Too many inappropriate people to post for Oct 15

hungryhippo · October 2011

I typed up a FB post to acknowledge the day and asked MH what he thought. I'm not ready to out myself, nor him so the general idea of the post was about remembering moms and dads of babies lost too soon and dispelling myths about loss.

He was supportive of my desire to raise awareness but cautioned me to remember that there are probably several people in our lives who would be quick to respond with a telling comment, without thinking about the fact that it would out us. Even if I turned off comments, they could easily tag us, comment on his page, or name us in their own posts.

He's right. Unfortunately, we know a handful of inappropriate people who mean well but do stupid things. As much as I want to acknowledge all the Angel babies and raise awareness of miscarriage/stillbirth/pregnancy loss, I'm not ready to handle the possibility of being outed and upset by people in my life who have already done things outside my comfort level related to our loss.

Shout out to Viking Queen and others who posted on behalf of those of us who aren't ready to be heard yet. I really appreciate it!

angielayne926 · October 2011

You'll know when you feel ready to "out" yourself on fb. I would hate to put something out there and then regret it later. I put something simple like Viking about missing all the angel babies because there have been too many this year in mine and DH's family. I got nothing but support in return. I hate that there are those people out there that would take it too far and make it a negative situation for you. (((HUGS))) for you today!

GatorBaby2012 · October 2011

I feel the same. I'm even afraid to "like" the status my friend posted (who doesn't know about my m/c), for fear it will draw more attention to myself. DH and I aren't ready to "come out".

amandachs · October 2011

Hippo, it's a tough call, especially if you haven't "outed" yourselves. I think the most important thing is to remember your angel baby, and the angel babies of others today. My husband wasn't keen of the idea of me posting about it, and even asked me what my new profile picture meant. After I explained it to him, he got strangely quiet. I think it's just different depending on the person. Petra said something that really struck a chord with me... It was about how our losses are such a taboo topic, and calling BS on it as her status. My main motivation in changing my status today isn't to be all "look at me, I want to talk about my loss again", but instead to be more "Hugs to all of those who can't come out and say what I just did as easily" and to keep all of those who lost their loved ones in the thoughts of all. (((Big Hugs))) to you Lady.

hungryhippo · October 2011

Thanks to each of you for your responses. For those who are in my boat, I wish we all felt comfortable being more open. I do want to help break down the taboo and acknowledge all of our babies. I just know that even the most impersonal of posts would attract comments like "thinking of you and DH" and then MIL would post emotional songs on her own wall with comments like "my heart aches for my son and HH on loss day", "I wish HH could have held on to my grandbaby" etc... And then I would get all "she makes everything about her" and that would be bad. Mostly bad for MH. Maybe in time I'll be ready to handle whatever responses I get. Today, I'm just not ready.

hungryhippo · October 2011

CabbageCabbage:
I tweaked the list of people who saw my post. I have about 300 friends and only 100 can see my message. My dad's annoying girl-friend who constantly says the wrong thing got bumped as did my co-workers. You have to go with what works for you. There is no pressure to post anything, especially if it makes you feel worse instead of better!

That's a really good idea. I didn't even think of that...

pb127 · October 2011

I just wanted to send you some (((HUGS))). This is such a personal, difficult thing to decide about... You show so much support here and that means so much all of us here.

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Too many inappropriate people to post for Oct 15

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