Dealing with IUI failure

BBN2012 · November 2011

I'm 31 yrs old and we've been TTC for 15 months. DH has tested healthy as can be and so far my issue is my thyroid so I was put on 50 ml of Synthroid and then it was upped to 100 ml daily. Last month we did our first IUI and I had 5 days of Clomid and two HCG injections. Sadly I got AF a few days ago and I'm having a hard time dealing even though I had no faith that the IUI was going to work. How do you/ did you deal with failed cycles? What are your coping mechanisms for staying/ getting positive again? How do you focus at your job during this tough time? I went to the RE yesterday and they want me to do 10 days of BCP (seems counterproductive, but ok) and then have the HSG test next week. I'm not clear on whether another IUI can be done this cycle if the HSG is ok, but right now I just feel like this is never going to happen for us.

TJ1979 · November 2011

Hi. I feel your pain, it can be so frustrating. I'm so sorry that your first IUI was a failure. It's no fun. I wish I had good coping mechanisms to share, but honestly, I just keep remembering to breathe, and that's about all I can do. Some days I feel like there's no way I will be able to move forward. And some days I'm pretty okay. Treat yourself today. And remember that you are more than just infertility. Focus on the other parts of you, your work, your hobbies, your husband. Good luck on your HSG next week, and just keep your head up. We're all here for you.

Blueyed228 · November 2011

For me the first IUI fail was hard. I was so convinced it was going to work. Then the second one did, but it ended in a c/p. The way that we have approached it is that every time we do one, we get closer to the result that we want. I have to keep in mind that this is all for a great goal at the end.

Im sorry it didnt work this time. Hopefully you get some good results with your HSG and get to move forward with a plan that will work for you. Plus, this board is a great place to find support and positive thoughts.

kz's_girlygirl · November 2011

After a failed cycle, I indulge myself for a short time, usually by eating copious amounts of ice cream. Then I just have to tell myself that, statistically, my chances improve with every medicated cycle.

It's never easy to hear negative news, but I try to just take it in stride and keep going.

I hope you get good news at your HSG, and can get started on your next cycle without any problems. GL!

cscronce · November 2011

I'm sorry you are going through this. I had my first IUI on October 17th, which failed. I was so heartbroken and in a deep deep place. My faith was shaken, but I came around and through it. It's so very hard, but you have to know that it will happen. I thought I couldn't do it again, but here I am on CD2 and about to start my clomid again tomorrow.

I wish you the best and hope for your BFP soon.

WifeofMrA · November 2011

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. We haven't had the letdown after an IUI failure since we just did our first..but before this IUI we had been TTC for 23 months. The last couple months before our RE appt when I would get my hopes up and see the not pregnant come across the test were such big letdowns. I allow myself to get upset and cry for a day. Then the next day try and pick myself up and look onto the next month with some optimism!

OnTheLanai · November 2011

First off I am so incredibly sorry

I haven't had a failed IUI YET...but I have had three cycles where I have wanted to do treatment in a row but couldn't and that was just devastating. I take my time to wallow and have my pity party, and then I pick myself up and move on with things.

hawaii123 · November 2011

I hope you don't mind if I post. I was once on this board and after a failed cyle and 2 more IUI's, I finally got pg with DS one the third one that I made it through all the meds without any issues. That was going to be my last month trying too because I just couldn't deal with the disappointment anymore. As much as it sucks I think you just have to push through until you get to the point that you have done all you can emotionally and physically can take. I hope I don't sound like a jerk-I just wanted to give you some encouragement and to tell you that I understand. Btw-you can still do an IUI the same cycle as your HSG

kobrie01 · November 2011

I'm really sorry and can relate to how you feel having been through three failed IUIs at this point myself. It never gets easier, but I tried to develop the mindset early on that this process is going to take time. I also keep telling myself that each failed cycle is hopefully one step closer to a BFP. Try to do something special for yourself - shop, massage, wine, treats - whatever does the trick! I find that excercise helps clear my head too. Most importantly, as someone else said, focus on things in your life that make you happy. Good luck.

steff13914 · November 2011

Blueyed228:

For me the first IUI fail was hard. I was so convinced it was going to work. Then the second one did, but it ended in a c/p. The way that we have approached it is that every time we do one, we get closer to the result that we want. I have to keep in mind that this is all for a great goal at the end.

