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Client asked if I have kids...

roxyttandmeroxyttandme member
in Late Term and Child Loss
A client asked me on the phone if I have kids.... Him: So, do you have kids.:::insert awkward silence and gulp:::  Me: I have  a daughterHim: Oh really? Me too! How old is yours?Me: Well, she passed away - but otherwise, she would be just over two. :::insert awkward silence::: Him: Oh.... So, tell me about that configuration on the new machine again...Me in my mind: A$$hole!  How do you handle these situations???  Or plan to for that matter???
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Re: Client asked if I have kids...

  • caitriona87caitriona87 member

    I hate this question. I haven't had to deal with it as much because I'm not working yet but DH gets it all. the. time. He usually takes the same route you did or similar...just trying not to bring up the fact that he died. He finds that if he says "he'd be 11 months" (today, actually) people sometimes don't catch on.

    I, on the other hand, usually plow right on through with something like "I have a son, but he died." No point beating around the bush I guess. 

    I hate answering that way but I don't think I could ever say no to that question.

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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member
    imagecaitriona87:

    I could ever say no to that question. 

    This is 100% me! How could I deny the fact that I have a daughter??? It is just not in me. If people don't want to hear the truth, then they shouldn't ask the question, IMO. 

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  • pb127pb127 member

    I say it all in the same sentence "Yes, I have a son, but he passed away" and then I am the one to change the subject (usually after the condolence remark). It's hard, but it works for me.  I can't and won't say "no" to this question.

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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    I had a lot more of the is this your first at the end of my pregnancy. I would say well hopefully my first take home then I would say that I have a son who passed away. I will always answer that I have 2 children.
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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member

    imagemagdalina.h:
    I had a lot more of the is this your first at the end of my pregnancy. I would say well hopefully my first take home then I would say that I have a son who passed away. I will always answer that I have 2 children.

    That is b/c you do, my love...  

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  • easjer05easjer05 member

    It depends on who it is and where I am.  I have said that I don't have kids, and I'm at peace with that.  I don't feel the need to share him with everyone.  I know the cashier at the grocery store is just making polite conversation and I will probably never see her again.  Meh.

    If I feel like it, I say "I do have a son, Gabriel.  He passed away shortly after his very premature birth."

    I often find myself now saying, in response to 'is this your first?' - "No, no.  I have a son who passed away after he was born prematurely." or "If we are lucky, this will be the first one we take home."

    I know I am not denying his place in my heart or the importance of his existence by not engaging in that conversation every time.  It took me a long time of struggling, but I need to protect myself as well, and it wasn't right for me to explain it all every single time.


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  • caitriona87caitriona87 member
    imageeasjer05:

    I know I am not denying his place in my heart or the importance of his existence by not engaging in that conversation every time.  It took me a long time of struggling, but I need to protect myself as well, and it wasn't right for me to explain it all every single time.

    This is totally understandable too. I just wanted to make clear that the fact that I don't want to do that doesn't mean I think nobody should. I can definitely understand not wanting to share something like that with random people. 

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  • greekimport83greekimport83
    I'm a pediatric nurse, so I get asked this on literally a daily basis. I usually say I had a son who was stillborn. This leads to a lot of questions and omg I'm so sorry! A few have started crying, which doesn't make things easier for me NOT to cry lol. Still learning how to answer this honestly, while not having to explain the whole thing to strangers. Saying no kids feels wrong, but if I say yes it's the same thing..lots of follow up questions which lead to the inevitable. Someone once suggested I say I HAD a son...maybe I'll try that out my next shift...
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