Really, really scared

jessicazoey1113 · October 2011

Hi! This is my first post. I'm pregnant for the first time, and I am just terrified of everything. Labor mostly, and the second big concern is am I going to be a good mom? I feel like some women were just born knowing what to do. I have no idea what I'm doing with a car seat, no idea how I'm going to know if my daughter is hungry, tired, sick, etc. I'm so in awe of every woman that it comes naturally to. I keep panicking about the day DH has to go back to work and I'm alone with our baby and I'll be LOST! I have never really been around newborns and I'm just terrified I'm going to do everything wrong. I even went to look at my stroller at Buy Buy Baby and had NO idea what the heck I was doing with it, I got so nervous I walked away! Anyone having similar fears?

bbhalphen · October 2011

I don't know a lot of those things either. I signed up for classes through my hospital.

bbpb112 · October 2011

I think everyone goes through it. I definitely did. Try not to think about it too much. Just enjoy beeing pregnant and worry about L&D when that time comes. Stress isn't good for the baby, and it's not good for you either. Read a little bit at a time, and definitely sign up for classes @ your hospital or birthing center. You will do great and everything will be fine once your LO is in your arms

StephCripps · October 2011

I was in the same boat.. the last time i was around a baby was when i was 11.. (last time i changed a diaper too).. had ds at 30..

I didn't think i was going to very maternal either.. but it all kinda works out.. you kinda rough it out at first.. but it seems to come kinda naturally.. the mom instincts kick in. and you just kinda go with the flow.

pacsunqtaz · October 2011

Lordy I get that feeling too. I tried to create a registry on babiesrus.com the other day and they have that quick start feature that automatically chooses popular items for you- I couldn't even figure out what half of the stuff was for!

I figure you learn as you go along- baby will never know you were completely clueless =]

jessicazoey1113 · October 2011

Thank you

gothgrrl · October 2011

Well...welcome to the FTM's club - once I found out I was pregnant, I went right back to bed and slept another hour until I felt like I could digest the news (even though this was something we planned to do)...many of the same fears surfaced for me, too. Being pregnant, having a baby (and I somehow thought I was going to be able to get a c-section....only to learn with hysterical crying that the hospitals around here are part of the national study to reduce elective c-sections in the US), what do I need for a baby, omg I am barely responsible and mature myself (despite being of "advanced maternal age")...and the list goes on.

First trip to BrU, and I totally freaked out about being around so many really pregnant women - my husband had to sit me down in a glider and fan me...then we had to leave the store. So, what made it easier....? Well, I was blessed to learn that one of the people I am closest to found out that she was pregnant with her first LO 2 weeks after me - and so I would say the buddy thing is awesome. We learn together, and we have differing view points on many issues but still feel like we are making good choices for ourselves and our little in utero ones.

Also, I polled friends who are already parents...they give some good advice when asked...and then I started reading, knowing that eventually, with patience, I can get the hang of this mom thing, too. We aren't alone, you know?

I wish you all the best, and I totally get where you are coming from....be patient, take some deep breaths...and it will all work out!

Floridamom224 · October 2011

aw, try to relax. You will be fine, I promise :-)

Jessimurph · October 2011

Most mothers don't know what the eff they are doing

Every day is sort of fly by the seat of your pants. When people saythe best day of their life was when their kids were born they NEVER mean they felt that way on that day.....it's more ofa reflection of how much fuller our lives feel with our children in them. The day they are born you're hit with the responsibility...this perfect little thing depends on you for EVERYTHING! Eeeeeek! I'm saying this because no one told me, I felt completely unprepared and thought i was the only one that sucked at parenthood. I also had severe PPD which was not easy to admit for me. Good luck

Kristinmo · October 2011

I was 100% where you are when I was pregnant with DS. I hadn't changed a diaper or held a newborn in many years. It really did come naturally once he was here. I was still scared the first week or so but after DH went back to work and I could hadle it on my own all day, I realized it is mostly common sense and I was ok.

ASmallWonder · October 2011

Most people feel that way but every mother who cares enough to be scared cares enough to figure it out. The good news is that the baby doesn't know if you screw up its diaper or that their stroller isn't a BOB or whatever. They care that they're fed, warm and loved (all things you can manage) and the rest is gravy for a while

Jillibean85 · October 2011

Nobody is born just knowing these things... Honestly, I have a 21 month old and one on the way and i still have no idea how to put in a carseat (My DH installed them, he is very handy and loves doing that stuff), so if i had to go about it myself it would take a while cause I'm not very good with instructions or building things!

And I wasn't born maternal either, I was never really great with kids or was the type to coo at babies! After my DD was born i just flew by the seat of my pants, as most parents do. Some just make it look easier than others, but that all can depend on your child, too! Some are fussier or more needy than others, etc. It's nothing to be nervous about because it isn't something you can't handle, you know what i mean? You just take it in stride a day at a time, and you'll never be perfect. Some people aren't good at parenting at all, as you can see with all the teenagers (and other people) running around being disrespectful, rude, stealing, etc. You're gonna make mistakes, but just read up on different parenting methods and see what works for you... no child or parent is cookie-cutter, we all learn as we go. You'll be just fine, I promise!

Melzig76 · October 2011

First off , hugs. Second off, BREATHE! Everything is very overwhelming, I went through the same thing when I was pg with DS and it made me miserable. The best thing that I did for myself was to educate myself. Get books, read online, there are some really great resources that are available to you, you just have to use them. Lurk on 0-3 months and see what the new moms are doing. Granted not everyone's child is the same, but you are the only one who can control the amount of information you take in. And yes honey, some of it will come naturally, the rest you wing and trail and error will allow you to know what works and doesnt. Hang in there.