We do this too. It hasn't gotten easier for us yet, but we fight to put the past in the past and not dwell on the things we can't control. I am normally pretty defeated when AF arrives, but shortly after I begin to be hopeful the next one will work. I also do a lot of retail therapy and kickboxing! :-P

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you this month, but don't give up hope. Good luck with your HSG.

lisagab26 · November 2011

steff13914:
Blueyed228:

For me the first IUI fail was hard. I was so convinced it was going to work. Then the second one did, but it ended in a c/p. The way that we have approached it is that every time we do one, we get closer to the result that we want. I have to keep in mind that this is all for a great goal at the end.

We do this too. It hasn't gotten easier for us yet, but we fight to put the past in the past and not dwell on the things we can't control. I am normally pretty defeated when AF arrives, but shortly after I begin to be hopeful the next one will work. I also do a lot of retail therapy and kickboxing! :-P

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you this month, but don't give up hope. Good luck with your HSG.

All of this. Plus, having had 2 failed IUIs (and in the middle of IUI Cycle 3), for me personally, my spirits tend to be lifted at the start of a new cycle; I am filled with hope again that THIS is going to be our cycle. Though you are feeling really crappy right now, you may find that as you are ready to start fresh again, your positive attitude returns.

BBN2012 · November 2011

Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I know over 20 women who've had babies with no trouble (that we know of, my DH likes to remind me!) in the last year so it's really tough to go through this with no one to relate to. It's so hard not to compare myself to those women and wonder why it's so difficult for us, but I know that doesn't do any good. It feels like we've already waited so long and every month that goes by I can't help but say to myself "so now we won't have a baby until at least (Insert Month of next year)..." or "by the time we have a baby (Insert Name of Fertile Friend) will be on #2 or #3." It's not a competition but I have to be honest and say it can feel that way sometimes.

steff13914 · November 2011

BBN2012:
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I know over 20 women who've had babies with no trouble (that we know of, my DH likes to remind me!) in the last year so it's really tough to go through this with no one to relate to. It's so hard not to compare myself to those women and wonder why it's so difficult for us, but I know that doesn't do any good. It feels like we've already waited so long and every month that goes by I can't help but say to myself "so now we won't have a baby until at least (Insert Month of next year)..." or "by the time we have a baby (Insert Name of Fertile Friend) will be on #2 or #3." It's not a competition but I have to be honest and say it can feel that way sometimes.

I can relate to all of this, and I honestly don't know how I came to terms with it. But I had to find a way to be happy in the moment now and look forward to the future with children. It's hard to want something so bad, and when it doesn't happen, you want it more. You and your husband are not "so and so"; your life is different, and you will conceive in time. I'm sorry that you're in this place, and I know how difficult is. I've struggled with depression over the summer with our m/c and SIL having number 3. but somehow through all of that, I know that I will become a mom. I look forward to it, but I also try to enjoy today. So many times with IF, we wish away days until we do our IUI, then when we can test, etc. We should be savoring each and every day because one day we'll wish for them all back.

Anyway, hugs to you, and please feel free to share here always. We're here for you.

Trish11278 · November 2011

Each failed IUI, I let myself grieve for that day (or two). After those days my focus was not on the past anymore but on what we were going to do differently this cycle to make it a BFP.

Prayer also helped me get through all this IF crap.

byrne15 · November 2011

Dealing with failure during IF never gets easier...

hang in there and just look forward to the next cycle!

April+ · November 2011

I am sorry you are feeling down about your IUI failure. My first IUI also failed but I will have to admit that after TTC for over 11 years, the pain of IF does diminish. You can only experience such heartache of a failed cycle so many times before you almost become sensitized to it. This is not necessarily a good thing, but it does help you focus on other things in life, while continuing to TTC.

*HUGS*

lilygirlie12 · November 2011

Hi

I am sorry you are going through this - I have been there and am there for the second time. Make sure what ever steps you take feel like your own. From what I have seen that can be key. Have you checked out www.fertileheart.com? You are very young and there is a lot of help and support on there. Many women go on to conceive naturally after struggling through the medical maze.

take good care

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