Your thoughts on nickname usage

SeaSoul · October 2011

If your child has a nickname - one that was established in the beginning and that you've always used, do you expect others to use it? For example, Cal is actually Callum, but we've always called him Cal, and when we announced the name at birth we said/wrote, "Callum ('Cal')." Seems a little strange to me that some people in our life choose to call him Callum when they know we call him Cal. If it's a nickname that develops over time (and certainly if it's a pet name that has nothing to do with the original name, like "cutie-pie"), I can understand others not getting on board with it.

I ask because one of our top boy name choices has a nickname (derived from the original name) that I know a couple of people in our family don't like. So, I wonder if they'll choose to call him by his original name...which will bug me.

Reminds me of the mother of an ex-boyfriend of mine. She called most people by their given name. My BF's brother's friend was "Chris" and she always called him "Christopher" - ugh, so annoying. No one else called him that!

I know some will say, "But that's his name, so of course it's okay to use." And yes, it is. And yes, I get that. But if the parents choose to use a nickname that is a natural/known derivative of the original name, I think it's weird for people NOT to use it.

firsttogo · October 2011

If I wanted our child to be called a certain thing, that would be what I name them... Originally I wanted NO nicknames.. Like, DH wanted a Liam (William) and I said no to the William... if he wanted a Liam, we would name him Liam. Lincoln and Gwen both get shortened, but I don't care which one is used, so, If it bothered me when someone called them by the full name, I would simply give them the nickname as their given name.

superned · October 2011

Can you just name him the nickname? Like just use the name "Jack" instead of "John" or "Jackson."

For a while one of my favorite names was Leo, which I would have used as-is, instead of "Leon" or "Leonard" or "Leopold" or "Leonardo" (DH's favorite).

I don't think you can really win in this situation. I always go by Jenn, but some people always call me Jennifer. My sister goes by Bethany, but some people always call her Beth.

(And BTW, I have a co-worker whose high school-age son is named Callum. Weird.)

leslie&brian · October 2011

Sometimes I think it's weird when people call Matt "Matthew" just because Dh and I always call him Matt. However, his name IS Matthew so it doesn't really bother me.

Mouseygail · October 2011

You know what's funny, my first thought was "why in the world would you have named him Callum then...and why would you be mad?" but...my full name is Abigail and I cringe a little when someone calls me that instead of Abby...ha! And I've always liked having the full/formal name as well as my nickname...so....I'll shut up now Big Smile

brideinOC · October 2011

My name is Elizabeth because it's a family name, but from day one I was going to be called Beth. No one has ever called me Elizabeth. My MIL tried for a while and even introduced me at a party as Elizabeth (but just for that party). That was strange. They didn't just name me Beth because they wanted to use the family name.

SeaSoul · October 2011

superned:
Can you just name him the nickname? Like just use the name "Jack" instead of "John" or "Jackson."
For a while one of my favorite names was Leo, which I would have used as-is, instead of "Leon" or "Leonard" or "Leopold" or "Leonardo" (DH's favorite).
I don't think you can really win in this situation. I always go by Jenn, but some people always call me Jennifer. My sister goes by Bethany, but some people always call her Beth.
(And BTW, I have a co-worker whose high school-age son is named Callum. Weird.)

Definitely wouldn't want to just use the nn in this case - it's not a very cool first name in itself. I am just very partial to longer names that are shortened into nicknames.

Funny, I like Leo too and even though I'd prefer a longer name I don't like any of the options, so we'd have just used Leo - but my parents hate it so we crossed it off the list.

As for the Jen/Jennifer thing - I, too, have a name that is VERY commonly shortened into a nn, and that is what I go by. Every so often someone will call me by my full name but only if they don't know me, and don't know that I go by the shortened version.

I guess I am just nitpicky, b/c by the same token, it bugs me when someone (like, if I'm talking on the phone to our mortgage company) assumes that I go by the shorter name and just calls me by that, even though I haven't yet established it. For me, it's all about what is the established name. Once that is made known, I think it's what people should use, out of respect. I have a coworker named Stephanie, she has never, ever referred to herself as "Steph" yet some of my other coworkers call her "Steph." I could understand if they were good friends w/ her and they shortened it affectionately, but that's not the case.

