- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
lisa5201
member
Santa/Easter/Bunny/Tooth Fairy
lisa5201
member
What is your take on this?
I just read a FB post about how "perpetuating these myths is blatantly lying to children and teaching them it's okay to lie"
I don't feel that way particularly and hadn't really thought about if I would "perpetuate these myths". DD is 1 1/2 and we just haven't gotten there.
Curious what you ladies are doing/plan on doing in reference to the above "myths"
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Santa/Easter/Bunny/Tooth Fairy
Personally, I'm not interested in telling LO about them. I'm Jewish, so that solves most of the problem! My parents were always up front about these things. We still "played" Tooth Fairy, though, with the whole leaving under the pillow thing. I just knew it was them. And my grandma would leave me hidden presents from the Easter Bunny, I just knew it was her.
My dad always said there's enough real magic in the world that he didn't need to make any up. I like that.
That being said, I think that FB post is crap. I don't care that other parents play along, it just doesn't feel right to me.
I mostly agree. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with the Easter Bunny/Santa/Tooth fairy thing. I had an Easter Egg hunt this year for DD's birthday. Though she was too young to understand, if she was old enough I'd likely have told her the eggs came from the Easter Bunny.
I have a *small* grievance with Santa. I read a quote once from a woman that went something like this: " I work year round to scrape together enough money to get my kids beautiful presents, spend my time shopping, wrapping and putting them under the tree. I'll be damned if I let them believe some white man with unlimited resources dropped them down from the sky" I'm butchering the quote, but you get the idea. I think maybe DD will get a present or two from Santa, but I do want her to know that at least most of her presents come from her parents who work hard and love her. Maybe that's a selfish way to think though. Wanting the acknowledgement.....Oh well, i'm not going to over think it. I'm glad to see that most of you are fans of make-believe. I was turned off by the FB thread
I think that quote is silly. Your kids see you working hard. She's in no worse spot than my parents, who also put footprints on the floor by the fireplace and bells in the chimney because watching us squeal with excitement around magic made them happy. Because they could give us the gift of that magic, if just for awhile.
They'll find out eventually (and way too soon) that you're the one buying all the gifts and there's a lifetime to be grateful for that and laugh about all the ways they tried to keep it going. I don't get the need to strip a child of a myth because you want to be acknowledged for your work at age 3. that's weird to me.
With our DS, we plan on telling him the true story of Santa, like who the man was in real life and how he would leave presents. Sure, the mythos of Santa has added things over the years, but he was a real person. We're going to emphasize that the tradition of giving gifts keeps what he was accomplishing alive for years after. Perhaps we'll label a few special gifts from Santa, but we're going to make most of the gifts from mommy and daddy. If they decide they want to believe in the magic of Christmas, we're going to encourage it, but we're not going to instigate it.
The easter bunny was always a weird one to me growing up. I knew the baskets were from the parents, and I learned from an early age that it was just a show because they had me help hide eggs for my little cousin. We will probably do the tooth fairy though.
We do the myths. It's part of the culture I grew up in, I like it, I see no harm in it.
But Santa fills a stocking and brings one gift. We DO get "credit" for the other gifts. OTOH, my mom made all gifts from santa... and I never once questioned the fact that I did not get a Christmas gift from my mother as a child. I find it very odd that I never noticed.
I think people need to lighten up. And the ones who felt "lied to" as a child because of Santa or the Easter Bunny probably have far more issues with their parents than the holiday tradition.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
Oh absolutely. My parents went all out and when I found out I just thought they were brilliant. I'm now trying to reinact the awesome steps they took with us. Bells, footprints in the snow, etc... amazing. They were and are amazing. I never felt lied to. I felt giddy about magic. ::shrugs:: And I'm truly glad my mother never felt the need to burst my christmas bubble because she was bitter about lack of acknowledgment. That's a really nutty thought process to me.
I think I am going to do what my parents did. They never purposefully brought up any of these guys, but also didn't go out of their way to make sure I knew they weren't real. At Christmas we would get a big present from Santa, and they still do that, but it's more for fun than anything else. I heard about them some how (can't remember), and when I finally asked them they told me the truth. However, I grew up in a christian home- so at Christmas I was told the story of Jesus and not Santa.
