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2nd Trimester
Dad, DH and breastfeeding....
OK...so this is going to be me and DH's first child, and I was planning on breastfeeding at for at least six months. Actually I was wanting to breastfeed until I can start to ween baby off of breast milk and onto baby food.
I was talking to my dad and he was talking about how my sister uses formula and I was saying that I want to avoid formula as much as possible. He proceeded to tell me I was ignorant and had a lot to learn, and that I won't make enough milk anyway. He asked me "You're not going to breastfeed for THAT long, are you? Your mom only breastfed for 6 weeks!" and I said I wanted to for at least six months. He told me that wasn't going to be possible because it's going to hurt, I won't make enough, the benefits of breastfeeding end for the baby after 2 weeks, and formula is easier. ??? I guess I thought pulling out a boob was easier than making up a bottle of formula (sorry, it's crude, but it's what I was thinking.) I'm just so frustrated and confused at him! He sure thinks he knows a lot, seeing as he has never breastfed!
But when I brought it up to DH (and we've had the breastfeeding discussion before) he said "Well, you're only going to breastfeed for like three months and then ween her off from then." I guess I was planning on breastfeeding for longer and I thought DH agreed with that, but I guess he doesn't...
I'm just frustrated and confused. I wanted to benefit my baby girl by breastfeeding her AT LEAST six months, maybe even a year but be weening her off of it. But I'm getting the feeling that DH and all my family members think I'm going too far with it and it's making me falter in my idea of what I wanted to do.
Sorry, I know this is kind of long and a rant. What about you ladies? Are you planning on breastfeeding, and if so for how long? And if you've already had children, how long did you breastfeed with them? I just don't really know what I should do now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dad, DH and breastfeeding....
First of all, I think its kind of weird to have that conversation with your dad, sorry.
Its your decision and that is all. Don't listen to what others say, why do you care? Its your home and your baby.
You do what you want.
I don't see how your decision to breastfeed makes any difference to your father. My husband didn't really care either way, he just said he would support my decision since I was the one doing it. I honestly see this as more of a boundaries issue. I have a close relationship with my dad, but I would have to tell him to butt out in a situation like this.
Breastfeed as long as it works for you and then switch to formula if necessary. I wouldn't let your dad sway your decision.
Well, your Dad has no idea what he's talking about.
I nursed my son for 14 months. I took maternity leave for 2 months. When I went back to work, I pumped every day so I could send milk to daycare with my son.
Breast milk is cheaper than formula.
It is easier to pop out a breast than prepare and warm a bottle of formula at 3 AM.
My son didn't eat any solids until 6 months.
When we started weaning at 12 months, my son began drinking whole cow's milk in addition to my milk.
BTW, a lot of people won't say it, but I will. The crunchy, hippie moms will judge you if you don't seriously try to BF. If you BF for less than a year, you lose your super mommy street cred too. Just saying.
Agree that it is a strange conversation to have with your dad...also sounds like you need to educate yourself and DH on the benefits of breastfeeding. I have read all sorts of things but in general, it is not uncommon to BF for the first year. Do some research and make up your mind based on that. But remember, not all women are able to exclusively BF so you may have to supplement with formula...but there are plenty of women who can BF without supplementing.
You should look into a BF class or something in your area too...
Whoever's body the breast is attached to, is who gets to make the decision. If you want to breastfeed for 1 year, go for it.
Stop having this type of conversation with your Dad! Or anyone else for that matter, it's none of their business what you feed your child. As for DH, you should research it and explain to him why you want to continue breastfeeding for whatever amount of time.
If breastfeeding works for you up until you introduce food, I say more power to you and less money spent as well!
No, you won't lose any street cred. You tired and gave your baby the best for them. No worries.
(I really hope your joking)
You should do it as long as you feel comfortable. I think I'm aiming for 6 months, but if it ends up as 3, so be it. I'll see how it goes. Like PP said, breastfeeding wasn't en vogue in some generations (and I was not breastfed), so perhaps that's where your dad is coming from. Or maybe he's afraid you'll turn into one of those, "I'm the best mom, women who don't breastfeed are awful" types of mothers
.
For DH, he's cool with whatever I decide. I'll have the conversation with my parents too, but only because (1) my dad is a doctor and I'm always interested in his opinion, and (2) my mom can tell me her personal experience. No matter what they say though, they will not sway my decision. Good luck!