SeaSoul · October 2011

Mouseygail:
You know what's funny, my first thought was "why in the world would you have named him Callum then...and why would you be mad?" but...my full name is Abigail and I cringe a little when someone calls me that instead of Abby...ha! And I've always liked having the full/formal name as well as my nickname...so....I'll shut up now

Haha...I get what you're saying, I really do. I LOVE the name Callum, so my feelings on the subject have anything to do with the name itself...it's more of a principle, or respect thing, if that makes sense? I feel like if people choose not to use the name you told them, ("his name is Callum, but we call him 'Cal'") then it's kind of disrespectful, I guess?

Mouseygail · October 2011

SeaSoul:
Mouseygail:
You know what's funny, my first thought was "why in the world would you have named him Callum then...and why would you be mad?" but...my full name is Abigail and I cringe a little when someone calls me that instead of Abby...ha! And I've always liked having the full/formal name as well as my nickname...so....I'll shut up now
Haha...I get what you're saying, I really do. I LOVE the name Callum, so my feelings on the subject have anything to do with the name itself...it's more of a principle, or respect thing, if that makes sense? I feel like if people choose not to use the name you told them, ("his name is Callum, but we call him 'Cal'") then it's kind of disrespectful, I guess?

Nope, I understand! kind of like I would go apeshit if someone called my son J.D. I have an irrational hatred of initial names

superned · October 2011

Well, FWIW, I wouldn't worry about it too much. In a few years both Cal and the new LO will decide for themselves what they want to be called...and it might be something that bothers you even more! Stick out tongue

I get what you're saying about the respect thing though. I HATE being called "Jenny" and would be super irritated if someone insisted on calling me that.

OscarQ · October 2011

First, wow - you're 31 weeks already! I sound stalkerish but your ticker took me by surprise right now. For some reason I forgot you were that far along.

Second, I'm of two schools of mind on the nickname thing. I see where parents state "This is the nickname we're using (or conversely, "Please use his full name" - i.e. my cousin's son is Thomas, not Tommy, not Tom - Thomas), please call her by the nickname". My sister named her daughter Eleanor and we call her Nora. When I first met her I referred to her as Eleanor a few times but now I forget it's her actual name - she's Nora. I think most people get this over time and will stick with the nickname the parents choose.

On the other hand, I'm also see the point in not bothering to stress about the nickname since chances are - it will be decided once the kiddo gets to school. My son is Kevin Patrick. We call him Paddy. Other people in the family call him every variation under the sun (KP, Kevin Paddy, Kevin Pat, Kevin). My FIL even referred to my son as Joey last weekend (WTF?). Yeah, I don't care. People actually ask me what we call him all the time and for some reason seemed stress when I say, "we call him Paddy but you can call him whatever [now I'll have to add "but not Joey"].

AlissaCell701 · October 2011

Well I am probably the worst when it comes to this. I call Jacob (Jacob) to me it just fits him but we let others call him either Jacob or Jake. I don't really care and he answeres to both.

When he is older he can decided if he wants to be called Jake by his friend/teachers Jacob or even JD (his full name is Jacob David)...I think though that he will ALWAYS be Jacob to me!

But if you want a specific name I would just state to all this is going to be his name and that's it.

browneyedgrl4282 · October 2011

So most people call Jordana by her nickname JoJo and most people assume it is short for Josephine, LOL! We have called her JoJo but I do love her actual "legal" name. My FIL's gf does not like Jordana and started calling her Jordan which drove me nuts because her name is not that. Call my kid what we want her to be called either JoJo or Jordana! I do however feel that at first a person should be addresses by their actual name until they are told call them something else. Prime example my younger sister is Christie and people just assume she goes by Chrissy or Chris. She hates that when people do that, it's Christie to everyone else.

Teachk · October 2011

As a teacher, I can call a student anything the parent asks me to, but they have to write their full legal name on all tests and paperwork they do. I wanted to name a boy Jack instead of John simply because I knew when he got to school he would have to write John. I have many kids come to school confused, but more so when they are given a first name and then go by a totally different, not a nickname, middle name. If the nn is a shortened first name, they are less confused and more willing to write it on their tests.

charmcitygirl · October 2011

We actually have the opposite problem. While I don't mind that Jacob will get a nn when he gets to school (obviously Jake), I always call him Jacob and it seems weird to me when others call him Jake. Sometimes if I'm just trying to get his attention, I'll call him Jake...but 90% of the time he's Jacob.

If it really bothers you, when people call him the wrong name, just say. "we're calling him _____." If others don't respect that specific request, then poo on them!

