torturing myself

karebear57 · October 2011

I don't know why I'm did this but I just went on the board for my birth month and I don't know why. There was one post I read that someone was saying she was 23wks along and didn't feel her baby move for 3 days and went to doc.to make sure baby was ok and by her next appt baby fine. That's almost exactly what happened to me except I DIDN'T go to doc.and for that I ended up paying the ultimate price. All just to NOT be a bother b/c in the past with UTIs and the such I'v had doctors make me feel like the dumbest person ever, like I don't know my own body so I don't go to them unless I'm pregnant and I have to go. I should have gone for her to make sure she was ok. It's been 3wks today when I had her, she was born still. They said it was an inflammed placenta poss.due to an infection I didn't know about. I shouldn't have waited until my u/s 2wks later. I feel so bad. I took her for granted. And now I keep snapping at my boys a lot lately then I feel rotten b/c it feels like I'm taking them for granted too. I should never have let this happen to my child.

starrkitten89 · October 2011

(((hugs))) It is not your fault.I'm so very sorry for your loss.

ruthymusney · October 2011

It's definetly NOT your fault. I'm sure we all find things we *think* we could have done different, but that doesn't mean it would have changed anything. Please do not blame yourself. Just enjoy your children. Love on them and let them know you're okay. I went to the Natural birth board. I shouldn't have. I also find myself clicking third tri a lot. We have to be gentle with ourselves. ((big hugs))

YGPM in just a minute.

[Deleted User] · October 2011

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AmyG2b · October 2011

The girls are right. I've been through all the "what ifs", but the truth is, we all do the best we can. You loved her and would have done anything for her. I'm sorry for your loss.

hewinked · October 2011

It's been said, but sweetie this is not your fault. We all play the what ifs and wish we could go back in time to change things. As someone said before, who's to say if it would have made a difference. That being said, it's hard not to. I know I still do. It's maddening, and I hate when my mind goes there. And I hear ya on the yelling at the other kiddos. DD has definitely felt the stress around our house, and I always feel like crap for losing my patience with her cuz I know just how quickly life can change. I'm very sorry for your loss. So many hugs.

pb127 · October 2011

Big (((hugs)))). I'd like to echo the others and remind you that this is NOT your fault. We all love our LOs with all our hearts and we do the best we can.