breastfeeding

strawberryblonde2011 · October 2011

I have been reading some bf posts on the due date month boards. It is starting to scare me... so many people struggling and giving up. What really makes breastfeeding so hard? Is it difficult emotionally or does it just physically hurt, or both? I understand a latch is when the baby obviously latches on, but I haven't taken classes yet so I don't completely understand how it all works out (but plan to). I just want to have all the knowledge I can from people with first hand experience on what to expect. I have my heart set on breastfeeding, but no one in my family did so I have no one to talk to about it. Thanks!

TeacherTiff · October 2011

It can be painful (and although people will tell you it isn't if the latch is correct, IMO it still is at first... it's just a new experience). You are exhausted. Baby wants to eat constantly at times, especially during growth spurts.

If you have your heart and mind set to do it, you won't have any problems. Make sure your DH/mom/whomever will be around is supportive (even if they don't have first hand experience), arm yourself with the knowledge that you can beforehand, don't get talked into supplementing, and find yourself a good lactation consultant at the hospital... you'll be golden.

MelbaCat · October 2011

I bf'd for 13mos. The first 4 weeks or so were really hard. It was painful. But I can honestly say it went from being the hardest thing to the easiest.

SheenaNash1 · October 2011

TeacherTiff:
It can be painful (and although people will tell you it isn't if the latch is correct, IMO it still is at first... it's just a new experience). You are exhausted. Baby wants to eat constantly at times, especially during growth spurts.
If you have your heart and mind set to do it, you won't have any problems. Make sure your DH/mom/whomever will be around is supportive (even if they don't have first hand experience), arm yourself with the knowledge that you can beforehand, don't get talked into supplementing, and find yourself a good lactation consultant at the hospital... you'll be golden.

While I love all of your advice and think it's spot on, I do take issue with people saying the bolded part to other women. I think its probably meant to be encouraging but for some it may set them up to think they have failed if a problem really does arise. No matter how much someone may have their heart and mind set on something, there are always issues that can arise such as milk not coming in, or inadequate supply. These things are out of the mother's control. Some things are just medical issues that come up that make it not possible to breastfeed.

I, personally, plan to breastfeed as long as I can but I am trying to have the mentality of "hope for the best, plan for the worst" in case something happens. I just don't want to set myself up to feel like a failure, but that's just me.

frostnoel · October 2011

Ask about seeing a lactation consultant ASAP after delivery. Even after the classes, an LC can help with the practical things, like the latch. Your nipples will most likely be sore at first. There are lots of nipple creams, but I think pure lanolin works best and you don't have to wash it off when you feed LO.

Try not to doubt your ability, any amount that you can BF is a wonderful gift to your LO.

TeacherTiff · October 2011

SheenaNash1:
TeacherTiff:
It can be painful (and although people will tell you it isn't if the latch is correct, IMO it still is at first... it's just a new experience). You are exhausted. Baby wants to eat constantly at times, especially during growth spurts.
If you have your heart and mind set to do it, you won't have any problems. Make sure your DH/mom/whomever will be around is supportive (even if they don't have first hand experience), arm yourself with the knowledge that you can beforehand, don't get talked into supplementing, and find yourself a good lactation consultant at the hospital... you'll be golden.
While I love all of your advice and think it's spot on, I do take issue with people saying the bolded part to other women. I think its probably meant to be encouraging but for some it may set them up to think they have failed if a problem really does arise. No matter how much someone may have their heart and mind set on something, there are always issues that can arise such as milk not coming in, or inadequate supply. These things are out of the mother's control. Some things are just medical issues that come up that make it not possible to breastfeed.
I, personally, plan to breastfeed as long as I can but I am trying to have the mentality of "hope for the best, plan for the worst" in case something happens. I just don't want to set myself up to feel like a failure, but that's just me.

You're right, but it is a very small number of people who these things happen to. Many who claim to have had these problems really just didn't do everything in their power to make it work for them (and I can't blame them... it IS hard at times and formula sounds a lot easier when you are stressing about your baby eating enough, etc.) The reality is that less than 2% of women cannot breastfeed. There are plenty of things you can do to fix the problems you mentioned.. which is why I recommended a great lactation consultant. I totally agree with your mentality and in fact, that's how I went into BFing my son. I just learned over the course of our breastfeeding journey A LOT (I looked into becoming a LC, in fact) and I try to pass on helpful advice when I can.

