Officially joining the PPD Club...

zordon+wonderland · November 2011

I just know I'm not myself these days. I'm not the happy girl expecting a baby boy. I'm not the person who thought, "No matter how much he cries, it's going to be way better than going to work!" I can't believe I'd rather be at work than dealing with my son, my own flesh and blood.

It was the hardest thing to admit and it brings me to tears every single time. But after a few weeks passed, DH asked if I had PPD and not just the blues. I tried and butted my head against the idea. I convinced myself I was just having an abnormally long fight with baby blues. I even had a few days in a row where I actually felt okay, like I could totally do this.... and then I truly believed I was out of the woods.

BAM, the past two days happened, and I knew I had to seek help. I just felt so disconnected with everything and wanted nothing to do with my son....I feel like I'm living in some sort of postpartum hell version of Groundhog Day.

So today at my regular check-up, I spoke to my Ob about it and I was prescribed Lexapro...starting at 10mg. It's hard to remain optimistic. I'm also impatient, I know it can take 3 weeks or more for me to feel better. I just hope I respond to it well and I hope by that time I haven't completely trashed my relationship with my DH.

I've lurked on this board quite a bit, afraid to speak up, afraid to admit I have this problem. But I've seen great support on here and I'm just glad I have a place to come to. I know I'm not alone in this and that helps all the more.