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Babies on the Brain
"gender disappointment"
I don't really get it. I can understand being disappointed to an extent when you first find out you're having the opposite sex of what you thought you were having. I cannot understand sobbing, hysterics, or asking internet strangers how you "cope" with your emotions because they're so out of control. People are fvcking stupid.
ETA- I know it's the sex you're finding out. Post title comes from another post title I stumbled across today.
Little Lurky, born 2008
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "gender disappointment"
Some people are just spoiled, whiney b**ches who should suck it up and be happy that they are having a healthy child intsead. After suffering through a MC, I want to throat punch people who whine that they aren't getting the gender they want. STFU and be happy your baby is healthy.
Sorry for the rant, but I just lost it on a woman I know who was complaining that she didn't want a boy because girls have cuter clothes.
This. I will admit that I had a moment of disappointment with DS. But seeing how happy DH was and then going to buy first baby items that afternoon, I was over it by the end of the day.
And there was no crying or hysterics.
I read that as genital disappointment
R&K married 4.15.11. TTC #1 since 7.11.12
BFP #1 9.9.12 EDD 5.21.13 c/p 9.12.12 at 4 weeks 1 day
BFP #2 10.15.12 EDD 6.28.13 c/p 10.19.12 at 4 weeks.
BFP #3 1.19.13 EDD 10.1.13 Eleanor born 10.7.13 at 40 weeks 6 days
13dpo hcg@32, progesterone@13.7, 15dpo hcg@110, 16dpo progesterone@25.9
My blog:Urban Times in Michigan ~ My Bfp Chart
Danica 10.22.10 | Milo 12.23.12
This is me. I am used to a boy so a girl scares me. We went to BRU last week and I was overwhelmed by the pink in the "girl" stuff.
The thought of having multiple teenage boys is easier to handle than multiple teenage girls.
R&K married 4.15.11. TTC #1 since 7.11.12
BFP #1 9.9.12 EDD 5.21.13 c/p 9.12.12 at 4 weeks 1 day
BFP #2 10.15.12 EDD 6.28.13 c/p 10.19.12 at 4 weeks.
BFP #3 1.19.13 EDD 10.1.13 Eleanor born 10.7.13 at 40 weeks 6 days
13dpo hcg@32, progesterone@13.7, 15dpo hcg@110, 16dpo progesterone@25.9
My blog:Urban Times in Michigan ~ My Bfp Chart
I don't think there is anything wrong with having a gender preference. I think what gets me is you see some women have child after child aiming to have one of a particular sex to the point where they have 6 or more children.
I will be honest and say that a little tiny part of me hopes we are having another girl b/c I never had a sister (and I always wished I did) and would love to give DD a sister. However, if we have a boy I will be just as over the moon because it will be something new and it will allow me to step outside my comfort level a little since I am used to raising a girl. I also joke with my DH that if we ever have a little boy I am going to spike his hair just like his father.
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
There's nothing wrong with having a preference. This post is about women who are devastated, sobbing, question how they will bond with a baby that is the opposite sex of what they wanted.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
I don't get the all out devastation, crying, etc. I can understand a slight disappointment, or more specifically, a rearrangement of expectations. A girl made more sense to me, I am a girl, I grew up with a sister, I envisioned having two little girls growing up together. But that is only because it is what is familiar to me. Sometimes I see a cute dress and think it's a shame I don't need it for anything. I never HOPED for a girl, it's just that it's what I happened to see in my head when I pictured our life.
As it turns out, I'm having a boy. And I'm really excited about it. But not because he's a boy, but because he's a baby, and he's mine, and I'll love him no matter what. So, maybe I won't bond with him over adorable dresses and ballet class (though I guess you never know) but I'll find different things to do and I am adjusting my picture accordingly, knowing that the picture of my future will always be changing, regardless of what my expectations are.
That's exactly it. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'd really like a boy/I really want a girl," and being okay with not getting what you want. It's the ones who freak out, crying and hating the fact that their baby isn't their prefered sex that make me so angry. If your baby is healthy, don't complain.
The confusion about gender/sex always irks me. I keep hearing about "gender reveal" parties, and I always laugh. It's a SEX reveal, but I guess that sounds weird to some people...
I get this totally.