To the OP, you won't know until the baby is here how you will do with BFing. But in my experience (BFing my own, and dealing with gobs of friends who I've helped) if it is something you are dedicated to, you will likely be fine, so long as you know that if problems do arise it doesn't have to mean the end of your journey.

JENVALENTINE1981 · October 2011

All I can say is don't go into it feeling cocky or with any expectations....it can be harder than you think. With my first son it was a breeze, he latched well, fed well, had no health problems that complicated anything and thrived well...with my daughter she had colic and severe acid reflux issues and BFing was a nightmare, it was traumatic for both of us and I only lasted barely two months and was devastated, like I failed. She wanted to nurse round the clock yet only really to soothe, when she actually tried to feed I couldn't supply her with enough ( I am now wondering if my stress with the entire situation could have somehow affected my supply?), she latched great but with the reflux she just screamed from the pain, I tried to pump thinking maybe I could feed her better with the bottle and I couldn't get more than an ounce total at any given time, she pulled away from me and finally would only stop crying after a formula bottle, she was only satisfied with the formula which made me feel insufficient...so as you can see each experience can be different so you need to prepare yourself that something that doesn't seem complicated can end up being very hard.

britglenn9 · October 2011

yeah i am a nursing student and i worked in postpartum last week-- there was a lady who was dead set on it and even taught breastfeeding to new mothers, it broke her heart that her daughter wouldnt latch. i think it was an issue with having slightly inverted nipples, not her fault. she ended up pumping, which i thought was great. i mean the bond with bf is soo great, but at least her baby is still getting the good nutrients since she pumped instead of just jumping into formula..

and one lady had huge, flat nipples which was making it VERY difficult to get a latch, but the one thing that worked with that one was dripping a couple drops of formula onto the nipple to get baby to realize what he needed to do and what he was doing it for. ive never bf myself, and i plan on it but yes it can be hard from what i've seen, whether youre 'dead set' on it or not.. all i can say is dont give up after 1 day, i saw that a lot too.

niknak7 · October 2011

It can be a struggle for some and others it does come naturally. I had my heart set on BFing for a few reasons, mostly because of money savings and the best nutrition for my baby. However I ran into many problems. I didn't have a lot of family support to continue BFing however I did make it to 10 months when I lost my supply due to pregnancy. I wanted to give up many times. However with BFing, a lot of people give up when it gets rough (very rarely is it truely because someone can't BF). I shed many tears and threatened to quit more times than I could count.

Some issues I encountered: I had crying out pain for the first 3 months solid even after seeing LC. DD refused to latch on one side except with nipple shield for 1st month. Nursing strike at 3 months and 8 months. Started losing supply after returning to work and had to pump for 1-2 hours at night out of the 4 I was home before bed. Had to eliminate all foods that contained any dairy/soy ingredients due to intolerance. DD also had severe reflux. DD has also always preferred the bottle and would refuse to be BF during her weekday normal bottle times on the weekends so I was stuck pumping 7 days a week.

I was happy I was able to BF DD however I am seriously considering not BF this LO due to all the issues. I think it might be different if I were a SAHM but for me, formula has been just too easy/not painful this last 2 months. However I will hopefully BF for the first 2 months I am at home and if this one is easy/not so painful I may continue longer. I think the BFing experience is so different for every mother and even every baby.

kmberman · October 2011

I wanted to BF so badly, but i had inverted nipples and had to use a sheild...so take that pain that you will have form BF and double that from the shield I had 2 different LC and my mom who had BF 4 babies and my sunt who BF 8 babies all try and help me. I also could not produce enough milk which frustrated DS and he thne became unintrested! I was devetated but my mom and sunt both told me that it was ok to FF and at that point it was just better for DS so I kept attempting to pump and only got about 2 oz total so i eventually gave up completely at 6 wks PP. There are so many different things that can cuase someone to "give up" but i dont think that its giving up its doing what is best for you and your baby!

sunnyday016 · October 2011

The hardest part for me was the first two months because she needed to eat constantly. BF babies just need to eat more often than formula babies because BM is so easily digested, so it was exhausting when I'd finish one nursing session with her, get her burped, and then she'd want to eat again less than an hour later. We got through though! After that, it became MUCH MUCH easier.

The first few weeks were painful in that my nipples were sore from her sucking. She had the correct latch, it was just a new experience for my nipples so soreness is inevitable! The nipple cream really, really helped with the soreness.

