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March 2012 Moms
No, seriously, I'll never ____ when I'm a parent.
We all have those things we're positive we'll enforce as parents (1 hour of TV maximum, no sweets, etc) which, let's admit it, there is a chance we might slip up on at least once. But what are those things that, no, seriously, are non-negotiable?
For me, it's manners/table manners. I will absolutely not tolerate rudeness from my children. It wasn't tolerated with me, and to this day, "please" and "thank you" are second nature and I know how to treat other people with basic kindness...traits that I see are becoming less and less commonplace with other people's kids.
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Re: No, seriously, I'll never ____ when I'm a parent.
I will never hit or spank my children
I also will not tolerate my children running loose in a restaurant or in a store.
My children will also learn to write thank you notes for gifts.
My children will also learn that they need to help out by doing dishes and doing some of the laundry. I seriously went off to college not knowing how to wash my own clothes....I don't want that for my kids.
I know that a lot of the things that I say "I'll never" about really might happen at some point, but the one I am sure I will stick to is:
I will never let my child run circles around a restaurant, climbing into people's booths, nearly tripping waiters, all while I say "no, I mean it, sit down!" every 3rd lap or so, but not actually doing anything about it. It happened last night while I was out with friends.....
As a fellow human being, I thank you for that. I've never understood parents who just let their kids run around like that. Apart from it being incredibly frustrating to others, it's also pretty dangerous! I saw a kid tumble into a waiter who ended up dropping the tray all over himself - a glass hit the kid right in the forehead! No one was seriously hurt, but can you imagine if there had been hot liquid or if the glasses had broken? And then the kid's mother had the nerve to yell at the waiter for not watching where he was going. RAGE!
Mine are kind of silly. I have learned thus far that even when I say "I will never..." with hard and fast rules, at the end of the day I have to do what works for us as a family.
1 - I will never buy my child sweatpants with elastic at the ankles
2 - My children will know how to clean their room and help around the house. My sister hardly knew how to make a pot of tea until recently and was basically useless when my mom needed help getting ready for family parties and other events. I won't tolerate that.
3 - If I give a consequence or make a rule, I will follow through on it, even if it means it is punishment for me too. My aunt will tell her boys, "No ice cream if you don't eat your dinner" but then they pester her until she just says "fine" - clearly not working for her...
My one that I will stick by is that my children will not disrupt others dinners/movies/shopping trips. If that means that MY dinner has to be over because I have to take the child out to the car and my husband has to get the check and the food boxed up then that is the way life goes. It is called being a parent. That is what my parents did with me and I quickly learned that if I threw a fit MY dinner was over too. I can't stand when people let their kids cry and scream when I am enjoying my dinner.
Other than that...who knows. I would like to say that I will never say, "Because I said so/Because I am the parent" but I am sure I will at some point. (Maybe as I am carting the screaming kid out of the restaurant!)
My child will also learn to write thank you notes for gifts.
My child will also learn that they need to help out by doing dishes and doing some of the laundry.
I once saw a kid at the zoo who was on a leash. He stopped to look at something and his mom didn't know and pulled him. Face first onto the concrete. Never would I put my child on a leash.
I also would never let them run around a restaurant or store. He gets one warning and then it's out to the car. I spent a lot of time with one parent inside the car for misbehaving instead of disrupting everyone inside.
I don't think I have any real "I will never" rules. I mean, my child will be taught manners and won't be allowed to run around in a restaurant or store. But to me, that is a given. Everyone should do that.
1. My children will learn to be self-sufficent. They will help around the house and learn household chores. Part of being a family is taking care of the home. And they are important skills to know for later in life.
2. I'm hoping to stick by this one. No FB or cell phone until at least high school.
3. Same with dating. No kids of mine will be dating before they are 15. Maybe 14. Thankfully, DH agrees with this. He was allowed to date at 14 and knows he was way too young. This rule depends on the kid though. Hence, the maybe.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
I don't have an "I'll nevers". There are too many variables in the world, that things happen. I have some "I hope to never".