I knew I wanted a girl. I got Sydney. With #2, it really didn't matter to me. DH wanted a boy, I'd have been happy with a boy. But really deep down inside I was leaning toward girl (if I'd had a choice in the matter). I was comfortable with girls, girl stuff. There was only girls in my family growing up. Never was around little boys, etc... So in the u/s when they said #2 was a girl I was very happy. Then later that night surprised myself at how upset I got over the loss of never having a son. I'll never have a son, DH will never have a son and suddenly I was sad over that.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
my mom's cousins are products of that. the dad wanted a boy. They had Debbie, Donna, Brenda, Jackie (named for the dad), Pandy, and FINALLY Johnny. The dad was thrilled to have his little quarterback, someone to hunt with, do all that manly crap. Yeah, Johnny is gay - stereotypically so. He'd rather decorate and go shopping with his sisters. LOL! I love that!
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
There is a huge difference between being bummed at "Man, I wanted a girl" and even "Now I'll never get to have a boy" and "ZOMG----I'm going to have an abortion if it's another boy" (which I saw on ingender once) or "I'm willing to pay the extra money to select the sperm for a girl".
Before even TTC, we said "We want a boy and a girl. If we get B/G, we'll stop at 2, if it's B/B or G/G, we'll try for #3 and then be done".
Then after the M/C and eventual IF, it became we'll be happy if we ever get a take-home baby, let alone 2 or 3. I think there's a moment of "loss" but it's when you can't get pass it there is a bigger problem. I honestly wonder, for people who can't get over it, if the baby is more of a baby or an accessory to their life.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
For weeks after announcing her pregnancy, I listend to a family member jabber on and on about how they were going to decorate the nursery if they were having a boy, all the cute outfits she'd found and was going to buy if it was a boy, and on and on and on. Never once did she say anything about if the baby was a girl. Turns out, she's having a girl. I just went shopping for her shower and I was really surprised at the stuff on her registeries. I mean, it's all baby related, but very little of the stuff is just "for the baby". For example, she's registered for 5 or so nursing bras and 3 different diaper bags. It's a little odd IMO. I just wonder if it all connected.
I agree - I just don't understand how some people can feel like their life is pretty much over after learning the sex of their LO. Mild, fleeting, disappointment - ehhh, whatever. But crying and carrying on is a bit immature.
I know a girl who pretty much let it be known to all that if she found out she wasn't having a little girl that her life would pretty much be over. I guess it's a good thing that the poor little baby didn't end up having a penis because I legitimately think this "mother" would not have taken to the baby if she had a son. Hopefully I'm wrong, but that's the strong impression I got.
I guess I'm lucky for not really caring about the sex - I had no preference for #1 and now with #2 I'm eager to find out if the baby is a boy or girl but in all honesty, I don't really care which we get.
Absolutely. I think it runs much deeper, but can they use the cover of clothing, not knowing what to do with them, etc. For some I think it can be a deeper psychological issue, that they themselves may not even be aware of.
People can't often help how they feel. Not everyone can get over a feeling of disappointment in the 15 minutes it takes to leave the u/s room. I'm not saying that it is OK to spend weeks sobbing about it, but definitely think that more than just a moment.
I think the important thing is how they handle their disappointment, not how long it takes for them to get over it. If they are dead set on pouting, sobbing, and "grieving" without instead focusing on the fact that they have a healthy baby, then I judge. If they are trying to work through and get past those emotions instead of just feeling sorry for themselves, I don't see why it is so condemnable to take a few days for that to happen.
Emotions are not just a switch you can turn off and on.
DS: 10/11/14
I have genital disappointment.
Yep I get this too. We are having two. I really would like to have a daughter. If baby number two is a boy, I will be disappointed but mainly because I will never get to raise a little girl.
Yeah I felt a bit of this emotion too. I have always said if I could pick my perfect family it would be a boy first and then a girl a few years later. I was excited that the first half of my family was on his way, but somewhat scared because now I only have one more shot at having a girl.
But now I kind of want another boy only because it also makes me sad that if I have girl she won't have a sister. Growing up with two sisters, this kind of makes me sad.
For a minute I was disappointed that Aidan was a boy. I swore up and down that I was pg with a girl. That lasted all of a minute and then I was so excited to have son.
What I have a problem with is the same as you. The ones who are sobbing for days and need to know how to cope
I honestly feel like I can't share what gender we would really prefer because if I did people would jump down my throat. I'll fully admit, we would love to have a son. I adore my girls and having another healthy girl would make me thrilled, but the idea of never having a son would make me very sad. And I think DH would be even more upset. He is one of three boys and never having a son of his own would hit him hard. That being said, as long as my child is healthy, I'll be happy. Even if it's genitals aren't what I would prefer.