My advice to you is to get your DH and some other women who are close to you to support you. Take advantage of asking the LC at the hospital as many questions as you'd like, have her check your latch many times to make sure your LO is latching correctly from the get-go. BFing is a learning experience for the baby too, so just keep that in mind. Good luck!

kolaloo15 · October 2011

I made it to just under a year, then with this pregnancy it became to painful to do it at the same time for me. I was one of those people that wasn't really interested in doing it but we took it day by day, I lucked out and got a shield right off for my flat nipples and we took that in stride and was able to wean off of it when I forgot it at home a hour from home, at around 4 months and we learned really quick how to nurse without it! I had no expectations going into it and it seemed to work for us. Every time I was having a hard time or wish my H would get up to feed him I would think about how much more work, fixing a bottle with a screaming baby in tow and then the work (and smell) to clean them out would be!

nah82 · October 2011

You are on the right track planning to take a breastfeeding class so you will know better what to expect and some of the different ways you can fix certain issues. Everybody's experience is different and it can be very difficult and painful at the beginning. I went into it with the mindset that I was at least going to try, but not be too hard on myself if it didn't work out. After making it through some painful days (I had an inverted nipple and mine were literally bruised from trying that first day) I got more resolved to do it I guess to make the suffering worthwhile. I wasn't a hardcore LLL type nursing mom, I used a nipple shield for the first couple months, I supplemented with about one serving of formula per day from the beginning because of jaundice and when I was at work (never got much when I pumped and went through 2 pumps in the process of trying). We made it to 9 months. Give it your best and do what works for you and your baby.

CallieSam · October 2011

I think one thing that makes it hard is that a lot of new moms assume it will come naturally. Yes, breastfeeding is natural, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Childbirth is natural too, but definitely not easy! It can take work and practice, from both mom and baby, to get it right. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to communicate your breastfeeding goals to those around you and make sure they are there to support you when things get hard. It will not be helpful to have everyone tell you to just switch to formula. If you make that decision, that's fine, but it should be an informed decision, not a knee-jerk reaction because breastfeeding is taking some work. I nursed my son for almost 3 years, so if you have any specific questions, feel free to PM me. Good luck!

mrs.gee · October 2011

TeacherTiff:
SheenaNash1:
TeacherTiff:

It can be painful (and although people will tell you it isn't if the latch is correct, IMO it still is at first... it's just a new experience). You are exhausted. Baby wants to eat constantly at times, especially during growth spurts.

If you have your heart and mind set to do it, you won't have any problems. Make sure your DH/mom/whomever will be around is supportive (even if they don't have first hand experience), arm yourself with the knowledge that you can beforehand, don't get talked into supplementing, and find yourself a good lactation consultant at the hospital... you'll be golden.

While I love all of your advice and think it's spot on, I do take issue with people saying the bolded part to other women. I think its probably meant to be encouraging but for some it may set them up to think they have failed if a problem really does arise. No matter how much someone may have their heart and mind set on something, there are always issues that can arise such as milk not coming in, or inadequate supply. These things are out of the mother's control. Some things are just medical issues that come up that make it not possible to breastfeed.

I, personally, plan to breastfeed as long as I can but I am trying to have the mentality of "hope for the best, plan for the worst" in case something happens. I just don't want to set myself up to feel like a failure, but that's just me.

You're right, but it is a very small number of people who these things happen to. Many who claim to have had these problems really just didn't do everything in their power to make it work for them (and I can't blame them... it IS hard at times and formula sounds a lot easier when you are stressing about your baby eating enough, etc.) The reality is that less than 2% of women cannot breastfeed. There are plenty of things you can do to fix the problems you mentioned.. which is why I recommended a great lactation consultant. I totally agree with your mentality and in fact, that's how I went into BFing my son. I just learned over the course of our breastfeeding journey A LOT (I looked into becoming a LC, in fact) and I try to pass on helpful advice when I can.

To the OP, you won't know until the baby is here how you will do with BFing. But in my experience (BFing my own, and dealing with gobs of friends who I've helped) if it is something you are dedicated to, you will likely be fine, so long as you know that if problems do arise it doesn't have to mean the end of your journey.

Where does this 2% number come from? Are you talking about exclusively BF or do some breastfeeding?

