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JumpAroundBucky
member
Are you KIDDING me?! VENT
JumpAroundBucky
member
I am so hurt right now, so please bear with this possibly long, possibly jumbled post.
I just got off the phone with my dad- as a background, he and I have never had a good relationship, and I do my best to keep my distance (I see him once a month-ish). I was pregnant around this time last year and had a m/c at 13 weeks. I had already told my family thinking I was in the clear, so he knew about it, and did not take it well (...worse than I did).
Last week my grandma (my dad's mom) was put on hospice care and we were told she has about two weeks to live. I drove down to St. Louis with my dad to be there for him and the family, and to say my good-byes.
20 minutes ago my dad called with an update (no major changes), and was quiet and then said, "I really wish she could've met her great-grandchild." I told him, I know, I do too, but sometimes those things don't work out; it's hard for everyone, etc.... and he stops, gets angry and says:
"Do you know how many people were looking forward to this? DO YOU? If you hadn't ruined it, she would've gotten the opportunity to meet this baby, and now she will never get that chance. You child will grow up never knowing her because of you."
I hung up.
I understand that it is an EXTREMELY difficult time in his life right now, but are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?! He BLAMES me for this. awesome.
Thanks for reading my vent. I'm going to go eat a gallon of ice cream.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Are you KIDDING me?! VENT
OMG. That's a terrible thing to say/think. Even when it's an extremely difficult time there is no excuse for that.
::hugs::
First off, I am so sorry your family is going through such a difficult time
Secondly, while I understand your father is dealing with a lot of negative emotions... he still has no right to say such awful and guilt-provoking comments to you. You know your miscarriage was not your fault, and that's what matters. Hopefully he will either get ahold of himself and can think clear enough to understand what he said was gut-wrenching awful and apologize OR he will just never mention it again and leave you be. No one should ever be made to feel at fault for miscarrying. (((hugs))) to you.
~Sweet Girl *8/18/08* c-section ~ Sweet Boy *12/2/10* VBAC ~ Sweet Boy *8/14/12* VBAC~
VBAC Birth Story 2VBAC Birth Story
dx: LPD & low progesterone 11/2011
BFP #1 August 23
Wow. I mean this as no offense to you, but your dad is a fvcking nut bag. I can never wrap my head around people who do or say things like this, especially PARENTS who say this to their CHILDREN. I am so sorry that this is the kind of person you have to deal with for a parent. I give you a lot credit for even seeing him once a month.
I know you know this, but there is NOTHING about this that is your fault.
TTC since 3/2011
BFP #1: 11/23/2011 EDD: 8/8/2012 c/p: 11/28/2011
BFP #2: 3/7/2012 EDD: 11/17/2012
Falling in Love! November 2014
*BFP 10/15/11*CP 10/18/11*
*BFP 2/1/12*EDD 10/14/12*natural M/C 2/24/12 7w*
*BFP 5/2/12*E born 01/03/13 (her due date)
WTF?
You know, you really are under no obligation to talk to him just because he happens to have contributed sperm. I don't talk to my mom anymore and it is the single most liberating thing I have done in my life in the past 5 or so years. I should have done it 15 years ago.
He needs to deal with his own life and issues before he is able to have a healthy relationship with you. I am so sorry, that must have been so hard to hear from him. I'm sure you already know that it was not your fault you lost the baby, but it can't hurt to hear it again. I hope you can block this out of your mind as much as possible and know you have a network of wonderful ladies here
1) I'm sorry about your miscarriage
2) I'm sorry about your grandma
3) I'm so sorry your dad is such an a.ss! If it were me I would tell him that if he ever talked like that to me again, he wouldn't be meeting any future babies either. Eff him.
THIS!!!!!! So sorry you had to deal with everything you're going through
9.6.12 - Crazy J entered the world
4.30.14 - Sweet Angel Micah John lost to T18 at 7 months pregnant
2.8.16 Miscarriage at 6 weeks
4.30.16 BFP *stick baby stick*
I'm glad you hung up on him and I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes.
Cooper+Evie=Soulmates
TTC #1 since 8/2011
Dx: Endometriosis(2000) & Uterine Fibroids
Oh my goodness
That is a HORRIBLE thing to say!! You know that m/c is NOT your fault.
I would take some time away from your dad, because he apparently isn't thinking very clearly right now.
Go enjoy your ice cream. I wish I could give you a hug
bump burp
[spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow
BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010
BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)
3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!
Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500
First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat
LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!
TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015
Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015
Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270
First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.
JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.
TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]
Oh My God! I'm so sorry he said that to you!
I would never be able to forgive someone who said that to me. I'm sorry! Just remember that it was not your fault! And he's acting crazy!
[spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow
BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010
BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)
3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!
Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500
First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat
LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!
TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015
Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015
Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270
First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.
JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.
TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]
I am speechless, but this is exactly what I would say if I had the words! I am so sorry that you have to deal with such hurtful and ridiculous comments on top of all the other crap you are dealing with!
The only Easter Bunny I can get behind.
Maxwell Joseph 4/09 Lucy Violet 10/12
You ladies are amazing. Thank you for all your kind words- they really help a lot (on top of the cookie dough ice cream
.