DD #1 born 4/1/2012
My Married Bio
Your dad has no idea what he's talking about and his opinion doesn't matter.
Your husband should get a say in the matter since it's his child too, but honestly, whereas your father sounds downright obnoxious, your H just sounds uneducated. Take a breastfeeding class together so he can learn more about it and explain to him the benefits of breastfeeding until 6 months, 12 months, or later.
Thanks for all the comments! and yes, I agree I need to stop these conversations with my dad. He loves to have awkward conversations, especially when he doesn't really have any experience with whatever is being talked about.
I'll definitely have to look into some breastfeeding classes, hopefully it'll make DH and me more comfortable with it. :-) thanks everyone!
I'm sorry you're dealing with these negative reactions so soon! And by close family members.
I really don't think you have to have ANY kind of justification for your reasons, but if you want to be more prepared - read more about BFing so you will be the expert.
As for DH, as a first time dad - what do they know?!
If you ever don't feel like you have support from family - find friends or posts on thebump that will help you get through it.
FWIW - I plan to BF for 12 months.
I recently read this book and found it very informative:
So That's What They're There For! Janet Tamaro
Other books recommended to me:
The Nursing Mother's Companion Kathleen Huggins
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (La Leche League) Teresa Pitman
The Breastfeeding Book Martha Sears
This is also DH and mine first. We have talked about it some and he knows I plan on breastfeeding for about 6 mounts. He seems to be fine with that, he has even looked into the positive thing for both me and baby by his self so he is total on boarded with me breastfeeding. I am sorry your family can't be more supportive of you and your decision. I chose to bf for the simple reason that it has so many positive side effects. One big one for me is that I have heard that it can help reduce our risk of getting breast cancer and in my family I have a really high risk. I have talked to my mom about it and she said she tried with me and she just didn't make enough milk so it didn't work out and she never tired with my sister and brother. I talked to other people who it worked great for and some who it didn't. So I am just going to keep my hopes up and try for 6 months.
Ps maybe you could show your DH a list of the positive things to breastfeeding to help him get used to the idea of you bf or a longer time period.
What you shouldn't do is let your father or husband tell you what you should and should not do.
I breastfed for over a year. I actually breastfed up until he weaned himself (15 months, so I was 21 weeks pregnant with this one).
It hurts a lot at first, (A LOT) but once you get past that it's actually not bad at all and can be comforting to both you and the baby.
Do what you want, and if you have questions discuss it with your OB. or the pediatrician.
1. Your Dad is correct, it does hurt, but only at first.
2. The benefits of breastfeeding are the same on the last day as they are on the first. Your milk actually changes in composition to meet the changing needs of your child. Even after they start solids, it's still really beneficial to BF. I mean mothers who use formula don't stop using it after they introduce solids.
3. I'm not sure why your Dad thinks he's an expert on your mammary glands, but there is no way for even your Dr. to tell whether you will make enough. You can also take meds to help increase production. The size of your chest has nothing to do with milk production capabilities.
4. Non supportive family is a big factor in why a lot of women quit. Find support outside your home: https://lalecheleague.org/ is a great place to start. Personally if everyone around me was telling me I was being silly, I think that would make me even more determined....but I enjoy irritating people ;p
Do what you want, and don't discuss it with people who are not supportive of your decision.
I'm still currently BFing DS.. although it's only a little to get him to sleep.. and thats about it..
I started weaning at 6 months and supplementing with formula..
as PP your dad doesn't know what he's talking about.. I would definatly recommend going to a BF class in your area if it has one.. (MOST prenatal classes have a BF section)..
I belive the World Health society (or organization) recommends BFING for the first year.. and from what i've been told Breast mIlk is sufficent for baby until 6 months of age...
I never had any pain bfing unless DS latch wasn't good.. or when he bit me.. (but that only happened a few times once he got teeth)
BTW, you can make plenty of milk for your child.
Just something to think about. Around the 6 month mark when I was producing a ton of milk, I made about 36 ounces a day. That's more than a quart.
I've heard of some making closer to 40 a day.
#1 - my dad told me that formula was better and asked if my reason for not using formula was because I could not afford it. So, I understand your frustration. It comes from lack of knowledge of all the BFing benefits.
