent the $ to get DS something and h just flatly turned it down. I'd be thankful she cares, even if it's too much. Sometimes my own sister can barely fit DS into her life, it is a priviledge to have family that loves your child.

I just don't get being this rigid. Your fil tried to do something nice and you probably Hirt his feelings. How hard is it to keep the ornament, hang it on the tree when he comes over? I like to have things my way too, but not at the expense of other people.

jcole32444 · November 2011

I guess it's just me, but I don't find anything wrong with it. She is just trying to be nice. Say thank you but I really wanted to be the first one to buy him this. Maybe find some way to put from Auntie ***** on it. Then go buy your own.

I don't think it matters what LO is wearing. IMO What's an extra outfit in the laundry. I have to do it anyways.

The food thing would bother me though. I like to know what he is eating and when if it is new. For allergy reasons. But I no longer get tied up in the I missed the first bite deal. Although Jay is eating a lot of food and I have realized at this point I don't think I could be there for everything.

I wish you luck with your SIL. I know they can be difficult.

jcole32444 · November 2011

Doodle2011:
NewFamily09:
I know how to handle it. Do you have a hammer? Smash up the ornament. She's a mom. She should know better than to do something like that. Seriously though, just tuck the ornament away and pretend you never saw it. Go pick out one yourself.
Oh crap, I hope my Jan 2011 elfster match doesn't feel this way when she opens her package from me! LOL!!

I had been thinking about getting one. But after reading this I think I will keep that out of the package.

Doodle2011 · November 2011

mine has already been bought, so if she does feel that way, she should feel free to turn it into a cat toy. I wouldn't care at all.

)

RyAnsMoMMy123 · November 2011

elmoali:

I'm just going to chime in as a SIL who has possibly pissed off my SIL doing stuff like this. I bought the baby a first christmas ornament (thought not with his name on it) and then I bought him a first Thanksgiving outfit. Hand to God I didn't mean to overstep. I just saw them and my first thought was "OMG CUTE!!" so I snatched them up. Sometimes you have to look for the good in people's intentions and not assume they're trying to piss you off, kwim?

I'm not saying not to talk to her about how you feel but please be careful about how you approach it. I'm sure her heart is in the right place.

No one ever means to overstep. They usually just unknowingly have boundary issues and need to be told so. For example. Had they just bought an outfit because it's cute then it would be one thing, but the fact that they call it a "first thankgiving outfit" makes it a pushy/overstepped gift IMO. It makes it even more pushy to tell the mother that it's a gift that is meant to be used for a certain event, holiday, party etc....(Not saying that's what you are doing just a generalization). Kwim?

RayRay007 · November 2011

Why is SIL around so much? I would just stop having her over all the time. Her trying to parent your child would piss me off. I don't get why extended family can't just come over and be auntie or grandma or whoever and just play with the child and not be so involved in the parenting. I have this issue with MIL.

I wouldn't care so much about the ornament. I have like 3 first christmas ornaments. I don't know who they all came from, but I always felt special.

Want a personalized experience?

Annoying Sister-in-law

Re: Annoying Sister-in-law

Choose Another Board

Search Boards