My husband, on the other hand, had parents who went out of their way to make him believe in Santa. He was pretty upset when he found out Santa wasn't real, so he's a little anti-Christmas in general now lol.
They did pretend there was a Tooth Fairy, but I think I woke up once and caught my mom. It didn't scar me, I think I was just in awe of how long my mom was able to leave me money without waking me (and the fact that I could actually sleep through it). The Easter Bunny I never believed in, and don't feel upset about, because again I was brought up being told the story of Jesus rising again... but we did have easter baskets and egg hunts for candy.
I don't really care either way. Our daughter is so young, and if I do a good job to show her the difference between a "white lie" (Santa) and a real one, I seriously doubt she will be too angry with me when she does realize he doesn't exist. *shrug*
Aquarian Mommmy Blog
Dh and I haven't talked about the tooth fairy since we don't really need to for awhile! But we're not doing Santa/Easter Bunny. We're going to stress the importance of family during those holidays rather than the holiday itself.
Our kids will be taught about them and that some other people believe them (and to respect that belief) and also the truth behind them. Although that will be hard with the easter bunny....since I don't even know the connection there!
I have really icky feelings about all of this, but mostly because I am grappling with the whole religion thing with DD to begin with. Throwing Santa in the mix on top of "who is Baby Jesus" and the fact that the "Easter Bunny" visits roughly around the same time as Passover just makes me want to run and hide from the whole parenting thing. A mixed faith household is hard enough as it is.
For the time being, the world has taken care of introducing DD to Santa and I have been kind of non-committal about him. He's the jolly guy who shows up at the mall and at the preschool holiday party, but he doesn't come down my chimney. That feels like the right balance to me. I don't care what other people do and I would never in a million years tell someone else's kid that Santa doesn't exist.
I do, however, draw the line at tying notions of gift giving to whether you've been "naughty or good" in Santa's eyes. I'm perfectly happy to take responsibility for being the enforcer of daily rules and will not hold the promise of Christmas presents over my child's head when I want her to clean up her toys or brush her teeth.
ETA: I just realized I make an exception for The Three Kings. But I don't exactly tell DD they're the ones leaving presents at our house on Jan. 6th, I've just told her more about their role historically (bringing gifts to baby Jesus) and let her extrapolate and think they're also somehow responsible for her presents. She sees them as part of our Nativity set, and asks which one is Gaspar and which one is Melchior, etc. It's all very complicated, I know. That's why I hate thinking about questions like this.
We won't do Santa, the Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. It's just not something we are comfortable doing.
She will know St. Nick and the history behind him and will receive a gift on St. NIck day, but that's it.
We sort of did Santa because we told our older girls that Santa only brings you your stocking and one gift because there are other children in the world that have a lot less then us and they can use those toys. As they got to the understanding then we told them that many years ago there was a man who delivered gifts to children on Christmas but he didn't travel the world.
Santa did not leave an expensive gift either.
Easter Bunny we really didn't do.
Tooth fairy left 25 cents not $5 or $10 like some parents do.
THIS.
my children will learn the real story of "santa" st. nikolas. There will be no easter bunny or tooth fairy.
For us it's a religious preference. We will happily exchange gifts at christmas but it's more importnat that my child understands that people that love them gave them these gifts rather than a fat guy who comes down a chimney (that we don't have).
The easter bunny to me was alwasy lame, we didn't do it real big in our house. We'll hide easter eggs and do all that fun stuff, but the bunny himself. Nope.
I don't think people that do this with their children are lying to them, it's all a matter of preference. to some people they want their children to experience the whimsy and romantic side of holidays, perhaps because they don't agree on the religious reasons or because they want to merge the two. I respect it, your family your choice. I just find that when I tell people we won't be doing it because of religous reasons people are much less accepting and can be downright judgemental and rude.
We are an Atheist household. We will explain different beliefs and we will tell the historical stories of Santa (real guy) and Easter Bunny (tied to spring solstice and spring is new beginnings, eggs and bunnies are sign of fertility which is tied to animals having babies in the spring, etc) as well as indulge in childhood magic/pretend/fantasy like the tooth fairy.