I thought I would never let my child under 1 watch tv. It didn't happen. I don't beat myself up about it. I thought I would never let my child leave the dinner table before he was done...it's really hard to keep a 2-year-old at the table without strapping him down.
Life happens. Never say never.
I know I'm going to need to stay out of this thread...
But the sweatpants line was the best I've ever heard! (and seconded!)
I will never tell parents who are doing the best they can that they are ruining their children.
I will never spank my children.
I will never believe that I am in 100% control.
Not starting the leash debate, but as the child who was the runner and the wanderer, you can bet your sweet bippy that is DD or LO#2 is anything like I was as a small child, they will have a leash.
I used to definitely be on this team, then DH and I took our 3 nieces and nephews to Disneyland on a day when it was at full capacity. The 5 year old had heelies on and it was so hard to see them through the crowds! Let alone that we didn't know what the heck to do with more kids than hands... Next day: new cute backpacks with "tails" on them!
Other rules that will definitely be enforced:
as PP said, dinner table manners. One (petty) thing I can't stand is when full-grown adults can't hold a fork or spoon correctly.
Sunday or weekly dinners as a family. Maybe a week here or there will have to get missed, but I think it is so important.
No opposite sex in your bedroom with the door closed. This one is because I'm sure there's karmic retribution in the world
I would like to do this as well. I *might* consider getting them one of the phones with only 3 buttons. Like mom, dad, 911. Something like that. And they will pay for their own phone if they want one. That's what I did.
That is another one that I forgot to mention. The phone and Facebook. By the time this child is old enough Facebook will be over and there will be something new...but whatever that is. My thought is when the child can afford a cell phone they can purchase their own. I got mine when I was 24 or so. I survived just fine. And cell phone chargers will be plugged in in the kitchen. There will be no texting at 2:00 in the morning in their bedroom.
I will never hit my child.
I will never let my child think its ok to swear or hit me.
I will never feed my child to the point of them becoming obese.
Yea, whatever social media thing is popular by then, not going to happen. My mom and I shared a cell phone (but only after I was in a car accident and Dad needed the only cell phone that day). Didn't have texting. I didn't pay the bill but it was a shared phone. Once I got to college and we got a third phone added, I paid for my third.
I don't even have my own phone in the bedroom. Most the time it is in the kitchen. If anyone calls the house after 9pm, someone better be hurt or some other emergency. That rule will stay.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
I like this thread... mostly because I had a long list, but it's now a bit shorter. I'll tell you the ones I've stuck to, and the ones I haven't.
Stuck to and still believe in:
- I won't give my child juice (DS eats his fair share of fruit every day)
- I won't give my child soda (I firmly believe juice is a gateway drug to soda).
- I won't spank my kids
- When I outline consequences for behavior, I will follow through on them
- I won't let my kid scream incessantly in a store/restaurant/public space
- I will keep my children rear facing in their car seats until 2
- I won't let my kids sleep in my bed (I know this is controversial but I have my reasons for it)
- I won't drag my kids along behind me. This is a big one for me. Of course there's the exception to every rule.... and there's the occasional late night at a relative's place etc. but for the most part, 99 times out of 100, we get DS to nap and go to bed on time as he thrives best when he is on a routine (as most babies and toddlers do!)
Didn't stick to:
- I will not let my kids watch TV until age 2. Well, I caved around 18 months and I am completely ok with it. DS watches about an hour of a PBS Sprout show each day (sometimes less or not at all).
- I will not use a dessert as a "reward" for dinner. Sometimes, it's just necessary.
- DH and I will never argue in front of the kids. Yeah, I wish
We're not terrible but we certainly need some work.
LOL! Okay I'm sorry but I am sort of giggling over here at some of these because I KNOW you think these things now but I said the same things and I ate crow on a few myself.