OrangeSmoke · October 2011

I toss out a LOT of nicknames for the boys, so we have:

Harrison - Harry, Harryman, Harrymunch, Harrykins (short for Harrymunchkins), pocket Harry.

Alexander - Alex, Xander, Xanderman, Xanderooni, Xandermush, even a Xanderpoops sometimes.

Together - HarryAlex (my nephew coined this one), Ala-Harry (for all the times we started to say Alex but it was Harry we were talking to), Babymen, Harry and the Xanderman (for when they start a band),

But I go APESHIIIIT when my ILs say "Harry Harrison".

Irrational? Maybe, but I never claimed I was normal.

krissyh21 · October 2011

My mother always called me Krissy unless I was in trouble - then I was Kristine. I introduce myself as any given variation of my name based on where I am, who I am meeting or my mood.

My thought on the whole subject is that if you will insist on one particular name, you should just name him that. Like the whole Jack for John thing, I never got why people who were named John used Jack - why not just name your kid Jack - same amount of letters and everything!

So a name with options gives people options. I could be a Kristine, a Kris or a Krissy and I am at any given moment of my life. It is all still my name. If my aunt Jean viewed me more as a Kristine then a Krissy - then fine - it is still me. KWIM?

ladychicago · October 2011

I get what you are saying, but I am of the mind that if I legally name the child a longer version of a name, then I should like it enough not to be bothered if other people (or the child at some point) prefer using it. If I don't like it enough for anyone to use it, then I wouldn't make that the name. I understand having a preference as a parent for a nn, but not necessarily being really bothered or annoyed by the use of the full name.

and I think it is almost a whole other issue all together to call someone by a nickname if they haven't already used it themselves (ie calling Stephanie Steph). To me, using a legal name is a gesture of respect (like calling a superior or in-law Mr/Mrs), and should be done until signaled otherwise.

LIAngel · October 2011

If you introduced your son to me and said "This is our son Callum, but we call him Cal" then I wouldn't dream of calling him Callum.

A friend of mine told me when she was pg that she was naming her daughter Madalyn. So I said "Are you going to call her Maddie?" She said No. I respect that, so I call her Madalyn.

SeaSoul · October 2011

charmcitygirl:
We actually have the opposite problem. While I don't mind that Jacob will get a nn when he gets to school (obviously Jake), I always call him Jacob and it seems weird to me when others call him Jake.

See, this would bother me too! Probably even moreso!

SeaSoul · October 2011

ladychicago:

and I think it is almost a whole other issue all together to call someone by a nickname if they haven't already used it themselves (ie calling Stephanie Steph). To me, using a legal name is a gesture of respect (like calling a superior or in-law Mr/Mrs), and should be done until signaled otherwise.

I agree completely. Like I was saying above, even thought I NEVER go by my longer name, if I give that name over the phone then I expect the longer name to be used until I say, "but call me ___."

dundasgirl · October 2011

I think you are being really nit-picky if you think that someone shouldn't use your child's given name. I don't think it's disrespectful either. Sure you can tell them we call him "Cal" but that's pretty much it.

I completely understand people not liking certain nicknames (like Jenny).

And since it clearly really bothers you when others use a nickname or name you don't like...I would take that name of your list of top boy choices.

Penny isn't Penelope because we wanted people to call her Penny.

I understand liking nicknames too...I am not saying you have to chose a name that doesn't have nicknames, but it sounds like you like the endearing component/familiarity side of having a nickname...and people are all over the place with their comfort level in using a nickname. Choosing to call your child a nickname of their original name sort of implies you are more open in my opinion.

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh...I just think you should take that name off your list to avoid future unease.

artygirl · October 2011

If you have established the use of a nickname as the name, then I certainly think people should use that name. Conversely, if you call your child by their given name, then people should not start using a common nickname for their given name. I think it is presumptuous and rude to do otherwise.

I have a family member that has tried to use Luke instead of Lucas and my husband and I correct them right away everytime. It annoys the hell out of me. If I was going to give Lucas a nickname, I would probably opt for Louie, not Luke.

MBandBud · October 2011

If this is such a big deal then perhaps just put the formal name that you want on their birth certificate and paperwork but announce using the nickname. Done.

krissyh21 · October 2011

Oh this reminded me of something:

I have this guy who is a customer at work. His name is Di-ck. For some reason, I feel REALLY uncomfortable calling someone Di-ck (unless they are being one Stick out tongue ), so I call him Richard.... I just can.not.do.it.

dundasgirl · October 2011

Krissy...that's my uncle's name (D.ick)..but his given name is Dirk (Dutch).