Lisa9926 · October 2011

Don't worry about any of that. Labor isn't the most pleasant, but it's just a few hours of discomfort. Being a mom, does come naturally and you will see that you will be able to start to understand what your baby needs after you are with them for a while.

I would recommend you sign up for classes. I took a Baby Care class through the hospital with my first because I was never really around babies and didnt' know anyone with a baby. It was fantastic teaching you the simple things like diapering, giving a bath, swaddling, pacifiers, ect... Also it helps you to learn the current advice/techniques which some of our parents think is dumb or totally wrong (for instance you should always put a baby to sleep on it's back to help prevent SIDS...some of our parents age only will put a baby on its stomach and will argue with you about it).

You also need to ask for help. Have the nurses help you in the hospital to show you how to do certain things with your baby (breastfeed, put baby in the carseat, ect...). Ask the Buy Buy Baby staff for help/suggestions (at the stores near me, they are awesome especially if you go on a Saturday) and read some books like Baby Bargins (to know what you need and what you don't need along with good brand suggestions) and What to Expect In the First Year (so you know how to deal with the baby and what to expect).

wiltedflower19 · October 2011

im scared also but my mom told me when she was pregnant with me and my sis (we are twins) she made tons of mistakes......she says we were her practice babies and it took her 4 kids to get it right.....my little bro mat is 10 and perfect lol

med380 · October 2011

Completely normal to feel that way. You'll be surprised at how intuitiion just kicks in for a lot of things. Neither DH or I had really ever changed a diaper before DS was born. You just figure out a lot as you go - and that doesn't go away, I am still figuring out a lot as I go with my 2 year old.

For products, I highly recommend the book Baby Bargains. It breaks down all of the brands of car seats, cribs, strollers, etc, etc, and rates everything.

sunnyday016 · October 2011

Just prepare the best you can for things like labor, carseats, etc. The maternal instincts will come when your baby is born, I promise

ABeautifulMind · October 2011

elmoali:
Most people feel that way but every mother who cares enough to be scared cares enough to figure it out. The good news is that the baby doesn't know if you screw up its diaper or that their stroller isn't a BOB or whatever. They care that they're fed, warm and loved (all things you can manage) and the rest is gravy for a while

This EXACTLY!!!! Smile

biblionerd · October 2011

You'll learn, trust me! They're very helpful in the hospital also. Neither DH nor I had ever even HELD a baby, nonetheless fed one, changed a diaper, dressed one, etc. We haven't broken him yet!

Kriz_b · October 2011

Everything will be fine. take some time to just relax and tell youself that in the next year you will figure everything out. Because you will. Stick around the bump and you will learn a lot. I had a few friends who had babies before I had my son and thanks to the bump I was giving them tips. I have gained so much knowledge on here over the past 3 1/2 years. The best part is when you first get to 3rd tri board there are ladies there who are almost done and are sharing new info they've learned. When you get to 0-3, there is always someone who is further ahead of you who can help you out. Same as you go up in age. You will never be the first person on the board with a child that age.

Also sign up for newsletters/updates. I had emails from baby centre, pampers, huggies, enfamil, you name it. Most of the times I would delete them but the odd time there is useful information in there.

As for the car seat? I grew up babysitting, knew some stuff about babies, and Carseats still confuse me. I think they are made with safety first, and confusion second. I think it took me a few hours to put in our convertable seat.

sheremy · October 2011

First of all, cut yourself some slack! I can assure you that you are going to be just fine. I recommend that you read some books like, What to Expect When You're Expecting, Ina Mays guide to Natural Childbirth (even if this isn't your goal, the birth stories are inspiring and brought me a lot of peace), and any other pregnancy, and newborn care books you can get your hands on. I would also recommend you take as many birth and child care classes you can until you are feeling more confident. It's perfectly natural to be afraid of the unknown, but I guarantee you that you are making it so much worse in your head than it will ever be. It sounds like you are struggling with some pretty serious anxiety though so it might be a good idea to talk to you OBGYN and maybe even schedule an appointment with a therapist so you can talk through some of your fears. As a sufferer of Generalized Anxiety Disorder I can promise you that it will help to talk it out. The fact that you are so worried only implies that you will be a great mother. As a mother of an almost 2 year old I can tell you that you will learn your babies ques as far as when to feed them, put them to sleep, or if they are coming down with something very quickly. Just relax and know that everything will be great and that women have been doing this well, forever. Good luck, but you will be great!

KRISTA555 · October 2011

* Labor is nothing to be afraid of. You'll be better off if you just go with the flow. FWIW, my labor was awesome. No, seriously, it was great. The medical staff will tell you everything you need to know and walk you through it.

*I had zero knowledge about newborns too. My DD is still alive and doing great. You just learn as you go. Each day is a learning experience. You'll make mistakes, but the important thing is that you're willing to learn, and that you shower that baby with love.

Backpacc · October 2011

It's not so much that these women already know what to do but once you get into the swing of your babies needs it's a lot easier. I will also be a first time mom and I have found that being around people who want to make you feel like you aren't able to be a good parent (case in point, my sister who tries to do the whole maury baby boot camp scare on me) those types of people are NOT who you want to surround yourself around. But I will give you a key piece of advice that is useful in any point in life; never freak out. You can be in the most stressful situation but the moment you lay down and stop trying is when you lose sight of your goal. Being a parent is scary, but with enough research and exposure to babies that are around you will really get the ball rolling.

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