For example, my kid was on a leash (puppy backpack) in a very populated (think Disney) because she REFUSED to get in a stroller and I'm pregnant (high risk) and cannot carry her and she also would not "hold my hand" she laid on the concrete and SCREAMED. Sooo good luck with that one. Maybe you'll have a magic way to get your child to cooperate that the rest of us just couldn't figure out.
Also we HAD to institute CIO with her (not at newborn stage) but later on because she was starting to use crying as just a way to get someone to come pick her up and was not sleeping.
So be open minded my friends
FWIW I 1000% agree with all the manners & being polite ambitions - just reading those makes me happy because there are so many rude kids out there and parents that just don't give a crap.
Yeah, this, too!
DITTO! Although I can't say that DH won't, but I sure as hell won't!
I will NEVER let my boys play me like a fiddle, especially with meals. I have a friend who's 7-year old son is pulling the whole "My Tummy hurts and I can't finish supper" crap- then 10 mintues later comes bouncing in the room and asks for chips. : Will NOT happen.
I will never let fast-food become a staple in my kid's diet.
I will never dictate to my child that he must be a certain faith or sexuality.
i also won't give my child soda. I do plan on giving juice, but only if it is diluted with water quite a bit.
I am not a fan of the leashes either, I believe people need to teach their kids to behave and if they can't then leave them at home -personal opinion, I know not everyone feels this way.
One that some might not agree with is that my child won't travel with us until they are at least 7. Not including car rides to parents, but DH and I both don't get taking young kids to Disneyland or similar places. I went to Disneyland when I was 5 and hardly remember it, but my older siblings loved it and can actually remember going. Plus there is so much stuff to take with a young one -stroller, diapers, formula, snacks, toys, etc...
Definitely running loose in restaurants and stores. She's generally very well behaved, but I do plan on leaving if she's just not listening or doing what's asked of her. It's rude to other customers, let alone, what lesson does it teach them?
Doing chores. I was always expected to help out, whether it be peeling potatoes for dinner or vacuuming or washing dishes. We've already started on some basic thing a 3-year-old can do easily, like clearing the table, helping me do laundry, putting her toys away, etc.
And I second (third) camo outfit one.
Bubblegum Explosion
Well, here is what we are planning... I'm sure some may change in a year or two!!
- I will not allow anyone to smoke around my children. Luckily, NY has become quite the anti-smoking state which makes this very easy.
- I will not tolerate disrespect and I will always show my children respect.
- I will instill confidence, patience, and tolerance in my children.
- No drinking pop when they are little. When I was 4 or 5 my mom would allow us a small amount on special occasions, and I probably will stick with that. We don't keep pop in our house. This will be hard for MIL - she keeps a small fridge for DH's nieces full of mini cans of orange and grape pop, hug-a-jugs, and those Kool Aid Burst things. The girls have been drinking that stuff constantly since they were under 2.
- What I really would like to enforce, but know this may change - as soon as LO can drink from a sippy cup, no more bottle. Paci I would like gone once LO can self soothe.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
I'll never say "I'll never". Because you know what, sometimes I will and I won't feel guilty for giving in to my kid should I deem it necessary. Sometimes it's not worth the argument about eating veggies vs eating mac and cheese or a cookie. .
Here are things I will do though:
I will love my children to the best of my ability, every day for the rest of my life
I will be there for them in good times and in bad times but I will not enable them into laziness or selfishness
I will take them to church and instill faith in them at a young age and if when they are older they decide to believe in something else, so be it.
I will be understanding and tolerant to the degree that it does not harm them or others around them
I will teach them good manners and to be polite
and finally
I will do whatever is necessary to make sure they understand the importance of education in their lives.
I guess DH and I are super conservative and traditional, at the risk of opening a few worm cans.
We will be spanking our children. We were both spanked and both understand the line between spanking and abusing. We both attribute spanking to our good behavior throughout life - it taught some good lessons. Our parents both explained WHY were being spanked and that it was because we were learning right from wrong. We weren't, however, yanked up by our arms and popped on the butt in public for small things. It was a long, drawn out process including time out, lots of tears, and apologies - and it was mostly done for big things, like lying or hitting my brother.