I just find that when I tell people we won't be doing it because of religous reasons people are much less accepting and can be downright judgemental and rude.
I disagree. I find myself nodding at all the religious arguments on here but rolling my eyes at the "we want the hard work we've done all day echoed in the eyes of our children on christmas morning." Or nonsense about lying to children.
My parents never "perpetuated these myths." They still took me to see Santa at the mall and put money under my pillow, but I never believed in any of the holiday figures. They told me the stories and that some children believed they were real, but that they were like fairytales. I never ruined it for another child; they emphasized to me that they were letting me in an on adult secret and that I couldn't share it with my friends.
We won't be "perpetuating these myths" with DD. DH feels really strongly about this (his parents never did with him either). As a child development major, I can see how doing so could set a child up for emotional distress later, although I've never met an adult who claims to be traumatized because they once believed in Santa.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
Yeah this one has me eye rolling all over the place. And laughing too.
I pretty much have the same sentiments as the Fb post. Not that I would slam people who do "perpetuate these myths" (that's their choice), but I want to be as honest as possible with my LO. I used to teach an essay called "Do Kids Need Religion?" that was about what atheists should do when other people tell their kids things like, "Grandma went to Heaven," etc., and I sort of felt the same way about these issues as "lying" about God's existence if you don't believe in it.
I see a disconnect between lying to a small child about the Tooth Fairy, Santa, etc., then expecting them to grow up and listen to you about drugs, safe sex, etc.
Ayelet Waldman (who is unfortunately best-known for being married to the Pulitzer Prize winner Michael Chabon instead of as a talented, intelligent person in her own right) has a hilarious bit about Santa (from a Jewish perspective):
I told [my daughter] Sophie, as I have since told her younger siblings, that there is no such thing as Santa Claus, that he is a character in a story just like Willy Wonka or Amelia Bedelia. I further instruct them that their Christian friends are sweet but gullible, and out of respect for their limitations, we should all work hard to sustain their delusions for as long as possible.
Mac and cheese lover!
She sounds like a raging ***. I'm really glad all the kids of different faiths I grew up with didn't have dismissive asshats for parents. Their limitations? Wow. I really find that repugnant.
growing up my parents never tried very hard with the "santa" thing. when i was about 5 my older brother (who would have been 6) caught my mom filling our stocks on Xmas morning. they gave up entirely at that point.
they never talked about the tooth fairy, but did give me money when my teeth fell out.
never heard a word about the eater bunny, but we did hunt real and candy-filled plastic eggs. (no pre-filled baskets here!)
my parents are also pretty religious, so i was not allowed to celebrate halloween my entire life. (i went trick-or-treating for the first time when i was 19 years old)
so maybe religion had something to do with it?
i'm not sure, but i don't plan on telling my kids any of the stuff is real (religion included).
at this point i haven't even decided how/if holidays will be celebrated, or which ones will be acknowledged or ignored.
can't wait to sort it out!
We are not presenting any of those as real. If LO wants to "play" them, we will navigate as much or little as we need to then.
I guess I was the weird kid who grew up judging my parents for lying to me. I much preferred pretending with them--taking turns being Santa and stuffing my parents' stockings, hiding eggs, etc.
These figures don't offend me on a religious level, and I love them on an imaginative level, but it just doesn't feel right to DH or I to present them as real rather than a super-fun game. We will make it clear to LO that he cannot ruin the game for any other children, however.
More Green For Less Green
So glad I could amuse you. What exactly is so laughable?
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
Lanie30 is just nasty in general. Best to just ignore her, she brings nothing but judgement to the table.
Thank you all for sharing your views
you are absolutely correct. No one else is tossing around any judgment about parents who lie, etc... No one read the response where ayalet waldman was quoted? no?
. I think a lot of people need to unclench.To me, the idea of a fairy coming in your room while you're sleeping and taking your teeth is kind of creepy and I don't really understand getting money for your teeth, so we probably won't do the tooth fairy thing. (My parents always just gave me a quarter flat-out...no waiting for the fairy at night.)
Santa was a big deal when I was a kid though. I can't remember a time when I didn't know it was my parents but we still all played along. Even now, our family still puts "From Santa" on all our gifts - partly to maintain the 'magic' and partly because it helps keep us from playing 'Well, so-and-so got me this. What did you get me?'