#2 - you and your DH really should take a BFing class. Maybe after the class he will understand more why you are looking to BF for longer than just 3 months. I never took a class but my DH was behind me all the way and he also saw no need for formula unless I was unable to produce. I BF DS for 12 months. It will be really hard if you DH is not behind you -- you need someone at home to be your advocate and enourager when things get tough - which they will.
ETA: I forgot to mention that my sister and friend told me that I would not have enough milk and that I would NEED to supplement from the start. I was happy to prove them wrong. Knowing that I was throwing in my sister's face was an added incentive for me
I breastfed for 14 1/2 months until DD self-weaned. I plan to breastfeed this baby until he self-weans as well.
Your dad is talking out of his a$$.
Don't listen to what others say... go with your gut. If you want to breastfeed...do it. I did for 7 months. I always had short term goals to just keep at it. I only stopped because it did get harder to maintain once I was working, I actually decided to stay home after that so I could nurse longer. It's definitely less expensive!
It's a wonderful bonding time and I personally enjoyed giving my daughter nourishment and having time with just her and I. Of course it did get hard when I wanted help feeding in the middle of the night!! I do wish I would've pumped and saved more earlier on.
Personally, I think BFing is up to the woman, end of story. My husband doesn't really have say in how long I choose to do it (unless by BFing I was somehow putting his child, or myself in danger).
The only catch? When the kid (ahem, Kai) is not STTN at 1 year old due to said BFing, he really won't give much sympathy. lol
But for serious... Its up to me to decide how long to BF and my DH is nothing but supportive.
Malakai - 8.3.09
Ezra - 12.1.11 ASD
If he keeps trying to bring it up, I would tell him that you'd be glad to discuss it with him again when he can show you any sort of documentation from the medical community that the benefits of breast milk stop after two weeks. That's just ridiculous.
I've found that my peers are all about breastfeeding, whereas my parents/grandparents generations seem to think I'm insane for even considering breastfeeding twins. Whenever people start in on it I just say "hey, think of all the money I'll save - I'd rather stick to the free stuff as long as possible!" rather then getting into the health benefits for both me and the babies. It seems like if I try to explain the health benefits aspect they almost feel like they need to argue so they don't feel like they shortchanged their kids, whereas if I approach it from a financial perspective they just say "yeah, that's true" and drop it.
Keegan Patrick - Bilateral Clubfeet found at Anatomy Scan.
www.facebook.com/portraitave
(Haven't read other responses)
OP- Get up, go to a room with a mirror, stare into your own eyes, and say the following:
"I am this baby's mother, no one else. I know what is best for MY baby, and I have the strength to stand up for myself and my decisions."
Repeat as many times as necessary for you to BELIEVE it.
The next time someone says something that doesn't jive with what you plan to do- especially involving BF'ing- even if it's your DH- just smile, nod, and say nothing. Let your mind wander to your happy place until you notice their lips have stopped moving.
Just a few pieces of advice:
* Stop talking to your Dad about BF. He is obviously very ignorant about the issue and it is really none of his business anyway.
*Take a BF class and make your DH attended it with you.
*Break down just how expensive formula is to your DH and how much of a savings BF can be. Bet he will change his tune pretty quickly.
6 months is a good first goal, but if you REALLY want to wean (and never use formula) you need to go to at least a year when your LO can then switch to cows milk. Yes, you will be able to start offering your LO baby food around 6 months, but it should never replace BM (or formula) till the end of the first year. You can totally do this- by 6 months it was super easy for us (and they really start becoming efficient and spreading out their feedings).
*See a board certified LC as soon as you give birth and anytime after that you need to. Some will even come to your house. Have confidence and try not to give up in the first month when it is the hardest. It DOES get easier and even fulfilling- and this is from someone who had a very hard time in the beginning with her first (and then went on to nurse her daughter until 15 months).
www.kellymom.com is a great resource.
GL
I plan on breastfeeding for at least the first year (If baby isn't like me and just quits taking the breast cold turkey at 6 months, my poor mom). But breastfeeding as long as you can is great for baby. I think everyone is right about taking a BF class with your DH. Or show him some studies. Do what you want to do, after all its you and your DH who created life and get to raise it, not your dad.
This is the World Health's Organizations' suggestions on breastfeeding. https://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/
I agree with most of the other posters on here, but two things I would add:
1 -- Just don't bring it up with your dad. Ever again. If he brings it up again, you can just say, "Yeah, that's something we'll figure out. Thanks dad!" and change the conversation to something else.