We will NOT be -
Putting a tv in the car, unless it's for long road trips. It drives me nuts when parents put in a DVD on the drive home from school. TALK to your child.
Letting our child run all over the place. (I'm glad this is a popular one.)
Letting our kid play a hundred billion different sports. DH's little brother is 15 and already burnt out on baseball. They can pick one per season, but they will not be allowed to quit. They must finish the commitment and they can pick something different next time.
Sorry for standing so long on my soapbox...
Gosh, this is hard because never is such an absolute.
I'll never cater to my child if he or she is picky. When me and my brother were growing up, my mom used to make him breaded chicken tenders every night because he wouldn't eat what we were eating. Needless to say, he grew up pretty picky and is just now at 25 getting over it. He's also a total momma's boy.
"Go Phils"
Norah Elizabeth - 3.19.12
I agree with all of this. I grew up being spanked and think it has its place. It is not abuse. I know this is a controversial topic but I really don't care. I'm not saying everyone has to do it, but don't tell me I can't.
We didn't have DVD players in the car growing up and we are just fine. Even long trips I would play car bingo or we would listen to this Christian radio drama for kids and families (Adventures in Odyssey, I still listen to it). I could read in the car without getting sick so would do that when I was older. No need for a TV.
And I think kids get over committed these days. They don't have to do everything all the time.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
* I will never let my child be rude and disrespectful. I think Please and Thank Yous are underutilized today. My grandmother raised me to say that (she's old south), so I will teach my child the same. People appreciate it, no matter what the situation.
* I will never let my child drink soda while they're a child. I might consider it when they're older, but I want soda to be a treat, not a staple in their diet. I don't drink soda unless I have low blood sugar and it's the last option.
*I will never not chose what my child listens to music wise. I don't want my child to know what the F word is at the age of 3. I want to protect my child's childhood so they have a childhood vs. this letting kids grow up too soon and making not so awesome choices.
*I will never ignore my child's needs, especially medically speaking. I have a family history of a lot of illnesses and anxiety, Autism (my brother is Autistic), and so on. I would rather be proactive and take preventative measures vs. just letting it escalate how my mom did.
I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can come up with for now.
Being a FTM, I won't say never but these are the things that are important to me in raising a well-balanced child.
My child will be read to every night and then when h/she is old enough they will read to us before they go to bed.
My child will chew with their mouth closed and not speak while talking (I hate when grown ups talk and chew). Elbows won't be on the table, etc. Good manners, a polite child that doesn't run around a restaurant or have melt downs in public. If they do, we will make a quick exit.
My child will have limited amounts of tv, computer and phone time. I think kids should be outside playing and active) not inside in front of tv/electronics all the time.
My child will also be aware of other cultures through travel, museums, plays etc.
My child will also learn to give back to the community.
My child will have household chores (once of age) and learn how to be self sufficient.
I will encourage my child to think for him/herself and to be an open-minded individual.
Wow, I had a lot more than I thought when I opened this post!
| Purse Blog |
I like your list Punky! Those are all things that I want for my children, too!
I told you guys I should stay out of this thread...
As to the leash comment(s) - god bless you if you have a child with autism who is a runner.
Juice is a gateway beverage to soda?! PLEASE! Maybe we should start donating to juice AA now.
And the DVD in the car? GODSEND. I talk to my child plenty, but there are days when I am just so freaking tired and don't feel like putting up with the screaming or the consequences (to me) of saying no. We also have driven to SoCal a number of times (a 16 hour drive) and the DVD player with a toddler made the drive manageable so that we could get there in a day.
This!
and add- I will never let myself go. One of my favorite quotes is "There is always time for personal hygene." And no, I certainly do not mean that will happen at first. I know what I am in for w a newborn- I am talking about the women I see out at my local Olive Garden w bad hair and wrinkled clothes w tweens in tow.