Everything going wrong during deployment :( — The Bump
Military Families

Everything going wrong during deployment :(

hey ya'll. I know you guys can relate and just need a place to vent.

When my dh left I moved 3 hrs away to move in with my parents to help save some money and get out of debt and to also have help with my two boys. My 8 month old has severe acid reflux and other issues and we've spent the last 8 months trying to find out what is wrong. He screams all night. We;re on the right track, but not there yet.

Ds1 is 3 and just having a horrible time with dh gone.acting out, whining, crying, mean to his brother.

I, have had a bad case of pneumonia and have stayed sick pretty much since a month after he left.  I am so exhausted all the time. Im stressed and lose my patience easily because I dont feel good.  I keep missing work (a very part time job to help pay off more debt since I have mom to watch the kids). I found out this past week after being in severe pain in my teeth and cheeks that I have a horrible sinus infection and after antiobiotics didnt work I had a CT scan and was told I need surgery asap. 

I'm just a complete ball of emotions. I'm stressed to the max and cry at the absolute drop of a hat. Literally. I just cannot handle my 3 yr old who is acting out. I dont feel like a very good mom lately and hate this.

my stomach is a wreck and I cant eat anything without getting sick.

I'm trying to be strong but feel like Im drowing.  Is it possible to be suffering from depression? Should I talk to my doctor?

is this just normal deployment sadness, stress?

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Re: Everything going wrong during deployment :(

  • It is totally possible that you could be suffering from depression. Don't make light of your emotions. It seems that you are under a lot of stress and things are snowballing for you. Deployments all on their own can be overwhelming, add children, and debt, and sickness, and all these other changes. There's no wonder that you feel on edge. Definitely talk to your doctor about these feelings. And I am wishing you the best of luck. *hugs*
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  • I'm so sorry you're having a rough time :(

    It's very possible that you're dealing with depression. Even if it's not an organic problem, talking to your doctor can't hurt. Are you taking some time away from the kids for yourself? It's really important, especially while your H is gone. If you don't need the job to make ends meet I say quit. Sure, it's nice to pay off the debt a little faster, but at the expense of what? Your sanity and health? Not worth it, IMO. You need to take care of yourself to be a good mom. I hope you start to feel better soon. 

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  • I think moving in with your parents was a good idea but at this point don't focus on the debt issue. You need help with the kids because you aren't doing good physically yourself. Talk to your dr and see if they think you are depressed. DD was 4 months old when hubby left and between work, my commute, getting sick all the time and dealing with her after a few weeks I was really worn down and not handling things very well at all. Grandma and Grandpa started helping me out to give me a break and after talking to my dr about it I received a low dose antidepressant. Now 6 1/2 months into this deployment things are much better!
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  • The *** is called Deployment Fairy- my friends and I use this picture to keep us going while our DH is gone.

     image

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  • You have a lot on your plate right now.  You could very well be suffering from depression.  A great place to talk and find great resources on counseling is www.militaryonesource.com  They can get you on the right track to finding someone in your area to talk to.  They're open 24 hours a day and are some of the kindest, non-judgemental people you can talk to.  It's also completely anonymous.  (Can you tell I have used them before? lol) 

    Remember that while taking care of your little ones, worrying about your husband, managing finances and the billions of other things that come along with deployments, you have to take care of you too.

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  • imageDueinAug11:

    The *** is called Deployment Fairy- my friends and I use this picture to keep us going while our DH is gone.

     image

    um no offense but how is that supposed to help?! That is effing creepy

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  • Sorry for trying to cheer you up. I will just keep my mouth shut.
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  • Personally, I don't think you are depressed -- I think you are beyond overwhelmed and probably need some sleep. But I'm not a doctor and talking to yours couldn't hurt. I have a 3 month old, and my DH just deployed a week ago and I've been stressed just from 1 baby... I couldn't even imagine throwing a 3 year old into the mix!

     That being said, if you feel depressed, talk to your doctor. I don't think it would hurt to get on a low dose of antidepressants. Speaking from experience, it doesn't make you a zombie or anything like that -- it really just makes your lows feel less hard to deal with. When things go wrong, it just helps with coping better and realizing it isn't the end of the world. (at least in my own experience)

    One of my friends told her LO who was about the same age, that Daddy was just at work, and when he was done, he'll be home. Children at that age cannot really tell the difference between a few weeks and a few months - so things like that may help.

    I know having your parents may lighten the load but it is still not the same as having your DH -- but I do hope things get better/easier for you! 

     

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  • imageExcited Mrs P:

    Personally, I don't think you are depressed -- I think you are beyond overwhelmed and probably need some sleep. But I'm not a doctor and talking to yours couldn't hurt. I have a 3 month old, and my DH just deployed a week ago and I've been stressed just from 1 baby... I couldn't even imagine throwing a 3 year old into the mix!

     That being said, if you feel depressed, talk to your doctor. I don't think it would hurt to get on a low dose of antidepressants. Speaking from experience, it doesn't make you a zombie or anything like that -- it really just makes your lows feel less hard to deal with. When things go wrong, it just helps with coping better and realizing it isn't the end of the world. (at least in my own experience)

    One of my friends told her LO who was about the same age, that Daddy was just at work, and when he was done, he'll be home. Children at that age cannot really tell the difference between a few weeks and a few months - so things like that may help.

    I know having your parents may lighten the load but it is still not the same as having your DH -- but I do hope things get better/easier for you! 

     

    Please don't take all of this advice. You need to see a doctor and they can tell if you're depressed or not. Also, do not tell your three year old he is at work. When YH comes home from deployment and he goes back to work, your kid is going to freak the f out when you say daddy is going to work because to a three yr old that means dad is going to be gone a long time again. Say daddy is in the desert or what ever fits but not "at work" since that can get confusing when he comes back. Kids do know the difference between a day and 6 fucking_months. Work=a day. Deployments= months.
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  • imageLemonLover33:
    imageExcited Mrs P:

    Personally, I don't think you are depressed -- I think you are beyond overwhelmed and probably need some sleep. But I'm not a doctor and talking to yours couldn't hurt. I have a 3 month old, and my DH just deployed a week ago and I've been stressed just from 1 baby... I couldn't even imagine throwing a 3 year old into the mix!

     That being said, if you feel depressed, talk to your doctor. I don't think it would hurt to get on a low dose of antidepressants. Speaking from experience, it doesn't make you a zombie or anything like that -- it really just makes your lows feel less hard to deal with. When things go wrong, it just helps with coping better and realizing it isn't the end of the world. (at least in my own experience)

    One of my friends told her LO who was about the same age, that Daddy was just at work, and when he was done, he'll be home. Children at that age cannot really tell the difference between a few weeks and a few months - so things like that may help.

    I know having your parents may lighten the load but it is still not the same as having your DH -- but I do hope things get better/easier for you! 

     

    Please don't take all of this advice. You need to see a doctor and they can tell if you're depressed or not. Also, do not tell your three year old he is at work. When YH comes home from deployment and he goes back to work, your kid is going to freak the f out when you say daddy is going to work because to a three yr old that means dad is going to be gone a long time again. Say daddy is in the desert or what ever fits but not "at work" since that can get confusing when he comes back. Kids do know the difference between a day and 6 fucking_months. Work=a day. Deployments= months.

     

    well I appreciate all advice but thanks.  I found out today my dh is at least out of harms way for now and that is easier to deal with.  As far as what we tell our three year old. we try to steer clear from using the work phrase as well.

    Daddy is helping people and "keeps the fly flying". He loves flags and now calls them a daddy flag!

    Thanks evryone. We'll see what happens!

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