2 -- As far as your hubs goes, if what the previous posters suggested doesn't work, I would just smile and nod until he brings it up AFTER she's born. Chances are high he won't MAKE you quit, and you can just say something along the lines of, "It's going so well, I would really like to keep on for a few more months!" and repeat as needed. It's a bit silly to get in a fight about it now, when in reality you have no idea how long you'll be able to do it. I really wanted to do 12 months, but had to quit around 10 months due to supply issues.
:-)
Thanks for all the support everyone! I definitely won't be bringing this up again with my dad.
And I will definitely look into some BF classes for me and DH, so we can both be more educated and maybe he will understand more why I want to do it.
Who the hell are your father and DH to tell YOU what you will be doing regarding breastfeeding? Tell your dad to BUTT OUT. Obviously you can't tell DH to butt out (even though I would blatantly tell him to STFU if he TRIED to tell me I can't breastfeed or I shouldn't or tried to tell me to wean my child before I wanted to).
But seriously, do what YOU want. You will know what is best for your baby. Breastfeeding is amazing and hopefully you can have a long and healthy breastfeeding relationship with your baby!
I wish you the best of luck but stand up for yourself!
Edited: Sorry I seem to have come off very angry in my response but it pisses me off that someone would dare tell you NOT to breastfeed. especially a man without BREASTS!
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
When I was pg I only planned to BF for six months. However once I hit the 6 month mark I couldn't dream up a reason to stop. I stopped when we switched DD to cow's milk at 13 months. Just a few comments for you.
1. Your Dad is grossly misinformed. Almost nothing he said is true.
Quote from the AAP website:
The AAP recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months of life. This means your baby needs no additional foods (except Vitamin D) or fluids unless medically indicated. Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby. Breastfeeding should be supported by your physician for as long as it is the right choice for you and your baby.
2. Your Dad is right about one thing. It will hurt. And it may no be easy at first. I definitely struggled at the beginning, but by six weeks all the pain had stopped and most of the other problems like clogged ducts had gone away. If you are really commited don't let these things stop you because they really are temporary.
3. BFing is MUCH cheaper (this is a good strategy to win over your DH). I crunched the numbers and even with spending about $250 on a pump and another $150 or so on nursing clothes, pump accessories, etc. I figured that it took AT MOST 3 months to break even with the cost of feeding with formula. After that I spent essentially nothing (maybe a few bucks here and there) and so from 3 months to 6 months, when we started DD on solids, feeding her was FREE. Formula would have continued to cost hundreds of dollars/month.
Ultimately you should do whatever feels right for you and hopefully have your DH's support. As far as your Dad. Tell him (nicely) that it is none of his business.
It's your decision to breastfeed or not. As long as there isn't any problems, you should have no problem BFing for 6 months or longer. Don't let them discourage you.
My FIL is a nurse and things he knows everything medical. and although he does know a ton of medical stuff, he does not and never will know how it feels to give birth or breastfeed. He was telling me something about giving birth the other day and I said "Really? because you've given birth before?". Not the nicest way to phrase it but I had enough of his ranting. I would say something like that do your dad and then give him and your DH info on how long some people have breastfed and how much cheaper it is than formula.
Wow, it would be so funny if my dad started talking about breastfeeding like you dad did! LOL!! I would be like, "shut up, dad, like you have breastfed before," and that's it! I think your father should appreciate that his opinions mean so much to you. Don't take driving instructions from someone who can't drive!
It could be a struggle at first, but we are mammals, so we can breastfeed. I wouldn't worry about your husband. He will be educated as he go along. You might want to stop nursing at 3 months, you never know.
Proud mother of two breech babies:)
1) Your father doesn't know shlt. Why does he even have an opinion in all of this?
2) Stop talking to your dad about breastfeeding. He sounds pretty uneducated about breastfeeding and ignorant.
3) Would your father like to help contribute to paying for formula? That stuff isn't cheap.
If it were me, I would take DH to the doctor with me, and have the doctor explain the benefits of breastfeeding up to 6 months +.
DH leaves that part of things up to me, and he's supportive, but for the things he doesn't understand in regards to pregnancy, and taking care of a baby, sometimes he hears things better when they're coming from a professional.
As for your dad, that's none of his business, and I'd tell him to stay out of it.