As for Easter, we will probably continue the Easter Bells tradition instead of the Easter Bunny. The bells go to Rome on Good Friday and bring candy back for the kids on Easter Sunday when they return.
So I've noticed. I guess I don't understand why a person would waste their time frequenting a board when they disagree with every post ever made there.
By the way, Lisa, the picture of Schuyler in you signature looks SO much like pictures of my little sister when she was that age! Love the big dark eyes.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
Ayelet Waldman writes comedy pieces... Like Dave Barry or W. Bruce Cameron. Sheesh.
Mac and cheese lover!
Not really though. she has some humourous pieces but she's no dave barry. Her husband is by far the better writer.
To play devil's advocate, she has a point and isn't the only one. Anyone assuming a person is a liar because they're indulging their children in Santa Claus is being judgmental imo. As you said, personal choices should not matter to other people, and I believe that goes both ways.
I think this thread was created here because the OP felt she would have more support in her own belief. Perhaps it could have been worded in a more positive way...
Thanks doodler. Mya is certainly a tough girl. That's awesome. I laughed when I read about the play kitchen. that's sort of how I feel. I don't think I need to burst every fantasy bubble in my kid, and Santa is just part of that but I see how some who grew up without the myth just don't think its necessary. I think the tone of a lot of these posts however, has been very "well if other parents want to taint their relationships and cause long term anxiety/insecurity in their children, that is their choice but we're choosing the path of enlightened reason, adult understanding and truthfulness in our children, knowing that our choices are better. But I'm not judging the lying parents."
Hence the eye rolling from me. I grew up in a mostly non christian based school with a ton of kids of different religions. Their parents managed not to be douchebuckets (like Ayelet waldman) and somehow the december season was just all about sharing celebrations with one another and being ok with all the different tales/histories being told in the classroom and at home. Also it was the time I was jealous of Rachel V who had a menorah in her room.
All of them.
Santa (St. Nicholas) has historical significance, so half the presents will be from Santa.
The Easter Bunny will be taught along with the reason of Easter
The tooth fairy is just fun.
My favorite quote about this is from John Lennon:"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?" - John Lennon
We will not be doing the "Santa thing". Growing up, my sister was actually pretty freaked out by the idea of Santa "breaking in" as she thought of it, and leaving presents. (I'm sure most kids don't think this way, my family has a history of mental disorders so...). My mom told her pretty early that he wasn't real. Personally I just didn't think Santa was all that fun. I figured out he wasn't real on my own when I was 6 or 7 and didn't get why grown-ups made such a big deal about the whole thing (I still don't).
My mother was a single mom, who had to work really hard just to keep our home and buy groceries, so I take a little offense when people think it's wrong to want appreciation for the extra hard work that comes with creating a nice Christmas.
My mom was pretty ambivalent about the whole Santa thing as well, and maybe that's why it wasn't all that fun for us. It is nice to hear that some kids had fun with the Santa thing, but I think that it just isn't right for our family.
The Tooth fairy does sound kind of fun, and it seems like there is less importance put on it, so we might do that.
I think trying to make your kid believe something that everyone knows isn't real is kind of off-putting to me. I guess if you yourself believe in Santa than that's different. I also think Santa puts too much of a focus on "getting stuff" which is a bit ironic when I think he was supposed to be a symbol of giving. But I'm sure there are ways of doing the whole Santa thing in a very positive way, and reading these posts it does seem like some people have much more positive experiences with it. I think it's just easier to skip the whole thing.
Yeah, it bothered me too.
And I've been agreeing with lanie. She hasn't been aggressive or unneccessarily calling anyone out.
As a pp said, people who are adversely affected by being lied to about Santa or the Easter Bunny have deeper issues.
I do think of it as lying, sorry. What else would you call playing pretend with someone who doesn't know you are pretending?
I know no parent means any harm by it, but I just couldn't do it - not because of the risk of causing emotional scars (lol), but because I (me, just me) do think of it as lying and so I would be lying. And I don't plan on lying to my kids, especially for no good reason.
All the best!