OP: I think most of the other posters have covered why it is hard. It can be painful and emotionally it is hard to be the sole source of sustenance for your infant. It means you are on-call 24-hours a day, 7-days a week and if the baby is still hungry after you feed them it's "your fault". It's hard to tell how much they are eating and trust that your body is doing what it's supposed to. Plus, the issue may not be with you, it may be a compatibility thing between you and your LO. For example, I had a friend whose baby had very bad reflux and every BF'g session was an hour of screaming and tears (for both of them). Eventually she switched to exclusively pumping and did that for 6 months. Some people don't have jobs that allow them to pump, or can't afford a pump. Some people's LOs have such sensitive stomachs that the elimination diet required for the mother makes the entire family miserable. So sure, there are often things you can do to FORCE breastfeeding to work, I think it's an unfortunate misconception that if you decide to draw the line somewhere that you've just not tried hard enough. While it may be true that less than 2% of women can't biologically produce milk or something, that doesn't mean there aren't a lot of others who can't breastfeed for very real and legitimate issues. You hope for the best, try your hardest, and eventually decide what the right choice is for you and your family.

(And as for my experience, I breastfed DS until he was 10 months old. I had supply issues when he was 4mo and had to see a lactation consultant and drink gallons of tea and do extra pumping sessions all day. If I hadn't still been on maternity leave, I don't know if this would have been possible, either mentally or physically. When he was 10mo old he got an ear infection and refused to nurse and I tried for 6 weeks to get him back on the boob after that, with both of us crying at every feeding. All through this I had next to no familial support because I was not breastfed and my parents kept asking - from the minute DS came out - when I was going to stop with this "craziness". That is the reality of breastfeeding, and it's a wonderful thing and I hope it works for you but don't beat yourself up, your LO will be fine either way.)

TeacherTiff · October 2011

I messed up the quotes and don't care enough to go back and fix it, but...

Where does this 2% number come from? Are you talking about exclusively BF or do some breastfeeding?

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, the LC I used, and the classes we took.

mrs.gee · October 2011

TeacherTiff:

I messed up the quotes and don't care enough to go back and fix it, but...

Where does this 2% number come from? Are you talking about exclusively BF or do some breastfeeding?

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, the LC I used, and the classes we took.

Thanks!

LilyPotter218 · October 2011

I have been having horrible pain in my nipples for a few weeks now. (I mean I almost threw up at the grocery store and had trouble standing up it was so insanely painful) . When it comes on it feels like my nips are separating from my body. Lasts about 30 min and nothing I do helps the pain. I walked out of Kroger yesterday and left a full basket of groceries with the cashier telling her I just had to get out of there.

After talking to my OB about this today, she told me that it is rare, but I may be one of those women who can not BF. The pain may be unbearable if my nips are just that overly sensitive. She said the pain is normal, although mine seems more severe, but the pain of trying to BF would be 50x worse. Well 50x worse and I would be passed out from the pain so that is not an option.

I was not really planning to BF. My siblings as well as DH and all of his were all FF. Now I am glad I did not have my heart set on it, sh!t can happen...

strawberryblonde2011 · October 2011

Thank you all! You guys are wonderful.

books4brooke · October 2011

mrs.gee:
TeacherTiff:

I messed up the quotes and don't care enough to go back and fix it, but...

Where does this 2% number come from? Are you talking about exclusively BF or do some breastfeeding?

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, the LC I used, and the classes we took.

Thanks!

Do you know how many women 2% actually ends up being. A LOT! Also, that number is likely not a true estimation of the number of women who have legitimate issues, and saying things like, "they just didn't try hard enough" is patronizing and patently false. In Norway, where BF rates are considered to be some of the highest, they still have between a 2-10% failure rate. That's a lot of women.

Breastfeeding can be hard. And ultimately having to switch to formula can also be hard (partly because of misguided statements like the one above). But most women do end up being successful. Do research (not just on breastfeeding sites). I am in the minority, but I actually think that planning for possible problems makes you more likely to overcome them.

mrs.gee · October 2011

books4brooke:
mrs.gee:
TeacherTiff:

I messed up the quotes and don't care enough to go back and fix it, but...

Where does this 2% number come from? Are you talking about exclusively BF or do some breastfeeding?

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, the LC I used, and the classes we took.

Thanks!

Do you know how many women 2% actually ends up being. A LOT! Also, that number is likely not a true estimation of the number of women who have legitimate issues, and saying things like, "they just didn't try hard enough" is patronizing and patently false. In Norway, where BF rates are considered to be some of the highest, they still have between a 2-10% failure rate. That's a lot of women.

True.

I also give any stat provided by LLL a big side-eye. Obviously they have to promote their organizational interest, but I found their guidance to often be sugar-coated and unrealistic (don't get me started on the feasibility of a "nurse in"...).

OP: For tons of info on breastfeeding I'd also recommend https://kellymom.com.

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