I always thought it was soooo weird when I was a kid.

PeachyKate · October 2011

I agree with pp that you should probably take the name off of your list and go with the nickname.

My legal name is Katherine, which my mom calls me when she is pissed, I went by Katie in grade school and then I gradually went to Kate. My sister still calls me Katie which I think is cute but other than that I hate it went people call me Katie. Especially when they did not know me back when I went by Katie, they just assume that is what I go by. It annoys me.

My DH is a Christopher so same thing with having a lot of nickname options. I originally wanted to go with Jack but we decided on Jackson so he could eventually pick what he wanted to go by. Now I call him Jax most of the time(which I swore I would not do), then Jackson and rarely Jack. Actually Jack is my least favorite out of all of his nicknames but his favorite dcp teacher calls him Jack.

OrangeSmoke · October 2011

krissyh21:

Oh this reminded me of something:

I have this guy who is a customer at work. His name is Di-ck. For some reason, I feel REALLY uncomfortable calling someone Di-ck (unless they are being one ), so I call him Richard.... I just can.not.do.it.

Dh's uncle's name was Di-ck Cox.

Fancy3Face · October 2011

Our son is Michael after my husband (not a jr.). We already have a Mike, so we call him Mack. We've literally never called him Michael. Like ever. We do expect people to use Mack over Michael because that's what we call him and that's what he responds to. Michael is his given name and I love it, so I don't get upset if people call him that. Its just not what we refer to him as, so it feels like they're talking about someone else.

laura1 · October 2011

I completely agree with you. When choosing DS's name, we chose the nickname first, then went backwards to choose the full name. Most people just call him by his nickname, but introduce him as that name. I am not sure what will happen in school once people know his full name!

I have a funny story though - I babysat for a little boy named Neil. After I had been sitting for the family for about 2 years, one day the other kids were teasing him and calling him "Corny." I was totally confused, until they told me that his full name was actually Cornelius. I thought it was so funny that I had known them for so long and didn't know that his name was actually a nickname! In that case, he was ONLY known by his nn - never was called by his full name!

SeaSoul · October 2011

Fancy3Face:
Our son is Michael after my husband (not a jr.). We already have a Mike, so we call him Mack. We've literally never called him Michael. Like ever. We do expect people to use Mack over Michael because that's what we call him and that's what he responds to. Michael is his given name and I love it, so I don't get upset if people call him that. Its just not what we refer to him as, so it feels like they're talking about someone else.

This is precisely how I feel.

muppet.fan · October 2011

artygirl:

If you have established the use of a nickname as the name, then I certainly think people should use that name. Conversely, if you call your child by their given name, then people should not start using a common nickname for their given name. I think it is presumptuous and rude to do otherwise.

Ditto artygirl. Elizabeth is Elizabeth, not Lizzie or Liz or Beth. People ask us all the time what we call her, but once we tell them we call her Elizabeth, I've never had anyone try to shorten it. I'm curious to see what she'll choose or get called as she gets older in school, but she'll always be Elizabeth to me!

krissyh21 · October 2011

OrangeSmoke:
krissyh21:

Oh this reminded me of something:

I have this guy who is a customer at work. His name is Di-ck. For some reason, I feel REALLY uncomfortable calling someone Di-ck (unless they are being one ), so I call him Richard.... I just can.not.do.it.

Dh's uncle's name was Di-ck Cox.

Haha! A double whammy!

EastCoastBride · October 2011

SeaSoul:
I feel like if people choose not to use the name you told them, ("his name is Callum, but we call him 'Cal'") then it's kind of disrespectful, I guess?

I know you think you're being clear, but I can actually see how people will hear this as "We, in our immediate family, call him Cal. That's our special nickname for him. I just want you to know that so it's not confusing when we call him that" instead of "this is what we want you to call him".

I would introduce him as just Cal. If they ask "is it short for anything?", you can say Callum, but that you prefer that people call him Cal.

