Gee thanks, Mom.

misstrish521 · November 2011

My mother has got to be the most clueless woman in the world when it comes to IF. I've struggled with depression off and on for several years and the last couple of days have been really rough. MH and I are under a lot of stress due to financial issues, IF and work issues. He's handling it pretty well, but I'm not.

So I called my mom to talk to her about how depressed I've been the last couple days and that I might start seeing a therapist soon to help me handle it. As soon as I told her that I've been crying for no apparent reason, and sleeping a lot the last few days the first words out of her mouth were "Take a pregnancy test!". I calmly explained to her that the chances of me being pregnant are so slim it's not even worth testing. But she persisted and is refusing to believe that I'm actually depressed, instead of pregnant. Ugh. I love my mom but I really did not need to hear 10 mins of "omg you must be pregnant! That's a pregnancy symptom!" when one of the reasons I'm having such a hard time is because I can't get pregnant on my own.

Sorry this is so long, I really needed to get this out and you ladies are the only ones I know that will understand! And here's your reward for reading all this!

ETA: Fixed misspelled word.

jessa8909 · November 2011

I'm so sorry. That really sucks. I've had that happen before. They really just don't understand how bad of a toll IF takes on us. Hugs...

ukcats27 · November 2011

I'm so sorry. Some people just don't know what to say and your mother and mine are two of those people. ((hugs))

Trish11278 · November 2011

I am so sorry you had to listen to that. You would think our family members who know what we are going through would be more sympathetic. I hope your mom is a little more understanding next time you talk to her. (((HUGS)))

TJ1979 · November 2011

Ouch, that was insensitive. I really wish more people could understand how hard IF is. People say the dumbest things. After my m/c my dad said 'at least it wasn't a kidney stone, those things hurt.' I know he didn't mean to be ugly, but I'd take a kidney stone over losing my baby any day. I'm also sorry you're going through a depression, IF is so hard, and the hormone fluctuations don't help. I hope you find what you need with the therapist.

brookelynpaisley · November 2011

I'm so sorry. That would be so annoying. It kind of reminds of me of one CD2 when I mentioned that I was tired and felt crappy and someone said, "you must be pregnant!" and I literally wanted to throw my tampon at them. I know it's worse when it's your mom, though. I hope she catches a clue.

And also, I totally advocate talking to someone. I've only done two sessions, but it's a great outlet. ((hugs))

pinkmickey24 · November 2011

I am sorry your mom wasn't paying attention to what you were saying and only hearing what she wanted to hear (my mom is this way). I hope seeing a therapist helps you through your depression.

dragontears507 · November 2011

Sorry your mom is so insensitive. That's the exact reason I haven't told a lot of people. Maybe it would help if you explained to her that when she keeps saying things like that it only makes you feel hurt. She might just need to be told bluntly to shut it when talking to you about IF.

bwe1100 · November 2011

I'm so sorry Trish. On top of IF, it stinks that you have to deal with an out-of-touch mom. Big hugs to you!

misstrish521 · November 2011

Thanks ladies! It helps so much to have such a wonderful group of ladies who understand what I'm dealing with! Big hugs to you all!

MsGMChick · November 2011

I'm sorry, hun. I know she meant well but even moms don't know what to say sometimes. It's like my mom who told me she had trouble having me. Her and my dad tried for a while and made an apt with an RE. The morning of the apt she was so sick but went anyway... yup.. KU with me and having m/s. I'm sure that was suppose to make me feel better, but it didn't.

kaleidoskpeyez · November 2011

Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm shocked by how clueless some people can be, even if they probably mean well. If you haven't lived IF, you'll never really understand it. (((hugs)))

zookbride · November 2011

((Hugs)) I've had to tell my mom more than once how things work when you are infertile. She thinks she can relate b/c she had to do a year's worth of temping and 1 round of Clomid to get pg with me. Yeah...totally NOT the same thing I'm dealing with.

My mom knows not to "oh that could be a pg symptom" me b/c I'll go BSC on her!

I hope you start to feel better and find a good therapist that can help you work through your feelings. I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

farmerlynda · November 2011

(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry -- I hate it when people do that. A friend of mine (who knows of our IF troubles) really thought I was pregnant because I had a migraine headache, and kept hinting or asking if I was.

To look on the (small) bright side, your mom was probably trying to be helpful/kind... she was just (obviously) failing miserably.

psych05 · November 2011

Wow... sorry your mom wasn't listening to what you said. And thanks for the cookies.

eponine7682 · November 2011

Sounds like we must be sisters because we have the same momma! Ugh, so annoying! My mother insisted that we should have been able to get pregnant on our own with 1 million sperm that had 20% motility. It took until we got the dx of 0 sperm for her to finally agree that we need help. GRR!

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