Even before this, DH and I decided that our future child will not have one on one time with him (no babysitting or anything like that) because I just can't trust him to act the way he should. It has been a lifelong struggle for me to separate myself from him, and have slowly been getting better and better. He has tons of boundary and control issues, so I keep things from him as much as I can.
I will have to see him again in a few weeks at the funeral, but at least I'll have my family around me. I don't plan on spending time with him any time soon; I've already explained the situation to my brother, so hopefully the holidays won't be too awkward.
Again, thank you all for your kind words. As much as I know it's not my fault, it still hurts like hell to hear it, so your encouragement is so helpful.
I am so sorry you are going through this and that he said that on top of everything. It's not like you could have a changed a thing about what happened. (HUGS)
BFP#1 06/01/09~DS Born 01/29/10 via c/s
BFP#2 05/17/12~EDD 01/18/13~Natural M/C 05/27/12@6w2d
BFP#3 07/03/12~DD Born 03/08/13 via sched. c/s
BFP #4 10/03/13 EDD 06/09/14 SURPRISE!!! On our way to 2u2!
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC)...BF questions/concens welcome!
Married my love 6/11/11 | MMC 10/11/11 | Eliza Frances born 9/18/12 | Rhett Garland born 2/24/14
This. I am so so sorry. What a terrible thing to say. I seriously don't think I'd speak to him for a long time after that...
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
I am so sorry for your loss and about your grandmother.
If it were me this would probably be the last straw, since you mentioned your relationship is already strained, something must have led to that. Just because he's family doesn't mean you're obligated to interact AT ALL.
TTC since August 2011 (Me-29, DH-32).
4/28/2012 - SA: 5% motility.
5/21/2012 - SA: same results.
Only shot is IVF (ICSI)
5/31/2012 - HSG: all clear
6/22/2012 - appt with RE, confirmed ICSI is necessary.
8/3/2012 - First IVF Monitoring Appointment
8/17/2012 - Egg Retrieval (retrieved 23 eggs, 3 made it to freezer)
8/18/2012 - OHSS - hospitalized, need to wait one cycle to transfer embryo(s) due to OHSS
8/29/2012 - begin meds for frozen cycle
10/12/2012 - FET one embryo
10/24/2012 - Beta #1: 442
10/26/2012 - Beta #2: 947
10/29/2012 - Beta #3: 2900!
11/15/2012 - first u/s: baby measuring perfect, heart rate is right on target
2/6/2013 - A/S looked perfect. Still team green by choice!
7/6/2013 - Baby girl born after 44 hours of un-medicated labor, 2 hours of pushing, and emergency c-section due to transverse head. DD was perfectly healthy at 6 pounds, 14 ounces. We are thrilled!!
Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08
BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!
That. Is. Awful.
I assume he's overcome with his emotions on the impending loss of his mother, not that there is EVER an excuse for something as ridiculous as this. I don't blame you for hanging up, and I wouldn't blame you if you never had communication with him again. I'm sure you know this already, but a miscarriage (in most cases) is unpreventable & is most definitely NOT your fault. No one will feel the loss of that baby more than you will, and it's completely inappropriate for anyone to blame you.
I am so sorry you're dealing with all of this. Go ahead and devour that ice cream!
Does he think you had an abortion or something? I could see someone being so misinformed to think that miscarriage equals abortion. I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt.
But you know him better than I do so that's for you to judge.
In either case, I'm sorry this happened and want to say that I totally understand and can empathize with the whole crazy-parent thing. I haven't talked to my mom in two years because she went psycho on me. It's a really sad thing. I won't go into detail, but there was definite reason to break off those ties. So I totally understand and hope things get better for you.
No, he knew it was a miscarriage. He thinks that I didn't take care of myself or I made the baby sick or something. He's not very openminded (...obviously). He was the same way when my mom had a m/c before my brother was born.
Sorry you are on the crazy parent train. It sucks.
WOW
. ::Hugs:: I am so sorry to hear about your loss and about your grandmother.
I know what its like to have a rocky relationship with a father that you only see once a month. I'm in the same boat! He had no reason to put the blame on you and you know what happened wasn't YOUR fault! I know how stressful it can be to try to to get along, although you've been hurt so many times. You would never think your dad would say such hurtful things to his daughter and I think because it is your dad, it stings even more. Just keep your head up and don't let what he says affect you! You are so much better than that!! I can also speak from experience about trying to cut off ties with him and it is so difficult. Here's to hoping you get an apology soon and sometimes the best thing you can do is avoid contact for a little while to let him cool down. Stay strong hunny!
I have to agree. And I am so sorry for your loss, your grandma, and the way your father is acting
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Wow...to be honest I almost screamed at the computer. You handled that situation a heck of a lot better than I would have.
Oh sweets I'm so so sorry you had to hear him say that. I wish I could hug you through the computer! If I could I'd bring over more ice cream and maybe some wine.
Big big hugs hon...no one should have to hear that...especially from someone as close as their dad.
Chin up...we're here for you.
Blended Families Rock!
Goodness gracious, sweetie. I have no words.
Wow.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this right now - try not to take it to heart...you obviously know that his words aren't reflecting the truth.
I will definitely keep you in my thoughts. Stay strong!
Chemical Pregnancy