SeaSoul · October 2011

EastCoastBride:
SeaSoul:
I feel like if people choose not to use the name you told them, ("his name is Callum, but we call him 'Cal'") then it's kind of disrespectful, I guess?
I know you think you're being clear, but I can actually see how people will hear this as "We, in our immediate family, call him Cal. That's our special nickname for him. I just want you to know that so it's not confusing when we call him that" instead of "this is what we want you to call him".
I would introduce him as just Cal. If they ask "is it short for anything?", you can say Callum, but that you prefer that people call him Cal.

You know, that actually rarely happens. I guess I was thinking of when we arrive at the pedi's office and they call him "Callum" and then we tell them that we call him "Cal." In that case I don't really care what they call him - I understand they are looking at a chart and will probably call him what they see on the chart ("Callum").

The people who choose to call him Callum are actually family members who know that we only call him Cal. That, in particular, seems strange to me.

EastCoastBride · October 2011

SeaSoul:

The people who choose to call him Callum are actually family members who know that we only call him Cal. That, in particular, seems strange to me.

Even w/ family, though, I can see it still playing out that way. They may think that you and your DH have this 'special' nickname for him and they dont' want to intrude on that.

So while you think they are being disrespectful, they might be thinking they are being respectful!

Obviously you know your family and I don't, but even w/ them - it might need to be clearly spelled out "Actually, we really would prefer if everyone would call him Cal".

Plus, beyond all this, some people just don't LISTEN! They hear Callum and don't hear anything past that.

muppet.fan · October 2011

SeaSoul:
EastCoastBride:

SeaSoul:
I feel like if people choose not to use the name you told them, ("his name is Callum, but we call him 'Cal'") then it's kind of disrespectful, I guess?
I know you think you're being clear, but I can actually see how people will hear this as "We, in our immediate family, call him Cal. That's our special nickname for him. I just want you to know that so it's not confusing when we call him that" instead of "this is what we want you to call him".
I would introduce him as just Cal. If they ask "is it short for anything?", you can say Callum, but that you prefer that people call him Cal.

You know, that actually rarely happens. I guess I was thinking of when we arrive at the pedi's office and they call him "Callum" and then we tell them that we call him "Cal." In that case I don't really care what they call him - I understand they are looking at a chart and will probably call him what they see on the chart ("Callum").

The people who choose to call him Callum are actually family members who know that we only call him Cal. That, in particular, seems strange to me.

Just thinking about this, it made me realize that my brother, Chris, has always been called Chris by my parents. I've actually never heard them say Christopher, ever. But my parternal grandparents only called him Christopher. I wonder if that bugged my mom...I'll have to ask her!

But growing up, I always thought it was kind of neat that they used his full name -- like it was this special bond he got to have with my grandparents.

TheSkimmy · October 2011

I don't think Lexie would even turn around if we called her Alexandra. We chose her nickname and then found her formal name. When people find out her name is Alexandra they think her nickname is Alex. I didn't want to name her Lexie and I didn't like Alexis so we found something else. However our last name is sooo long I feel bad for when she has to take tests!

I think the only time I hear her name said is at the doctor's office. I think it's a beautiful name and we call her a zillion nicknames- normally Lou for Lexie Lou. The funniest thing is- if she was a boy her name would have been Louis- aka Lou. So after all that we call her Lou and nothing with her name.

SeaSoul · October 2011

By the way...I never dreamed this would be such a popular post!

queenbone · October 2011

I guess I'm the opposite, I always introduce DS1 as Theodore even though most of the time I call him Theo. I don't care whether people call him Theo or Theodore.

I don't think it is disrespectful for someone to call your child by his full name. I think it is disrespectful for someone to use a nn that a person doesn't like, especially when corrected, but the reverse just isn't true for me.

Perhaps they are using Callum instead of Cal because they love Callum so much, or they really don't like Cal? I have a friend who calls her daughter Elizabeth, Ellie. I'm not a fan of Ellie so I call her Elizabeth. Maybe you think that is disrespectful, but it is her name. It's not like I'm calling her Pookie.

LucyPevensie · October 2011

The first time I heard someone call Jack "John" when he was 4 days old - I called the medical records office at the hospital and had them change his birth certificate from John to Jack. Because we were always going to call him Jack - and I didn't want others calling him John - doctors office folks, every teacher he'd ever have, etc. (DH's name is John - and so originally Jack was named after him with the understanding that he'd be called Jack. But since he was 4 days old - his name has legally been Jack!)

So I guess I did what some others have suggested - skipped the other name entirely and went with the "nickname" instead. Very happy that we did - he couldn't possibly be any other name. He's "just Jack!" LOL.

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